Male Nurse Interactions

Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN · Feb 3, 2015

I am active on AN (like to talk shop), and I value every one of those likes. There are many voices on this board that I have tremendous respect for, and if one of them gives me a "like," yes I value it. And actually I was going to take back my "troll" comment because you're right--that was inflammatory and unnecessary, and I apologize. Sometimes when I get riled, I say things I end up regretting. If I still can I will edit that out.

Clearly I'm not going to convince you, and I don't want to spend more of my life on this thread, so I'm going to bow out in a second.

This thread wasn't about discrimination or bigotry. It was specifically about a situation in L&D, over which my response essentially got me called a bigot. So that's why I kept defending it.

But first, yes I'm going to retain my autonomy over my person--especially who gets to see and do exams on and around my female parts. I honestly can't be bothered by who might think I'm a bigot by choosing those people to be female wherever possible. And I truly hope that a fear of being called a bigot will not intimidate any other women or girls into giving up their autonomy.

Likewise, if any of my male patients express that they would rather have a male nurse bathe or cath them, I will do my best to find a male nurse who can. I won't cry discrimination, because they have the absolute right not to have their privacy violated when it is not necessary for ME to provide what they need. In some situations, recognizing this might even be part of providing culturally congruent care.

That is all. Again, I apologize for the troll comment. Truly. :yes:

RNsRWe, ASN, RN · Feb 4, 2015

This type of discrimination has told me that it is OK in any situation that involves finances to insist that a male help me, if it has to do with cleaning products or paint colors then a lady can help....

Well, I suppose that the next time I find myself with the probability of having to lay on an exam table with my knees bent and spread apart while in a BANK, attempting to get a loan.......yeah, I guess I'd ask for the female in the accounting office to help me with that... :sarcastic:

1sttime · Feb 4, 2015

Well, I suppose that the next time I find myself with the probability of having to lay on an exam table with my knees bent and spread apart while in a BANK, attempting to get a loan.......yeah, I guess I'd ask for the female in the accounting office to help me with that...

I have no body issues and can be found at the clothing optional beach most summers; however my finances are deeply personal to me... That said it is ridiculous to discriminate based on someones outward appearance. Orman or Madoff? RN with 14 years experience, or a female RN?

I always find it funny that a lady will ask for a lady nurse: I am a gay man and could not care less about the female body.... in my old department I would of course let the patient know it was no problem, and then go and get a lady nurse (2/3 were lesbian).

This is the problem that I have with this type of "preference", the judgement is made on my outward appearance, not on the interaction that I have with a person. I have been there at peoples most intimate and frightening moments- I have never been anything but kind and caring with my patients...

To find that nurses perpetuate this notion that their discrimination is somehow justified because they are naked and scared (As if anyone in a gown is secure), is beyond me in modern times. You don't like it when you are told you can't be something because of your gender; I don't like it either...

Libby1987 · Feb 4, 2015

I have no body issues and can be found at the clothing optional beach most summers; however my finances are deeply personal to me... That said it is ridiculous to discriminate based on someones outward appearance. Orman or Madoff? RN with 14 years experience, or a female RN?
I always find it funny that a lady will ask for a lady nurse: I am a gay man and could not care less about the female body.... in my old department I would of course let the patient know it was no problem, and then go and get a lady nurse (2/3 were lesbian).
This is the problem that I have with this type of "preference", the judgement is made on my outward appearance, not on the interaction that I have with a person. I have been there at peoples most intimate and frightening moments- I have never been anything but kind and caring with my patients...
To find that nurses perpetuate this notion that their discrimination is somehow justified because they are naked and scared (As if anyone in a gown is secure), is beyond me in modern times. You don't like it when you are told you can't be something because of your gender; I don't like it either...

I don't think sexual orientation or sexual attraction has anything to do with it. I would have never undressed in front my brother or father and I trusted them implicitly. The reason I rather not have a male gyn isn't because he might be attracted to my parts. It's just something that is deeply imbedded in our culture.

It doesn't mean we always get the choice and being ill or injured voids out a lot of ingrained modesty, but for wellness care, or a healthy uncomplicated birth where I'm very alert and oriented, I wouldn't choose a male provider if I did have a choice. Gay or not, that's irrelevant, you're still a boy.

But back to the student observations, birth is a private matter to me, I wouldn't want observers.

1sttime · Feb 4, 2015

Many things are deeply ingrained in our culture- that does not make them right. I am so fervent about this as I have been told all my life that I am wrong in one way or another...

As people who know better we should not be perpetuating this idea that discrimination is ok... Tradition has it that men are much better at many things than women... If I was to ask for a male car mechanic, banker, builder, etc etc most women would go crazy saying "thats not right"- but when it comes to women discriminating suddenly its ok because of deeply imbedded beliefs? But if I was to bring up the anti-vaccine belief we would have thousands of "thats just stupid" comments.

We are educated and know better- just because you were taught discrimination is ok does not mean you need to perpetuate it.

Rbeck911, BSN, RN · Feb 4, 2015

This thread has gone completely off topic....

There will always be discrimination. It is unfortunate and I don't condone it, but it will always be there. Once we accept it and stop taking things so personally, we will be better off. I don't know why some people are so hell bent on changing the world.

1sttime · Feb 4, 2015

This thread has gone completely off topic....
There will always be discrimination. It is unfortunate and I don't condone it, but it will always be there. Once we accept it and stop taking things so personally, we will be better off. I don't know why some people are so hell bent on changing the world.

From OP "Here's the issue: I've come into situations where some women aren't comfortable with a male nurse." - he then gives an example (this does not limit the topic to that particular example. On topic would be anything having to do with women patients (and nurses) justifying why they feel its ok to discriminate.

I'm "hell bent" because I like the fact that women have the right to vote; I like that I can get married and have the ability to visit my husband in the hospital; I like that black people are no longer slaves or segregated (Damn those freedom riders).

Why are some people so hell bent on keeping other people feeling like they are less than worthy of opportunity and happiness.

No Stars In My Eyes · Feb 4, 2015

But does it count as discrimination when some female wants as few personnel (and only the necessary ones) with their face down in her personal and private area? We are taught to safe-guard our 'cootchie' (or what ever your mom called yours) from others at all costs, from the minute we are the least bit cognizant that there is a difference between self and others. Some have had it ingrained in themselves that there is 'shame' involved with that portion of their anatomy; even an intellectual understanding can't dislodge something that has been part of the fiber of your very being since infancy.

Don't we feel as uncomfortable with the 'flaunters' who actually seem to enjoy any opportunity for being open and exposed? The more the merrier?

As with anything, there is a range of feelings, understanding and experience. What's not personal to some can be very pertinent to another. Let's give some latitude to folks; you can't change everybody even as much as you would like to.

And to be absolutely clear I am talking about things from a gynecological standpoint.

Libby1987 · Feb 5, 2015

Many things are deeply ingrained in our culture- that does not make them right. I am so fervent about this as I have been told all my life that I am wrong in one way or another...
As people who know better we should not be perpetuating this idea that discrimination is ok... Tradition has it that men are much better at many things than women... If I was to ask for a male car mechanic, banker, builder, etc etc most women would go crazy saying "thats not right"- but when it comes to women discriminating suddenly its ok because of deeply imbedded beliefs? But if I was to bring up the anti-vaccine belief we would have thousands of "thats just stupid" comments.
We are educated and know better- just because you were taught discrimination is ok does not mean you need to perpetuate it.

I think you really took my comments out of context. I was addressing your comment about how they end up a with a lesbian, how the ironic joke is on them, and how that has nothing to do with why some women might be uncomfortable. But instead of providing an explanation I should have just said the lesbian irony was asinine.

The burden is on you to navigate your obstacles as a male. Even if we were willing, it wouldn't do any good if we went around and tried to school the female population about why they should have more tolerance for you as a male nurse. Amd your lack of understanding is neither going to convince them.

No Stars In My Eyes · Feb 5, 2015

Why does a personal preference have to be termed discrimination?

MikeRN84, BSN, MSN, RN · Feb 5, 2015

I didn't mean to open this can of worms at all, I was just looking for advice on what to do if someone doesn't want me as their nurse due to my sex. I think a lot of you offered helpful advice and many of you made excellent points. Even if people are bigoted or racist or sexist, ultimately it's their right to have someone else provide care if at all possible. Not to say someone who is being modest is being bigoted or sexist, as each persons morals and ethics are shaped by their culture and ethnic background. Ultimately we adhere to many separations still (male/female bathrooms, locker rooms, etc).

Rbeck911, BSN, RN · Feb 5, 2015

From OP "Here's the issue: I've come into situations where some women aren't comfortable with a male nurse." - he then gives an example (this does not limit the topic to that particular example. On topic would be anything having to do with women patients (and nurses) justifying why they feel its ok to discriminate.
I'm "hell bent" because I like the fact that women have the right to vote; I like that I can get married and have the ability to visit my husband in the hospital; I like that black people are no longer slaves or segregated (Damn those freedom riders).
Why are some people so hell bent on keeping other people feeling like they are less than worthy of opportunity and happiness.

Honestly, it sounds like you have been the victim of these types of issues too many time. I am sorry if that is the case, but having a preference on a nurse is not discrimination. Try to let go, man.