Male Nurse Interactions

Published

Here's the issue:

I've come into situations where some women aren't comfortable with a male nurse. An example would be during my OB rotation, I cared for a woman for ten hours and at the moment of labor I wasn't allowed to witness it. I was the only nursing student who never witnessed a live birth. My issue with this is why am I not allowed to do things that other male health professionals can, such as doctors? Am I not educated enough or professional enough? What should I do when I get a patient who isn't comfortable around me, without sounding snooty or petty? Do I try to convince them that I'm a professional or do I just go on my way?

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

Yeah, MikeRN84, I know you didn't mean to open a can of worms; sometimes folks don't start with a thread from the beginning and get all het up by what someone other than the OP says and then a can of worms morphs into a hornets nest! I was asking some of the PP's how a question or expression of a patient's personal preference suddenly turns into discrimination and bigotry. I mean, YIKES! Sure those are terrible things that many have experienced and those attitudes need to be eliminated, but I really don't think your simple question was responsible for the turn into such rabid debate.

Not that we don't need to discuss those aspects of society, people! But in this particular thread? Not so much.

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Specializes in peds, allergy-asthma, ob/gyn office.

I know you are in a tough spot, OP. I wish I had something more helpful to say. My doc when I was in my 20's was a male. I was his OB patient until I was transferred to a larger hospital for preterm labor. I ended up delivering there... another male doc. The nurse cleaning me up right after delivery was a male, and I did not care one bit. After that pregnancy, I ended up seeing my MIL's doc, who was a female and comfortable handling high risk pregnancies. So, for many years now I"ve had a female OB/gyn and gotten used to that. Last year they asked if a student could be in the room for my well woman exam. I said yes, after determining the student was a female! I guess I have gotten modest in my old age.

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Nothing wrong with that.

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Why does a personal preference have to be termed discrimination?

When the personal preference enters the public realm. If you went to a private pay hospital that did not receive federal funding then discriminate all you want.

I see you are 65- what if my preference was to ask for a young nurse if you came into my room?

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Honestly, it sounds like you have been the victim of these types of issues too many time. I am sorry if that is the case, but having a preference on a nurse is not discrimination. Try to let go, man.

A good test of this is to insert other classes of people into the "preference" justification. I prefer a white nurse. I prefer a thin nurse. I prefer a young nurse. I prefer a non-handicap nurse. I prefer a non-muslim nurse.

How does this sit with you people? Is this OK?

If I had listened to people like you I would not have been 1 of 3 men in my Nursing class of 100. I would not have taken my boyfriend to prom. I would not be legally married.

So yes, being a second class citizen throughout life has made me more aware of the way people treat one another. Maybe if I was from the South I would believe its OK to discriminate as that is still accepted (I have heard awful stories)- but I live on the West Coast and believe each individual should be judged on their own merit.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

I grew up North of Boston and was trained and worked in Boston and Cambridge, both very cosmopolitan places with large populations of many nationalities and races and sexes and religions and more than its share of a large population of genuinely eccentric folks. Just because I live in the South now doesn't mean I've suddenly changed my stripes and become a hater of all that do not act, look or believe like me.

My mother raised me to believe and I practice this to the very core of my being that each person is an individual by their own rights and they deserve every bit of respect and consideration I expect from others. It is why I've been successful with and accepted by most patients I've had, and particularly on Private Duty and Home Health cases.

I understand societies attitudes and beliefs change slowly, sometimes too slowly. Many times you end up having to wait for the staunchest discriminators to die off; natural attrition is a slow process indeed. People shouldn't HAVE to WAIT for that, I do agree.

And I have had patients who didn't want me to take care of them, yes, for being white, yes, for being older, and yes, for being female, and yes, when I was young, for being young. And I've had to go along and pretend to be something perhaps I'm not, or let them believe something about me that ain't necessarily so, in order to be 'accepted'. I didn't consider those as being discriminatory. It's part of the web and woof of the world. And those times I found applying a little social grease helps me get through.

But I do also understand that those with a long history of particularly heinous discrimination against them would be MORE than a little riled up about things, and rightly so. I don't really understand why people are so rigid and hateful about other persons, whatever the reason they espouse. We are all human beings and encompass all the possibilities and combinations of possibilities ad infinitum, all made by God but raised by human beings. So, yes, discrimination is wrong, wrong WRONG! I totally get that. I totally believe that!

HOWEVER! If an old-OLD woman feels more comfortable with a female nurse, SO WHAT? Are you going to change the world by 'making her' have a male nurse? Sure it isn't right, but I don't see that as a time or place to cry foul. Not every situation plays out to the worst, most extreme cases or perpetuates a view that needs eradication.

Just sayin', there's a time to pick a fight, and there's a time to let it go. It doesn't mean you accept or approve of her request, it doesn't mean you give up the fight for equality. It just means that you respect her need for modesty. If it isn't possible to make a change of personnel for her just tell her you're sorry, but for now that's the way it has to be. You'll both live through it regardless of whether it changes her mind or not.

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Specializes in Occupational Health/Legal Nurse Consulting.
A good test of this is to insert other classes of people into the "preference" justification. I prefer a white nurse. I prefer a thin nurse. I prefer a young nurse. I prefer a non-handicap nurse. I prefer a non-muslim nurse.

How does this sit with you people? Is this OK?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YOU PEOPLE".. Bahahaha couldn't resist.

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Specializes in Occupational Health/Legal Nurse Consulting.
I grew up North of Boston and was trained and worked in Boston and Cambridge, both very cosmopolitan places with large populations of many nationalities and races and sexes and religions and more than its share of a large population of genuinely eccentric folks. Just because I live in the South now doesn't mean I've suddenly changed my stripes and become a hater of all that do not act, look or believe like me.

My mother raised me to believe and I practice this to the very core of my being that each person is an individual by their own rights and they deserve every bit of respect and consideration I expect from others. It is why I've been successful with and accepted by most patients I've had, and particularly on Private Duty and Home Health cases.

I understand societies attitudes and beliefs change slowly, sometimes too slowly. Many times you end up having to wait for the staunchest discriminators to die off; natural attrition is a slow process indeed. People shouldn't HAVE to WAIT for that, I do agree.

And I have had patients who didn't want me to take care of them, yes, for being white, yes, for being older, and yes, for being female, and yes, when I was young, for being young. And I've had to go along and pretend to be something perhaps I'm not, or let them believe something about me that ain't necessarily so, in order to be 'accepted'. I didn't consider those as being discriminatory. It's part of the web and woof of the world. And those times I found applying a little social grease helps me get through.

But I do also understand that those with a long history of particularly heinous discrimination against them would be MORE than a little riled up about things, and rightly so. I don't really understand why people are so rigid and hateful about other persons, whatever the reason they espouse. We are all human beings and encompass all the possibilities and combinations of possibilities ad infinitum, all made by God but raised by human beings. So, yes, discrimination is wrong, wrong WRONG! I totally get that. I totally believe that!

HOWEVER! If an old-OLD woman feels more comfortable with a female nurse, SO WHAT? Are you going to change the world by 'making her' have a male nurse? Sure it isn't right, but I don't see that as a time or place to cry foul. Not every situation plays out to the worst, most extreme cases or perpetuates a view that needs eradication.

Just sayin', there's a time to pick a fight, and there's a time to let it go. It doesn't mean you accept or approve of her request, it doesn't mean you give up the fight for equality. It just means that you respect her need for modesty. If it isn't possible to make a change of personnel for her just tell her you're sorry, but for now that's the way it has to be. You'll both live through it regardless of whether it changes her mind or not.

This is my point exactly. I am not saying you haven't been wronged as a gay man. I am not saying discrimination doesn't exist. I am saying why let it bother you?

You said that you overcame all of it and took your boyfriend to prom. And people like me didn't tell you not to go to nursing school (Psss I am a male nurse). I got the "Gaylord Focker" jokes the same as the next male nurse. All I am saying here, is stop giving such a big, huge, crap. You aren't going to change people that are set in their ways.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
This is my point exactly. I am not saying you haven't been wronged as a gay man. I am not saying discrimination doesn't exist. I am saying why let it bother you?

You said that you overcame all of it and took your boyfriend to prom. And people like me didn't tell you not to go to nursing school (Psss I am a male nurse). I got the "Gaylord Focker" jokes the same as the next male nurse. All I am saying here, is stop giving such a big, huge, crap. You aren't going to change people that are set in their ways.

I think you are answering the post before mine, but quoted my post. I'm not the gay man, I'm the old white lady :yes:

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YOU PEOPLE".. Bahahaha couldn't resist.

I meant you people who defend discrimination- as opposed to us that live in the modern world.

Muah ha ha

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Just sayin', there's a time to pick a fight, and there's a time to let it go. It doesn't mean you accept or approve of her request, it doesn't mean you give up the fight for equality. It just means that you respect her need for modesty. If it isn't possible to make a change of personnel for her just tell her you're sorry, but for now that's the way it has to be. You'll both live through it regardless of whether it changes her mind or not.

I totally agree- I have honored the wishes of patients to the best of my ability assuring them it will not impact the care received.

However the fact that nurses defend this is right and just, especially in OB settings, is wrong. It is even more wrong to enforce these societal "preferences" wholesale and not allow males in certain settings.

I've just seen too many female nurses reinforce discrimination: You basically summed it up in a great way- it hurts when your colleagues leave out the part "this is wrong, I'm sorry, but its the way it is"

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

I am really not sure how to read your last paragraph, 1sttime......."this is wrong, I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."

Maybe it's just the way it's punctuated, but it doesn't seem clear that you understood my point.The reason I say that is that those three phrases separated by commas weren't strung together that way in my post.

Basically I was agreeing earlier in my post that "reinforcing societal preferences wholesale is wrong."

The rest of it had to do specifically with the little old-OLD lady in my example.. Saying, "I'm sorry, but for now (this one shift where she objected to having a male nurse) that's the way it is". ....that was a neutral, polite way of saying to her, "Too bad, so sad, but the reality of life is that there are both male and female nurses, and tonight you've been assigned to a nurse who happens to be male. Get over it." So, I'm sorry she feels that way, yes. I'm not apologizing to her that her nurse is a guy.

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