As I was reading one of the posts about this nurse's first encounter of a patient demise and how she couldnt control her emotions and started crying, I became curious of the following:
1. How did you handle such a situation, demise of a patient you cared?
2. Did you cry? If you cried, did you go to a private place and cry while controlling yourself in front of others? If you did not cry, what was your feeling at that time?
While I usually do not cry, I believe I would cry if I am deeply affected emotionally but in a private place (I guess it is the male thing in me...lol)
That's an interesting point, but the show of emotions does not equate to "falling" due to them, any more than crying at the end of a tear-jerking movie sends someone into a debilitating bout of depression.
On the other hand, crying doesn't necessarily mean that you're automatically being therapeutically *present* with a patient. It may be a knee-jerk reaction, or it may in some other way come from a more self-centered place than is beneficial at that moment (say, if an expired patient reminds you of a lost loved one, and all your thoughts at that moment are about your relative rather than the needs of the patient's family, for example).
A better self-centered example comes courtesy of...(drum roll)...me. A couple times lately I've found myself with "something caught in my eye" while on the floor, but it was due to frustration about this new job, how impossible it seems in spite of everyone's positive feedback that I'll be able to pull it off w/o a preceptor, etc. Selfish stuff, in other words, and I pull myself together as quickly as possible so I can get back to the patients, the paperwork, and being as supportive as a newbie can be of the rest of the staff.
In all cases it's a display, its appropriateness dependent on context, and IMO character judgements made from it aren't necessarily well-founded in either direction. Not that you were making a character judgement, but the overall thread here seems to be about others doing so.
I'm 33 years old, male, married 7 years and have a 1-yr old daughter. i cried the final day of my day shift orientation. My preceptor was being unprofessional and inappropriate and it was just too much for me at that time. I didn't think I would cry again until it happened a few weeks age. One of my patients passed and I had to inform the patient's wife. I was fine during the phone call, but afterwards the situation just hit me all at once. I did't do the full-on cry, but my eyes welled up and I had to sit for a minute and collect myself.
I don't feel less manly for crying, but I also don't want to make a habit for it. I also don't think any nurse should be a habitual crier on the floor.
i think there is no shame in a male nurse crying. i think it truly shows that they care. i think my boyfriend actually cries about his patients more than i do, and its a quality about him that i truly admire. sometimes i wish i werent so callous.
i remember when i first met my boyfriend, he was straight out of nursing school and working in the CTICU. i guess he had this patient every night since he had been on his own, and he grew quite attached to him. one night when i was on the code team, a code blue was called on this patient. and there he was, like a deer in headlights, barely able to tell anyone anything except "i could have done more. i could have saved him". after we exhausted all efforts, he reached down to grab another bag of dopamine, and the doc just patted him on the back and said "son, just give up. it's over." he was just kind of silent after that. i met him out at the smoking tables afterwards and there he was, nose runny and eyes bloodshot, bawling his eyes out... not only over the loss of his patient, but because he felt like a failure.
its been almost 4 years since then. he still is very emotional when he comes home from work and has lost a patient, but will usually not show it while working anymore. i am more apt to leave the patients at work. he will stay up after work and analyze what went wrong.
more power to you guys. i admire male nurses to begin with. ones that can let their guard down to cry for their patient is something to be proud of.
it's a normal thing to cry over grief or concern... i felt teary eyed when two patients were rushed to the recovery room and were victims of burglary in their store. Sad news, the father died and the two siblings just can't help but cry when they saw each other... we all felt teary eyed even my fellow male classmates....
I have never died over the death of a patient. I cry when I need to and I don't hold back my tears. It is not natural to withhold feelings. I grew up in a household where emotions where surpressed. I don't waste my time surpressing them any more. I try to be professional and keep my head on for the family members and help them. I learned a long time ago I would burn out if I did not emotionally detach from my patients. I am not cold emotionally, just not openly emotional around them. It is best that someone is in charge...so to speak. Does it hurt to go home at the end of a night knowing you dealt with someone dying in one room and were discharging someone home from another. It is a mix of emotions....nursing PTSD.
I had one experience where I had removed a patient's wedding band just before we withdrew life support. As I placed the band in his wife's hand, she just started quietly sobbing. It was my second day caring for him and I had bonded with the family. My tears flew almost as freely as hers. It's been the only time I've cried over a patient.
Now crying over broken hearts....that is another story.
One of my main goals at work is to differentiate myself from my coworkers. They all ball-their-eyes out all the time. I'm the only male and they'd love to see me cry. I don't care if my coworkers cry over a pt or something personal. I get sooooo tired of women crying b/c they get their feelings hurt. It looks sooo weak and unprofessional. I don't understand how someone can get so mad they cry. Give me a break...I get teary eyed occasionally, but I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER cry in front of people at work.
pawashrn
183 Posts
point well taken.