Male nurse crying!!!

[ClassQ1]

Hi guys,

As I was reading one of the posts about this nurse's first encounter of a patient demise and how she couldnt control her emotions and started crying, I became curious of the following:

1. How did you handle such a situation, demise of a patient you cared?

2. Did you cry? If you cried, did you go to a private place and cry while controlling yourself in front of others? If you did not cry, what was your feeling at that time?

While I usually do not cry, I believe I would cry if I am deeply affected emotionally but in a private place (I guess it is the male thing in me...lol)

Want to hear your thoughts/comments....

[Nus4au2]

There are very few situations that I have gotten teary eyed. I remember a CA patient that the Fire Dept brought in because of what they thought was a narc overdose. They were inexperienced and thought they needed to use narcan on him. This man got ALL of his pain all at once. He was terminal, and had a huge tolerance built up. I listened to this man scream, and knew there was very little we could do but wait and I did start to cry. Mostly because we were so helpless in this situation, and the level of the mistake was so big. This guy didn't OD, he had a new caretaker that didn't know what she was doing, and when he nodded out she called 911. As a nurse we are supposed to help whenever we can, and not being able to was horrible. Tears of frustration just as much as sympathy.

There are a couple of those, you just can't not feel something.

[hocke5716]

Well first off as to whether its alright for a man to cry, of course it is thats absurd for someone to claim REAL MEN DONT CRY. Thats absolute nonsense get outta here with that. Its human nature that displays emotion and the way they feel.

I am not a nurse yet but volunteer and have had a sim. situation. No i didnt cry, but it truly did get me thinking greatly about the situation and WHY i wasnt, i felt like i should have because i had spoke to the man a quite a few times before he passed and actually got to know him.

The way i look at it as of now is, i know im there to make a difference in a persons life and if death occurs i can easily confort myself mentally knowing i treated that person to the best of my ability.

[juicyjake]

If you don't get at least teary eyed at one point in your career as a nurse, then you went into the profession for the wrong reasons, IMO.

I guess it depends upon where you work. Not ALL floors/areas see tragedy on a regular basis.

I've gotten teary eyed several times. I've never broken down and wept with anyone, but only because I've never been that upset....yet.

I would have no problem crying in front of people. It's not natural to hold it all of your emotions in.

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

If you don't get at least teary eyed at one point in your career as a nurse, then you went into the profession for the wrong reasons, IMO.

I guess it depends upon where you work. Not ALL floors/areas see tragedy on a regular basis.

I've gotten teary eyed several times. I've never broken down and wept with anyone, but only because I've never been that upset....yet.

I would have no problem crying in front of people. It's not natural to hold it all of your emotions in.

Im sorry if i dont get teary eyed at work when a patient who I cared for goes down hill. I am not the teary eyed kinda man. I am not saying anything other than that. I can have sympathey for a patient and do my job quite well thank u with out getting teary eyed. Maybe because Ive been in two wars and seen traumatic death up front in person as a combat medic in battle, I have gotten a little numb, but such is life.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Im sorry if i dont get teary eyed at work when a patient who I cared for goes down hill. I am not the teary eyed kinda man. I am not saying anything other than that. I can have sympathey for a patient and do my job quite well thank u with out getting teary eyed. Maybe because Ive been in two wars and seen traumatic death up front in person as a combat medic in battle, I have gotten a little numb, but such is life.

I agree, tears are not a pre-requisite for a good nurse.

[MQ Edna]

Hmmm... While I agree that tears are not a pre-requisite to be a good nurse... I have an issue with the idea that "You're a man, you're not supposed to cry."

While Stoicism is all fine and dandy, I think a good (private) cry is a healthy and liberating thing from time to time when you are feeling overwhelmed. It's not a matter of being a male or female.... but rather whether or not we are "men" or "women". The whole gender roles compared to what is actually "natural" for our species. I think tears are a powerful thing... we should not be ashamed to admit that we cry and I will call a liar anyone who says that they are too much of a man to do so.

What should be frowned upon is a feeling of helplessness, not the tears themselves. We should be taught to grow up to be men who will never be helpless... not "emotionless".

When I lost my first client who I had gotten to know and attached to, it was a very sad experience for me. I acted professionally, waited until I got home and sat down and just cried and reminisced. If that makes me an (expletive) in your book, that makes you a moron in mine.

PS Last sentence was tounge-in-cheek... not directed toward anyone in particular at all.

[MQ Edna]

Excerpt from Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet":

"...

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall..."

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

I dont cry

all those tears and stuff might interfere with my vision while golfing, I cant have that now can I

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

Gentlemen,

The use of punctuation in place of expletives, while fine for cartoons, is still not appropriate on these boards. Let's all try to find more grown-up ways to express ourselves, and try to refrain from name-calling in any form.

Otherwise, you might make me cry.

[MQ Edna]

Don't cry mike. I'm sorry I said moron.

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

American Culture being what it is, our human nature being what it is, and all other factors . I still wont see myself crying like a crybaby at work because a patients condition has deteroriated and the family is crying also. Its not my job to cry. I see some of my other coworkers who cry, well that is their thing../

[leslie :-D]

American Culture being what it is, our human nature being what it is, and all other factors . I still wont see myself crying like a crybaby at work because a patients condition has deteroriated and the family is crying also. Its not my job to cry. I see some of my other coworkers who cry, well that is their thing../

and it doesn't make them a "crybaby" either.

leslie