my love of nursing is gone...husband died of medical mistake

U.S.A. California

Published

well, i am unable to figure out what to do with my life. i am almost 50 yrs old, have worked as a paramedic and/or rn since 1978, (although not currently licensed) and need to think about returning to work. my husband died of a medical mistake, leaving me to raise my kids-they are now almost 12 and 13 yrs old. i just finished litigation (which was almost worse than his death) and will need a new career. i let my rn license lapse as i have no trust of the medical system any more--it is now driven by hmo's, bonuses for ceos and md's that forgot the hippocratic oath--do no harm, and nurses who, for whatever reason, did not do their jobs when my husband's condition was getting worse.i always thought i would be the rn who would never get burnout...but now i can't walk into a health care facility without hyperventilating and shaking.. i don't trust md or any other health care professional now...so any suggestions has to a new career for a former well educated, former compassionate rn?

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I agree with the OP that she guards her privacy especially with a confidentiality clause in place. Let's not push her for details.

To the original poster - thanks for the update and take care.

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Specializes in Travel Nursing, ICU, tele, etc.

Please take very good care of your children's Mother. Get yourself into some counseling or therapy to help you heal. I am so sorry for all that happened to you. It sounds like you have had to face the trauma of losing your husband and then be brutalized ongoingly with litigation and the system. It is horrible. At some point you may be able to give some meaning to what happened and become a patient advocate or spearhead some laws that may help people in your position....I don't know...but it is possible to turn something so tragic into a gift for others. Just a thought....

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Specializes in ED, Cardiac-step down, tele, med surg.
well, i am unable to figure out what to do with my life. i am almost 50 yrs old, have worked as a paramedic and/or rn since 1978, (although not currently licensed) and need to think about returning to work. my husband died of a medical mistake, leaving me to raise my kids-they are now almost 12 and 13 yrs old. i just finished litigation (which was almost worse than his death) and will need a new career. i let my rn license lapse as i have no trust of the medical system any more--it is now driven by hmo's, bonuses for ceos and md's that forgot the hippocratic oath--do no harm, and nurses who, for whatever reason, did not do their jobs when my husband's condition was getting worse.i always thought i would be the rn who would never get burnout...but now i can't walk into a health care facility without hyperventilating and shaking.. i don't trust md or any other health care professional now...so any suggestions has to a new career for a former well educated, former

compassionate rn?

i am so sorry for your loss and i know that is one of the biggest losses that anyone can face. please give yourself time to recover and i hope that you do not have to go back to work right away. i agree that the healthcare system is in bad shape, with greedy hmos and practitioners who blindly follow orders that end up hurting patients. i don't know what you should do about returning to work and i would hope that you could find a way to stay in your field and have it be rewarding. i cannot offer any advise. i just want to wish you my best and again am so sorry for your loss.

blessings

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As I revisit this thread, I am amazed to have found it viewed over two thousand times. I have posted a reply to a thread someone started called Area of Least/Most Lawsuits in Nursing and you may find it interesting to see my view point of what happened after my husbands major medical incident. I am now surprised that state boards of nursing or at least your employer does not require CEU's in malpractice prevention. Too often nurses become complacent or on auto pilot when fatigued and forget their actions and inactions can result in the injury or death of a pt. The CEU class should not be presented as a scare tactic but a review of the nurse practice act, common issues and prevention of malpractice and what to do and say after a potential malpractice incident. How a situation is handled afterward can mean the difference between a litigation cases or not. A simple I'm sorry and compassion goes along way. Thank you for all your support everyone had posted on my thread.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Tele, DOU.

Hello Awesomom,

Per chance have you checked out the post in the general nursing forum regarding in home work--i.e. medical transcription. A few others were listed and looked interesting.

Another idea is to check out the school nursing positions at private schools and public/private charter schools. Please note that I am not necessarily advocating for you to be involved in a school district unless it is really really small, due to the level stress/number of children. Private schools and public charter schools have a lower enrollment rate than the typical public school.

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awsmom,

I went through depositions regarding the premature birth and death of my twin boys. I agree with you that it was almost more traumatic than the initial loss. Counseling is definitely in order. I wish you all the best in your journey towards healing and taking care of your children.

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Have you considered perhaps being a patient advocate?

Kris

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Specializes in ER, PACU, CORRECTIONAL HEALTH, FLIGHT.

have you considered correctional health? it's my number one favorite specialty that i have worked in, in all of my 16 years as an RN

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I don't have words of wisdom for you. I can't imagine what you have gone through. I just wish you find peace and a job niche so you can be at th best place possible for yourself and your kids.

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Specializes in ICU, SDU, OR, RR, Ortho, Hospice RN.
My condolences to you and your family. Your grief is very evident in your post. Have you considered grief counselling or a bereavement support group in your area? I cannot emphasize enough that you need to take care of yourself first before considering a career.

I agree with this post.

I am so sorry for your loss and offer you my sympathies. I could not even imagine how horrid it must have been for you. So many prayers for you and your family.

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Specializes in correctional, psych, ICU, CCU, ER.

BIG HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR BOYS!

:scrying::scrying::scrying::scrying::scrying::scrying::scrying::scrying::scrying:

Sent you a private e mail.

I DO know what you're going through. Please contact me.

Your loss is profound.

And I understand the anger,

the helplessness,

the lonliness.

It doesn't 'get better', it just 'gets different'.

JailRN

(AKA another widow)

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First, I am so sorry you are going through this experience. I understand your reaction towards the healthcare profession and yet where did you turn but here on this site to other nurses. I'm sure in your heart you realize most of us are caring, conscientous nurses and would be concerned about your plight. I hope at some point instead of loosing the sisterhood of nursing you will be able to reenter the profession to make the living you need and have the comraderie of fellow nurses. Since being in mainstream healthcare may not what you can deal with right now, how about being a telephone advice nurse. Many hospials/organizations have a great need for telephone advice nurses.

I was also a young widow with two children and working as a nurse was pretty much what kept me sane. Working in general, was what I needed to turn my focus out rather than in. Everyone griefs differently and has different needs so I realize what worked for me may not work for you. I do hope you find something to engage in that will help you to move forward.

Take care and I hope you find a healing pathway soon.

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