my love of nursing is gone...husband died of medical mistake

Shantas · Nov 20, 2007

I am very very sorry for what you experienced. I was born in a small third world proverty striken country and lost my Dad when I was only 15 yrs old. He had a massive heart attack and I know if he was here in the USA he would still be alive today, he was only 60 yrs old. The following year I lost my 27 yrs old sister from bone cancer, she died because her surgeon did not amputate her leg on time as he was on vacation in Europe.....

I hated the doctors for a long time....but now they are gone and I am a RN and I try my best to help the patients and their families so that they would not have to go through what my family and I went through....I know both my dad and my sister are always watching over me and giving me the blessing so that I can give the care and support to the people who are suffering like the way they did before they went to heaven.

I hope your greatest loss will guide you to a path which will not only help you and your beloved children but also people around you.

wish you and your family all the best.

Neveranurseagain, RN · Dec 29, 2007

As I look back at this post I am amazed to see it has been viewed over 3300 times and would like to thank everyone who responded or read it. I survived Christmas this year and actually almost enjoyed it with the kids. I am also starting to feel a sense of peace and the details of what happened to my husband are not a recurrent video in my mind (or what little of my mind I have left) that plays over and over. Thanks again for all your support and words of encouragement.

Sabby_NC · Dec 29, 2007

As I look back at this post I am amazed to see it has been viewed over 3300 times and would like to thank everyone who responded or read it. I survived Christmas this year and actually almost enjoyed it with the kids. I am also starting to feel a sense of peace and the details of what happened to my husband are not a recurrent video in my mind (or what little of my mind I have left) that plays over and over. Thanks again for all your support and words of encouragement.

May peace continue to surround you and allow good thoughts to invade your mind.

So pleased to read that you enjoyed Christmas with your children.

I admire you so much :)

Agnus · Jan 14, 2008

My condolences. I can not imagine what it must be like for you.

Agnus · Jan 14, 2008

I would like to update you on what's going on in my life... renewed my RN license...pretty scary...after being expired for 2 1/2 yrs. and not taking any CEU's for 4 1/2 yrs all I had to do was 30 hrs. of CEU's. It is better to let license lapse vs inactive as you don't need to make up the CEU's for the yrs lapsed. CA BON assessed a a $35 "late fee" in addition to renewal fees and it arrived a few days later. I came to the realization that I am going to have to return to nursing as I don't know what else to do to be able to support my kids. I just need to find a job that has minimal connect with hospitals and MD's. Any suggestions?? All the home health agencies I talked with (I live in a rural area) all required me to be on 24 hr call--I can't leave the kids at home alone if I get called out, esp. at night.
I just returned from 4 weeks of camp nursing and it was fun. Got to work with another RN who was easy to work with. However, when it came to working with the doc it was a different story...it made me realize that I will not ever be able to trust them...her knowledge, esp. in an emergency was just not there. It didn't help foster any confidence in working with MD's.
I have had my first few "happy days" since my husband died. I finally realized how cluttered the house was and even had the energy to clean out a few closets.
Thanks to all of you that helped me realize how angry I still am at the health care field. Your words of wisdom and encouragement has started to set me back on track. I am still unable to afford counseling-- I still have the HMO I was in litigation with and do not want to use them for any medical/psych services. But I have really tried to improve my outlook on life, esp. after I realized how it was affecting the kids. Thanks again to all of you...x

Does your employer have an employee assistance program? You might beable to get some counseling or related help that way.

Best of luck and blessings to you and your family.

Neveranurseagain, RN · Jan 29, 2008

I thought I would post again as to what is going. The medical board sent an investigator to my house to discuss my husbands care (or lack of it). I thought it was interesting that the state Medical Board uses police officers to investigate MD's instead of RN's or someone with a medical background. I had to educate her as to the standard of care for his condition vs what care he received.

I also still feel I will never be able to work for a healthcare organization again. But I have decided to try and open a business teaching CPR, first aid, blood borne pathogens and fire extingisher safety, among others. There is also a need in the community for private duty nursing and assessment for private pay pts. as well as mothers with newborns, and medical standby for special events. I just finished doing medical standby for an Olympic level event where they are evaluating Olympic hopefuls. Another company just contacted me and wants me to do first aid/medical standby for an open house where they are expecting over 1000 people. But I will have to choose my pts carefully as I had to call a cardiologist and talk to him about a private pay pt. It could have been the one that tx my husband--a situation I can not even think of having to do.

Thank you again to all of you for your words of support and kindness. It reminds me that there are still some nurses out there that care.

Sabby_NC · Jan 29, 2008

I thought I would post again as to what is going. The medical board sent an investigator to my house to discuss my husbands care (or lack of it). I thought it was interesting that the state Medical Board uses police officers to investigate MD's instead of RN's or someone with a medical background. I had to educate her as to the standard of care for his condition vs what care he received.
I also still feel I will never be able to work for a healthcare organization again. But I have decided to try and open a business teaching CPR, first aid, blood borne pathogens and fire extingisher safety, among others. There is also a need in the community for private duty nursing and assessment for private pay pts. as well as mothers with newborns, and medical standby for special events. I just finished doing medical standby for an Olympic level event where they are evaluating Olympic hopefuls. Another company just contacted me and wants me to do first aid/medical standby for an open house where they are expecting over 1000 people. But I will have to choose my pts carefully as I had to call a cardiologist and talk to him about a private pay pt. It could have been the one that tx my husband--a situation I can not even think of having to do.
Thank you again to all of you for your words of support and kindness. It reminds me that there are still some nurses out there that care.

Bless your heart it is so good to see you forward planning and setting yourself some goals.

Hugs to you and your family *hugs*

Trauma Columnist · Jan 29, 2008

I remember your original post well - I'm glad things seem to be going better. I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this though. Take care.

Keysnurse2008 · Apr 8, 2009

I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings about returning to nursing. We all forget that when a family allows us to care for their loved one it is a "gift". that "gift" is trust. They have entrusted us with their most valuable possession- their loved one. When healthcare members deviate from the SOC and horrible events happen it makes you feel like NEVER trusting anyone else again. It makes you feel like you have to double and triple check behind them bc that trust is gone. But...the profession needs you....you would do great teaching ethics and legal aspects of nsg to students.

Neveranurseagain, RN · May 6, 2009

It has been 2 years since my original post and I thought it was time to update my post. I am still in counseling (and probably will be for the rest of my life LOL!). I do work a little but only in jobs where I can work by myself. Done a little camp nursing, and I do medical standby for special events, and am a nanny to newborn twins one weekend a month. I am now a regular, almost daily poster her on allnurses.com and feel this site keeps me up to date on nursing issues. It helps fill a need as nursing will always be in my blood. I realize I will never be able to work as an RN again--just looking at a chest Xray brings back too many vivid memories of my husband's chest Xray with his massive cardiac tamponade.....

I think the reason that his death affected me so much is that it wiped out 2 of the 3 most important things in life-family, career and faith. Wiped out my husband, faith and career in one swoop. I may not have my husband or career, but at least I have the kids, aged 13 and 15 now. And they are doing great. I appreciate the time off work and am able to go camping with them (and all their friends they bring!)

I am going to school to get my BS in Liberal Arts. What I will do with it when I am done I have no idea....

What helped me in my self confidence and made me feel better about myself was this incident. The wonderful feeling of being able to save a life has been a positive turning point in my life: https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-discussion/i-saved-life-357774.html

Looking back, I realize now the tangent I got on about foreign nurses was probably from the fact that my husband had been cared in CCU by a foreign nurse that had been in the country only a very short time, and didn't have the skills needed to properly assess his condition. But this should not reflect on all foreign nurses...

Thank you to everyone that has given me words of encouragement...

Trauma Columnist · May 6, 2009

Thanks so much for the update. You seem a little more at peace now. Take care and thanks so much for the update.

MassED, BSN, RN · May 6, 2009

well, i am unable to figure out what to do with my life. i am almost 50 yrs old, have worked as a paramedic and/or rn since 1978, (although not currently licensed) and need to think about returning to work. my husband died of a medical mistake, leaving me to raise my kids-they are now almost 12 and 13 yrs old. i just finished litigation (which was almost worse than his death) and will need a new career. i let my rn license lapse as i have no trust of the medical system any more--it is now driven by hmo's, bonuses for ceos and md's that forgot the hippocratic oath--do no harm, and nurses who, for whatever reason, did not do their jobs when my husband's condition was getting worse.i always thought i would be the rn who would never get burnout...but now i can't walk into a health care facility without hyperventilating and shaking.. i don't trust md or any other health care professional now...so any suggestions has to a new career for a former well educated, former compassionate rn?

wow. i'm so sorry for your kids, your husband, and you most of all for having to pick up the pieces through all of that (including litigation). what a nightmare. i have always said that i would love to arrange flowers if i wasn't a nurse. there would be good smells (as opposed to bad smells!), nice music, no talking... ahhhh ..... but potentially no money. =(