my love of nursing is gone...husband died of medical mistake

[Neveranurseagain]

well, i am unable to figure out what to do with my life. i am almost 50 yrs old, have worked as a paramedic and/or rn since 1978, (although not currently licensed) and need to think about returning to work. my husband died of a medical mistake, leaving me to raise my kids-they are now almost 12 and 13 yrs old. i just finished litigation (which was almost worse than his death) and will need a new career. i let my rn license lapse as i have no trust of the medical system any more--it is now driven by hmo's, bonuses for ceos and md's that forgot the hippocratic oath--do no harm, and nurses who, for whatever reason, did not do their jobs when my husband's condition was getting worse.i always thought i would be the rn who would never get burnout...but now i can't walk into a health care facility without hyperventilating and shaking.. i don't trust md or any other health care professional now...so any suggestions has to a new career for a former well educated, former compassionate rn?

[MassED, BSN, RN]

I appreciate everyones comments regarding my husbands death from medical negligence. Everyones's caring had reminded me why I became an RN many years ago. It also made me realize how angry I still am...it has been difficult because I could not discuss his death with anyone--I could not afford counseling, and was unable to use my health insurance to pay for it (I was in litigation with my HMO, yet still had the HMO as it was the only insurance I could afford--and I still have the HMO!!!) and I didn't want my mental health records to become part of the litigation. I tried the only 2 grief groups (I live in a rural area) and one was religious based that disagreed with my beliefs and the other was clickish and the average age was over 70. But now, I still can't discuss it as part of the litigation agreement. Let's hide mistakes instead of discussing them to prevent them from happening again is the mentality of the current health care system. I have an appointment with a counselor next week---I hope she works out as there is only 2 in a 60 mile radius. Sorry. my mistrust of the system is showing again....

On the flip side, even though my RN license expired 2 1/2 yrs ago, is all I have to do is complete 30 hrs of CEU to reinstate. I have 7 yrs from expiration date to reinstate. I don't feel ready for that yet but this site has helped me in that it has allowed me to get my feet wet in nursing again...thanks to everyone.....

*****Remember in death, remember life, be an organ donor....

you might find that through this your nursing direction will change - I don't know what type of nursing you did before... but there are many avenues. Non-clinical, if that suits you. You have changed through this, and so I would imagine your interests and pursuits. I hope you find something that really rings true to you. Education, for one... you have such a compelling story to teach new nurses, students in medical school... and the general public to advocate for their family member/s.

It would be nice if there weren't protection for the bad in the litigation process and full disclosure to the public for the wrong that was done - maybe not bringing in names, specifically, but to learn from the actual mistake could bring about a greater good for all - The legal world would rather hide and cover it up than to admit and divulge details. That would be admitting fault, which would never never happen.

[Neveranurseagain, RN]

It has been a while since I posted on this thread so I thought I would give an update. I changed my name from awsmom to awsmfun, in an attempt to start over. After a few years of seeing a great counselor, the healing finally began. I still have real trust issues with the medical field, but just started a job as a school nurse, where there will be little or no contact with health care providers. What really helped me was when I saved a life after a car accident (read my thread I Saved A Life!) Nursing is in my blood, and a part of me, and I just couldn't walk away from it.

I still can't discuss what happened to my husband, but if you go to the California Medical Board website, and click Enforcement of Public Documents (on the upper left side), then look up Marvin Derrick, you will be able to read an accusation/petition to revoke complaint. Read it, and remember that you are your patient's advocate. Learn from reading this document--this type of incident should never happen to another family. If your see care that is against the standards of care, report it immediately to the nursing supervisor and go up the chain of command, if necessary. Thanks to all of you that supported me in this difficult time.

[slrberry]

Thanks for the new update. I read through the complaint and I understand how this tragedy, and the others listed, can effect your view of MDs.

I think its great that you have been able to use your nursig gift to help others, so that events such as these do not happen again.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

What a sad thing to read (the complaint). I am so sorry. I hope you continue on your road to recovery.