First, I am so sorry you are going through this experience. I understand your reaction towards the healthcare profession and yet where did you turn but here on this site to other nurses. I'm sure in your heart you realize most of us are caring, conscientous nurses and would be concerned about your plight. I hope at some point instead of loosing the sisterhood of nursing you will be able to reenter the profession to make the living you need and have the comraderie of fellow nurses. Since being in mainstream healthcare may not what you can deal with right now, how about being a telephone advice nurse. Many hospials/organizations have a great need for telephone advice nurses.
I was also a young widow with two children and working as a nurse was pretty much what kept me sane. Working in general, was what I needed to turn my focus out rather than in. Everyone griefs differently and has different needs so I realize what worked for me may not work for you. I do hope you find something to engage in that will help you to move forward.
Take care and I hope you find a healing pathway soon.