Letter to the Offended

[nursel56]

Dear offended people of all ages,

We are not talking about you. When you read a "vent" post, please note the use of such words and phrases as "some", "not all" and "exceptions". Based on the posts I read from you detailing your long, hard struggle through life to get where you are today, I can categorically say that without exception YOU are the reason we do not say "all" and "everyone". You are the role models for the "some" who's thoroughly unacceptable behavior we are talking about!!

If a vent contains keywords that grab your attention - it's because it just so happens that a lot of people haven't learned the word "moderation" that you have. If you have a very tasteful piercing or tat, a light spritz of body spray, a bit of blush and mascara, a flattering scrub top, or any other obviously normal thing, there really is no need to rush to the defense of that person who wants to wear 3 pounds of hardware on their body, douse themselves with Axe or Pear/Honeysuckle oil, or do up their eyes like Liza Minnelli in Cabaret., or have a hot pink whale tail thong peeking out the top of her low-risers.

If a vent contains criticism of parents who use their children as an excuse to slack at work, we are not talking about your child that has a 104 temp and is making a hideous rasping noise when he breathes! Go take care of your child! Please! We arent't talking about you!!I really can think of more of these - maybe others can relate to this - Instead of getting Offended on behalf of the people who make you look bad because you happen to share a characteristic with them - a bit of guidance to steer them in the right direction or a "this is how I did it" thread would be a lot more helpful than your story wedged into a thread that is not talking about you.

Lest anyone get offended because the examples above normally apply to younger people - the same applies to the behavior of us oldsters as well. Thank you for reading.

[nursel56]

So, if I were to post "I've noticed that some black people aren't very smart," no smart black people should be offended? BS. I've posted things that others have found offensive. Generally, I haven't felt they were the ones at fault.

I don't think the concept of blame for reactions is an issue, but if someone is at fault for a person taking offense to something, and it isn't the person reading the words, is it the person writing the words?

Admittedly, we all have a choice whether to take offense. We also have a choice whether to go on an international forum to whine and gripe about some particular class of people.

I'm sorry that you think all venting, griping and whining threads are morally equivalent. I don't. A post about people who snap their gum often gets responses from people who take offense because they carefully hide their gum in their cheek. That is nothing like a post that alludes to sociological issues in general, and I take great offense to your suggestion that all posts that posit a generalization have the same ramifications and amount to bigotry.

Groups of people who are historically oppressed are more likely to coalesce despite internal disagreements. That is a topic that I consider very separated from what I was talking about.

So, what exactly is the goal of these vent posts? Should one only respond if one agrees? Are the posters actually surprised when some take offense? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying every post that begins, "This is a vent," is a useless waste of bandwidth. Just "some" of them

.

Some are vents, some are genuine requests for feedback, some are flat-out stupid. My letter to the offended was only talking about people who write a very long post about their particular life history and how they are not like the people the OP was talking about. We already knew that. That's why the word "some" is included. Honestly, many of the stories are inspiring and I doubt any one of us would disagree with that. Many of them I read and think "I wish this story was it's own thread". Instead they are buried and their only practical result is that it re-states the original premise. I don't want everybody to agree! I am glad you posted because it made me think about whether I was spewing nonsense or not. I respect your opinion even though I am offended!

Katie5- you finally wrote one just too cryptic for me! "Kindergarten---- ??" Huh? :)

[JacknSweetpea]

I've noticed that there are a lot of people of my acquaintance that seem to look for opportunities to be offended. I really don't care. If something needs to be said....I'm going to say it as tactfully as I can. If they have issues with whatever I've said....I have no problem with telling them to go have their issues somewhere else. *wine

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

I cannot picture a bunch of circuit court judges sitting around debating thongs under judicial robes.

No, they sit around talking about the judges who wear nothing under their robes.

[rn/writer, RN]

I have, for years, referred to the perpetually petulant as "offendinistas." If there's a way to take something wrong, they find (and exploit) it. The only opinions allowed are those that are "nice," with one exception. THEY can blast away with impunity if they believe someone else has stepped on their toes. Then the gloves come off.

These are the fine folks who have cultivated political correctness to the point where common sense is out the window and we each need a diplomatic attache vetting our conversations and posts.

To these lovely people, I would like to say, "Please, develop some maturity, and realize that you don't have to be defensive (or offensive) over every last little wrinkle in your jammies."

Here's the thing--even when someone intends to offend another person, it still doesn't have to be received. There's a reason why we use the phrase, "taking offense."

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

I don't think the concept of blame for reactions is an issue, but if someone is at fault for a person taking offense to something, and it isn't the person reading the words, is it the person writing the words?

I'm sorry that you think all venting, griping and whining threads are morally equivalent. I don't. A post about people who snap their gum often gets responses from people who take offense because they carefully hide their gum in their cheek. That is nothing like a post that alludes to sociological issues in general, and I take great offense to your suggestion that all posts that posit a generalization have the same ramifications and amount to bigotry.

Groups of people who are historically oppressed are more likely to coalesce despite internal disagreements. That is a topic that I consider very separated from what I was talking about.

.

Some are vents, some are genuine requests for feedback, some are flat-out stupid. My letter to the offended was only talking about people who write a very long post about their particular life history and how they are not like the people the OP was talking about. We already knew that. That's why the word "some" is included. Honestly, many of the stories are inspiring and I doubt any one of us would disagree with that. Many of them I read and think "I wish this story was it's own thread". Instead they are buried and their only practical result is that it re-states the original premise. I don't want everybody to agree! I am glad you posted because it made me think about whether I was spewing nonsense or not. I respect your opinion even though I am offended!

Katie5- you finally wrote one just too cryptic for me! "Kindergarten---- ??" Huh? :)

Well, I'm offended that you respect my opinion. The nerve! I'll admit, the racist example was extreme. But not extremely extreme. I've seen actual posts something to the effect that "judging by the one's I've seen, male nurses are lazy," and I don't see how I could be expected not to take offense. Of course it's true, I'm not obligated to reply to, or even read a thread I don't like the looks of. And, frankly, I do appreciate the practice of prefacing that a post is a vent, (e.g. Vent: Why Are Women So Catty). I know up front that something in that thread is almost certainly offensive to women and/or cats, so I can just skip it. And I sometimes do.

I surmise that this thread may be inspired by events on some other thread, which I must have missed. I'm thinking about what seems to be a more general trend that people can post any assertion they like, some of them outrageous, and if you dare to differ you're a clod for not understanding that the poster was just venting and of course he/she doesn't really mean all Jews are subhuman, or all doctors are rude. And while I freely admit that others have as much right to their ridiculous opinions as I have to my ridiculous opinions, I truly do question whether most of these vents serve any purpose at all. Does spewing bile all over the internet really relieve stress?

I don't believe one has to be a member of an historically oppressed minority to be a victim of bigotry. "White men can't jump," is a bigotted remark, not inherently less immoral than, "Asians can't drive." Neither seems quite as egregious as, "Black people can't sit here," in part because the issue may seem rather trivial. And I'll buy, to a point, that there's a valid distinction between a behavior, like popping gum, and an innate condition, like being young. Still, those who post vile comments about the obese or gays believe they are criticizing a behavior, while the offended are likely to feel they are being judged for an innate condition. And even if we except the distinction as absolute, it still begs the question as to why in the world people imagine the world cares what they think of gum-poppers. After a time, careplanning questions are more interesting.

ETA: I posted a remark, once, about hooters. It went over, as my Dad would say, "like a turd in church." It could be argued that those who were offended didn't have a sense of humor, or it could be argued that the remark was not appropriate for the company. I thought, and still do, that the later was the more mature argument. So I try (really, I do) to remember that not everyone shares my earthy sensibilities (which, I suspect, I may have inherited from my Dad.) That post, while vulgar, was not unkind, which is more than can be said for some of these vents.

[Davey Do]

I find it difficult to be offended by the written word on my computer monitor screen.

Dave

[nursejoed]

I have, for years, referred to the perpetually petulant as "offendinistas." If there's a way to take something wrong, they find (and exploit) it. The only opinions allowed are those that are "nice," with one exception. THEY can blast away with impunity if they believe someone else has stepped on their toes. Then the gloves come off.

These are the fine folks who have cultivated political correctness to the point where common sense is out the window and we each need a diplomatic attache vetting our conversations and posts.

To these lovely people, I would like to say, "Please, develop some maturity, and realize that you don't have to be defensive (or offensive) over every last little wrinkle in your jammies."

Here's the thing--even when someone intends to offend another person, it still doesn't have to be received. There's a reason why we use the phrase, "taking offense."

******

Good one. I refer to them as the "Righteous Indignation Crowd". Their M.O. is to highjack posts to feed their addiction to feeling offended...

[nursel56]

Yes- Mike it was partially inspired by the

Other examples I was thinking about are almost comical - a post about long acrylic nails with metal studs in them will get an indignant reply from someone who buffs their nails and sports a tasteful French manicure. . . a post about goofy scrub tops gets a reply from someone who wears a small gauge monotone -- stuff like that. Maybe I spend too much time here and should go spring for that Kindle and spend some time reading the collected works of Charles Dickens.

Just as a little aside since you and I share similar amounts of time in our present mortal state, I used to scoff at people who said they were happier when they were older-- who would say that?? Well, it is true and I've just gained a more centered perspective. Most of my earlier neuroses have largely dissipated, and stuff that got me all tied up in knots 10 or 20 years ago barely cause a ripple in my mood. This may appear to others as flippant or cavalier when it really isn't.

Now where the heck is that Hooters thread?? My glorious offendedness is slipping away! Need fuel!!

[linearthinker, DNP, RN]

I'll just agree with these wise comments:

"Please, develop some maturity, and realize that you don't have to be defensive (or offensive) over every last little wrinkle in your jammies."

"I find it difficult to be offended by the written word on my computer monitor screen."

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

I have, for years, referred to the perpetually petulant as "offendinistas." If there's a way to take something wrong, they find (and exploit) it. The only opinions allowed are those that are "nice," with one exception. THEY can blast away with impunity if they believe someone else has stepped on their toes. Then the gloves come off.

These are the fine folks who have cultivated political correctness to the point where common sense is out the window and we each need a diplomatic attache vetting our conversations and posts.

To these lovely people, I would like to say, "Please, develop some maturity, and realize that you don't have to be defensive (or offensive) over every last little wrinkle in your jammies."

Here's the thing--even when someone intends to offend another person, it still doesn't have to be received. There's a reason why we use the phrase, "taking offense."

Too nice a way to say it IMHO.

"Get over your self." is another way.

More to their immature level, I must add, sometimes that is what it takes.

[GM2RN]

nursel56...I couldn't believe it when I read your post after sitting here for the past half hour contemplating if I wanted to waste my time writing on the same topic! You did it much better than I would have, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the entire thread!

[MassED, BSN, RN]

I have always thought the very fact that we even have to discuss the thong issue speaks volumes about nursing, and not in a good way. I cannot picture a bunch of circuit court judges sitting around debating thongs under judicial robes.

well you would never SEE their thong. Wasn't there a story about a judge and a member pump some years back...??? Haaaaa!!! Only what's going on UNDER the desk that can't be seen!!!