just can't believe this...

[jnette]

I just can't... this is too much. Too unfair. Too stinkin' WRONG !!!

Remember me telling you all about our neat patient who just got married a little over a week ago? Who's dad was our patient, too.. the "rooster man"? This young man who had come soooooo far.. from ornery to kind, funny, thoughtful, and sweet? Who surprised us all with his sheepish announcement about getting married ?

He's gone.

Dead.

Freakin' GONE !!!!! ForEVER !!!Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He came in for tx. this am as always... but he had gotten a bad respiratory infection along with 80% of our other patients the very next day after his wedding.. he brought in photos, and the next day his sweet wife came in and introduced herself, and we all fell in love with her.

But then all our patients got this "flu" (???) or wicked respiratory infection... we made everyone wear masks, ourselves include last week.. they were all hacking and coughing, chills, fever.. the works. One of our little ladies was hospitalized with pneumonia, many are still sick.. lung sounds are all horrible.

But -------- was one of the sickest. He went to two different docs.. was put on keflex.. no help... went back this week, did cxr, they decided bronchitis.. changed the abx, gave him phenergan as he'd not been able to keep ANYTHING down all week.. asked to be taken off the machine early twice as he could stand no more, he was so sick...

today was the first day he actuallysmiled and said he felt just a little better, but his color was still ashen. We urged him to get his butt up to urgent care this weekend if he did not improve or got worse. He said he would. He then wished us Happy New Year and a good weekend, and out the door he went. That was the last we would ever see of him... alive. EVER.

Shortly after lunch we got a phone call from the ER.. said they had one of our patients up there.. he had arrested.. but didn't make it.. came in DOA. Respiratory arrest.

We had to take turns leaving the floor to process the shock and grief.. we all cryed most of the afternoon. I just can't believe this.

The man never even had a honeymoon .. he got sick the very next day and was sick all through the holidays... he's not been married but a little over a week, for crying out loud !!! His poor wife is in Tenn. getting her things to move up here, so she awasn't even able to be with him as he drew his last breath !!! They have to call her there and tell her the horrible news !

Apparently (as we heard later) he went home and started having difficulty breathing... he called his mother thinking it might be good for her to stop by when she could.. but she doesn't drive or have a car. She must have had to wait and call another family member to leave work or something, but it was nearly two hours before she got over there... only to find him dead there in his little house.

You guys.. this hurts so bad. I'm still so in shock.

I really didn't even want to sit down at the computer tonight as I feared writing this would make it "real".. I'd have to accept it if it was "real".

But real it is. I can't deny it. I must accept it. But I still cannot believe it.

This will be one hard memorial service to attend... and we wouldn't think of not going. But to have to see his wife now... and all his sisters who loved him so much.. their "baby brother"...

his poor Momma who must be writhing in guilt and selfhatred right now... and at the very same place we said goodbye to his "ol' man", the "Rooster Man" only a couple years ago...

it's all too much.

This is the pits. The total stinkin' pits.

Sorry so long.

Thanx for letting me get it out.

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

Yes, Jnette. I know what you're talking about. I really really do. Everyone who came into my lonely room wore yamulkas on their faces too. I came close to going into respiratory failure again. Had to have 3 hours of continuous albuterol treatment, and that didn't even loosen my chest up. I sure was wired the rest of the night and way into the next day though.

I think if I even wanted to stop breathing I wouldn't be able to because I was too jumpy.

I am sorry to hear about your nice guy though. That trip to AZ should definitely do you some good. Take care my friend.:kiss

And remember, if your guy changed that much, then he's probably alive and very energized and breathing freely. Glory halelujah! Then you'll get to see him again.

Fran:nurse:

[gypsyatheart]

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To you, jnette,

I am so sorry this happenned to you...my prayers are with you and his family, his poor wife, I am so sorry for your loss. :)

[nursenoelle]

(((((((Jnette)))))) I am so sorry to hear about this. Take care of yourself hon.

[SmilingBluEyes]

SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry jnette!!!!

so very sorry.

[ainz]

I worked in dialysis for a year and a half some time ago. There were several "little old ladies" that came to dialysis and they loved it because it was their time to socialize with the others and watch TV. They loved the attention they recieved. I got very close to one lady, she lived alone, we were all she had in this world. She was found dead in her house one day by a neighbor who checked on her because we called when she failed to show up for dialysis. I cried and mourned her death like she was a close family member. It hurts bad. I think it is OK to become attached to your patient, I think we are in trouble if we loose that ability or become so cold that we refuse or cannot connect with another person.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

(((((jnette))))

One of the hardest parts of nursing is loosing patients we've come to care about.

[unknown99, BSN, RN]

(((((JNETTE)))))

[Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN]

Oh, friend-

I'm so sorry!

That is awful, such a waste. The worst timing, a week after getting married!

My fave pt did not show up for tx yesterday. I was told she's had a massive CVA.

I was devastated. I went to my ADON's office to talk to her about it and burst into tears.

I pray that this sweet lady recovers. Remeber the pt i posted about who brought me 6 long -stemmed pink roses? This is her.

So sorry about your well-loved Rooster Man. :

Here is a lovely poem that has brought me comfort several times in the past.

I hope your trip to AZ is renewing and healing for you.

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads her white

sails to the morning breeze and starts

for the blue ocean. She is an object of

beauty and strength.

I stand and watch

her until at length she hangs like a speck

of white cloud just where the sea and sky

come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says;

"There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight.

That is all. She is

just as large in mast and hull and spar

as she was when she left my side and

she is just as able to bear her living

freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone

at my side says;

"There, she is gone!"

There are other eyes watching her coming,

and other voices ready to take up the glad

shout;

"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

Author: © Henry Van Dyke

[RN~in~CT]

{{{Jnette}}} I am so very sorry.

[jnette, ASN, EMT-I]

Originally posted by Hellllllo Nurse

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads her white

sails to the morning breeze and starts

for the blue ocean. She is an object of

beauty and strength.

I stand and watch

her until at length she hangs like a speck

of white cloud just where the sea and sky

come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says;

"There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight.

That is all. She is

just as large in mast and hull and spar

as she was when she left my side and

she is just as able to bear her living

freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone

at my side says;

"There, she is gone!"

There are other eyes watching her coming,

and other voices ready to take up the glad

shout;

"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

Author: © Henry Van Dyke

Thank you, Helllllo...

This is truly a beautiful and MEANINGFUL poem.. so very true indeed.

It is a new day, and yet I am still numbed. Having a hard time believing it to be so.

Can't imagine him not being there first thing.

Dread having to share the news with his fellow patients Monday morning... they will have a difficult time with this.. he was the youngest... the "healthiest" of the lot. He worked, and had a life. A great sense of humor. He loved picking at us.

He wanted me to bring him back some "cactus juice" from Az. Last year it snowed the biggest snow of the year the day we left. He never let me hear the end of that.

I do hope your sweet lady recovers, Hellllo. This is hard business.

Sometimes I think med/surge, ER, etc. might be easier on the heart and soul as the patients are gone before you have time to get attached.

Yet I know I would have it no other way. Here is where I'm meant to be and I know it. Our patients WANT to be attached.. that's what makes them feel at "home".. and cared about. They are attached to us as much as we are to them.

Thank you for sharing the beautiful poem. Hugs to you as you wait to hear from your dear patient.

[Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN]

:kiss

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Just got on the computer this morning and found your post. I too am very sorry about your loss. As tough as this is, it is also what makes nursing so meaningful. Getting close enough to people to care.

Best wishes my dear Jnette . .

steph