Jealousy or actual favoritism - you tell me

[foxc1121]

Okay - so here is the deal. My friend and I graduated from nursing school together. She convinced me to work with her in a small hospital, even though I wanted to work at a trauma center. We have been there for almost one year and we are both unhappy and currently looking for other positions. I am not a jealous person by nature, so I don't know if what I am experiencing is jealousy or is it favoritism - I am relying on other nurses to tell me. I don't know if it is important or not to mention but I am latin and my friend is black american. Most of the nurses on the floor are black including the NM and ANM, I am only one of the 2 or 3 latin nurses on the floor. Having said that, here's the problem.

On our floor we get written up for incidental overtime. I have been written up three times. My friend leaves at the same time as me (most days) and has only been written up once. I have gone to my ANM and asked what I could do about this - I was told to figure it out and work on my time management skills. My friend did the same and was told that she should call the ANM, explain the situation so she could get approved for the incidental overtime.

My friend, I'll call her Stacey, recieved employee of the month award. She was nominated by other nurses. I was approached to nominate her and was told (by the other nurses) she really deserves it and besides you have already been employee of the month. When they realized that I have never been employee of the month, they were embaressed and just walked away. I pick up extra shifts, I work night shifts (when needed), she doesn't, my documentation is almost perfect, almost, yet management has never acknowledged my positive contributions, they only pick up on what I have not done. I am on several committees, attend the meetings - my friend is not.

Don't misunderstand - I am not looking for a pat on the back - I would just like some kind of acknowledgement for my contributions, instead of management always focusing on the negatives. I am always on time, I never call out (she has). I don't believe in bringing my personal problems to the work place. My friend has shared her personal problems with the ANM and has recieved nothing but sympathy. When I was in the hospital (the only time I called out) there was a total lack of concern for my situation.

The CNAs and nurses all want to work with her. I have asked her what she does and have gone through what I do. We both do the same things. I feel as if I am working in her shadow and want to break away. Please let me know..am I being silly?

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

I feel as if I am working in her shadow and want to break away.

If this is how you feel, then it's time to move on. No need to overanalyze the situation; you seem comfortable with your skills and seem ready to move on past the relationship at this point. Time to get your resume together and go for that trauma job! Best of luck to you.

[madwife2002, BSN, RN]

I second Angie, it is time to move on. I wouldn't worry about being popular at work, do the things you do because you enjoy doing them

[Jules A, MSN]

I think anyone would feel bad if they were doing a good job and someone else was getting more credit. I'm a bit puzzled by the fact that you let a friend convince you to work somewhere other than your first choice but in any event it sounds to me like it is time to make a change to a facility and unit that might be a better fit for you. Take care of yourself.

[foxc1121]

Thank you for your replies. I am having an argument with my husband about this. He doesn't seem to understand, there is more to this situation than what I have mentioned. I worry for my license, something that I have worked so hard for (as we all have)

I kick myself in the butt every single day for not going to the trauma facility as I wanted (I looked and there are no available positions open now.) I guess I was insecure with myself at the time and to a certain extent am still insecure. I guess I just wanted the cushion of having a fellow classmate on the floor. My classmate has seemed to bond with everyone and I am sick and tired about hearing how wonderful she is- tired of someone else getting all the glory and want to break away and find my own idenity as a nurse. I don't want to get lumped in with all the other 6 newbies on the floor. One of which is dating every single doctor that asks her out (yes, even married ones). I feel that I am working in a soap opera. Does anyone else feel like that?

[rjflyn, ASN, RN]

I was going to say if you were single and a nurse the world is your oyster- go where ever you heart desires. But since you are married you have limited options unless his career is a mobile one as well. Personally I would run, not walk from that toxic environment.

Also just because a facility does not have positions posted does not mean they don't have open positions. Call the nurse manager of the facility that interests you. YOu never know. She may have something that is just not posted yet, or if you impress her enough they will make you one. Unless someplace is totally overstaffed- fat chance they will at least talk to you. And sent your resume to them first if they express and interest, HR second.

Rj

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

Does your friend have a really likable personality? Often in life, people with charm and charisma get away with poor performance. People will cut them a lot of slack simply because they are so darn likable. This is true of life in general, not just nursing.

[RN1982]

So who is stopping you from applying to that trauma center? Go for it, put in some applications.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Honestly, foxc, there does seem to be a bit of jealousy there, but it's understandable.

One thing I have learned - do not volunteer, for extra shifts, for TOO much helping out - it is not appreciated and they just think you're a suck-up. Ask me how I know.

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

It may be favoritism, it may be that your friend (as someone mentioned), has a more sociable personality...who knows? I think you should apply where you wish to be. Sometimes, situations like this prove that we need to follow our gut feelings or first mind. You may be happier there. Good luck!

[Ginger's Mom, MSN, RN]

Best advice I have had, only worry about your assignment. There will always be some one who drives you crazy at work.

As far as the overtime, consult the manager if you are unable to complete your assignment, explain why you can't do it ( patient gone bad, short staff, etc).

[locolorenzo22, BSN, RN]

If you work ALL the extra time, you are seen as the person who "always" does it....hence no need to be recognized. Toxicity seems to be the word of the day here. If they do not support you, and you don't have any bonds.....this is probably not the best environment for you. You never know what you can do unless you try....go for that trauma job!