I've been bullied all my life, and it continues...

royhanosn · Apr 28, 2010

its bullying no matter home or work. WElcome to the real world!

you getting banged from both sides, because your exhausted.

go to your super and complain, for what its worth! transfer to another unit,

Home! you need to get out! your in abusive scene both way. Hubby sounds like redneck dick!

you need time to YOU! Perhaps getting out of both scene would do well, and DO IT NOW!

PICURN · Apr 28, 2010

Many hospitals in the last several years have developed Codes of Conduct which every staff member including Physicians are required to sign. You should see if that is true for your facility. If it is, some places have real repercussions for violating the Codes. No one should have to work in a hostile work environment. If it continues, you definitely should take it up the chain to your Manager, Director of Nursing or HR. The other sad thing you need to learn is that if you are in a non-team oriented environment, don't be as accessible and eager to help. It will only burn you out when things aren't reciprocated. I've been there and done that. I have also worked in environments where everyone does act like a team and it does make you feel good to be able to help everyone else. I know it's hard not trying to be the perfect nurse, but it's called self-preservation. One thing I have done in the past is find one or two other nurses who are in the same boat I am and we team together to help each other. Good luck. Just know that not every place out there is like that.

nursedora · Apr 28, 2010

Ok, here's my 2 cents worth, I've been around for a long time, I've seen a lot, and done a lot. And yes, I've been bullied and been told I've been the bully as well. One reply in particular was right, you only get bullied if you let them bully you. Now, if you are looking for someone to hold your hand and let you cry like a baby. Well, quite frankly, grow up! I was once told Sympathy falls somewhere between sex and syphlys. You mentioned many times in your original post that you try to be perfect. That's where a lot of your problems lay. No one, not a single solitary one of us, no matter how seasoned a nurse, is perfect, and you being a new nurse are far from it! If you are afraid of that day shift nurse that comes in and tells you that you did everything wrong, then take it to your supervisor. Or better yet, start with talking with THAT nurse, and find out why she thinks you did things wrong, you never know, you may learn something from her. What have YOUR new hire evaluations been, are you getting good evals? If so, then what's the problem? Does the Nurse you give report to sign your paycheck? Or is she your supervisor? If the answer is no, then what are you so worried about?

Yes, Nursing is a proffession for careing individuals, however, not for the faint at heart. So, dry your tears, stop whinning, and pull up your boot straps and listen up.

First thing, big whoptedoo about your 4.0 GPA in college, that doesn't mean you have the hucksba to make it as a Nurse, it only means you are book smart. Forget that, and start learning how to be a nurse now. In school, you get the book learning, and some field experience, and that is only the basics of your learning, the day you graduate and get your first position, and start work, is the day your learning actualy starts and it never stops from there.

Now about the bullies. So stand up for yourself girl! If a nurse tells you you did something wrong, and you know you did it right, tell her so! And find that policy and proceedure book, even if another nurse says it's wrong because management wrote it, hogwash! If you follow policy of the facility you work in, you are never wrong. So, find the book, and by JCOH, DOH, and any other alphabet soup auditing group that inspects facilities every six months or so, if you did it wrong, but followed policy, then it's not wrong. Got it?

Stop being a cry baby, older nurses, those of us whove been around 20+ years don't want to hear it, we've heard it all before, and there isn't time to hold your hand, 'cause we've got the hands of our pts to hold. Dig in there, pull your weight, and don't make a big deal of it. It may look like you are pulling more than your weight, but remember the older nurses have already put in their time, they've done the double shifts back to back, they've done the extra duties and the shift changes to help make scheduleing easier, now it's our turn to sit back and take it easy for a bit. We still got to enjoy our children even with all the doubles etc. we just had to get creative with our time off. We've done our time of working the major holidays and missing the family traditions, so we made new traditions. We've done our time of working three, four, or more years without a vacation, it's our turn now. I'm sorry if you feel you get from June to September off, and then a week at Thanksgiving, and two weeks at Christmas/New Years, and then Easter weekend, then Spring break, Welcome to the real world, you have to put in your time before you get your two weeks vacation. Same as the rest of us. So, again if you are tired all the time, you learn how to change things so you aren't. Again, stop trying to be all that perfect. Maybe your husband will have to start doing more around the house, like picking up after himself or helping with bathing the child, or whatever. You will have to learn that living on coffee, or Mt. Dew isn't going to give you any energy either, remember when your Mom told you to eat your vegies, and drink 8, 8oz glasses of water a day? Well, she was right, that's what will help give you energy, water, vegies and fiber.

This isn't meant to bully you, it's meant to get you to pull up your boot straps and realize we've all been there, it's part of the life we call Nursing, and in 20 or so years, you'll be telling a new nurse to "suck it up, and stop being a cry baby..." If that facility isn't suitable for you, maybe a change to something less demanding is more for you, like a slow paced Dr's office, or a small nursing home in the country. If you work on a unit with 100 other nurses, then you are just a drop in the rain barrel. And it's not, in my opinion, the best place for a new nurse to start out in. Maybe find a small, rural general hospital in your area, and get a good start there. The pace is slower, you will have other nurses who want to see you do the job right, and it may be the place for you.

My first Nursing supervisor was an old battle axe of an Army nurse. She rode me hard! It seemed nothing I did was right, nothing I did was good enough, nothing I did measured up to Ms. Thompson. Yet, she was the best nursing supervosor I ever had, because she took the time to tell me I wasn't perfect, and made me do the job right. I didn't get by with just asking someone how to do something, Ms. Thompson would plop the policy/proceedure manual down in front of me and make me look it up for myself, and do the task per the manual. By the end of my first year as a new nurse, I grew to love Ms. Thompson, and molded myself after her. I say this with all the upmost respect, because Ms. Thompson was aged when she was my first supervisor, and about five years ago she died. So, this reply to your post is in honor of Ms. Thompson. She never let any of her staff be a cry baby. We all stood tall and strong. There wasn't time to hold a new nurses hand, we had our pts hands to hold.

MissBrn, ADN, RN · Apr 28, 2010

i know how you are feeling. i felt the same one at one time. so did many of the other "newbies" i worked with. we discussed between ourselves that we truly believe we were being sabotaged in one way or another. the goal, it seemed, for our so called "educators & preceptors" was to assist us through the out door....not help us in.

you mentioned the "unit" a couple times, so i assume you are in an icu situation. from what i have read in nursing articles it seems that icus are often where many new nurses encounter this type of harrassment, although it exists everywhere.

at the time i thought i was paranoid. that my lack of confidence and back-bone, being a brand new nurse, was driving me mentally over the edge. some of the nurses surely contributed to those feelings. this was a busy icu and i loved it there. but, the lack of support led me to believe that i was too stressed, not ready, and even stupid at times (crazy...i know). and i have never felt stupid, not in an academic sense anyway! ......so, i left the unit and have been a floor nurse ever since. i never knew that what i experienced had a name.....and many others shared my experience. maybe i was nieve but i just couldn't believe nurses would treat each other so badly. sure, i knew there would be cattiness....but never would i have considered hazing and hostility as i had witnessed actually existed. it wasn't until years later when going to school for my bsn that i discovered the term "horizontal hostility, or lateral violence, or horizontal violence"----same thing. i was intrigued. it does exist, it has a name, professionals acknowledge it, and maybe i wasn't really crazy after all! :rolleyes: in fact, jacho considers this as high priority issue because it is such a problem in nursing.

you should look up some articles and info on the topic....i think it will be an eye opener. had i known more about the problem of nursing hostility...my decision to leave the unit would probably have been different. these are important situations to report because of the many problems that they cause. patient safety is a big issue, not to mention nurse retention and sanity . the problem comes with a trickle down effect......the new nurses who make it through the barrage of bullets may come out feeling like they too must "initiate" newbies in the same way they were. the only way to stop the behavior is to point it out and not run from it.

bestaver · Apr 28, 2010

Always try to see the good in people no matter how difficult it may be; they may surprise you.

psalm, RN · Apr 28, 2010

When I was orienting on a new job, I got the impression that no matter what I did wasn't enough. One day I asked my preceptor, after she complained about something I didn't do HER way; "Is there *anything* that I do correctly?" It stopped her cold...I asked her politely, but then said..."because I seem to never get any positive feedback. I'm open to pointers to save time, but I am still learning how to assess and balance my patients." That helped a bit.

MoBayGal · Apr 28, 2010

It's truly sad to hear about everything that has happened to you. When I read your post all I saw was a lot of "I". I try to do this, I try to do that and so on. For one thing, doing things to fit in and get along will leave you at the end of the day feeling used and abused, especially if you don't get what you were looking for in return. Try to think back to nursing school, you should have been taught that in the mental health part of your studies. It sounds like you really are a good person, but it's not a good idea to ignore things and go along with others to fit in. It could be beneficial to you to speak with someone, a counselor, psychiatrist, someone with experience and knowledge who can listen and assist you. It sounds like you have things you really need to talk about beyond where you work and your coworkers.

I may not have gone through some of the things you've been through, but I've had my fair share of crap from other people. I was never abused by anyone, unless you count my mom slapping me and threats of the belt or her shoe. Actually I'm laughing right now looking back at that. NOT THAT IT'S RIGHT TO SLAP YOUR CHILD, so please DON'T do it. I was basically raised in a box, never socialized too much and didn't really know how to make friends. My mother didn't understand that that was an important part of growing up, she still doesn't. The bullying in school didn't help and I never was part ot the "it" crowd and never really wanted to be. Probably because I was and still is shy. Probably because of that box I grew up in. There were times when I didn't even want to go to school. As I got older I looked at those people and I realized that they had their own issues and for most, a way for them to feel good was to make me feel bad. No one should accept abuse, not from anyone, especially someone who says they love you. Love doesn't hurt. Also, abuse doesn't have to be physical. As for your coworkers, not saying you are, but you could be looking too deep into things. People don't have to be nice and trying to be liked won't make them like you. Besides, people get jealous of other people all the time and try to get them out. One more thing. What is perfection? You said you always try to be perfect. I don't know if you should strive for perfection because that is a tall glass to fill, if anyone can ever fill it. I'm sure what is perfect to you might not be perfect to someone else. I don't want you to think that you shouldn't try to do your best, you should always do that, but perfection, I don't know about that. That might just stress you out more. Like you said, you have a 4.0, you are really smart, and here you get treated like crap. Do the best you can do, please you because you only have one life to live. Please do talk to someone, STAT.

Almost forgot, there is nothing wrong with looking good. Just becasse it's nursing and you deal with all sorts of unpleasant things doesn't mean you can't look good doing it. I for one go up and put myself together for clinicals and will do the same as a nurse. No reason to look like crap, ever.

Sarrie13 · Apr 28, 2010

For someone that states you have low self esteem I find it interesting that you describe yourself as "extremely smart", "attractive", "try to do everything perfectly", etc. I agree with some of the other posts that you may indeed be being bullied somewhat, but I wonder if your preceptions are reality? It's also interesting that your whole life inside and outside of work has "people bullying you" or upset with you...maybe it really is time to work on yourself and figure out if you are contributing to your own unhappy existence

ornurse22 · Apr 28, 2010

:crying2: OH MY GOSH, I feel like I've written this post!!

I experienced such similar circumstances. I graduated top of my class, have had excellent performance reviews, had management come to tell me patients have commented positively on my care, my attitude ect......I am a new nurse who loves to learn and truly appreciates CONSTRUCTIVE critisim. I went into nursing because I LOVE the field but was about ready to give up.

I experienced such bullying as an operating room nurse. I worked well with others, had multitude of co-workers including surgeons tell me that I was doing great, that I was good at my job for being such a newbie, ect. However there were a small group of nurses that I refer to as "Nasty Nurses" who made my life a living hell. They would set me up to fail, would not assist me with procedures, ream me out in front of surgeons, roll their eyes at me and say "I cannot believe you would ask such a stupid question" then not answer it, tell me I didn't belong in the OR , told me I wasn't intelligent enough to be there and should be doing more robotic type work (simple surgeries that everyone hates doing because they are so easy you could do them with eyes closed...., shunned in the staff room or at social functions ect... There are very strong personalities that work there and you must have tough skin and be able to let things roll off and not penetrate your soul. Unfortunately I did not.

After a time I began to get GI issues that got worse and worse. To make a long story short, after struggling for nearly 2.5 years with severe GI issues, which included 2 hospitilizations and a weight loss of 30 lbs, (I was 135 lbs at the time) an addition of Methotrexate injections and a huge whack of other daily meds, my GI specialist told me that I had to choose between keeping my job or keeping my colon. At that point I had pan colitis and was facing a total colectomy. I was incredibly sick.

Thankfully the Methotrexate kicked in and I am now in total remission (although I am still on all the meds and will be for years apparently) and I did not lose my colon!!!! :yeah: ) but I did lose my "dream job" (I had always wanted to be an OR nurse but never thought I would have the opportunity to fullfill my dream.

I learned that this sort of work environment its not worth it no matter how much you love the work!! Life is too short to live that way and nursing is so vast that you can find another area that will fulfill you. While it made me very sad to leave the OR, I chose my health. I am now in Palliative Care with a grp of nurses who are amazing! They are supportive and kind and offer CONSTRUCTIVE critisim. We have fun together, their is no hiearchy, there is mutual respect from management to housekeepers, and we function more as a team here than I ever saw in the OR. I am blessed to have found this job! :nurse:

I was recently told that the reason for such animosity towards me in the OR was not because I wasn't good at what I did or because people didn't like me.....it was because.... are you ready for this...I am a LPN!! Those 5 Rn's who were so nasty to me are furious that LPNs are entering "their domain" and vowed together to do everything within their power to get rid of them!! Well it worked, they got rid of me, HOWEVER I am the real winner here! I am now a much happier person, feel more fulfilled as a nurse, have a better marriage and family life (I had no idea the impact it had on my family :crying2: ) and have learned how to not sweat the small stuff. The Nasty Nurses may have won the battle but I won the WAR! hehehehehe.

You don't have to leave nursing just leave that toxic environmeny, I can promise you will not regret it!!

the bridge · Apr 28, 2010

First of all, I am very saddened that you are being harassed by your fellow nurses. It really does not speak well of their duty to be professionals. But, quite frankly, it is a scenario that has and will continue to occur in all nursing environments. I am not saying that it is a good thing! Without a doubt, this type of behavior is definitely harassment and it definitely has a negative impact on patient safety! And patient safety is the number one priority of any nursing environment!

I have been an RN for 14 years. I graduated from a very reputable four year BSN program and my exit exam placed me in the top 6 percent of nursing graduates in the country. After graduation, I was finally able to get a position at one of the leading teaching hospitals in Philadelphia. And believe me, not only was I harassed by the nurses, I was also harassed by the doctors too. I was in my early 40's and I was not intimidated by anyone. Nor was I afraid to take on any task that I was given to do. Because of the incredibly unprofessional treatment I was both subjected to and observed, I left after about eight months.

Eventually I started my own in-home nursing business on the west coast and I loved it. But about five and half years later, I decided that my mom needed my help, so I moved back to the east coast and have my mom living with me. Presently she is in the hospital and doing well. The only reason she is doing well is because I oversee her care like a junk yard dog! I cannot believe how indifferent and lazy most of the nurses are in all of the facilities in this area. And, I am presently a nurse supervisor in one of the busiest nursing rehabs you could possibly imagine!

But here and there, I do see nurses who are really great people and do the best they can, given the environment we are all forced to work in. It is only through mutual camaraderie that we nurses even have a chance to do what we are supposed to do: promote wellness. How can you promote wellness if you are incredibly overweight! How can you promote wellness if you are a cigarette smoker and taking frequent cigarette breaks! The most effective way to promote wellness is to be a model of wellness yourself! So, how can you promote wellness if you are harassing a new nurse who is on the verge of quitting the profession! How does the community benefit from this kind of threatening and unprofessional behavior?

And it is difficult to have anything done to stop this harassment too! You can go to a lawyer, but that will cost you money and you will probably go nowhere with a law suit. You can go to your superiors, but they will probably peg you as a trouble-maker and make things worse for you. Unfortunately, you will have to develop a very tough skin and hang in there as long as you can and learn as much as you can and look for a better position. It is important that you try to keep your job for at least a year, two would be better. The more experience you have, the better the chance you have of getting a better job.

Along the way, you will learn methods of protecting yourself against any harassment such as doing your job incredibly well. You can eventually do your job so well, you will start to see how many mistakes some of these so-called "nurses" are making. When you find a really serious error that one of these knuckleheads has made, take it to the highest authority at your place of business. Make sure that it is a truly bad error or no one will pay attention to you. If it is not a really serious error, they will think that you are just trying to get some retribution against a nurse who has been harassing you. This might sound like a bad thing to do, but you know what: it is actually what you are supposed to do. These unprofessional nurses are bad for the nursing profession and definitely bad for the community that they are supposed to be providing professional nursing care to. If you think they are just being mean for the sake of being mean, and they are making very bad mistakes, make sure you can prove it and help us good nurses get rid of them!

God Bless!, Good Luck, And Hang in There!

GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 28, 2010

Undoubtedly, it is a real shame that we nurses can't get along with each other from the get go... I recall when I was a newbie and several tried to tell me How to do it & When to do it, because they Say So!... I mustard the B**** :devil: in me and put a stop to the nonsense and the BARRACUDAS never bothered me again. Having said that, I made sure that every assignment of mine was completed 100% mind you unlike yourself I was a single parent of 3 children and the only head of household. In addition, I strongly advise you to contact your supervisor & sit with her one on one,and if that doesn't work go up the chain from there, another suggestion is to move to another dept. or Hosp. at the last resort, also keep a journal of dates, names, incidents, to show your supervisor, make a copy. Lastly, try not to be so giving & nice to those who don't deserve it, sadly they only see this as a form of weakness on your part, all of this will alienate you from all the BARRACUDAS!!! yes that's what I call them, this behavior on their part only show the insecurities that are hidden with in them, & trust me since I been in management I have ZERO TOLERANCE for that behavior among my staff. I wish you the very best in all of your endeavors~ Keep us informed.

MaritesaRN · Apr 28, 2010

:nurse: Wow, it sounded like you are in a bad place girl ! #1 You need to get a support system , if none in your family I strongly recommend a therapy for you to get back your self respect --- a very good therapist. Maybe you can look for a group counseling at first so you can see that you are not alone, then eventually , have a 1:1 therapy to resolve some of your inferior feelings. Look darling , if I have your looks and brain (4.0) I will wipe the hospital floor w/ those jealous, ugly and very insecured b.....s for a very good reason . But then that is me.

Your family sucks, and your co workers are not the kind of people to be with , if you want to be a good nurse......you do not want to be one of them , so if you can leave the place, if you can...work in the old people's home. You know the geriatric area is getting big, and you might as well get some experience here, and older people can be interesting and fun. just get out of there.

Your manager should have sense something here and stop it, but I did not hear any intervention....so then this tells me this place is not well managed, otherwise this will not happen. Get out of there and find another place to work .............just away from that toxic environ. But you also need to purge out your insecurities , or you will unconsciously choose a place that is " familiar" to you....abusive environ. Time to kick ass !!!! :cool: