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thank you to all the kind and thoughtful posters. i know i am new to allnurses because i haven't posted that many times before, although i have been reading posts on here every now and then for the last couple of years to try to learn from other nurses ----- but i have been an active member of other online communities for over 10 years now, i have been a moderator on other sites for about 10 years, and have helped with online peer-led support groups for some desperately vulnerable and abused women. i have tons of online friends that i have met in real life --- and they know who i am, know that i am an honest and caring person, and they respect me. i have helped save LIVES just by caring and listening to them, and they have done the same for me. silly me, i thought a forum full of nurses - supposedly caring people - would be a good place to go for job-specific advice and support ... not bashing and more put-downs. i just have to sit and laugh at anyone who would say anything bad about me, without even knowing me. if you met me in real life, you would feel like an idiot for even saying such a thing. people like that prove the point, that some nasty people will bash others on sight, without even trying to listen with an open mind and get to know them. i guess when you walk around with a hammer, everything looks like a nail. it also seems from reading a couple of other posts here and there, that some of these people like to play the 'toughie' around here. whatever, carry on with your bad self. sorry i was the newbie of the day for you to launch into! i am sorry that their lives must be so sad and cynical, that they have nothing to do other than bash others who were reaching out sincerely for help and compassion. hopefully when YOU someday need kindness and a helping hand or a listening ear, someone will be more kind to you, than you have been to me. i am someone who can not stand people who purposely waste their time on the computer all day by writing hurtful remarks to others, or making up fake stories, attacking people, and so on. my only hope by writing here, was to get some support from my peers --- other nurses. i am grateful to those who took to the time to listen to me and i will not forget your kindness.

thank you i didn't mean that all 100 nurses are nasty to me. SOME are nice and supportive (and thank heavens for them!!!!!)... some are indifferent ... some are a little cold or nasty ... and some are downright nasty --- and the nastiest ones have a reputation for being nasty not only to me, but to other people as well. i thought i explained that earlier, but maybe i didn't ... it's hard to put down every single thing into writing, especially when stressed out and tired. as a matter of fact, before i started working in this unit --- people told me, OMG, i can't believe you're working there, nurses there are so nasty! and i didn't believe it, i was sure that i would be just fine, i would work hard and be nice to everyone, no problem ... but in the case of SOME of the nurses, it seems to be true, they are just nasty people and seem to LOOOOVE to sink their claws into others. on another unit i worked on in the past, people warned me beforehand that two certain nurses were EXTREMELY nasty ... so i went in there purposely trying to be extra nice to them. guess what? they were still nasty no matter what, especially one of them. the other one eventually warmed up enough to be 'decent' to me, but i didn't see either of them very often, i was per diem. and that was NOT just me --- both of those nurses had a reputation that preceeded them for being nasty to everyone, and they more than lived up to it. the nastiest one had multiple complaints to management from multiple staff members, and thankfully she eventually ended up taking a job elsewhere. thanks again to those who have been supportive. i called the EAP and have an appointment for next week.

thank you everyone. i will take everything you said and think about it. i have been thinking about going to the EAP, i will have to find out more information about it. i will call today. my other newbie coworkers have had similar experiences (we have talked about it) -- but i seem to get it a lot worse than they do. in general, they are 'tougher' than i am and don't seem to be a target. there is a lot of Autism Spectrum in my family, particularly among my parents and siblings - some aunts, uncles, cousins as well. I do not think that I am on the Spectrum myself -- however, being raised by a mother who is not 'normal' and has never functioned in society with a real job or really any friends outside of the family --- it was much more difficult for me to know what to say and do in social situations. the older i got, the more inappropriate i learned that many things she said and did were. i have worked very hard to try to learn to be as 'normal' as possible and i have had a lot of success with jobs and school over the years ... with friends, it's been hit and miss. anyone who knows me, loves me. the only people who don't seem to like me are those who don't 'know' me, and won't even give me a chance -- it's like they decide they hate me at first sight. i am a very sensitive person, but any nice, normal person really seems to love me. my problem is --- any bully that i walk past, seems to target me like a bloodhound. during nursing school, i was verbally and sexually assaulted by a psych patient in front of my teacher and other students and patients in the day room!!! why me? i was with a group of about 6 other young, attractive female students. yet i was the target - it was my biggest fear, and it came true, even with my teacher right there beside me. talk about a PTSD trigger. and i was dressed nicely and conservatively with a bun, slacks, blouse. i dressed like a "man" the rest of the semester because i was terrified of psych patients after that. (yes, i did meet some very nice psych patients, but i was still terrified due to that horrible experience). i have also been criticized because i "let" the patient upset me -- but sorry, i have been verbally, physically, and sexually abused. i have PTSD. that's not something you magically get over, even with therapy. it took all my strength, just to go back to that clinical location and face him again several times. that is one reason i choose to work with babies, because i am sometimes fearful of adult males -- because as we all know, adult male patients can sometimes be real pigs! i have also been criticized that i am being melodramatic or that there must be something wrong with me or that i haven't really had a hard life. being a public forum, i don't think it's proper to put my entire life story on here (it wouldn't fit anyway!) and go into great detail about my workplace and the people there. when i said i am smart and attractive, i wasn't trying to toot my own horn -- i was just repeating what my real life friends, family, teachers, and coworkers have told me --- people who actually know me and care about me, have said that i am targeted because i am shy, smart, attractive, and apparently seem to have 'bully me please!' tattooed on my forehead somewhere, because i have low self esteem and i guess bullies just pick up on it. believe me, i have analyzed myself over and over, to see if i am doing something wrong by my words or actions, and try to improve it. i also talk to friends and teachers, to try to get feedback from them as well. i figured i would post here, to try to get more feedback. thank you to everyone who replied kindly and constructively, i appreciate it very much. i was bullied a LOT in school (moved around a lot, too) and no one ever stopped it even when i said anything -- not teachers, not counselors, not family. i was also severely abused at home and grew up to have abusive relationships as well. i have fought very hard to get beyond that and try to have as normal and healthy life as possible for myself and my family. for many years, i was very self-detrimental but still fought hard against the urge to commit suicide, because my life was very bleak -- but i wanted so much to succeed in having a happy life at last. i am also trying to work with my husband on this. he is the opposite in many ways --- he is Mr. Confidence, everyone always loves him, he's always a team leader, club president, etc. ... the last person who ever got picked on. thank you for listening and for your thoughtful replies.

if anyone has any kind words or practical, constructive advice to give - i'd be very grateful. i am being eaten ALIVE at work right now. yes, i have worked in various professions over many years and experienced a bit of cattiness here or there, but NOTHING, NOTHING even CLOSE to what i have experienced in just a few months of being a nurse! i am an extremely smart person - i graduated nursing school with a 4.0. i killed myself to get that grade! however, i do not act like a know-it-all whatsoever. the nursing field i am in, is far removed from anything we really learned about in nursing school anyway -- so this is all really new for me and i know there is a LOT i need to learn, especially in terms of hands-on skills with equipment and such. i am very, very humble --- i ask questions politely, i try to help out my coworkers whenever i can, i am eager to learn, i am friendly, i work EXTREMELY hard, i try to do everything perfectly. i give the best possible patient care i can give, i try to fit in, i am on committees, i have even volunteered for overtime a few times to help out the unit, or made schedule changes to help other people out. whenever anyone helps me, i thank them profusely. basically, i bend over backwards each and every day to be a hardworking, pleasant coworker that anyone should be happy to work with. all i want in life, is to do a good job, get along pleasantly with everyone, and go home to my family in peace. but some of the nurses i work with are just tearing me to shreds. some days, it seems like MOST of them are. i am all for constructive criticism and tips, etc. --- i am willing and eager to take it, and will thank them for it --- but what i can NOT stand any longer are the nasty individuals who think it is appropriate to ^)(* all over me day in and day out. some mornings (i work 12 hour nights, i am married with a young child, i am exhausted all the time) -- it is like i am bracing for impact when the nasty day nurse comes in and snaps at me 'you did this wrong, this wrong, this wrong, you should have done it this way and that way..." the difficult thing is, there are maybe 100 nurses on my unit -- and all 100 of them have different opinions on what is the "proper" way to do things. as a new nurse, i am trying to learn from them -- but it is very difficult when i have busted my behind all night to try to do things perfectly the way my preceptor or some other nurses taught me --- only to have some OTHER nurse come on in the morning and nelly nitpick me to death over usually very insignificant things because SHEEEE does it a little differently. it doesn't help that policies / protocols are often ambiguous or hard to find at a moment's notice and people all have their own ways of doing things --- i have even had other nurses tell me point blank that management protocols are 'wrong' and they 'never do it that way' and that i shouldn't, either! even if i have done something wrong (never anything major), okay, fine, i accept that and i'm MORE than willing to learn --- but snapping my head off and treating me like garbage, embarassing me in front of patient family members or other staff, is just not appropriate. i am not stupid! i am not a bad person! i am not a lazy person! i am the exact opposite of all those things! i am a human being! i am just a new nurse, and it would be nice if they could offer tips or correct me without talking down to me and treating me like scum. there are many scenarios or procedures or even paperwork that, as a new person, i have simply never encountered before ... it would be nice if they didn't treat me like an idiot for not magically knowing everything. i don't want to be off topic, but frankly it seems to be a big downfall for me in this case -- that i AM a very attractive person. i'm not super young, i'm in my 30s, but even though i usually try to be very plain and subdued (hair in a bun, with just some light lipstick and mascara, conservative and plain scrubs) -- i am a pretty girl, and people notice me. it is sad to say that, being in a field with women, a lot of them seem to be nasty and insecure enough to ONLY judge me based upon my looks, and they seem to treat me even WORSE because i am a younger, attractive woman. they give the other new nurses a hard time, but i swear they are harder on me than anyone else. and heaven forbid i try to look extra nice --- it is like i am putting myself out there to be torn up and attacked without mercy. the other day i had the audacity to wear my hair down (many nurses do) and wear some different lipstick -- and EVERYONE had a comment about it, and one nurse seemed to make it her JOB for the night to make catty remarks, basically make fun of me as much as possible. then she and her friends would laugh really loudly and then whisper among each other and loudly make cryptic private jokes all night, within my hearing, so i'm pretty sure it was about me. they were also HORRIBLY tearing up another new staff member behind her back, i heard it all. i wanted to crawl into a hole. that one nasty nurse even snidely told me to my face, that they make comments about my lipstick behind my back. i seriously don't understand it, because it's no different than any lipstick that any other people wear in the unit! FYI, the woman who was attacking me is older, sort of "manly" and doesn't wear a drop of makeup, and she is FAMOUS for being ridiculously blunt and rude. they were also basically making fun of me because when i was younger, i worked in a salon. which is funny, because most of these women will pay tons of money to get their hair or nails done, they spend their time looking at fashion magazines ... but they will make fun of me and ostracize me because apparently they think i'm "lower" than them because i used to work in a salon?!?!?!?!? i try to joke back and play it off like it doesn't bother me, but it does. even the younger nurses kind of leave me out ... most of them are a bit younger than me, and not married, or don't have children. they tend to be a bit more friendly and helpful (and there ARE some older nurses that are friendly and helpful as well) ---- but they often leave me out of conversations or just make it plain that i'm an "outsider" -- no matter how i try to join in. seriously, with young and old nurses alike --- there have been times when i've tried so hard to be friendly and join in the conversation, be polite and compliment them, say nice things to them ---- and they will flat out ignore me, not answer a question, act like they didn't even hear me, etc. like they can't give me the time of day! i am just at the end of my rope sometimes. i cry almost every day, i don't enjoy my days off at all because i am so stressed out, i cry at work more than i care to admit, i'm starting to hate nursing (i like the NURSING itself ... i just am starting to hate some of the coworkers, really) and i'm starting to desperately plan ways i can get away from bedside nursing as soon as possible. i know i should toughen up, try to let it slide off, ignore it, or whatever, but it's very hard. being there is torture, i feel like i have to "hide" from some of the nasty nurses, just to avoid being torn up! i had a very hard life growing up, i have been abused in every way possible and i suffer from extremely low self-esteem, depression, my panic attacks are now back again because of this ... i have PTSD from being abused in the past, etc. i am not very good about standing up for myself ... i will usually cry, but i'm afraid that if i try to stand up for myself i will flip out on someone, and that's also not acceptable. i don't think it would do any good really to tell management ... as we all know, management at ANY job basically doesn't care about cattiness or nasty behavior as long as people are doing their jobs ... i just don't know what to do. i try to mind my own business and just be friendly, do my job ... but it just feels like everyone is out to get me. the other day i had an admission, a patient with a usually lethal condition that i had never encountered before. no one expected this patient to even survive to get to our unit! well, we had just had 2 or 3 admissions right before this, and it was care time, so most of my coworkers were pretty much busy. i could have used some help, but i thought i was doing a good job, considering my lack of help and experience. well of course, after my one coworker basically lollygagged around and COULD have given me some suggestions (she was right there, we work on an open unit, she was right next to me) --- she waited until right before change of shift, reamed me out for not doing this or that (okay, i understand --- but do you have to snap at me?! and couldn't you have suggested that much earlier when you were sitting around watching me?!?!?!) and then watched as the day nurse came on and reamed me up one side and down the other. it's bad enough i have this nonsense, but then i have problems with harassment at home by abusive family members ... and problems with my husband complaining about me being tired and stressed out ... my kid not being happy because i am tired and stressed out ... financial problems ... you name it. i am just feeling stressed out, panicy, feeling like a failure all around. i don't know how i will get through this. i have always been a fighter and survived more things than people can even imagine. seriously, when people find out the life i grew up with --- they are absolutely amazed i have come so far in life. i am a good, kind, strong person inside. i just wish my coworkers would see that and show me a little kindness and consideration.

i have seen neonatal leukemia. the infant died within hours.

thank you everyone --- weebabyrn -- i would like to message with you. i don't think i can send messages here yet, though --- (not enough posts) --

thank you. i really appreciate your replies.

love being a NICU nurse, but it's very hard. i work in a large Level III unit, and everyone has their own opinion on how to do things properly. they all contradict each other. i have one person tell me that i'm wrong and i should do something one way ... then i have another person tell me THAT's wrong and to do it another way. i have had people flat-out tell me that the way management wants us to do certain things, is wrong. as soon as i feel comfortable that i am doing something the 'right' way ... another person comes along and tells me it's wrong. i have even been chewed out in front of parents by a unit clerk, over something totally insignificant! so yeah ... not good for my new-nurse confidence. i feel like i am doing something wrong no matter what, all the time. it doesn't help that policies and rules are often ambiguous or change all the time, either. it would be nice if someone told me 'good job' once in a while ... but all i ever hear is, 'you should do it this way, this is the way i do it, this is the right way.' i have also had other nurses chime in and cut me off when i'm talking to parents --- i have no idea how to tell these people that they're being really rude, without offending them. then again, sometimes i get really nervous around parents, because i don't want to say the wrong thing or give the wrong information. i have low self-esteem and social anxiety which can be very difficult at times ... when parents are watching me like a hawk (understandable, because they are worried about their newborn preemie) it makes me so nervous i can barely work at times. another part is that fitting in as a new nurse is ridiculously hard. a lot of nurses on my unit have been there 20, 30, 35 years or more. some of them act like i am not even good enough to breathe the same air as them! seriously, they give me a dirty look and act like i am scum, and they don't even know me. i do a damned good job, i try my best, i graduated nursing school with a 4.0 -- i bend over backwards to be nice to everyone, be sweet, humble, thank everyone for their help --- and yet some of these prima donnas won't even give me the courtesy of saying hello with a smile. instead, they look at me like i'm unfit to even be alive. ALL of this NICU stuff is new for me ... we don't learn it in school! during orientation, we didn't even get to do certain things, or only got to do them a few times. i am trying SO HARD to do everything perfectly, but every day, all i hear about are things that so-and-so thinks i should have done differently. the majority of the newer nurses are nicer, but even the nurses who have only been there for a year or two seem cliqueish. i know that all new nurses probably feel this way, and i know some of the other nurses on the unit feel the same. i guess i am just very sensitive, and it bothers me. i can't ever imagine treating anyone, the way some of these nurses treat me. working nights is hard, too. my husband and child are unhappy because i'm tired all the time ... i have been working a lot of overtime to try to help out with our finances, and instead of telling me i am doing a good job by sacrificing myself for the family --- my husband reams me out and tells me basically that i'm a bad mother because i'm too tired to be as playful with our kid as i should be, or too tired to stay awake and hang out with him. i'm not going to do any more overtime ... but it still hurts. all our bills were behind, my husband isn't making as much money as he used to ... i was just tring to help provide. just feeling like i am a failure all around.

we have a bar code bracelet on the infant (unless it's a new micro). then, we also have a bar code bracelet on the baby's lead cable or pulse ox cable. that way, we can easily scan the bracelet tied to the baby's cable without disturbing the baby.

it is one of those things where the 'policy' says that we are supposed to do it with two people, but everyone really does it by themselves and if you are asking someone for help "just" to reposition a baby you look like an idiot so essentially, while i have help moving the baby around now, i'm expected to learn how to do it by myself, at least for the easier stable babies. i will make sure my preceptor is always around for now. i have had different preceptors this week than usual, and some of them seem to expect me to know how to do it all by myself after only a couple of tries. one of them left me by myself, i thought i would be okay because i had done it all right in the morning ---- and whoosh, there goes the water down the ETT, she didn't tell me about the disconnecting or the water in the tubing, until after i had a 'flooded' kid.

new RN, i'm just starting to have kids on Avea vents, will then move to HFOVs / Jets. any tips for repositioning babies with ETTs on vents? i have had people on the unit tell me to hold the tube and head with one hand and flip the body with the other hand, but i don't feel confident doing that if there are a lot of other lines or if it's a larger baby that's hard for me to get my hands around, i'm scared the ETT is going to fly out or a line is going to get pulled or something. also, the other day i ran into the problem of some water from the vent tubing flooding my baby when i flipped it, and then we had to scramble to suction. other people have suggested disconnecting the vent tubing from the ETT momentarily, tapping out that troublesome excess water that collects in the tube, flipping the baby quickly, and then swifly reconnecting the tubing to the ETT, suction if needed, etc. does that sound right? what works for you? i feel fine with the vent itself as far as the buttons i have to know how to use, and how to suction --- but it's the flipping and water in the tube issues that are bugging me -- i've only had a day and a half with a kid on a vent so far, so i'm really new to this part. so i'm thinking it should go something like this --- assess baby boost 02 and repeat as needed throughout suction if needed disconnect tubing, tap out excess water flip baby's head and body reconnect tubing reassess / suction if needed help