I've been bullied all my life, and it continues...

[asdjkl]

if anyone has any kind words or practical, constructive advice to give - i'd be very grateful.

i am being eaten ALIVE at work right now.

yes, i have worked in various professions over many years and experienced a bit of cattiness here or there, but NOTHING, NOTHING even CLOSE to what i have experienced in just a few months of being a nurse!

i am an extremely smart person - i graduated nursing school with a 4.0. i killed myself to get that grade! however, i do not act like a know-it-all whatsoever. the nursing field i am in, is far removed from anything we really learned about in nursing school anyway -- so this is all really new for me and i know there is a LOT i need to learn, especially in terms of hands-on skills with equipment and such.

i am very, very humble --- i ask questions politely, i try to help out my coworkers whenever i can, i am eager to learn, i am friendly, i work EXTREMELY hard, i try to do everything perfectly. i give the best possible patient care i can give, i try to fit in, i am on committees, i have even volunteered for overtime a few times to help out the unit, or made schedule changes to help other people out. whenever anyone helps me, i thank them profusely.

basically, i bend over backwards each and every day to be a hardworking, pleasant coworker that anyone should be happy to work with. all i want in life, is to do a good job, get along pleasantly with everyone, and go home to my family in peace.

but some of the nurses i work with are just tearing me to shreds. some days, it seems like MOST of them are.

i am all for constructive criticism and tips, etc. --- i am willing and eager to take it, and will thank them for it ---

but what i can NOT stand any longer are the nasty individuals who think it is appropriate to ^)(* all over me day in and day out. some mornings (i work 12 hour nights, i am married with a young child, i am exhausted all the time) -- it is like i am bracing for impact when the nasty day nurse comes in and snaps at me 'you did this wrong, this wrong, this wrong, you should have done it this way and that way..."

the difficult thing is, there are maybe 100 nurses on my unit -- and all 100 of them have different opinions on what is the "proper" way to do things. as a new nurse, i am trying to learn from them -- but it is very difficult when i have busted my behind all night to try to do things perfectly the way my preceptor or some other nurses taught me --- only to have some OTHER nurse come on in the morning and nelly nitpick me to death over usually very insignificant things because SHEEEE does it a little differently.

it doesn't help that policies / protocols are often ambiguous or hard to find at a moment's notice and people all have their own ways of doing things --- i have even had other nurses tell me point blank that management protocols are 'wrong' and they 'never do it that way' and that i shouldn't, either!

even if i have done something wrong (never anything major), okay, fine, i accept that and i'm MORE than willing to learn --- but snapping my head off and treating me like garbage, embarassing me in front of patient family members or other staff, is just not appropriate.

i am not stupid! i am not a bad person! i am not a lazy person! i am the exact opposite of all those things! i am a human being! i am just a new nurse, and it would be nice if they could offer tips or correct me without talking down to me and treating me like scum.

there are many scenarios or procedures or even paperwork that, as a new person, i have simply never encountered before ... it would be nice if they didn't treat me like an idiot for not magically knowing everything.

i don't want to be off topic, but frankly it seems to be a big downfall for me in this case -- that i AM a very attractive person. i'm not super young, i'm in my 30s, but even though i usually try to be very plain and subdued (hair in a bun, with just some light lipstick and mascara, conservative and plain scrubs) -- i am a pretty girl, and people notice me. it is sad to say that, being in a field with women, a lot of them seem to be nasty and insecure enough to ONLY judge me based upon my looks, and they seem to treat me even WORSE because i am a younger, attractive woman.

they give the other new nurses a hard time, but i swear they are harder on me than anyone else. and heaven forbid i try to look extra nice --- it is like i am putting myself out there to be torn up and attacked without mercy. the other day i had the audacity to wear my hair down (many nurses do) and wear some different lipstick -- and EVERYONE had a comment about it, and one nurse seemed to make it her JOB for the night to make catty remarks, basically make fun of me as much as possible. then she and her friends would laugh really loudly and then whisper among each other and loudly make cryptic private jokes all night, within my hearing, so i'm pretty sure it was about me. they were also HORRIBLY tearing up another new staff member behind her back, i heard it all.

i wanted to crawl into a hole. that one nasty nurse even snidely told me to my face, that they make comments about my lipstick behind my back. i seriously don't understand it, because it's no different than any lipstick that any other people wear in the unit! FYI, the woman who was attacking me is older, sort of "manly" and doesn't wear a drop of makeup, and she is FAMOUS for being ridiculously blunt and rude.

they were also basically making fun of me because when i was younger, i worked in a salon. which is funny, because most of these women will pay tons of money to get their hair or nails done, they spend their time looking at fashion magazines ... but they will make fun of me and ostracize me because apparently they think i'm "lower" than them because i used to work in a salon?!?!?!?!? i try to joke back and play it off like it doesn't bother me, but it does.

even the younger nurses kind of leave me out ... most of them are a bit younger than me, and not married, or don't have children. they tend to be a bit more friendly and helpful (and there ARE some older nurses that are friendly and helpful as well) ---- but they often leave me out of conversations or just make it plain that i'm an "outsider" -- no matter how i try to join in. seriously, with young and old nurses alike --- there have been times when i've tried so hard to be friendly and join in the conversation, be polite and compliment them, say nice things to them ---- and they will flat out ignore me, not answer a question, act like they didn't even hear me, etc. like they can't give me the time of day!

i am just at the end of my rope sometimes.

i cry almost every day, i don't enjoy my days off at all because i am so stressed out,

i cry at work more than i care to admit,

i'm starting to hate nursing (i like the NURSING itself ... i just am starting to hate some of the coworkers, really)

and i'm starting to desperately plan ways i can get away from bedside nursing as soon as possible.

i know i should toughen up, try to let it slide off, ignore it, or whatever, but it's very hard.

being there is torture, i feel like i have to "hide" from some of the nasty nurses, just to avoid being torn up!

i had a very hard life growing up, i have been abused in every way possible and i suffer from extremely low self-esteem, depression, my panic attacks are now back again because of this ... i have PTSD from being abused in the past, etc. i am not very good about standing up for myself ... i will usually cry, but i'm afraid that if i try to stand up for myself i will flip out on someone, and that's also not acceptable. i don't think it would do any good really to tell management ... as we all know, management at ANY job basically doesn't care about cattiness or nasty behavior as long as people are doing their jobs ...

i just don't know what to do. i try to mind my own business and just be friendly, do my job ... but it just feels like everyone is out to get me.

the other day i had an admission, a patient with a usually lethal condition that i had never encountered before. no one expected this patient to even survive to get to our unit! well, we had just had 2 or 3 admissions right before this, and it was care time, so most of my coworkers were pretty much busy. i could have used some help, but i thought i was doing a good job, considering my lack of help and experience. well of course, after my one coworker basically lollygagged around and COULD have given me some suggestions (she was right there, we work on an open unit, she was right next to me) --- she waited until right before change of shift, reamed me out for not doing this or that (okay, i understand --- but do you have to snap at me?! and couldn't you have suggested that much earlier when you were sitting around watching me?!?!?!) and then watched as the day nurse came on and reamed me up one side and down the other.

it's bad enough i have this nonsense, but then i have problems with harassment at home by abusive family members ... and problems with my husband complaining about me being tired and stressed out ... my kid not being happy because i am tired and stressed out ... financial problems ... you name it.

i am just feeling stressed out, panicy, feeling like a failure all around.

i don't know how i will get through this.

i have always been a fighter and survived more things than people can even imagine.

seriously, when people find out the life i grew up with --- they are absolutely amazed i have come so far in life.

i am a good, kind, strong person inside.

i just wish my coworkers would see that and show me a little kindness and consideration.

[sugarcoated]

Welcome to the "World of Nursing." It is sad but true.

I heard a fellow nurse say that "Fellow Nurses Will throw you under the bus."

Boy was she right. I am a new nurse and girl I understand.

Been there done that and when I commented on the nasty behavior I was "fired."

Yes, fired. I just hope that my complaint will make it better for someone else.

All I can say is continue to do the best job you can and when you leave work do not

take it home with you.

Some people have miserable lives and will do anything to make your life just as miserable

as theirs, but do not let them. Find happiness in God in self or your family and move on.

[Gabriel13]

You have already gotten a lot of good advice from other nurses here, and I doubt you will make it to my post, but I felt like putting my two cents in. I can offer you the perspective of a male nurse in the ER with a couple years in. I work with a nurse similar to yourself: young, married, very pretty, etc. I saw how some of the other women treated her. There will always be those wanting to tear you down because of their own insecurities. The advice to contact your EAP was very good. My advice is this: while you can't change most of what goes on around you, you can control how you perceive and react to it. When you wrote of how extra nice and accommodating you are toward other staff, this unfortunately has the effect of making them less friendly. My suggestion? Dump the humility and put on a little pride. You've come a long way to be where you are. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself when someone has crossed the line. Many will start respecting you when they see you wont stand for abuse. Be less accommodating, and to hell with the committees. You work hard enough on your shifts, right! And lastly, don't hesitate to tell another nurse to go frak themself if they don't like how you do things. We are always told to "put your patient's first" but if you are to survive, sometimes you have to put yourself first. Trust me, no one else will (at work, I mean). Well, I hope this helps if you do get the chance to read it! Hold your head high and rise above the madness!

[MaritesaRN]

He is right, among other things. But take care of yourself and seek the self help I mentioned, and you will be able to transit from the push around to " nice but there is a limit" . Just like someone else mentioned ...this seemed to be the nursing world...........you know why?? because some fo these nurses are so co -dependent , they went into nursing because they feel in control telling their patients what to do, and these nurses wants to feel needed enormously , and of course they choose the career that will give them this excessive control and a bottomless need for dependence from others. I know of some stories of nurses marrying their addictive patient (in rehab for alcoholism) , not to mention other scenarios that confirms my theory . Not all nurses are like this......but the chance to "bully" helpless people, in this case, the patients are the perfect victim for these " in control " scenario.

[Katie5]

I posted before I'm sure but really propriety needs to go out the window here. It is only fitting and proper you give as good as you get.

And pick out the toughest of the bunch when you do it.

[Blackheartednurse]

Believeallispossible, you're right. Some nurses look like they rolled out of bed and/or look like they slept on the floor with their dog-in their scrubs. I also thing the way some of them carry on is disgusting, and I swear there's a good percentage that have active problems with alcohol.Perhaps the reason they are so nasty? These are women in their 40's and 50's, with kids, and they go out practically every night after work and get hammered. If you don't really like recreational binge drinking, then you don't fit in..

Where I used to work there was one nurse I would say in her late 30 who was constantly partying and was telling her friends who she slept with.Also she checked her cell phone every 10 minutes and was text messaging very often. I found her behavior very unprofessional and not lady like,her excuse that she was divorced didnt work for me either-you still a woman and a nurse so keep up your professional manner.

Also,the OP stated that she is not trying to show off her beauty..she usually comes to work with minimal make up on and plain scrubs and her hair up..arent we allowed to look nicer than usual once in a while without feeling fear to be criticized by our evil coworkers?

[Blackheartednurse]

Always try to see the good in people no matter how difficult it may be; they may surprise you.

You are kidding right??? oh pulezeeeeeeee!!

[ornurse22]

During all my ranting about the Nasty Nurses I encountered in the OR I neglected to mention the true professionals that work there. The vast majority of Rn's I had the privledge to work with were/are fantastic! They were warm, welcoming teachers who were patient, kind and incredibly helpful!! They weren't threatened when management chose to allow LPNs with speciality training to work in the OR. Whether it is because it is more cost effective (LPNs are paid $12-$15 less per hr) and\or because the LPN is allowed to do everything that an RN does within the OR except start an IV.... or what I don't know.

I have also worked with awesome RN's on the floors in our hosp. I have the utmost respect for Rn's and for the huge responsibility you have on your shoulders. I am a LPN who respects the team leader and asks questions if I am unsure. After a particular difficult shift with codes and overcrowded ward, admissions ect my Rn took me aside and said " girl I will gladly work with you anytime-thanks for your great work this evening -it was a tough shift but we did it!" These are the types of messages that we have to work at keeping in our mind! I agree with an earlier post-keep a record of the positive affirmations you receive and meditate on those. You are no doubt your manager's dream employee, someone who loves nursing, loves patients and has a excellent work ethic. Hang in there girl you are a credit to the profession!!

[ornurse22]

Hmm guess its time to change my user name now -LOL!! :rotfl:

[MaritesaRN]

Yes, it is sad that fellow nurses and fellow women at that are constantly at it ---------instead of helping each other. Ladies there is always someone prettier, slimmer and more smarter than us........the choice? Refuse the get jealous and tearing the person apart (in your head) insecurity . Drop the competetive cannibalistic attitude towards your own gender , and think of them as your sister !!!!! Instead, direct that ugly anger and weary energy towards making better womens rights , for all, even global !!!!!! Go and volunteer or be a part of bettering womens rights and in some other countries, like the Congo where the women and young girls rights and lives are nothing !!!! Fight for these instead of your own colleagues!!!! Be more sympathetic w/ the new nurses, put yourself in these young nurses shoes, you want them to be good at what they are doing becaseu ALL will benefit from this, including you! It will be so good to work w/ a nurse who is self confident , than the nervous wreck ..the product of all those negativity.................otherwise take the advice of the majority ....leave hell and find another place to work !

[ruthere04976]

The way you describe yourself describes me to a tee - graduated top of my class, attractive, polite, helpful, etc. - and eaten alive! I had to leave my job after 9 months because the DON was in on the picking. It has a name - it's called Horizontal Violence, when nurses eat their young. The only solution for me was to get a new job at a facility where the DON (and I asked this in the interview) has a zero tolerance for Horizontal Violence. Where I work, nurses who aren't nice (and CNA's), don't have a job for very long. I applaud my DON for her stance.

Get out of that toxic environment before it takes a toll on your health, because it will.

[ck2007]

First of all, excuse me for being so blunt.

Here is my advice:

1 Go to EAP. I've done it before and it helps out alot.

2 Who gives a crap if the other girls don't talk to you? My motto is Work is work, home is home. I don't hang out with anyone I work with. They are not my friends. Don't get my wrong, I'm professional, and I share some laughs with them, but that's it.

3 Know your scope of practice and state regulations very well. You learned alot of what you need to know in school.

4 Learn these phrases: "OK..." "That's not how I was taught to do it." "That's not how I do it on my shift."

"Yeah, I'm not sure that's right."

5 You don't want to learn from just anyone. If you see someone who is a good nurse and has the skills you want, learn from them. If they are a jerk, you don't want to be like them, you don't want them to teach you anything. You must do it right and do it well. Let a manager or DON tell you if you're doing something incorrectly.

Good Luck. I can tell you it gets better, about the 3rd year of nursing you won't have to fight as hard.

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

You are kidding right??? oh pulezeeeeeeee!!

I don't believe the poster was kidding, and, really, it isn't bad advice. Like all advice, it has its limits, but if you can find something to like about someone, it makes it a lot harder to hate you. In fact, most people will like you, and when enough people like you, you're popular. When you're popular, bullies are inclined to leave you alone. I think they instinctively understand that if they bully someone almost everyone likes, almost no one will like them.

So, "Turn the other cheek," and "Reward evil with good," really can work, but the ones you really want to win over are the ones who haven't made up their minds about you. Work hard, show up on time, and be nice to everybody. In a short time, you'll have so many friends, your enemies won't dare cross you.