It was just a matter of time....

[Nrsng_is_life]

Good afternoon! So, my closest nursing school friend and I had a falling out. We are in our second semester of nursing school and became quick friends last semester. Everything was great until this semester had started. At the end of last semester she had started a friendship with another classmate who was not well liked by a majority of the class after she cried bully on each of our classmates that she felt she didn't like to try to get them kicked out of the program (even though they did nothing to bully her except they steered clear of her because of her attitude and I don't think she liked that). Fast forward to the current semester in which my friend has now become close friends with this other girl (which is fine with me because I don't mind sharing friends). However, my friend started to take on the same attitudes and principles of this other classmate. All of a sudden all she did was talk about bullying and how we need to put a stop to it. There is one girl in our class who does tend to be arrogant which can get on your nerves at times and they don't like her because of this (one of the same people that was turned in for "bullying" last semester). They started a full blown yelling argument with her in class a few weeks ago, they have turned several more people into our instructors claiming they are bullies or make up stuff to try to get them kicked out of the program. It's like once they don't like you, they will try anything. We had one girl drop because she couldn't handle them. Anyways so my friend and I had a falling out in front of a few other classmates including her new found friend and the others weren't close friend with any of us so they were neutral. Even her new friend told her initially that she was wrong in what she was saying to me and how she was treating me and the others were wondering what happened because she blew up out of no where when we are all just having a friendly conversation seconds before. Prior to this we were close friends and I am well liked by most of our class and now I guess I have conflict with her. I know how her and her friend work since I hear about the things they have done to try to get people kicked out or in trouble and I don't want to be their next "target". I have worked very hard to get into school and make very good grades. I'm afraid to have my nursing career ruined just because someone has a problem with me. They are constantly crying bully and in reality, only a bully would do what they do. I guess I should have seen the signs that it was just a matter of time before she turned on me. My plan is to not even give her the time of day. I mean I'm not going to be mean or anything, I will be professional and civil, but I'm not going to give her any ammunition. Does anyone have any additional advice, as I now have to spend the next year with her until graduation?

[Cream and sugar LPN]

OP-

Nursing school will be over before you know it. I wouldn't waste valuable time involving yourself in any way with drama. All that wasted time would be better suited to focusing on your studies and seeking out opportunities in clinical.

[Lupe Sanchez, BSN, RN]

This somewhat happened when I was in school and these " women" we're like mid 30's.......foolishness has no age.

[Jensmom7, BSN, RN]

Thanks for the advice; however, it's a posting in an online forum, I hardly think paragraphs are a main concern here. I'll try to remember that for next time though.

Ok, the first time I clicked on this thread, I left after the first three sentences of your original post. Why?

No paragraphs.

Then, for some reason I came back, slogged through your post that frankly reminded me of what my angst-ridden journal looked like when I was in middle school. One long, run on block of stream of consciousness thought.

I scrolled through the responses, until I got to this one of yours.

Made me think that you yourself are a bit of the problem. That was a knee jerk, defensive, 14 year old girl response. If that's how you respond to people in an online forum, how must you sound when told something you don't want to hear when you actually know the people involved?

This forum is filled with seasoned nurses who can actually give you sound advice. When someone suggests that paragraphs are your friend, it's meant sincerely.

If you come back with basically an "I know I am, but what are you?" type of response, you're going to turn a lot of people off. Yes, this is an anonymous forum, but attitude can still come across loud and clear.

On topic advice? These are people who you will be competing with for jobs. There is no nursing shortage (yes, I know there are some underserved areas, but for the most part, there are way too many new grads for the positions that will actually be filled). In general, there are no friends for life in nursing programs.

As someone else said, keep your head down, do your work, and I will add, don't contribute to the drama any more.

[AlphaM]

Ok, the first time I clicked on this thread, I left after the first three sentences of your original post. Why?

No paragraphs.

Then, for some reason I came back, slogged through your post that frankly reminded me of what my angst-ridden journal looked like when I was in middle school. One long, run on block of stream of consciousness thought.

I scrolled through the responses, until I got to this one of yours.

Made me think that you yourself are a bit of the problem. That was a knee jerk, defensive, 14 year old girl response. If that's how you respond to people in an online forum, how must you sound when told something you don't want to hear when you actually know the people involved?

This forum is filled with seasoned nurses who can actually give you sound advice. When someone suggests that paragraphs are your friend, it's meant sincerely.

If you come back with basically an "I know I am, but what are you?" type of response, you're going to turn a lot of people off. Yes, this is an anonymous forum, but attitude can still come across loud and clear.

On topic advice? These are people who you will be competing with for jobs. There is no nursing shortage (yes, I know there are some underserved areas, but for the most part, there are way too many new grads for the positions that will actually be filled). In general, there are no friends for life in nursing programs.

As someone else said, keep your head down, do your work, and I will add, don't contribute to the drama any more.

+1 :)

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

Thanks for the advice; however, it's a posting in an online forum, I hardly think paragraphs are a main concern here. I'll try to remember that for next time though.

It's because reading a wall of unbroken text on a screen is harder on the eyes than is reading paragraphs.

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

Grow a thicker skin. You're going to need it.

Worry about your patients, and if you're not around them, they can't say that you did anything. Good grief.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

There is a type of bully who claims others are bullying her. In this way she can use the greatest power to her advantage, ie thr administration and faculty.

Then there is the type of person who imagines that others' moods always relate to her. If she notices anger or sadness in another person she imagines that person hates her. She goes around thinking that everyone is always thinking about her, never realizing that everyone is thinking of themselves and their own problems.

I think you're probably dealing with one of these two types.

If you find yourself worrying about what others think about you, just put it to rest, in the knowledge that others are allowed to think whatever they want. Spend time with people who show an interest in you. If you don't worry about other people's attention, it is inevitable that someone will want to get to know you. Let that person be your friend and just stop thinking about the person who proved herself not to be a good friend.

[Maevish, ASN, RN]

I suggest what the others have said. Stay polite and civil (bordering on the nice side just to be safe. It's only a year, minus breaks). If things start to get dicey and you have a good standing with the teacher or the head of the program, maybe ask them what the best thing to do it, without naming names. That way you can get a sense of what they know about the problem and their views without coming across as a tattletale. Tell them exactly what you said here about how you want to be in the program, get good grades, and don't have a history of causing trouble. That worked for me in the second quarter of school (and the trouble girl had the same first name as me so I wanted to make my stance very clear) and I had a little meeting with the head of the department not letting ANYONE know about it, including my close friends who weren't in the program since I was in a dorm situation. People might not agree with my approach, but I valued my position in the program too much and had worked too hard to let something petty like that get me anywhere close to being disciplined or kicked out. As far as I know, no one ever found out about our meeting and the HOD thanked me for coming to her about it since she wasn't aware. It turned out that she'd never heard about the issues because the teachers hadn't told her yet (no doubt they were about to cause it was pretty bad). I hope this helps and I hope things get better for you. I hate it when one person makes the whole experience bad for everybody just because they feel like it. xo

[WonderingWhichWay]

I work in a different profession that has the same issues. I steer clear of those who cause trouble or make fun of others. I am not rude to them. I am cordial: I say. " Hi, how are you?" and I do not go beyond that. I mind my own business and do not get caught up in the drama. I have friends that are the same as I. We are friendly to everyone but, we do not get caught up in the drama that goes on. This negativity will bring one down in a heart beat. It does not look professional to anyone to involve oneself in that type of atmosphere.

While it might initially be hard to distance oneself away from this negativity but, it is the only way to go. To be frank, you do not need classroom drama to bring you down. Keep in mind that your professor might be one of the people who provides a reference for you. And of course, the number reason you are there is to learn how to be a nurse not how to get mixed up in the classroom bullying. In my field we are required by law to report bullying. Other than that we just keep it professional. Good Luck on your studies.

[Satori77, ADN]

What is this, middle school? If they can't act professional at school, how will they do it at clinicals? Or a job? I agree with the rest, just stay out of the drama and focus on your studies. Don't let them bring you down.

[NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN]

I would like to say that I can't believe this is happening at a college but unfortunately I cannot because I have seen it in the workplace recently. Before I was under the impression that this is something that happens in middle/high school and then people grow up and grow out of it.

I don't know exactly when I stopped giving a rats behind about what others thought (people outside of family/long term friends (I'm talking years)), probably around age 20. So I was shocked when I was the weekend supervisor and two aides kept running into the office (where I was drowning in paperwork) constantly complaining to me about the other. These were grown adults with children aged 20's and 40's. Finally after a few weekends of having a hard time getting my stuff done because of all of the interruptions I yanked one off the unit and switched her with someone from another unit that was training in both areas as well...and the one remaining had the nerve to say to me, "Did you see what____did? She switched with ____so that she wouldn't have to work with me".....I said, "I put her there. You two cannot play nice together in the sandbox, so I put you in different ones. The residents are getting crappy care and I don't have time for the drama".

I just finished my ADN program. The last week I had a classmate text my phone about someone who we had clinicals with that she thought was her friend and how she talked bad about her to our instructor. I'm going to give you the same advice that I gave her and it's a lot like what others have already said.

1. Don't waste your time with the drama-study for your exams

2. Don't worry what other people in your class think. They are not the ones who you will be interviewing with for a job after you get your license. They are possibly applying for the same position (competition).

3. There's a good chance in a few years you won't be in touch with any of these people. Many people we call our friends are just acquaintances. True friends are the ones that are still interested in talking to you and helping out when you are in a bind and don't run like hell if you're not having a great time.

4. Instructors aren't stupid. Yes, someone may say something and they have an obligation to look into a complaint, but it's done with a grain of salt. The same clinical instructor that my classmate was worried about because of what another student told her was the same one that told us as a group of one staff member was to say something about a student that she would not necessarily think anything bad of the student. Now, if several staff members had issue then she may think that there's something going on that had to be addressed. These were staff members-not students. Other students would carry even less weight.

Apologies in advance for typos and bad autocorrection-sent from my iPhone

[kimwarren72]

I saw this exact same scenario in nursing school many years ago. Fortunately I was the student who rarely ever spoke, always listened contently in class, and had no interaction outside of class with any of my classmates. Only myself and one other student graduated out of a class of 16. Moral of the story is do not insert yourself into the situation and it will be almost impossible to be involved. I would much rather be a "loner" as I was described than waste thousands of dollars on a program I could not graduate from.