Is my husband being unreasonable?

Nurses General Nursing

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I currently work a med-surg position that is 12 hour days with no weekends. We all know how hard and challenging med-surg is and I have no great love for it. In fact when my required six months is up I'm looking to change to a specialty floor. The problem is all the specialty floors require nights and weekend rotations. My husband also works nights and weekends at times and is not comfortable leaving our kids home alone all night without an adult there. My kids are 18, 14, and 11. My 18 yr old is a very responsible student who does not party, stay out late, date, etc. However, with my husband being a cop he sees the worst and worries more about our kids protecting themselves than anything. I really don't want to be stuck in med-surg forever. Does anyone think it's unreasonable to have my kids home alone all night at their ages? Does anyone have any advice? My kids already stay home alone at times during the day when they're off school and we have to work and they do fine. They also do fine occasionally getting themselves off to school. Am I crazy for considering this? What does everyone else do?

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.
YOU owe your employer a year. At the very least.

I disagree. Employers don't ever feel like they "owe" their employees anything when they've determined that the employee is no longer valuable to the company. Why should it go one way. As long as she gives proper notice (which I consider 4 weeks in nursing), she doesn't "owe" them, any more than they "owe" her.

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

As to the OP, if it were every night, I'd say no. But you'll be working 2 shifts a week, and only some of them will be at the same time as your husband. It's reasonable to think that at least half the time, one of you will be home. So we're probably talking more like 4 nights a month where the kids will be alone. I don't htink that's unreasonable at all.

Specializes in Hospital Education Coordinator.

he may not be unreasonable, but does he have a solution other than YOU changing jobs, etc? It is a problem for both of you. I think an adult, even if paid, would be an asset just to make adult decisions or be there when the 18 y/o cannot. There are retired people (maybe from church?) who might be interested.

Personally I would have no problem leaving an 18, 14 and 11 year old overnight twice a week. Every night - no. Twice a week - no problem

Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

In the OP she stated her husband didn't want to "put out" their family like that, and didn't want a stranger in the house.

Specializes in HH, Peds, Rehab, Clinical.

LOL, my hubby is a cop as well, so I can offer the experience of our house and you can process it =)

I work 3 evenings M, T, Th from 9p to 7a. Hubby has a rotating shift of 5p to 3a. My children at home are 18 (responsible college student), 9 and 7. On my worknights, if hubby is working as well, my 18 year holds down the fort while we are at work. Now, granted, its not like he is in charge of dinner, homework, baths and bed, I can do all that before I leave for my job, but yes, I think an 18 year old can handle it. Maybe do a trial period and see?

Specializes in Med Surg, PCU, Travel.

you gotta look at it from your husbands point of view. He sees a lot of crap happening to grown people everyday, much more for kids. This decision depends on:

1. The "safety" level of your neighborhood

2. The maturity of your kids

3. Mutual agreement with all party's involved

Let's see, having grown up basically alone with my brothers when we were like 12 13 15 16, yr kids are good age and having an 18 yr old there is a plus. I don't know why so many people feel its an issue of compensation. I don't think you should have to compensate your 18 yr old for anything, its not a baby sitter job you be responsible for your own siblings...families should contribute and this is all part of growing up. Maybe do a hidden savings for college then give it to him or her when that time comes as an appreciation gift. Not having compensation will give a true idea of their maturity level and if they can even do this. Another idea I would try is testing them...u and hubby can go out late one night, check in on them unannounced and see how it works. Just spell out the ground rules for everything, not just locking doors, but what to do if something does go wrong, like a break-in. Maybe yr husband can get crime stats of the area to ease his concerns, or maybe he already knows something that you don't to validate his concerns. If you dont have one, get a security system with a 2 way communicator and one that uses radio signals(not a landline) to contact the company and to beef up security in the house.Some camera systems can even feed live video to your smart phone. Funny thing is, like the show "to catch a thief" says, a lot of break ins actually happens in the daytime, that is something to think about. In any case I think your kids are old enough,however, remember this, you are the expert in healthcare, but your husband is the expert in security and I would respect his decision on this one...thrust me, you dont not want to hear one night that something happened to yr kids.

Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

Is it possible that you're dissatisfied with your life in general, and trying to figure out whose fault it is?

Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.
I don't know why so many people feel its an issue of compensation. I don't think you should have to compensate your 18 yr old for anything, its not a baby sitter job you be responsible for your own siblings...families should contribute and this is all part of growing up.

Thank you for that. I don't agree with compensating an 18-year old for watching his siblings while his parents work. Families make sacrifices, and kids shouldn't always get paid for stepping up to the plate.

I hear about kids getting paid to take out the garbage, clean their rooms, get A's on their report cards. What total hogwash.

My sister and I started staying home alone when she was 11 and I was 6. We stayed home all summer long and we were fine. We never stayed home alone at night though so I'm not sure how that would have went. To me your kids seem old enough to handle it but as a mom you know your kids. Are the younger ones mature for their ages or would you be worried about them all night?

Last I checked, 18 is an adult, and I disagree that it is unfair to have the 18 year old looking after their younger siblings, if said 18 year old is still living under your roof. Yes, I think your husband is being unreasonable.

Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage.
Thank you for that. I don't agree with compensating an 18-year old for watching his siblings while his parents work. Families make sacrifices, and kids shouldn't always get paid for stepping up to the plate.

I hear about kids getting paid to take out the garbage, clean their rooms, get A's on their report cards. What total hogwash.

Eeeh. If watching siblings kept the 18 year-old from getting or working at a regular job, yes, s/he should be compensated.

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