I'm the insensitive husband. My wife is a nurse that works in the float pool. She spends a lot time working in behavioral health and the medical floors.
She has been working 3-4 16 hour shifts per 2 week pay period lately.
She feels that since she is working 16 hour shifts, and a nurse that I should be more appreciative.
I see things different than her. I wish I could 16 hour shifts and have more days off. I will 4 days off to her 8-9 days off per pay period. I work 80 hours per pay period and she works 60-70 hours. I wish I could do that.
She will also explain to me how hard nursing is. In my mind, that is what she enjoys and is good at. Most of her issues with being a nurse is dealing with other nurses. It has nothing to do with the work itself.
I basically came her to see if I could get a better understanding of how she feels. To hear from other nurses that have done the same thing and how their spouses were.
Please don't hold back. I want your real thoughts. If I mad you mad, then tell me.
I wonder often about the term "nursing is thankless," because I think it can sometimes lead to the types of conflicts that this man and his wife are dealing with right now. Nursing is a paid gig, just like any other, and it pays pretty well, comparatively. So that rules out the "thankless portion" really. It also involves a lot of physical and mental work. That's what you know going into it, and you still became a nurse. It's not fair to say that your job is more thankless or harder than other jobs. Like another commenter said above, comparison is the theft of joy. Also, something nobody else pointed out, a huge proportion of women, regardless of their career's difficulties, come home from work (40 or more hours a week) and do a lion's share of housework. Lots of people work 5 days a week and don't get to quit at 8 hours...AND they don't get paid overtime. Lots of people do physically trying work and come home exhausted.But nursing is the only field at which I hear superlatives such as "it's the most thankless job" and "3 12 hour days is harder than 5 8 hour days." It's simply not the way to be, and if you think it is, then you might not be working in the right field because you probably waste all your energy feeling resentful of people close to you who work in different fields.
Said the non-nurse...
As going through posts, I realize this post was made by somebody who isn't even a nurse yet (isn't even in nursing school). I have no problem with non-nurses making comments, but this comment kind of throws me, especially the areas I bolded. Honestly, until a person HAS worked as a nurse it's hard to understand how hard it is at times. Yes, lots of people DO work physically demanding jobs. However, do they work physically and mentally hard jobs with lives on the line (so as another poster said emotionally hard jobs too)? Do they go home and wonder if they missed something in a patient that is rapidly declining? A warning sign? There are other professions- EMTs, police, fire fighters, military, etc. that will understand the stress of the job, but most people don't.
And yes, I do get paid. I make a decent wage, but it's nothing extravagant. It's certainly not nearly as high nurses in California make (where this particular poster lives). I took a pay cut when I left my first career for nursing.
Nursing is a pretty thankless job at times. It's ok to say that. I didn't go into it expecting it to be all sunshine and roses. I'm ok with it not being. You get patients that are jerks, or their families. There are higher ups that just don't get it. Sometimes the doctors aren't nice. Saying that doesn't mean I don't like my job or that I should find a different one. This comment just rubbed me wrong after seeing the posters history and that they aren't a nurse. I just needed to vent my feelings after having several hard shifts in the past week.
edit: I'd also like to add that I know nurses who work in the deep south (I'm in the NE) and they do not make a good wage down there in my opinion. It's ridiculous what they start at. We also might make a good wage, but it's not as high as it should be IMHO. I feel like it'd be higher if this were a male dominated field. A friend's sister is making as much I make this summer as an intern.
AcrofHearts I tried to quote you but it didn't take. Just wanted to thank you and agree with your response to the "non nurse". I especially grow weary of non nurses saying how well paying nursing is - well let me say I'm in the midwest and after a (much needed and long overdue) increase in starting base pay, new RNs are maybe getting around 20 to 22 in the hospital and the office RNs are way lower than that. Staffing continues to be abysmal and more work heaped upon the nurses, but still the pay is cringe worthy.
When I started in the hospital (for profit) in 2008, I made a around $16 base (RN). A couple years later my hospital - not our network but just my facility - was in the top 15 most profitable hospitals in the entire nation. Still it would be a few years til a (not so great) salary increase was made.
Sorry, I just get frustrated living in a state that is so anti-union and seemingly anti -worker.
No matter our pay, though, nurses earn every penny when pulling shifts that have way more responsibility, tasks, and manual and mental labor than many other jobs.
No, nursing doesn't corner the market on stress - law enforcement, first response, military, flight control, people working with dangerous chemicals and a host of other jobs sound way stressful to me.
But nursing does seem to have the public at large thinking we should be doing this as a calling and not for the money. Don't hear that about most of those other careers.
OP, you won't understand what your wife experiences, but try listening to her. Allow her to vent and listen without trying to solve her problems at work - you can't. You can however be a safe place for her to decompress and you can make the environment a better place yo recharge herself.
I was thinking this myself. This is why I waited to get married and found a man, not a little boy that expects me to be his mommy and do every. single. thing. for him.
That's just it. If I am ever remarried...that man is going to be a person that adds to my life; not sucks from it.
I'm still here. Didn't think that this post would go on so long.
To answer some questions.
I'm 40. Wife is 41. 3 kids ages 23, 21, 3. Only the 3 year old is mine.
I do the house work. I take care of the 3 year old whem I'm home. When I'm not home my wife takes care of him.
I have a desk job. I enjoy it and its something that I'm good at.
We do argue about money. She does make about 1.5 times what I make. Her pay is good in the union. When she works 16, 8-12 hours is 1.5x pay and 13-16 hours is double time. This is why she likes to work 16 hour shifts.
AceOfHearts<3
916 Posts
Said the non-nurse...
As going through posts, I realize this post was made by somebody who isn't even a nurse yet (isn't even in nursing school). I have no problem with non-nurses making comments, but this comment kind of throws me, especially the areas I bolded. Honestly, until a person HAS worked as a nurse it's hard to understand how hard it is at times. Yes, lots of people DO work physically demanding jobs. However, do they work physically and mentally hard jobs with lives on the line (so as another poster said emotionally hard jobs too)? Do they go home and wonder if they missed something in a patient that is rapidly declining? A warning sign? There are other professions- EMTs, police, fire fighters, military, etc. that will understand the stress of the job, but most people don't.
And yes, I do get paid. I make a decent wage, but it's nothing extravagant. It's certainly not nearly as high nurses in California make (where this particular poster lives). I took a pay cut when I left my first career for nursing.
Nursing is a pretty thankless job at times. It's ok to say that. I didn't go into it expecting it to be all sunshine and roses. I'm ok with it not being. You get patients that are jerks, or their families. There are higher ups that just don't get it. Sometimes the doctors aren't nice. Saying that doesn't mean I don't like my job or that I should find a different one. This comment just rubbed me wrong after seeing the posters history and that they aren't a nurse. I just needed to vent my feelings after having several hard shifts in the past week.
edit: I'd also like to add that I know nurses who work in the deep south (I'm in the NE) and they do not make a good wage down there in my opinion. It's ridiculous what they start at. We also might make a good wage, but it's not as high as it should be IMHO. I feel like it'd be higher if this were a male dominated field. A friend's sister is making as much I make this summer as an intern.