Inappropriate instructor/student relationship?

Sour Lemon · Oct 20, 2018

For the first year of nursing school I had the same instructor, as well as a lot of my other classmates. She seemed particularly cold, snobbish and seemed to maintain a professional appearance. She indicated maintaining professional student/teacher boundaries in the beginning, but as time went on she clearly picked her favorites and things have gotten pretty inappropriate.
Two particular students became her favorites and are now the president and vice president of the nursing club...they seem to think that because they hold these positions, rules don't apply to them and they can do/get whatever they want. I catch them doing things such as cheating on a quiz or telling people confidential information about simulation lab.
Part of the nursing program is about teaching professionalism and last year this instructor was very much all about that, even getting mad at students for handing her papers with creases in them, yet one of the aforementioned students would make inappropriate sexual jokes in class all the time and be very boisterous and the instructor never seemed to mind all that much or take her aside for it.
This instructor has retired as a lead and is now an adjunct so she is still privy to information in the school. A couple nights ago, I attended a nursing dinner and those two students were there along with our former instructor. It was pretty cringe-worthy to watch how much they kissed up to her, for lack of better words. She gossiped with them about faculty and other students and they reminisced about the vacation they all had together in the summer before school started up again. I was pretty disturbed when I saw photos of these two students and or former instructor on vacation pop up in my instagram feed...but wasn't exactly sure if it was wrong or not. They text each other as well...
As we were leaving the dinner, a recent graduate was warning us about a particular harsh instructor for the last semester of nursing. We sign up for our classes and don't find out who our instructors will be until afterward. Of course the faculty have that information, so what do these students do? They ask the former instructor to find out for them who will be teaching what section for next semester so they can avoid the one who gives students a hard time. She said she would try to find out and let them know... So yes, they get to have advantages other students don't have because she will tell them confidential information!!
I feel like all of this is so wrong, but don't really know if I should do anything about it or not. I just want to focus on what I need to do and graduate, but I also find it incredibly messed up that this sort of thing is going on in a competitive program, with the nursing club leaders no less, not to mention a much older teacher who should know better than to be besties with students who are young enough to be her daughters!!
Insight would be appreciated!

My first thought is that you're probably not doing well in your program and are looking for someone/something to blame. Hopefully, I'm wrong ...but that's what it sounds like.

And if you're not screwing up yet, you will be if you keep focusing on this type of garbage. Let it go. You'll all have to pass NCLEX to actually become licensed. A "friendly" teacher can't help with that.

Elven_RN, ASN, RN · Oct 20, 2018

My first thought is that you're probably not doing well in your program and are looking for someone/something to blame. Hopefully, I'm wrong ...but that's what it sounds like.
And if you're not screwing up yet, you will be if you keep focusing on this type of garbage. Let it go. You'll all have to pass NCLEX to actually become licensed. A "friendly" teacher can't help with that.

No, I'm actually doing well right now, and have been throughout the program. It just seems very wrong to me that this behavior is going on. But yes, I'll probably just ignore it because I have bigger things to focus on. Also, for the record, one of the students who are doing this is barely passing, so it's not some good grades vs. bad grades scenario going on.

Jstimmm · Oct 20, 2018

I do not think it is right or acceptable for the other students to have a heads up about which CI will teach the classes ahead of time. However, why can't you just stay to yourself and forget about them? They won't bother you if you don't think about it. Try to focus on your own personal affairs and hobbies. I know personally how frustrating nursing school can get, and it can become easy to place blame on others for things that wouldn't normally bother you. Try to remember that.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Oct 21, 2018

... they reminisced about the vacation they all had together in the summer before school started up again.

That is really weird and completely inappropriate in my opinion.

But you say they are "barely passing"; this relationship won't help them pass NCLEX.

SqrB3ar, BSN, RN · Oct 21, 2018

Yeah ... that's kind of weird to be hanging out during summer vacation with a professor taking "selfies". Makes me wonder if they would do this with a former patient. Perhaps these classmates are kissing her bum for their own benefit to passing nursing school and finding jobs? Maybe they genuinely like the professor. Or both. I had a professor/clinical instructor who obviously had his favorites in our class. But he told us that he would never hang out with any of his students outside of school d/t it being unprofessional and because he's a male ... you get the picture.

Don't let it sidetrack you. If they are barely getting by, that's their own fault. I have a group of students in my cohort that try to find test questions for exams to pass them and if an instructor makes their own, they barely pass the class altogether - sometimes I wish staff would notice the trends since it's unfair to the rest of us who work hard for our As, Bs and Cs lol this is why their "ATI predictor score" is below 50% chance of passing NCLEX (that thing better be a good predictor because I'm at 98%).

Who cares. There will always be some students who try to take the easy route. Will it hurt them? Maybe, maybe not. I wouldn't want them being my nurse though. Keep your eye on the prize.

Oldmahubbard · Oct 21, 2018

Way back in my day, some of our 25 and 30 something students used to party with our 45-50 year old instructor. Or so they said. I wondered at the time about objectivity in grading.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Oct 22, 2018

For the first year of nursing school I had the same instructor, as well as a lot of my other classmates. She seemed particularly cold, snobbish and seemed to maintain a professional appearance. She indicated maintaining professional student/teacher boundaries in the beginning, but as time went on she clearly picked her favorites and things have gotten pretty inappropriate.
Two particular students became her favorites and are now the president and vice president of the nursing club...they seem to think that because they hold these positions, rules don't apply to them and they can do/get whatever they want. I catch them doing things such as cheating on a quiz or telling people confidential information about simulation lab.
Part of the nursing program is about teaching professionalism and last year this instructor was very much all about that, even getting mad at students for handing her papers with creases in them, yet one of the aforementioned students would make inappropriate sexual jokes in class all the time and be very boisterous and the instructor never seemed to mind all that much or take her aside for it.
This instructor has retired as a lead and is now an adjunct so she is still privy to information in the school. A couple nights ago, I attended a nursing dinner and those two students were there along with our former instructor. It was pretty cringe-worthy to watch how much they kissed up to her, for lack of better words. She gossiped with them about faculty and other students and they reminisced about the vacation they all had together in the summer before school started up again. I was pretty disturbed when I saw photos of these two students and or former instructor on vacation pop up in my instagram feed...but wasn't exactly sure if it was wrong or not. They text each other as well...
As we were leaving the dinner, a recent graduate was warning us about a particular harsh instructor for the last semester of nursing. We sign up for our classes and don't find out who our instructors will be until afterward. Of course the faculty have that information, so what do these students do? They ask the former instructor to find out for them who will be teaching what section for next semester so they can avoid the one who gives students a hard time. She said she would try to find out and let them know... So yes, they get to have advantages other students don't have because she will tell them confidential information!!
I feel like all of this is so wrong, but don't really know if I should do anything about it or not. I just want to focus on what I need to do and graduate, but I also find it incredibly messed up that this sort of thing is going on in a competitive program, with the nursing club leaders no less, not to mention a much older teacher who should know better than to be besties with students who are young enough to be her daughters!!
Insight would be appreciated!

Insight: What you describe is called LIFE.

quarterlifemess, ADN, RN · Oct 22, 2018

I think it is inappropriate for them to ask the instructor and for her to agree to look into the section instructors. It's annoying that they would have a heads up but it just one of those life things.

I'm at the point in my program where I would just steer clear of this situation, honestly. Outside of the vacation photo, everything else would be considered hearsy. I just don't have the mental energy to be stuck in a back and forth 'investigation'. If I had no hard proof, like text messages or emails, of the instructor giving them exam hints or answers, I would just keep moving. Pick your battles and all that jazz. They can't manipulate the NCLEX.

P.S. The situation is inappropriate because of the student/instructor connection, not the age differences of the parties involved. As an adult, it is not inherently weird to be friends with another adult born some decades before you.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Oct 22, 2018

Is it possible that these students knew / had a social relationship with this faculty member PRIOR to enrolling- that they have been friends all along?

JKL33 · Oct 22, 2018

Do not care about this.

You do what is right and don't spend one second of your life entertaining this kind of angst. People who act this way aren't doing themselves any favors, they just don't know it yet. Life has a way of catching up them.

Although it doesn't take a jealous type to feel that these students' behavior is wrong, jealousy is in play about the time that someone becomes consumed and distracted by people like this (and the apparent benefits they are reaping) rather than focusing on succeeding handily at one's own goals. So then you have to ask yourself, why on earth would I feel slighted (jealous) about not having the ill-gotten benefits they appear to have? Want no part of it! I wouldn't feel good about anything if that were the only way I was able to succeed in life!

Secondly - and this may be somewhat a "defense mechanism" rather than 100% healthy coping, but I let myself feel a little sorry for people like this. Who would ever want to be so insecure and have so little faith in their own abilities that they have to resort to this kind of behavior? Life experience will eventually show you that generally-speaking these are people who don't feel good about themselves and don't have a lot of self-confidence. They think they can only succeed by manipulating others. Blech.

Have nothing to do with it.

Get to work so you can click through the NCLEX in 45 minutes and call yourself Registered Nurse!

KelRN215, BSN, RN · Oct 23, 2018

Is it possible that these students knew / had a social relationship with this faculty member PRIOR to enrolling- that they have been friends all along?

This is what I'm wondering too.

Or OP, could this trip have been related to the nursing club they're all involved with? I traveled to Nicaragua with 2 nursing professors over winter break my senior year of college. It was a school sponsored trip to work in a community clinic down there.

That said, I don't really know what kind of insight you're looking for. I'd leave the situation alone. In the working world, you will also encounter colleagues who are the bosses' pets or, worse, their spies.

P.S. I was expecting something completely different when I opened a thread titled inappropriate instructor/student relationship.