I am currently working at a special needs center in a residential facility. When I first heard the job description, it made me uncomfortable because I thought it would be a lot to handle as a new grad to care for up to 20 residents as the sole nurse overnight. Now that I'm doing the job, it's actually the opposite. I find myself with hours to kill. This place really doesn't need nurses to do 12 hour shifts; they could break it up to three 8 hour shifts. I'm really not even using my RN license either because everything I do could be done by an LPN. This place even does hire LPN's to do the same job. It's basically the same routine, meds and tasks.
I really don't want to come across as ungrateful or unmotivated. I'm actually very driven and I crave learning more!! I used to be scared of the hospital, thinking I couldn't perform nursing tasks there. I thought I would be stressed and make mistakes. This job is proving to me that I CAN do well in a fast-paced environment and I'm itching to learn more and be busier! Some nurses are content with this facility, but that may be because many of them are older in the retirement age of their lives and have no need or desire for faster paced work or new skills. As a new nurse, I feel like I'm going crazy there! At times I would literally watch the clock tick. I'm often sleep-deprived and overnight shifts are not for me. Some do really well with nights; I'm just not one of them, so I often feel like I could sleep nearly my whole shift. One night was so bad with tiredness, I nodded off. I tried to do things to keep me awake like exercising...I even strung paperclips together to just do something hands-on to keep my mind active. The tiredness wouldn't really leave though. Working on my BSN or spending time on my phone are off limits too because there are policies against working on "personal work" and using your phone during work hours.
I've started to become depressed at this job and feel anxious when I have to return to work, not anxious about unpredictable events occurring, which is probably how many nurses feel, but anxious that I have to be there and face another repetitive predictable night. I'm worried that I'm having a bad attitude about working here and the thought of leaving adds a layer of guilt on me. With almost any other job, it's just a job, but with nursing I feel like there is so much tied to it like caring and compassion, so I feel like it must mean I don't care enough about these individuals if I want to leave. Maybe that sounds ridiculous.
In my circumstance, I don't *have* to work, I choose to, so it's not like I would be facing the streets or stacks of unpaid bills if I leave. I'm concerned that one, if I do leave it would look bad on my resume if I resigned after 3 months and two, that I just don't have what it takes and a poor work ethic for feeling like I mentally can't handle it. Of course if I left, I would devote time into actively pursuing other positions, working on my bachelor's degree (which I am currently doing), perhaps gaining some certifications and just figuring out how I want to channel my nursing endeavors.
I just really don't know. I don't want to make a stupid move career-wise, especially for being a new grad, yet I don't know if I can take too many more months of this. I've been applying to other jobs, even got a call back from a hospital nurse recruiter but my application got rejected anyway. It's really hard to find something without a BSN. I also don't want to stay here long because I heard it can be hard to be looked on favorably after working at this sort of facility, I suppose because of how limited it is in growth and learning.
Let me know your thoughts!!