I'm lost. I want to quit nursing.

[Amdecl6]

I'm lost. I want to quit floor/bedside nursing, but I don't know what to do as an alternative.

I've been a nurse for about 2 ½ years now. I know that's not very long and some people might say that it's not long enough to know for sure that you want to quit, but I know me and I KNOW I want out.

Right after graduation I went to work in the OR. I was part of a peri-op program and I managed to work there for about 1 ½ years. I knew very early on that I didn't like the OR, but I didn't want to quit and I decided to stick it out and see what happened. Ultimately, it was fast paced days, filled with verbally abusive surgeons, nit-picky charge nurses, extremely long days with being on-call, and it took a toll on me and my family. By the time I left, I was charge nurse in the afternoon/evening and I was precepting new people. I knew how to do my job and I was really good at it. Just miserable. It also bothered me that I wasn't doing any of the nursing skills I had learned in school. I was pretty much just monitoring everyone in the room, running for stuff that was needed, and getting yelled at by surgeons when anything went wrong......even if it wasn't my fault. I wanted to be in a role that had a lot more hands-on patient care. I just didn't feel like a nurse in the OR. So I left.

I got a job at a long term acute care hospital. The patients there are very, very sick. Most of the patient population consists of people with respiratory failure and who are on vents and a lot of them have major wound care needs. I figured going to this facility would be a great place to learn and get some good experience. I was wrong. The facility itself was old and run down, which I knew going into it, but I thought I would just deal with it for now. The patient load was 6 patients to 1 nurse, which seems to be the standard in most hospitals in my area, but these patients are very ill, I would consider most of them to be a standard ICU patient in a regular hospital, and now I'm taking care of 6 every shift! That's a lot. A lot of them have G-tubes and take up to 20 pills at a time, all of which need crushed by hand with pliers.

It was all so time consuming and by the time I finished my 1^st rounds of assessments and med passes, it was time for the next round. It was monotonous and unfulfilling and I felt like I was always behind. I won't even go into dealing with the needy patients and/or their families and trying to maintain a work flow while CONSTANTLY answering call bells for the most ridiculous requests. Long story short, I left there after about 5 months.

I now work in an ER. Working in the ER is what I wanted to do from day one. While in nursing school, I always imagined being in an ER. I was ecstatic when I got this job....my DREAM JOB. I've been there about 3 months now, and I hate it.

I've been a nurse for 2 ½ years and not once have I loved doing it. I find it to be nothing but stress. I have anxiety ALL THE TIME, everyday, even when I'm not at work. The hours are long and exhausting and I NEVER feel like I'm doing a good job. I'm starting to sink into a serious depression, so much so, that I plan on going to see a counselor because I almost can't function anymore. Even on my days off I'm constantly stressing about having to go back. I have to work today and I had nightmares all throughout last night and didn't sleep well at all. I've had nothing but anxiety since I woke up and I feel like I want to cry at just the thought of going back today.

Nursing is nothing like I thought it was going to be. Had I truly known what it entailed I would never had started this journey to begin with. I hate that I gave up so many years of my life going to nursing school. I wasted all those years studying and working so hard when I could have been home with my children. My husband is so proud that I'm a nurse, he loves to tell people his wife is a nurse. I have no pride in my job, I have no joy in what I do. I get so overwhelmed with so many tasks and people to take care of at once...I think it just sucks the life out of me and makes me hate it all.

The one part of my job that I do enjoy is talking to my patients. They're nervous and sick, they don't like hospitals, they don't feel good, sometimes just talking about what's going on in their life, or about their sweet baby that's in the room, or the new job I overheard them talking about, takes away from this moment in time of being stuck in a bed, sick and afraid. I can't help but to be curious about how the issue/disease started, what do they do for work, how are they handling your illness/pain on a daily basis. My patients seem to love the interaction. So many times I've had people tell me I'm the best nurse they've had because I actually take the time to talk to them and it shows I care about them. However, all of that takes time and it can cause me to get behind in my other tasks, which just sets off a chain reaction for a bad day of rushing to catch up. I'm so miserable. I'm so stressed. I have so much anxiety all the time. I cry for no reason. I'm lashing out at my family. I need to find a solution fast.

I have this degree that I worked so hard for. I'm 43 years old and don't want to start all over and have to get a different degree. I need to find something I can do, with the nursing degree that I have, that I can be happy about doing and maybe actually look forward to going to work every day.

I know I'm not the only person to ever feel this way. If anyone has any suggestions as to an alternative job/area of nursing to try, I would greatly appreciate some ideas!

[AnnieNP, MSN, NP]

I'm going to be an outlier here and recommend that you NOT flee the ER until you do a few things.

1) As a 43 year old nurse that always thought ER was your "dream job" (and waded through a trench or two to get there), you are only 90 days in. YOU SHOULD BE A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE. OCCASIONALLY REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. And that's okay. You are 90 DAYS IN.

Be easy on you.

90 days in it was kinda kicking my ass at times. I could hold my own some of the time. And, yet, there were times it fully kicked my ass. And humbled me. And other days I couldn't find my ass (or anything else) with GPS, a compass, a map or bread crumb trail. Really. I'd wake up some nights convinced that I had not done something, charted something, or made a horrible mistake. Some days I was sure I was just an angel's breath from accidentally killing someone because I was an idiot. Everyone else had it together - I wanted to run at times.

The point - you are 90 days in. Anxiety, to some point, is expected. I think you are beyond expected. But, once you get back to garden variety "I need to advance clinically" you will be golden. We can help you manage that anxiety. Most of us have had this anxiety.

2) Counseling. You must do this and yet it's your business. No saga at work. Just keep on, keeping on. You are describing almost textbook depression symptoms that should demand immediate care.

3) Please don't be offended, but I would recommend seeing your PMD. Make sure you are healthy. Hormones can change in our 40's and although we still look like we are in our 20's (yay! - science!) our bodies can scream "teenage hormone drama" - which can go on for 2 decades. Also, there are many other physiological issues that can exacerbate even small amounts of physical stress. Just get the all clear on the health front.

4) Put you semi-first for 30 days or forever. Have an honest discussion with your hubby. Tell him you are feeling unwell and need support through this transition. Good food, good sleep & more me time. Tell hubs you need a housekeeper, sitter or both for a few weeks (most budgets can survive). Use shopping app where they load the groceries in your car -- buy time or whatever. Tell the fam "mom/wife/daughter" needs a little more support. Meditate, hike, get a massage or three, exercise, read for pleasure, spend time doing for you and (if need be) spend a very disciplined time studying for work/reading ENA Journals or something, if mastery is something you want to work on. Whatever you need to do to advance your peace of mind - do it. Hubs and kids will be okay - I'm sure of this.

A little extra downtime can be very uplifting when you have a low point.

5) I recommend joining ENA and seeing if getting excited about Emergency Nursing would stoke a fire in you. A conference, taking TNCC, ENPC, take or repeat ACLS/PALS. I had lots of anxiety, but found the more I mastered clinical subject matter and took difficult cases, my anxiety lessened.

I bet that fire is still in there. I have never run across a 2+ year nurse with your similar experience that wanted to do ER, yet failed. NEVER. All succeed brilliantly. I can think of over a half dozen off the top of my head.

Anyone who has "crushed pills with pliers" with a 6:1 ratio at the acute care vent farm (which really is kinda ICU lite) and waded through that pile never ending of family needs is AMAZING. I can't imagine.

I think you just need a reset. And it's unlikely that a clinical answer that solves internal issues is to be found in any other speciality or spot. Every job has a downside. Don't focus on what others think tho - "oh, you should be feeling this" - that is unhelpful, even tho most folks mean well. It matters how you feel - it does. Other things matter too - 8-minute commute from home and cherish that! Supportive environment? Compensation? Advancement? Educational opportunities? Upsides/downsides. That is nursing. I still maintain giving it a chance after you have cared for yourself. Heck, leaving nursing and SAHM has downsides.

Onward amazing, intrepid angel. You got this.

:angel:

Medic nurse is very wise!!!!

[Davia, BSN]

Hello I have been in your shoes before. I just want to say I was thinking case management for you. I have been a nurse for 13. Years. This perspective is from my experience with the jobs I have applied for they wanted the applicant to have at least 3-5 or more years in the nursing profession. I kept applying for case manager positions only to be denied in my earlier years. About one year or less ago I interviewed and got an email about a case manager positions. Needless to say I am actually back in the field I actually transitioned to after 6 months of nurse. I am a Nephrology Nurse. I have worked in the doctors office setting and they can be just as busy as floor nursing. Especially when the patients visit is over you have to put in orders etc... Feel free to message me personally. I have many stories. Back to you sorry yes maybe case manager would be better. They do have to be on call though.

[Megan1977, MSN, EdD, RN]

I'd love a work from home job! Did you just do a Google search online or are there particular websites I should look at?

Indeed is a great job site and you can narrow your search in multiple ways. You can elect to have emails sent to you when a job you are seeking matches.

[Megan1977, MSN, EdD, RN]

This totally wins the best advice award. There is some good good stuff here. I recommend seriously considering all Medic Nurse said.

I absolutely agree- Medic/nurse's answer is spot on. 90 days is way too soon to make a decision- give it some more time

[hunger4justice]

What about case management? I think that would be ideal for you.

[By-a-thred, RN, ADN]

And liquids.

[katydidit1964, MSN]

I also went thru the ringer trying to figure out the best fit for me. With your love of having a connection with your patients you might want to try psych. Right now most of my patients have drug additions as a way of self treatment in addition to having that 'high'. So that makes it more difficult. However those that are severly mentally ill deserve all the services we can provide to help them be functioning members of society.

[babychickens]

Thank you everyone for all your comments and for sharing your experiences with me. I've been trying to really reflect and narrow down why I'm so unhappy with nursing. I can't pinpoint any one particular reason that's causing me to be miserable, but I do know that nursing, for me, has not been anything like what I perceived it would be.

As I said before, I'm on my 3rd job in 2 ½ years and I can honestly say I haven't had much joy in any of these jobs. I've found that the tremendous amount of responsibility placed on my shoulders on a daily basis, the pressure of having someone's life in my hands, the insane non-stop back-to-back patient workload, and the emotional stress and anxiety it causes, are NOT what I had envisioned my life would be like as a nurse. Yes, I had many, many clinical rotations during nursing school. And yes, they were at a variety of institutions and I was exposed to many different nursing specialties, but shadowing a nurse for clinical hours versus BEING the nurse are two VERY different things. I think the reality of what nursing really is, has me somewhat shell shocked.

I'm currently working in a hospital that is amazing. It is THE HOSPITAL that everyone I know wants to work at. I have the ER job that all my friends envy. It takes me less than 8 minutes to get from my driveway to the parking lot of the hospital. I felt guilty because looking from the outside in, I have it made. This should be "the job", but instead I'm crying as I do my make-up and I work my shifts with heart palpitations and headaches from the anxiety of it all. All of my co-workers say, "Give it time, you'll get used to it.", or, "It took me about a year before it all clicked and I got used to it all." But do I WANT to get used to it? Do I want to live in a constant state of nerves and anxiety, for a year, to finally be "used to it"? Used to working under extreme stress and pressure? I think it's a sad life to have a job where I'm "used" to the stress and constant demands. I just don't think it's worth it.

I'm not someone who feels the need to be challenged or likes to be pushed to their limit. I thrive off of stability, routines, and steady work. I want to go to work, do a great job, help people in any way I can, then clock out, go home, enjoy my family and not have a second thought about work until I wake up the next day and start all over. I don't like feeling rushed and spread so thin that I can't even think straight, I don't like not being able to focus on my patients and give each of them the quality of care they need and deserve because I have 3 other patients to take care of. I hate feeling like no matter how much I do or as hard as I work, it's never, ever enough. And I absolutely hate wasting my days off, like today, constantly thinking about and dreading going to work tomorrow.

I've been looking a lot into case management or maybe going to work as a nurse at a surgery center. The surgery center is right up my alley with my OR experience. It's also one patient at a time, one case at a time, and I can have that one-on-one interaction with each patient during the pre-op stage before their surgery. It's also a Mon-Fri, no weekends, no holiday, no call, job that pays more.

As far as case management is concerned, I think I might do better with a job that has minimal direct patient care. I know that case management involves a lot of paperwork and computer time and I've heard some say it's more like a social worker/secretarial job, but honestly, I think my type-A, systematic, linear thinking, somewhat OCD, personality would probably love it.

It's interesting to read your ideas here. With all due respect, you seem to be setting yourself up to make the same mistakes...not sure how a surgery center will be much different than an OR, and docs may still blame you for stuff. Surgery is surgery. Secondly, you said you think you might do better with case management because it's MINIMAL direct patient care. Also, case management is a job that can feel like your work is never done. In doing some active listening to your posts, I've heard a through-line. You are uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. That sounds like a you problem. I think it's good that you're seeking help with that. Finally, in reference to your first post, I kept thinking you'd do well with public health. That's just my opinion; flu-shot clinics, community wellness, diabetes teaching, something like that. You're a talker who cares about people. Go with that. Get with a hospital district. They hire those RNs all the time as they try to move toward prevention.

[rebeccajett7]

From reading your post you seem a like very compassionate person. I have to be honest, when you mentioned the nightmares, I laughed for a good two minutes. You must learn to laugh so that you won't cry. I can truly empathize with what you are experiencing. You can not allow anyone or anything to take your joy. Look for positions at government health clinics, urgent care centers or public schools. You may be experiencing PTSD. You are carrying a heavy burden right now. Do not try to do this by yourself. It's ok to talk to a professional about your feelings. What you are going through will help someone else one day. Be encouraged. This test will become a testimony.

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

Before even reading your post I could see how much you want out due to length of post, hugs hugs. Look at non-bedside jobs. I myself am not a bedside kind of person. Years and years past and it never worked for me. (my psych needed freedom).Now I don't have to do it.

[msmithaz]

I am also 2 1/2 years in the profession, but differently than you I had 5 jobs. I had worked 2 jobs at the time. I did behavioral health that is not stressful if you have your patients well medicated. I had done long term, but instead of 6 patients I had 25 to 50 if the other nurse didn't show up. I have done med/surg. At this time I am in public health and school nurse. I understand the stress, I would never do med/surg again or long term. Public health is super chill and behavioral health it is great for talking to your patients and getting to know them. There are a lot of options. Especially with OR and ED experience you can get any job you want.

[msmithaz]

Hi CapecodMARN, WOW, that is too much time to be looking for a job. I started with a job I wasn't very happy about, but at least gave me the chance to work in my field. I kept applying for jobs and never stop working before finding a good job. I had been working usually two jobs at the time. You should go to long-term those jobs usually have lots of openings.