I'm lost. I want to quit floor/bedside nursing, but I don't know what to do as an alternative.
I've been a nurse for about 2 ½ years now. I know that's not very long and some people might say that it's not long enough to know for sure that you want to quit, but I know me and I KNOW I want out.
Right after graduation I went to work in the OR. I was part of a peri-op program and I managed to work there for about 1 ½ years. I knew very early on that I didn't like the OR, but I didn't want to quit and I decided to stick it out and see what happened. Ultimately, it was fast paced days, filled with verbally abusive surgeons, nit-picky charge nurses, extremely long days with being on-call, and it took a toll on me and my family. By the time I left, I was charge nurse in the afternoon/evening and I was precepting new people. I knew how to do my job and I was really good at it. Just miserable. It also bothered me that I wasn't doing any of the nursing skills I had learned in school. I was pretty much just monitoring everyone in the room, running for stuff that was needed, and getting yelled at by surgeons when anything went wrong......even if it wasn't my fault. I wanted to be in a role that had a lot more hands-on patient care. I just didn't feel like a nurse in the OR. So I left.
I got a job at a long term acute care hospital. The patients there are very, very sick. Most of the patient population consists of people with respiratory failure and who are on vents and a lot of them have major wound care needs. I figured going to this facility would be a great place to learn and get some good experience. I was wrong. The facility itself was old and run down, which I knew going into it, but I thought I would just deal with it for now. The patient load was 6 patients to 1 nurse, which seems to be the standard in most hospitals in my area, but these patients are very ill, I would consider most of them to be a standard ICU patient in a regular hospital, and now I'm taking care of 6 every shift! That's a lot. A lot of them have G-tubes and take up to 20 pills at a time, all of which need crushed by hand with pliers.
It was all so time consuming and by the time I finished my 1st rounds of assessments and med passes, it was time for the next round. It was monotonous and unfulfilling and I felt like I was always behind. I won't even go into dealing with the needy patients and/or their families and trying to maintain a work flow while CONSTANTLY answering call bells for the most ridiculous requests. Long story short, I left there after about 5 months.
I now work in an ER. Working in the ER is what I wanted to do from day one. While in nursing school, I always imagined being in an ER. I was ecstatic when I got this job....my DREAM JOB. I've been there about 3 months now, and I hate it.
I've been a nurse for 2 ½ years and not once have I loved doing it. I find it to be nothing but stress. I have anxiety ALL THE TIME, everyday, even when I'm not at work. The hours are long and exhausting and I NEVER feel like I'm doing a good job. I'm starting to sink into a serious depression, so much so, that I plan on going to see a counselor because I almost can't function anymore. Even on my days off I'm constantly stressing about having to go back. I have to work today and I had nightmares all throughout last night and didn't sleep well at all. I've had nothing but anxiety since I woke up and I feel like I want to cry at just the thought of going back today.
Nursing is nothing like I thought it was going to be. Had I truly known what it entailed I would never had started this journey to begin with. I hate that I gave up so many years of my life going to nursing school. I wasted all those years studying and working so hard when I could have been home with my children. My husband is so proud that I'm a nurse, he loves to tell people his wife is a nurse. I have no pride in my job, I have no joy in what I do. I get so overwhelmed with so many tasks and people to take care of at once...I think it just sucks the life out of me and makes me hate it all.
The one part of my job that I do enjoy is talking to my patients. They're nervous and sick, they don't like hospitals, they don't feel good, sometimes just talking about what's going on in their life, or about their sweet baby that's in the room, or the new job I overheard them talking about, takes away from this moment in time of being stuck in a bed, sick and afraid. I can't help but to be curious about how the issue/disease started, what do they do for work, how are they handling your illness/pain on a daily basis. My patients seem to love the interaction. So many times I've had people tell me I'm the best nurse they've had because I actually take the time to talk to them and it shows I care about them. However, all of that takes time and it can cause me to get behind in my other tasks, which just sets off a chain reaction for a bad day of rushing to catch up. I'm so miserable. I'm so stressed. I have so much anxiety all the time. I cry for no reason. I'm lashing out at my family. I need to find a solution fast.
I have this degree that I worked so hard for. I'm 43 years old and don't want to start all over and have to get a different degree. I need to find something I can do, with the nursing degree that I have, that I can be happy about doing and maybe actually look forward to going to work every day.
I know I'm not the only person to ever feel this way. If anyone has any suggestions as to an alternative job/area of nursing to try, I would greatly appreciate some ideas!
Specializes in M/S, LTC, home care, corrections and psych.
Have you ever considered correctional or psychiatric nursing? These fields are not the "glam" jobs that the ED and OR appear to be, but if you like to talk to your patients these areas of nursing are well suited to your strengths. Home care may be another option as you have more 1-on-1 time with your patients. Just please, don't give up! There are so many other places to use your skills.
I didn't think of it as a person attack, but to say ortho is easy and the patients are only there three days and call for ridiculous things and tedious requests are fielded by the secretary. We're supposed to be empathetic and put ourselves in patients shoes. I unfortunately had to be a patient twice. It made me see why people might not be their best, but I knew better and only called when I had to. Yes having to pee is tedious, but so is a PCT having to clean a bed. I was in for 36 hours and the night nurse blow me off twice, so maybe as a nurse and a patient I can give some insight into what the some of those ridiculous/tedious things might be.
You never know that someones experiences might be and how a post might be read. Having been a patient in an Ortho wing, I'd wondered if that was what the nurses felt about me and fellow patients. Just note I'd hurt myself on the job as a CNA while I was in nursing school and wound up in the Ortho wing. Could be anyone of us. Think if you'd want your peer (caring for you) thinking the way expressed in that post.
Specializes in hospice, LTC, public health, occupational health.
Think if you'd want your peer (caring for you) thinking the way expressed in that post.
I've been working in nursing long enough to know that they do think that way and I can't expect them to change because I happen to be a colleague (which I would try not to reveal anyway). I know my patients wouldn't want to hear the conversations I've had behind closed doors, but that's why venting is done behind closed doors. Or anonymously on the internet.
I once had a colleague complain to management because they thought I had an inappropriate conversation with coworkers. Everything was out of patient and family earshot, but yeah, we were venting. I figured out who had run to mommy because I offended their sensitive little ears and never spoke to that person outside of brief statements necessary to work together again. Don't be that guy.
Specializes in Adult and Pediatric Vascular Access, Paramedic.
I think you are "running away" from any stress that occurs, rather then facing it head first and putting up with it, since it is temporary. As others have said you are not giving yourself enough time in each job, the stress will more then likely decrease over time once you get used to the ER and how to manage multiple patients. If you keep running from every job then you will be in a constant state of stress, as you will never feel relaxed since you don't let yourself get enough experience before you leave.
Give the ER some time, and try different ways of better managing your stress. take a lunch/dinner break. Say to yourself I am only one person and that person has to wait for me to fulfill whatever their need is, unless its emergent. I work on an IV team and use to get stressed when I would get like 7 pages in ten minutes, but then I learned to take a deep breath and put things in perspective. If they aren't dying and don't have a life threatening problem, they can wait, they will have to. Also if my patient's/families got snippety with me I would put them in their place and make them realize too that I am just one person and I can only be in one place at a time. I don't put up with getting yelled at or being given an attitude. A lot of nurses do put up with it, and it just adds to the stress level and the level of job dissatisfaction.
I just started a new job and my first instinct after week one was to run, not because the job stinks, but because of the enormous amount of stress that comes with significant change in my life (long commute, different team dynamics, different hours, etc). After talking with friends/family I realized that I need to put up with that brief amount of stress in order to really know if the job is right for me. My point being that you are putting yourself in a constant state of stress because you are constantly changing jobs and not letting yourself have time to adjust to any of them before you make the decision to run away. I get running away from the long term care place making you use pliers though.
Stress is something we make up in our head. It's about how you react and cope with what is going on around you.
Specializes in Flight, ER, Transport, ICU/Critical Care.
I'm going to be an outlier here and recommend that you NOT flee the ER until you do a few things.
1) As a 43 year old nurse that always thought ER was your "dream job" (and waded through a trench or two to get there), you are only 90 days in. YOU SHOULD BE A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE. OCCASIONALLY REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. And that's okay. You are 90 DAYS IN.
Be easy on you.
90 days in it was kinda kicking my ass at times. I could hold my own some of the time. And, yet, there were times it fully kicked my ass. And humbled me. And other days I couldn't find my ass (or anything else) with GPS, a compass, a map or bread crumb trail. Really. I'd wake up some nights convinced that I had not done something, charted something, or made a horrible mistake. Some days I was sure I was just an angel's breath from accidentally killing someone because I was an idiot. Everyone else had it together - I wanted to run at times.
The point - you are 90 days in. Anxiety, to some point, is expected. I think you are beyond expected. But, once you get back to garden variety "I need to advance clinically" you will be golden. We can help you manage that anxiety. Most of us have had this anxiety.
2) Counseling. You must do this and yet it's your business. No saga at work. Just keep on, keeping on. You are describing almost textbook depression symptoms that should demand immediate care.
3) Please don't be offended, but I would recommend seeing your PMD. Make sure you are healthy. Hormones can change in our 40's and although we still look like we are in our 20's (yay! - science!) our bodies can scream "teenage hormone drama" - which can go on for 2 decades. Also, there are many other physiological issues that can exacerbate even small amounts of physical stress. Just get the all clear on the health front.
4) Put you semi-first for 30 days or forever. Have an honest discussion with your hubby. Tell him you are feeling unwell and need support through this transition. Good food, good sleep & more me time. Tell hubs you need a housekeeper, sitter or both for a few weeks (most budgets can survive). Use shopping app where they load the groceries in your car -- buy time or whatever. Tell the fam "mom/wife/daughter" needs a little more support. Meditate, hike, get a massage or three, exercise, read for pleasure, spend time doing for you and (if need be) spend a very disciplined time studying for work/reading ENA Journals or something, if mastery is something you want to work on. Whatever you need to do to advance your peace of mind - do it. Hubs and kids will be okay - I'm sure of this.
A little extra downtime can be very uplifting when you have a low point.
5) I recommend joining ENA and seeing if getting excited about Emergency Nursing would stoke a fire in you. A conference, taking TNCC, ENPC, take or repeat ACLS/PALS. I had lots of anxiety, but found the more I mastered clinical subject matter and took difficult cases, my anxiety lessened.
I bet that fire is still in there. I have never run across a 2+ year nurse with your similar experience that wanted to do ER, yet failed. NEVER. All succeed brilliantly. I can think of over a half dozen off the top of my head.
Anyone who has "crushed pills with pliers" with a 6:1 ratio at the acute care vent farm (which really is kinda ICU lite) and waded through that pile never ending of family needs is AMAZING. I can't imagine.
I think you just need a reset. And it's unlikely that a clinical answer that solves internal issues is to be found in any other speciality or spot. Every job has a downside. Don't focus on what others think tho - "oh, you should be feeling this" - that is unhelpful, even tho most folks mean well. It matters how you feel - it does. Other things matter too - 8-minute commute from home and cherish that! Supportive environment? Compensation? Advancement? Educational opportunities? Upsides/downsides. That is nursing. I still maintain giving it a chance after you have cared for yourself. Heck, leaving nursing and SAHM has downsides.
I love Medic/Nurse's response. I would recommend giving the ER job more time, not only to give it a chance, but you don't want a 90 day job on your resume. If after maybe a year (you can do anything for a year) you still don't like it, then by all means look for something different. You might like preop, or working in an office where you do the pre-surgery stuff. There are a lot of office jobs for nurses. You will find a fit for you using your nursing degree. Just hang in there for 9 more months.
I'm going to be an outlier here and recommend that you NOT flee the ER until you do a few things.
1) As a 43 year old nurse that always thought ER was your "dream job" (and waded through a trench or two to get there), you are only 90 days in. YOU SHOULD BE A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE. OCCASIONALLY REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. And that's okay. You are 90 DAYS IN.
Be easy on you.
90 days in it was kinda kicking my ass at times. I could hold my own some of the time. And, yet, there were times it fully kicked my ass. And humbled me. And other days I couldn't find my ass (or anything else) with GPS, a compass, a map or bread crumb trail. Really. I'd wake up some nights convinced that I had not done something, charted something, or made a horrible mistake. Some days I was sure I was just an angel's breath from accidentally killing someone because I was an idiot. Everyone else had it together - I wanted to run at times.
The point - you are 90 days in. Anxiety, to some point, is expected. I think you are beyond expected. But, once you get back to garden variety "I need to advance clinically" you will be golden. We can help you manage that anxiety. Most of us have had this anxiety.
2) Counseling. You must do this and yet it's your business. No saga at work. Just keep on, keeping on. You are describing almost textbook depression symptoms that should demand immediate care.
3) Please don't be offended, but I would recommend seeing your PMD. Make sure you are healthy. Hormones can change in our 40's and although we still look like we are in our 20's (yay! - science!) our bodies can scream "teenage hormone drama" - which can go on for 2 decades. Also, there are many other physiological issues that can exacerbate even small amounts of physical stress. Just get the all clear on the health front.
4) Put you semi-first for 30 days or forever. Have an honest discussion with your hubby. Tell him you are feeling unwell and need support through this transition. Good food, good sleep & more me time. Tell hubs you need a housekeeper, sitter or both for a few weeks (most budgets can survive). Use shopping app where they load the groceries in your car -- buy time or whatever. Tell the fam "mom/wife/daughter" needs a little more support. Meditate, hike, get a massage or three, exercise, read for pleasure, spend time doing for you and (if need be) spend a very disciplined time studying for work/reading ENA Journals or something, if mastery is something you want to work on. Whatever you need to do to advance your peace of mind - do it. Hubs and kids will be okay - I'm sure of this.
A little extra downtime can be very uplifting when you have a low point.
5) I recommend joining ENA and seeing if getting excited about Emergency Nursing would stoke a fire in you. A conference, taking TNCC, ENPC, take or repeat ACLS/PALS. I had lots of anxiety, but found the more I mastered clinical subject matter and took difficult cases, my anxiety lessened.
I bet that fire is still in there. I have never run across a 2+ year nurse with your similar experience that wanted to do ER, yet failed. NEVER. All succeed brilliantly. I can think of over a half dozen off the top of my head.
Anyone who has "crushed pills with pliers" with a 6:1 ratio at the acute care vent farm (which really is kinda ICU lite) and waded through that pile never ending of family needs is AMAZING. I can't imagine.
I think you just need a reset. And it's unlikely that a clinical answer that solves internal issues is to be found in any other speciality or spot. Every job has a downside. Don't focus on what others think tho - "oh, you should be feeling this" - that is unhelpful, even tho most folks mean well. It matters how you feel - it does. Other things matter too - 8-minute commute from home and cherish that! Supportive environment? Compensation? Advancement? Educational opportunities? Upsides/downsides. That is nursing. I still maintain giving it a chance after you have cared for yourself. Heck, leaving nursing and SAHM has downsides.
Onward amazing, intrepid angel. You got this.
:angel:
This totally wins the best advice award. There is some good good stuff here. I recommend seriously considering all Medic Nurse said.
I have been an RN for 5 yrs in 3 hosp with 3 different gigs,
Step-down cardiac with great new grad program, Interventional radiology basically a sedation RN, and now I'm back to bedside as a med surge float. One thing I can say for sure is there is opportunity for you. You just need to find it, it may take a few tries. Have you tried shadowing RN's in different fields/specialties to pick their brains and get a sense of the unit/hosp culture?
My job changes were due to moving out of state not by me choosing to leave so to speak.
It sounds to me that even though you are new to the field you rose quickly being in charge and such. You will succeed in the right fit, you need to find it. I know that may sound like a duh, but there are so many options in nursing.
A few thoughts that came to mind as I read your post,
Procedural nursing-spend short stints with pts, providing immediate care opportunities to converse and make pt feel educated and comfortable with procedure.
As I have floated to Orthopedics I agree a bit that it could be a good fit/floor, hitch is people can be sick anywhere, not all ortho procedures are elective and old, sometimes sick people break their hips all the time. But the unit feels much calmer than others.
Employee health
I'm at a loss for the title but what about phone triage or phone intake nursing making sure people are prepared for procedure or surgery prior to coming in. \
Before I found a hospital gig I worked for Summit Health, I think they are connected with Quest Diagnostics now, per diem work doing biometric screenings and flu shots. Maybe taking a break doing some per diem work as you shadow and network could be helpful.
Sorry wasn't able to read the whole thread or proof read (currently working).
I'm so Sorry that you are feeling this way and that you are going through this. It is very frustrating. If it makes you feel any better I went as far as an MBA and completing one year of law school before realizing that I want to be a nurse. Now I am preparing to start nursing school. Go with the flow. We get caught into details and time too much. Yes we should take them into consideration but we should also live freely and do what we feel is right. After reading your post it seems that you really enjoy the time that you get to spend talking with clients about their situations and you may even be interested in nursing research. Am I wrong in thinking this?
I am no career expert but I would look into nursing research positions and case manager positions. There are so many areas of nursing that you can explore, so don't feel bad about switching jobs often. If you are not happy you should leave. If you aren't happy your family, your patients and anyone else around you that you come in contact with with feel your vibe as you have expressed already taking place at home.
I know that some case managers can work from home and they make great money doing so. If you need to talk feel free to email me. [email protected]
Specializes in Diabetes, Transplant, CCU, Neurology.
Have you considered Pre-Op Admissions? People go in about a week before they have surgery to have labs, and get their medical history taken. Those jobs come up occasionally. Keep an eye open. i don't know what your husband does, but are you able to move to other places. My wife is a nurse too, so we could...and did. We've lived in Oklahoma, New Mexico, California and now Virginia. Nurses always had the advantage of "if you don't like it and can't change it, quit, go some place else".
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By-a-thred, RN, ADN
49 Posts
Have you ever considered correctional or psychiatric nursing? These fields are not the "glam" jobs that the ED and OR appear to be, but if you like to talk to your patients these areas of nursing are well suited to your strengths. Home care may be another option as you have more 1-on-1 time with your patients. Just please, don't give up! There are so many other places to use your skills.