Hello all! I am new the the forum. I apologize if this is the wrong place to post a topic such as this.
First, some background. Me and my girlfriend are both 20, and we are both full time students in college. She is going into nursing, and I am going for a bachelor in exercise science.
She will be starting the nursing program in January 2016. I have been researching what being a nurse entails, and what it takes to get through nursing school. I've read about how stressful it is, how hard the long, emotionally taxing shifts are, and how time consuming the nursing program is. Before I go any further, let me just say that you guys are amazing. I simply don't believe I would have the strength to do what you guys do. God bless all of you.
Okay, moving on... The reason I came hear is because I want to support her to the absolute best of my abilities. The problem is, I have no understanding of what nursing school is truly like. Sure, I've read a few blog posts about it, but so what? What I would like from you preferably experienced female nurses, is some advice on what I, as her boyfriend, can do to help her get through what sounds like a very hard challenge.
What is it like?
What kind of stresses will she be going through?
What, if anything, can I do to relieve those stresses, even if only a little?
Obviously since I am not in the nursing profession, I lack perspective on what it's truly like. Is there any way I can get a hint of understanding? Of the program, and of nursing in general?
An optional second question: I hear that nursing is an extremely high-stress job. What with the enormous responsibility that comes with essentially holding someone's life in your hands, and the attachment that comes with caring fro your patients. Combined with long hours, large workloads, etc. If it turns out that God has in His plans for us to get married, what can I do to support and help her through these aspects of her career?
I'm not a fan, either, to be honest. If there was a way to get someone else to clean all my patients that didn't make me feel like a tool I'd do it. Until then, I suck it up because I like most everything else I do. And I try not to be a tool.
I feel like if my boyfriend did this...it would make me upset. My thought would be "you would rather hear other peoples experiences than mine?" Or something like "you would rather them tell you how you can help me versus asking me how you can help me?"
Just saying.
This quotation from noelly10 hits the nail on the head, in my opinion. The important takeaway for you from this discussion is, I believe, is "Ask herwhat she needs. Listen deeply. Do the best you can to respond to her requests."
You are quite young, with many changes ahead of you. Learning to love and to be supportive is a process I've never seen anyone fully master at 20 years of age. Some never do.
Trying to plan out your future with your girlfriend as she navigates through nursing school is like trying to buy her an outfit by asking an anonymous bunch of women what size and style of clothing you should buy for her.
Ahh, I wonder if your girlfriend found an exercise science forum, created an account to ask fellow members on how to support you?
Everyone has their own experience in regards to making it through nursing school. She will let you know when she won't be available to hang out in the same way you would tell her as you get your degree. Good luck to both of you.
You are AWESOME for your consideration as I have had a few girlfriends give up their nursing dreams because their husbands were not supportive. There are a few girls in my class whom I would be surprise will be able to finish because of boyfriends and husbands.
I am in my first semester and you will basically be on your own with planned time together. One friend has date night Fridays, which on occasion is canceled due to nursing school requirements. In the first semester, we have assignment after assignment which you have to prioritize. I can't study for the test I have on Thursday until I take my test for another class on Tuesday and lets not forget the homework that is due on Wednesday of that same week. That is what it is like in first semester on top of volunteer hour requirements and clinical hours and group presentations. Not to mention the endless hours of practice in the mock hospital rooms in the nursing lab.
You can support her by first recognizing this commitment will require ALL of her time. She will be doing this for the both of you so being an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on (because tears WILL be flowing) would be great. Help with the household chores and maybe fix her some meals and snacks to go.
She will have it tough, but with your loving support, she will be on fire!!!
I am just starting school, but have been a PCT for just 6 months in a very high stress public hospital in a major city. I am 39 years old and going back to work and a career change after being home with kids for 10 years. The first thing MY husband did was make sure the things that matter to me the most were always taken care of to prevent me from stressing. Unfortunately he had to really step up. My kids being fed healthy meals, clean kitchen counter, clean toilets, vacuumed floor & my flowers watered were the main things that I would have a melt down if left unchecked.
What has been ABOVE & BEYOND is my husband has changed his job schedule to be home with the kids over the summer, drives me to and from school and work so I dont have to pay and find parking which can take around 20-30min, doing ALL the laundry (I strip my scrubs off at the door and he washes and hangs them to dry for me the next day) most days he will make lunch for me to take with me because hospital/college food is expensive and bad, & feet rubs with essential oils for inflammation in my feet and legs.
He KNOWS that I must succeed at this for the betterment of our families financial situation as well as my own mental state of accomplishing this goal. I feel like we are truly a team.
Hi. First of all thank you for being so supportive of your girlfriend. That is probably the best thing you can do to help her. I am sure she appreciates this a lot.
Nursing school is long and many programs require student to have c or higher to pass each course. Also many papers and research needs to be done as well as countless hours studying. Labs and clinical are also part of the curriculum and students need to be prepared for those as well. It might feel hard at the beginning but it gets easier as time goes by. Clinical may take from 6:30 am, usually 8 hours and may end at 11 pm for late shift. No overnight in school.
It can be a lot of stress at times but not all the time.
As a student having a quiet rooom to study is important also a lot of support and encouragement at times. Relaxation and family time also is needed.
One more important thing: asking for help. Professors usually like to be asked if students need help. I aced my logic class but I had a rough start. I emailed my professor and exercises to help studying. He explained the material and sent me some exercises to work on similar to the test we had. He also emailed and helped when i did not know tbe answer. I aced my next exam.
So good luck! nursing school is hard but it is very rewarding!!! Also good pay, time off and job security.
You could offer to help her....Like have a study session with her . If you are artistic you could draw out pictures such as the heart .lungs or ask her if their is a subject she does not understand maybe you could help her .You can buy her books. Its the little things that counts :) It doesn't hurt to ask her if she needs space, and if she doesn't you can be her study buddy. Sometimes if you see that she is having a hard time with studying or becoming frustrated offer her a nice break somewhere.As a boyfriend/spouse you can always be their to help. Even reminding her that although she is spending a lot of time with school you still love her and supporting her. The only thing you can do is be their every step of the way. That is very sweet of you to think that way . We need more boys like this ..lol..Its really up to her about managing her time, but you can always be their to remind her about stuff ,such as an assignment or just simply ask about her opinions.
Man...LISTEN, these people are DOWN...RIGHT...INSANE!!
- Okay, i AM going to give you some advice and some tips on what to do, but FIRST, I have to speak on some of this foolishness I saw in here. It REALLY made me upset to read the stuff I read in this thread. DONT LISTEN TO THESE MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE!!! I literally logged in JUST to come on here and i really didn't want to, but I HAD to. and I never sign on to here, I just read the posts, but I HAD to this time. SMH!!
Man listen, you are GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You being 20 means NOTHING!! in fact, it mean's you're even GREATER because people TWICE, even TRIPLE your age, often never get to a point mentally where they learn to be THAT great of a mate/ boyfriend/ girlfriend/ FRIEND.....as you are!
These people/ females, who ACTUALLY saw what you said, and perceived it to be EVEN REMOTELY bad (let alone "CREEPY", "CONTROLLING" and other INSANE, PREPOSTEROUS things), I can 100% GUARANTEE you, the females who said that, and perceived what you did here and what you explained your intentions are, as the above (bad, controlling, creepy, etc), are females who
1- Are COMPLETELY clueless in GENERAL, and are only smart and competent in school and nursing (im serious, there ARE people like this in the world, GREAT and VERY competent in school/ scholastically, but are EXTREMELY incompetent and disastrous in alot of others areas, especially regarding their interactions with other people, especially regarding relationships....meanwhile, the general public, seeing these people who are great in school and career-wise, perceive them to be great in general...which is very far from the truth).
2- in addition to number 1 above, you also often here those types of females say thigs like "i'll find love later, im working now, working on my career now, i'll find love/ a man later", which are the SAME women who end up with that career they wanted.......but yet are ALONE/ LONELY/ MAN-LESS/ BOYFRIEND-LESS/ HUSBAND-LESS....and HAPPY-LESS!! Because they were SO clueless and delusional to think that good men/ women and good relationships.....just grow in treess! When they DONT, when a good man/ woman is BEYOND rare, especially these days. SO rare that most people only get 1 to3 tries at getting that rare good man/ woman (i mean, you get 1 to 3 opportunities in life, when those 1 to 3 come into your life and present or reveal the opportunity). THESE clueless women brush those men off while pursuing their career goals (and ONLY pursuing their career goals, with tunnel vision), actually thinking that they can get that good man/ woman...ANYTIME.....whenever theyre ready.........as if the world revolves around them. Then, as i said before......get the career and end up ALONE, HUSBAND-LESS, and HAPPY-LESS.....living with their CATS!! CAT LADIES!!
3- i can also guarantee that the ENTIRE population of the females who perceived you and what you listed your intentions are, to be bad.........are females who are either
a) CHEATERS, UNFAITHFUL, INCONSIDERATE of you and of yalls relationships, along with having little to no clue what an actual relationship is and consists of (a is not something that anyone can just be in, successfully, it actually takes SKILL and KNOWLEDGE, you have to actually know what it takes to maintain a REAL relationship, have to be WILLING to do it, and have to be CAPABLE of doing it, guarantee these females have extremely hard problems in this area...and again, i guarantee that they're also cheaters)...OR!!..
b) and the other portion of this population of females, are females who have been with men who WERE actually bad, who were ACTUALLY controlling, and bad mates in general....not realizing that a person being CONTROLLING and abusive, is far more rare and uncommon than they think. From that, they INCORRECTLY assess and diagnose GOOD mens behaviors, thinking they apply to the ACTUAL controlling and abusive men that they dealt with, not realizing that the behaviors and mindsets and intentions you displayed are that of an ACTUAL, GOOD mate!
These are the types of women who actually are turned off by GOOD men and traits and behaviors of GOOD men, while being attracted to BAD men and TRAITS of bad men. Some of them literally said for you to not try to help her unless she asks.......when in reality THAT will get you into trouble too (ESPECIALLY with a woman), because they WANT to know that you're actually paying ATTENTION to her, her needs her wants, her likes and dislikes. Most women, and ALL SANE women, LOVE when a man takes initiative and does things (does GOOD things) that she would like, without having to tell him! And then, if she likes, wants or needs something....and you dont do it, alot of females will just not say anything in hopes that you will eventually catch on, eventually notice, eventually do it........and if/ when you DONT...they're upset!! And rightfully so! Thats how SANE women are! SO!, in order to do that, you need to actually KNOW your woman before hand, get to know her in DEPTH, ask questions! Ask EVERY question IMAGINABLE about her! Ask every question you can think of that, when answered, will TELL you about every aspect of her, find out EXACTLY what he likes, dislikes, hates, wants and needs...in EVERY....PART...OF...HER..LIFE, her past, her present, her future, EVERYTHING! In turn, NOT knowing her is a big part of why they (SANE women) get upset when they have to TELL you to do certain things because you didnt do it on your own, is because they feel you're supposed to KNOW them/ her, and when you don't, thats upsetting to them!
- Thats 1 side of it, the other side of what you need to do, is like what a few GOOD posters said, you have to ask her specifically, what does she think will help her through-out this, what does she think will make this easier for her, what does she think will reduce or remove the most stress from her through-out this schooling process, what does she think you can do in EVERY WAY...ask ask ASK.
- and yes it WAS a good idea for you to come on here and research to find out whats going on and what everything is like! Another thing these CRAZY females on here said, is something like "its bad for you to come on here and ask other peoples experiences and not hers"
- Now, lets get to some things that I feel you can do to help. This will be different from person to person, because everyone's schooling experience will be different, because everyone has different intelligence levels, different different levels of how good of a student they are/ how studious they are (which is completely different than intelligence, a person can be the BEST student...and have ZERO intelligence, or critical thinking....they can study and get A's, but are idiots outside of that). People also have different lives outside of school....so this will really really vary depending on your girlfriends abilities, school and study-wise, and depending on what her life consists of outside of school, ie- does she have a lot of activities outside of school, work? kids? other responsibilities? Any other stresses outside of school?
All of that equates to, you need to try your best to lessen or remove all of those stresses outside of school, whatever they are (and its best to tell her you will attempt to do this, before you do it, whatever it is). So, maybe you can help her with bills if she has some, so she can focus more on school, and less on money, and maybe also be able to go to work less. Maybe yall have pets, you take over the pet care duties. Don't know if you 2 live together, but...maybe you can do the cooking, laundry, and other house hold duties, for her on the days that shes too tired/ worn out. EVEN IF YOU DONT live together......still do those things on the days that shes too tired/ worn out! She will REALLY appreciate it. Do it like this ~~> In GENERAL, do those things maybe....at least 2 to 3 days a week, in GENERAL..without her even asking, just boy the food or cook the food and have it ready (if you live together), or bring it right to her after school...without her even asking! And then on other days, ask her if she needs that today, and if yes..then do it. (same for the house hold chores and things).
-Back to the "knowing her" stuff.......maybe get her little things that she likes, periodically, like...if you know she likes a certain type of water ice....get that once in a while. Or if you know theres a certain thing, certain object, certain food, get..maybe even certain nail polish, lipstick, makeup..etc...that makes her feel better and/ or picks up her spirits....get her that (especially if you know its a day that she feels down or something).
- Like another girl said, nursing students seem to LOOOOOOVE little nursing school UTENSILS! Like organizers, cute pens and pencils, colorful highlighter markers...and all kinds of other NURSING GADGETS
**** NOTE!!- a VERY clever way to go about this, is going on youtube and typing in "Whats in my nursing bad"...and "Nursing school haul"....and "Nursing tools" .."Nursing utensils"...."Nursing school tools", etc, and look at all the cool gadgets, tools and trinkets that people have....GET HER THAT STUFF!!! Not all at once, dont want to "shoot your load" lol. Get her 1, 2 or 3 things at a time....and do it once in a while, not REAL often, but often enough.
- REWARD HER for her good work in school!! Pay attention to when her projects and tests are!! Mark them down on your OWN calendars! And when she comes home and reveals that she did well, guess what? REWARD HER!!! Cook her dinner or take her out to somewhere that she really loves or enjoys (doesnt have to be the clichie "take her out to eat", thats goofy BS....its about what SHE wants and likes, so wherever that is.....be it, a park to sit ont he bench and talk, a picnic, an amusement park on the weekend, the makeup store,, WHATEVER (within reason and within your budget lol)...take her.
- ALSO, if she comes home and reveals that she did BAD on the assignment or test.......guess what? You SUPPORT her, CHEER HER UP, BUILD HER SELF ESTEEM back up and let her know that its okay, its just 1 test, it doesnt mean shes a bad student, doesnt mean shes stupid, and she CAN do better next time! And not only can she...she WILL, because you KNOW she can, because you KNOW shes very very smart, and because you KNOW she will be a GREAT nurse 1 day! And remind her that you have complete faith and confidence in her...even if/ when she doesn't!
*** Also, with this....you can also include (ask her if she'd like you to), do the same types of things that I listed above, in the "REWARD HER" section, to help her feel better and pick her up.
** Oh also, make sure you're affectionate throughout all of this, with logs of hugs, kisses, holding her, holding her hand...etc.
- I also heard a few of these females say that they feel resentful about you or any man trying to mix their relationship with their career, and was telling you to keep yourself out of hers. This is a very individual, preference kind of thing. EVEN THOUGH I would GUARANTEE that the type of woman who feels that way, is to be 100% AVOIDED because she/ they are 100% GUARANTEED trouble. And would go on to further say that, SANE, RELATIONSHIP-READY women will WANT their mate to take part in and help them with, their careers....as much as they could without becoming a HINDRANCE to them (the woman) and her career. MOST, if not ALL (SANE) women, hope and PRAY for a man to be there in that way, and to be SUPPORTIVE and INVOLVED in that way! On top of that, when that is the case, it brings that couple together SO much closer, and brings them close in ways, and develops a bond and connection, in ways, that other couples will never experience.
But yet and still, thats still a preference kind of thing, so its good (not only good, but NECESSARY) for you to ASK her, in great detail, 1st, as to what type of persons he is in this area, and get a full grasp of how she feels, whether she feels like what I just said above, or if she feels like some of what these other women in this thread said (and if she feels like those women, i'll tell you right now you're in deep trouble, but i digress lol).
- Now, if she feels like what I said above, and would LOVE that kind of stuff, then you CAN actually help her study! She can use flash cards and you 2 can do it as if its like a game show, where as, you ask her the questions and she has to answer (with you having the correct answers there on the cards, if she forgets show her the card/ answer, put the card to the side so you can come back to it, on to the next card. After a few cards you go and pick that card from the side, back up..and ask her the question again.....put that card to the side AGAIN, to repeat it again later, because thats 1 of the things she has more trouble with, but she'll get if after this). You 2 can even make a GAME out of it!! That in itself wil make her learn it EVEN MORE!! Because its FUN, yall are LAUGHING...all of which will program the material into her mind even more!
- You can even create REWARDS for if she gets a certain number of answers right!!
- A SANE woman will LOVE and APPRECIATE this BEYOND...BELIEF!!! It is NOT normal for mates to help in these ways, and she will NEVER forget it!! Along with the fact that it'll ALSO be killing 2 birds with 1 stone, because she can be STUDYING (when she otherwise would just have to be AWAY from you, which can be a strain on the relationship because of he lack of quality time)...but shes studying AND being able to enteract and spend time together with you! GREAT!!
- ALSO, when it coems to studying, even if you ARENT helping her int he above way.....i would suggest, if its possible, when she needs to study, to still come over to where you live (and bring her stuff over there)...or, you go over to where SHE lives, and just be there with her, in each others presence.....while she studies. That ALONE is great for both of you, to just be in each others presence even if you cant talk alot. This alone will solve a lot of issues that can come up, like NORMAL and NATURAL thoughts that may occur in your head like "okay...we are REALLY not seeing each other much, i wonder if shes beginning to see someone else???", or "i wonder if she is even still wanting to BE with me??"...or "i wonder if shes starting to loose love for me!?!"..etc etc etc.
- PLUS.....when it comes to studying, its not good or effective to study for hours STRAIGHT, ANYWAY!! A person really is supposed to take BREAKS!! Every 15. 20, 30 mins or so! So....in between those breaks, since yall are ALREADY THERE in each others presence, you can talk for a few minutes, be affectionate, hug, kiss, cuddle, eat a few snacks together, maybe 1 or 2 funny youtube clips together...etc!! Again...more things that are GREAT for the relationship in general and things that build more and more rapport between you too.
** Note, even if shes okay with and/ or would love this type of set-up, it might be still good to still have a days, a day or 2, depending on you guys' preferences, where you just have days where youre home and shes at her own place and studying alone. It also depends on how she needs to study and what the best way for her is, whether it be to study alone, or..if shes still successful with studying around you (with you not bothering her at ALL, during that time, maybe you just sit there and watch TV, play video games, surf the net, etc..during that time).
- VERY important thought, to NOT BOTHER HER during her study times!!!
- Again...everything really depends on her in particular and how she is, what her likes, dislikes, wants and needs are. You find those out and then you shape and mold everything around that/ those things
- OUT, and when she gets home, ask her about her day, actually talk to her about it all, Most females like to actually talk about what happened during their day...GOOD OR BAD, either they want to talk about how good it was, or want to COMPLAIN about how bad it was, and even better if they can complain and have who they're complaining to, UNDERSTAND and RELATE to what they went though/ felt lol. And console her and support her, verbally and emotionally after that long, hard day.
Those are just a few things i could think of, I might think of more later. But again, don't let these people deter you, you are a GREAT boyfriend and any SANE female would LOVE it, they hope and pray and CRY and WISH they could find a man like that! And if/ when you cross paths with 1 who doesn't, I 100% guarantee you the girl has severe problems, and its a red flag that tells you to AVOID that female, or you'll pay for it dearly. So anyway, GREAT JOB, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! GOOD LUCK, and GOD BLESS!
Man...LISTEN, these people are DOWN...RIGHT...INSANE!!
- Okay, i AM going to give you some advice and some tips on what to do, but FIRST, I have to speak on some of this foolishness I saw in here. It REALLY made me upset to read the stuff I read in this thread. DONT LISTEN TO THESE MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE!!! I literally logged in JUST to come on here and i really didn't want to, but I HAD to. and I never sign on to here, I just read the posts, but I HAD to this time. SMH!!
Man listen, you are GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You being 20 means NOTHING!! in fact, it mean's you're even GREATER because people TWICE, even TRIPLE your age, often never get to a point mentally where they learn to be THAT great of a mate/ boyfriend/ girlfriend/ FRIEND.....as you are!
These people/ females, who ACTUALLY saw what you said, and perceived it to be EVEN REMOTELY bad (let alone "CREEPY", "CONTROLLING" and other INSANE, PREPOSTEROUS things), I can 100% GUARANTEE you, the females who said that, and perceived what you did here and what you explained your intentions are, as the above (bad, controlling, creepy, etc), are females who
1- Are COMPLETELY clueless in GENERAL, and are only smart and competent in school and nursing (im serious, there ARE people like this in the world, GREAT and VERY competent in school/ scholastically, but are EXTREMELY incompetent and disastrous in alot of others areas, especially regarding their interactions with other people, especially regarding relationships....meanwhile, the general public, seeing these people who are great in school and career-wise, perceive them to be great in general...which is very far from the truth).
2- in addition to number 1 above, you also often here those types of females say thigs like "i'll find love later, im working now, working on my career now, i'll find love/ a man later", which are the SAME women who end up with that career they wanted.......but yet are ALONE/ LONELY/ MAN-LESS/ BOYFRIEND-LESS/ HUSBAND-LESS....and HAPPY-LESS!! Because they were SO clueless and delusional to think that good men/ women and good relationships.....just grow in treess! When they DONT, when a good man/ woman is BEYOND rare, especially these days. SO rare that most people only get 1 to3 tries at getting that rare good man/ woman (i mean, you get 1 to 3 opportunities in life, when those 1 to 3 come into your life and present or reveal the opportunity). THESE clueless women brush those men off while pursuing their career goals (and ONLY pursuing their career goals, with tunnel vision), actually thinking that they can get that good man/ woman...ANYTIME.....whenever theyre ready.........as if the world revolves around them. Then, as i said before......get the career and end up ALONE, HUSBAND-LESS, and HAPPY-LESS.....living with their CATS!! CAT LADIES!!
3- i can also guarantee that the ENTIRE population of the females who perceived you and what you listed your intentions are, to be bad.........are females who are either
a) CHEATERS, UNFAITHFUL, INCONSIDERATE of you and of yalls relationships, along with having little to no clue what an actual relationship is and consists of (a is not something that anyone can just be in, successfully, it actually takes SKILL and KNOWLEDGE, you have to actually know what it takes to maintain a REAL relationship, have to be WILLING to do it, and have to be CAPABLE of doing it, guarantee these females have extremely hard problems in this area...and again, i guarantee that they're also cheaters)...OR!!..
b) and the other portion of this population of females, are females who have been with men who WERE actually bad, who were ACTUALLY controlling, and bad mates in general....not realizing that a person being CONTROLLING and abusive, is far more rare and uncommon than they think. From that, they INCORRECTLY assess and diagnose GOOD mens behaviors, thinking they apply to the ACTUAL controlling and abusive men that they dealt with, not realizing that the behaviors and mindsets and intentions you displayed are that of an ACTUAL, GOOD mate!
These are the types of women who actually are turned off by GOOD men and traits and behaviors of GOOD men, while being attracted to BAD men and TRAITS of bad men. Some of them literally said for you to not try to help her unless she asks.......when in reality THAT will get you into trouble too (ESPECIALLY with a woman), because they WANT to know that you're actually paying ATTENTION to her, her needs her wants, her likes and dislikes. Most women, and ALL SANE women, LOVE when a man takes initiative and does things (does GOOD things) that she would like, without having to tell him! And then, if she likes, wants or needs something....and you dont do it, alot of females will just not say anything in hopes that you will eventually catch on, eventually notice, eventually do it........and if/ when you DONT...they're upset!! And rightfully so! Thats how SANE women are! SO!, in order to do that, you need to actually KNOW your woman before hand, get to know her in DEPTH, ask questions! Ask EVERY question IMAGINABLE about her! Ask every question you can think of that, when answered, will TELL you about every aspect of her, find out EXACTLY what he likes, dislikes, hates, wants and needs...in EVERY....PART...OF...HER..LIFE, her past, her present, her future, EVERYTHING! In turn, NOT knowing her is a big part of why they (SANE women) get upset when they have to TELL you to do certain things because you didnt do it on your own, is because they feel you're supposed to KNOW them/ her, and when you don't, thats upsetting to them!
- Thats 1 side of it, the other side of what you need to do, is like what a few GOOD posters said, you have to ask her specifically, what does she think will help her through-out this, what does she think will make this easier for her, what does she think will reduce or remove the most stress from her through-out this schooling process, what does she think you can do in EVERY WAY...ask ask ASK.
- and yes it WAS a good idea for you to come on here and research to find out whats going on and what everything is like! Another thing these CRAZY females on here said, is something like "its bad for you to come on here and ask other peoples experiences and not hers"
- Now, lets get to some things that I feel you can do to help. This will be different from person to person, because everyone's schooling experience will be different, because everyone has different intelligence levels, different different levels of how good of a student they are/ how studious they are (which is completely different than intelligence, a person can be the BEST student...and have ZERO intelligence, or critical thinking....they can study and get A's, but are idiots outside of that). People also have different lives outside of school....so this will really really vary depending on your girlfriends abilities, school and study-wise, and depending on what her life consists of outside of school, ie- does she have a lot of activities outside of school, work? kids? other responsibilities? Any other stresses outside of school?
All of that equates to, you need to try your best to lessen or remove all of those stresses outside of school, whatever they are (and its best to tell her you will attempt to do this, before you do it, whatever it is). So, maybe you can help her with bills if she has some, so she can focus more on school, and less on money, and maybe also be able to go to work less. Maybe yall have pets, you take over the pet care duties. Don't know if you 2 live together, but...maybe you can do the cooking, laundry, and other house hold duties, for her on the days that shes too tired/ worn out. EVEN IF YOU DONT live together......still do those things on the days that shes too tired/ worn out! She will REALLY appreciate it. Do it like this ~~> In GENERAL, do those things maybe....at least 2 to 3 days a week, in GENERAL..without her even asking, just boy the food or cook the food and have it ready (if you live together), or bring it right to her after school...without her even asking! And then on other days, ask her if she needs that today, and if yes..then do it. (same for the house hold chores and things).
-Back to the "knowing her" stuff.......maybe get her little things that she likes, periodically, like...if you know she likes a certain type of water ice....get that once in a while. Or if you know theres a certain thing, certain object, certain food, get..maybe even certain nail polish, lipstick, makeup..etc...that makes her feel better and/ or picks up her spirits....get her that (especially if you know its a day that she feels down or something).
- Like another girl said, nursing students seem to LOOOOOOVE little nursing school UTENSILS! Like organizers, cute pens and pencils, colorful highlighter markers...and all kinds of other NURSING GADGETS
**** NOTE!!- a VERY clever way to go about this, is going on youtube and typing in "Whats in my nursing bad"...and "Nursing school haul"....and "Nursing tools" .."Nursing utensils"...."Nursing school tools", etc, and look at all the cool gadgets, tools and trinkets that people have....GET HER THAT STUFF!!! Not all at once, dont want to "shoot your load" lol. Get her 1, 2 or 3 things at a time....and do it once in a while, not REAL often, but often enough.
- REWARD HER for her good work in school!! Pay attention to when her projects and tests are!! Mark them down on your OWN calendars! And when she comes home and reveals that she did well, guess what? REWARD HER!!! Cook her dinner or take her out to somewhere that she really loves or enjoys (doesnt have to be the clichie "take her out to eat", thats goofy BS....its about what SHE wants and likes, so wherever that is.....be it, a park to sit ont he bench and talk, a picnic, an amusement park on the weekend, the makeup store,, WHATEVER (within reason and within your budget lol)...take her.
- ALSO, if she comes home and reveals that she did BAD on the assignment or test.......guess what? You SUPPORT her, CHEER HER UP, BUILD HER SELF ESTEEM back up and let her know that its okay, its just 1 test, it doesnt mean shes a bad student, doesnt mean shes stupid, and she CAN do better next time! And not only can she...she WILL, because you KNOW she can, because you KNOW shes very very smart, and because you KNOW she will be a GREAT nurse 1 day! And remind her that you have complete faith and confidence in her...even if/ when she doesn't!
*** Also, with this....you can also include (ask her if she'd like you to), do the same types of things that I listed above, in the "REWARD HER" section, to help her feel better and pick her up.
** Oh also, make sure you're affectionate throughout all of this, with logs of hugs, kisses, holding her, holding her hand...etc.
- I also heard a few of these females say that they feel resentful about you or any man trying to mix their relationship with their career, and was telling you to keep yourself out of hers. This is a very individual, preference kind of thing. EVEN THOUGH I would GUARANTEE that the type of woman who feels that way, is to be 100% AVOIDED because she/ they are 100% GUARANTEED trouble. And would go on to further say that, SANE, RELATIONSHIP-READY women will WANT their mate to take part in and help them with, their careers....as much as they could without becoming a HINDRANCE to them (the woman) and her career. MOST, if not ALL (SANE) women, hope and PRAY for a man to be there in that way, and to be SUPPORTIVE and INVOLVED in that way! On top of that, when that is the case, it brings that couple together SO much closer, and brings them close in ways, and develops a bond and connection, in ways, that other couples will never experience.
But yet and still, thats still a preference kind of thing, so its good (not only good, but NECESSARY) for you to ASK her, in great detail, 1st, as to what type of persons he is in this area, and get a full grasp of how she feels, whether she feels like what I just said above, or if she feels like some of what these other women in this thread said (and if she feels like those women, i'll tell you right now you're in deep trouble, but i digress lol).
- Now, if she feels like what I said above, and would LOVE that kind of stuff, then you CAN actually help her study! She can use flash cards and you 2 can do it as if its like a game show, where as, you ask her the questions and she has to answer (with you having the correct answers there on the cards, if she forgets show her the card/ answer, put the card to the side so you can come back to it, on to the next card. After a few cards you go and pick that card from the side, back up..and ask her the question again.....put that card to the side AGAIN, to repeat it again later, because thats 1 of the things she has more trouble with, but she'll get if after this). You 2 can even make a GAME out of it!! That in itself wil make her learn it EVEN MORE!! Because its FUN, yall are LAUGHING...all of which will program the material into her mind even more!
- You can even create REWARDS for if she gets a certain number of answers right!!
- A SANE woman will LOVE and APPRECIATE this BEYOND...BELIEF!!! It is NOT normal for mates to help in these ways, and she will NEVER forget it!! Along with the fact that it'll ALSO be killing 2 birds with 1 stone, because she can be STUDYING (when she otherwise would just have to be AWAY from you, which can be a strain on the relationship because of he lack of quality time)...but shes studying AND being able to enteract and spend time together with you! GREAT!!
- ALSO, when it coems to studying, even if you ARENT helping her int he above way.....i would suggest, if its possible, when she needs to study, to still come over to where you live (and bring her stuff over there)...or, you go over to where SHE lives, and just be there with her, in each others presence.....while she studies. That ALONE is great for both of you, to just be in each others presence even if you cant talk alot. This alone will solve a lot of issues that can come up, like NORMAL and NATURAL thoughts that may occur in your head like "okay...we are REALLY not seeing each other much, i wonder if shes beginning to see someone else???", or "i wonder if she is even still wanting to BE with me??"...or "i wonder if shes starting to loose love for me!?!"..etc etc etc.
- PLUS.....when it comes to studying, its not good or effective to study for hours STRAIGHT, ANYWAY!! A person really is supposed to take BREAKS!! Every 15. 20, 30 mins or so! So....in between those breaks, since yall are ALREADY THERE in each others presence, you can talk for a few minutes, be affectionate, hug, kiss, cuddle, eat a few snacks together, maybe 1 or 2 funny youtube clips together...etc!! Again...more things that are GREAT for the relationship in general and things that build more and more rapport between you too.
** Note, even if shes okay with and/ or would love this type of set-up, it might be still good to still have a days, a day or 2, depending on you guys' preferences, where you just have days where youre home and shes at her own place and studying alone. It also depends on how she needs to study and what the best way for her is, whether it be to study alone, or..if shes still successful with studying around you (with you not bothering her at ALL, during that time, maybe you just sit there and watch TV, play video games, surf the net, etc..during that time).
- VERY important thought, to NOT BOTHER HER during her study times!!!
- Again...everything really depends on her in particular and how she is, what her likes, dislikes, wants and needs are. You find those out and then you shape and mold everything around that/ those things
- OUT, and when she gets home, ask her about her day, actually talk to her about it all, Most females like to actually talk about what happened during their day...GOOD OR BAD, either they want to talk about how good it was, or want to COMPLAIN about how bad it was, and even better if they can complain and have who they're complaining to, UNDERSTAND and RELATE to what they went though/ felt lol. And console her and support her, verbally and emotionally after that long, hard day.
Those are just a few things i could think of, I might think of more later. But again, don't let these people deter you, you are a GREAT boyfriend and any SANE female would LOVE it, they hope and pray and CRY and WISH they could find a man like that! And if/ when you cross paths with 1 who doesn't, I 100% guarantee you the girl has severe problems, and its a red flag that tells you to AVOID that female, or you'll pay for it dearly. So anyway, GREAT JOB, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! GOOD LUCK, and GOD BLESS!
OP, in my experience, bachelors programs tend to start a little slower, if she has a strong science background. I did an diploma program in 2 years, worked full time night shift, and drove an hour each way three or four evenings a week and every other weekend clinicals. Yet, over 1/2 of the class failed numerous courses and required repeating. Of course, that fact depends upon her instructors and their level of commitment to their students succeeding. It can be done, especially with a good support system, or simply depending on ones' determination and background. To each their own.
That said, I think you should ask her what she'll need or how you can help her. She may breeze right through her pre-reqs and really struggle once actual nursing stuff and clinicals begin. Everybody is unique in needs of support/personal intelligence/ease of critical thinking and so forth.
An no offense to MikeEverett (I usually try to use a little more tact when posting or communicating with others in any manner), but most of those things you mentioned (buying little nurse gadgets and "youtube nurse baG) are common sense to a lot of people. Not others who must take so much time and effort to think it through. And, capitalizing in the way that you did, simply lowers your perceived intelligence to others who read your response. As does inserting so many arrows. They serve no functional purpose and once again, lower perceived intelligence. Once again, I stated perceived (and I only underlined to emphasize).
Dogen
897 Posts
I'm not a fan, either, to be honest. If there was a way to get someone else to clean all my patients that didn't make me feel like a tool I'd do it. Until then, I suck it up because I like most everything else I do. And I try not to be a tool.