I think I am going to crack up...

purplemania, BSN, RN · Jun 4, 2004

Does your facility offer employee assistance with a counselor? I would check that out. Some counsel over the phone. Just learning how to deal with what you cannot change is a help. You are reaching out now, and I hope someone is able to help you before you get physical symptoms related to your stress.

Rapheal · Jun 4, 2004

Your plate is so full right now. I am sorry. I can relate. I too wish that I had more to show for the sacrifices and hard work that I have done. I think part of it is that dreaded term "midlife crisis". Looking back on your life and not being where you had planned to be at this point.

I suggest that you stop spreading yourself so thin. You seem to be taking alot of other people's problems on and this is not fair to you or to them. I recently dropped a toxic friend who was so demanding of my time and energy and would play the helpless female who needed everybody to do everything for her. She was also spiteful when she didn't get me or hubby to do her bidding. So it was "bye now." I refuse to feel guilty about it either.

Take care of yourself and your kids and hubby first and foremost. Obviously your dad needs your help but as for the other family members who expect you to be on call- let them handle their own problems. Refuse to buy into the guilt. And IMHO you need to change shifts and maybe change jobs. Night shift is hard when you have to work and are expected to be up during the day. You need to get some sleep. You need to take care of yourself.

Best wishes for a better future. Do what you NEED to do, not what you WANT to do because I am sure you WANT to help everybody. But it's not working, and your health and happiness are being sacrificed. I am writing this as a former Ms. Nice Guy, always the pal who is now a real witch to those who couldn't use me up anymore.

bargainhound, RN · Jun 4, 2004

"....Not to mention that it is almost my birthday and I am closing in on the half a century mark with it seems, not a lot to show for it.."

I have learned it is better to measure "what you have to show for it" in other than $ terms. Think

of how you have helped others and bettered the

world for some. It also helps you let go of some

of the demands you make on yourself to aquire

the $.

CherryRN · Jun 4, 2004

{{{{{{motherbaby{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Perhaps you can talk to someone and get all of these feelings off your chest. If you don't, you could get ill.

What helps for me, is to write everything down on a legal pad and try to see what I can do to change the situation. Start with the easiest thing to change, this way you see a result right away. This will encourage you to tackle the other things.

Make a list. When you see it all down in black and white it will be easier to deal with.

Perhaps your husband can work for a while, and you can stay home. Doesn't have to be forever.

Perhaps you can switch units.

Perhaps you need a day a month to disappear and be on your own.

Like that.

Best of luck

C.

CherryRN · Jun 4, 2004

I was very burned out recently and needed to make a lot of changes.

I switched jobs and now I have more of a life.

I set boundaries and refuse to be pulled into my family's and my inlaws crap just because I am a nurse.

I got rid of toxic friends.

I'm working on the other stuff lol

C.

Trauma Columnist · Jun 4, 2004

Please get some help to deal with the incredible stress you are living with! Perhaps prioritizing: ie first your family, job, then extended family.

gypsyatheart · Jun 4, 2004

{{{{{{{{{{{MotherBabyRN}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry you're feeling so badly and dealing with all of this now! I know it's overwhelming when you have so many responsibilities and people to to take care of! I really don't know what can help, but maybe talking to somebody would help you. And, even if it isn't permanent, changing jobs might be the idea. You can always go back to that job/shift when things have calmed down in your personal life.

And, really try to do something just for you, even if it's just a bubble bath and a glass of wine, candles and music! :)

mother/babyRN, RN · Jun 5, 2004

Thankyou so much..I have an appointment with a psychologist to discuss all the stressors that have lately assailed me.....You know how nurses don't want to be weak and all that...But, as difficult as that was I know it was best. Can't leave the job right now, but at least feel better knowing that I have been proactive..Thankyou for the support...I will keep you posted....

CHATSDALE · Jun 5, 2004

I Have Been In A Similiar Situation So My Heart Goes Out To You Sometimes A Vacation Is Helpful But Somethings Will Have To Be Done On A Permanent Basis....their Are Jobs Less Stress Ful And I Think That Changing Jobs Will Be Most Helpful....that Is Something That Is Under Your Control..your Dad S Illness Is Not...control What You Can And Don T Miss Out Too Much On Your Little Ones...their Need Is A Priority Good Luck

laurakoko · Jun 5, 2004

Oh wow, how I am going thru the same thing! I gave birth to 2 babies in 2 years! Home life was stressful! My job, so stressful! I would go to work, take care of 7 patients, to the best of my ability, and still leave crying at times. (Always thinking, could I have do more, what did I miss, etc..). I would come home to babies, (after 13h shift), to do baths, breastfeedings, and just have minimal qualtity time with my children. My husband is a stay at home dad also, and does a wonderful job. But kids, and sick family members need YOU. I was stressed. I was also in a car accident that left me in pain alot, and that was something else to add to my platter. I recently had enough. I then went to the hospital and begged for another position that at least would be less stress, and fewer hours. I changed my position from full time to prn, and took a job in case managment. I work less, and am less stressed, and my family is #1. My husband took a job, and works a few days a week, and ends are meeting fine, if not better. We had to start a bugdet, and we are still saving and our needs are being met. I am able to handle a career, family, and be a better wife. I think of it as temporary, it is what I need only at this time, for me, and my family. If I can change, so can you. Try change, it might be for the better, if not, change back. Nurses are expected to be flexible, so is the career. It is working for me. I am so much happier. :)

Love-A-Nurse · Jun 5, 2004

hugs to you. in my humble opinion, i feel your greatest hurdle has been accomplishment with the recognition of such side tracks of life's pressures and the willingness to seek the "right" help/assistance couple with your allnurses family to rally "near' you. if you don't mind, i will pray for you.