hi all...recently since just about all my co workers have been out for various reasons from illness to pregancy, i have found myself the lone staff member * there are travelers and perdiem people, left on my unit on the night shift. since i am also charge there are so many more things to worry about, not to mention minimal backup...i am stressed to the max and recently informed the manager i didn't think i would be able to continue..add to this that my stay at home husband, who is wonderful with the home and the kids, is getting on my nerves through no fault of his own...i think i am either jealous, mad or both that i have to work outside the home when i have 3 little ones that i would rather be taking care of when i am not either exhausted , grouchy or non functional....then too, my dad has a terminal illness, a brother was just diagnosed with leukemia, i am overweight and feeling overwhelmed an powerless, the epitome of a burned out person..i get sick to my stomach at the very thought of having to go in at night, and the kids are too small to understand why i can't get it together and stay up all day....i also am estranged from one brother and still have to be the acting family nurse...on both sides....there are nights that i burst into tears when the job gets to me or the inexperienced or new help argue with me...i worry that some sort of crazy wild delivery or nursery situation will happen and i won't be able to handle it..as much as it is nice that the docs want me in their labors and watching their patients, i can't be everywhere....not to mention that it is almost my birthday and i am closing in on the half a century mark with it seems, not a lot to show for it..i know i probably need to see someone and talk about this because i have lately become a person i don't really know anymore and it is affecting me and everyone in my life...whew! help!
