I have seen it in these blogs so many times. Saying sorry for something that you have no controll over
I grew believing you said sorry when you had remorse for something wrong that you have done. Which means you accept blame for something bad that has happened.
I am not sorry for something that I did not do. Maybe people use the term as a sentiment. I dont.
At work, I dont say I am sorry for something that I have no control over. Never.
If a person is lost in the hospital and I have a second to redirect them, I do it, I dont say sorry.
If a family member is upset with a nurse, usually because of conflict with personality mind you, I dont say sorry for the attitude of the nurse.
One time a family thought they could make me get them some coffee. No, I told them, I am not here to make and serve coffee to family members. I didnt say sorry then either.
I don't mind doing nice things for the family members, if I have time, and if it's not an expectation. For example, a patient's wife was spending the night, and she said she had an upset stomach. She didn't ask me for a thing, it just came out in casual conversation. While I was out and about, I grabbed some saltines and some hot peppermint tea from the pantry and brought them to her. She was very appreciative. If I'm taking care of a comfort care patient, I will sometimes offer to bring coffee or tea for family members sitting with the patient. If I don't have time because I am busy taking care of patients, I just direct family members to the coffee, stating that I don't make it, so I don't know how fresh it is, but that there is a coffee shop downstairs if they want good coffee. Most people are quite understanding that the nurses are busy taking care of patients and don't generally have time to be fetching coffee for family members. Occasionally there is that clueless person that will come to the nurses' station while I am charting, or I've even had it happen when I was on the phone with the doctor, to tell me that somebody needs to make a fresh pot of coffee. Fortunately, that's the exception rather than the rule.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand, I've used the term "I'm sorry" as a way of empathizing with a person, even if what I'm saying "I'm sorry" about has nothing to do with me. An example would be the death of a loved one or a cherished pet.
Nurses aren't just individuals acting alone - they are team members - they are representatives of the hospital/service.
If your team or hospital makes a mistake - you can apologise on their behalf and still not take blame yourself.
Should you?
Yes.
Hospitals are formidable places - full of sick, injured and dying people - machines that go "ping" - and highly trained, highly efficient and highly necessary staff. They scare the heck out of patients and relatives. I don't know many that actually want to be there. The patient or relative is always in awe of the goings on around them so a little understanding can make a big difference.
To be honest - I'm sick of the number of patients or relatives who ask me for some favour or assistance - that is or isn't part of my primary role - and then apologise as if they deliberately acted annoyingly or something.
They are my employers. They are the whole reason I exist in the job that I do. They are whole reason my job exists.
I never allow a patient or relative to feel they are a burden to me or the service - regardless of the need.
A person unable to say sorry on some principle of not looking weak or not taking a collective responsibility - even if just to stop someone feeling bad about something - then it sounds more like a person who thinks the community that needs you is there just to keep you in a job.
I'm british. I say sorry even if you are the one who stepped on my foot, we all do. It's just ....something we do. Don't think we mean it every time, it's just polite to say it.
And in regards to coffee or tea, you are right. It is not my job, but it is a courtesy I extend. And I may not have been the cause of the injury, but shame on me if I had the opportunity to help and I shooed it away.
Besides, you never know how a simple gesture can be very instrumental in the life of someone, your patient, or a family member.
I do understand that we a very short in time, very stretched.....but it may be the one interaction that goes right that day. Why lose it?
"I'm sorry" can be overused, especially when followed with something beligerent. Such as those who say "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do that.........
Also, if overused it can sound insincere. But as a charge nurse who has to listen to complaints about my coworkers or situations beyond my control, I see nothing wrong with saying "I'm sorry about that, blah blah blah........". It lets them know I've listened and that I care.
I get patients ice and coffee, and even let their visitors have it. I was raised to have manners and I wouldn't dare tell a family member or patient "it's not my job to get you coffee".
Specializes in OR, and more recently PACU and SDC.
As Zana2 pointed out, "sorry", is very cultural. If you rethink the way you respond to certain situations where you would instinctively respond with "sorry" you can still reply with sensitivity and respect. Words such as "unfortunately" and "sadly" work well in many instances. It also will relieve you of the responsibility of the situation. ie, "...it's unfortunate that...." or "...sadly..." have worked for me.
As far as doing non-nursing duties, I will bend over backwards to help a family member or visitor if time permits. I am an embassador of my facility. I learned at my first corporate job orientation that I have a responsibility to promote a positive image. Every single person in the hospital, staff or visitor, is a consumer/customer or potential consumer. It's all about customer service. Greet everyone with with a smile or hello. Ask, "can I help you find something?" to someone who appears lost. Never walk the halls with your head down, looking at the floor. These are all important niceties that can promote a positive hospital experience.
"As for family members making coffee, well I just direct them to the tea room where they can do it themselves. I didn't study nursing for 3 years and end up with debt just to make coffee."
Ouch! because cleaning up vommit, stool and urine is so much more glamorous? :smiletea2:
Sorry, but if I have time, I do grab them coffee, or whatever. If I don't have time, I direct them to the cafeteria.
and I do say Sorry. If I mean it or if I don't. It's just a word that comes out, just like No Problem. most of the time I have a hundred other things on my mind when Im at work, I don't really take the time to ponder on if Im really sorry. Im pretty sure that they know Im not sorry. And if I do get them coffee, they know they were a bit of a problem, even if I say no-problem.
To me, this is about having compassion and checking our ego at the door.
The day that I am too proud to tell a patient that I am sorry for their diagnosis, condition, pain, a family that I am sorry about a death that has occurred...is the day that I will get out of the profession.
I don't give a flip whether it's my fault or not...it's what they want to hear, it is what they NEED to hear.
I've said, "I'm sorry for your loss," but I wasn't apologizing.
I usually try to offer pts and family members coffee. I'm not a waiter, but I do try to be hospitable. If someone asks for it, or a pillow, and I don't have time, I tell them it may be a while, but I'll get it, or have the aide get it, when I can.
:smiletea2:
AGal110
32 Posts
FireStarter - love your post.