I have seen it in these blogs so many times. Saying sorry for something that you have no controll over
I grew believing you said sorry when you had remorse for something wrong that you have done. Which means you accept blame for something bad that has happened.
I am not sorry for something that I did not do. Maybe people use the term as a sentiment. I dont.
At work, I dont say I am sorry for something that I have no control over. Never.
If a person is lost in the hospital and I have a second to redirect them, I do it, I dont say sorry.
If a family member is upset with a nurse, usually because of conflict with personality mind you, I dont say sorry for the attitude of the nurse.
One time a family thought they could make me get them some coffee. No, I told them, I am not here to make and serve coffee to family members. I didnt say sorry then either.
Dying isn't a 'health improvement issue' per se - but nurses get involved in it daily.
If a patient is dying - we support them to get the person they most want there - say the Rabbi or Priest and family.
If a patient is thirsty- and would like a coffee - is this not still a health care issue?
Would you hand the phone to the patient and say - "hey, here's the phone book - help yourself."
It may be further down the scale of things but really, a nurse who says they won't do simple things for patients (or family) just on principle is saying that they are too 'busy' to do the little things - and those people I'm afraid strike me as being a tad precious about their own self importance.
And if you think it's wrong or disingenuous to console a bereaved relative who you advise that Aunt Flo has just passed away with a simple compassionate - "I'm sorry" - imagine the impression you're giving the relatives of the 'caring profession' when you can't even express sorrow. Family need you to join in their grief to validate their own.
Saying sorry is not a statement of guilt, but one of empathy and sensitivity. In many parts of the country, it considered courtesy. As a nurse,being sorry for someone else's discomfort should never be considered a negative response.
I am sorry that you did ! I have no problem getting a patient a cup of coffee if there is some coffee already made. I m not uncaring, but I dont serve coffee to family members, and if patients feel like it is my job to make them coffee, I explain to them it is not. We have snacks for patients at the nurses station, that is a part of my job I do it. As far as vomit, feces and urine, that is a part of my job as well. But I am not a waiter. I wouldnt expect a waiter in a restuarant to change a babys diaper would you ?
I am really, really not trying to be mean. But if I had a family member that was in the hospital and I was trying to stay awake and alert enough to make what may be, profound and life-altering decisions and needed coffee to stay awake in order to make those decisions...if I asked a nurse to assist me with this and they didn't say, "If you can give me a few minutes, I or someone else will be happy to get that for you" but instead made a comment of "It's not my job to serve you coffee."
I would make sure that every member of management from the floor on up to the CEO would get a letter on that.
No, you are not a waitress, but you are there to not only care for the patient but the family as well. I could never in my life make something so cold and uncaring come out of my mouth.
You say "80%" don't have a problem with it...but it's that other 20% that will put you under the radar of management and could possibly cost you your job one day.
I wonder if we're thinking too hard about this issue. "I'm sorry" may not be the ideal, technically correct phrase each time we use it. However, if I have to think "Am I really sorry?" every time I consider saying it, that's going to make me sound not so genuine - no matter which words I do choose.
I am really, really not trying to be mean. But if I had a family member that was in the hospital and I was trying to stay awake and alert enough to make what may be, profound and life-altering decisions and needed coffee to stay awake in order to make those decisions...if I asked a nurse to assist me with this and they didn't say, "If you can give me a few minutes, I or someone else will be happy to get that for you" but instead made a comment of "It's not my job to serve you coffee."
I would make sure that every member of management from the floor on up to the CEO would get a letter on that.
No, you are not a waitress, but you are there to not only care for the patient but the family as well. I could never in my life make something so cold and uncaring come out of my mouth.
You say "80%" don't have a problem with it...but it's that other 20% that will put you under the radar of management and could possibly cost you your job one day.
I'm sorry, but I was the one who said 80% were just fine with my telling them I would get them some coffee or have someone else get it as soon as I had a moment. They understand I have to set priorities, and at times their comfort is a less urgent concern than something else. You do raise a good point, although it's well under 20% who'll make a big fuss if I don't do it right now. But I'm enough like Leslie that if a visitor started to demand coffee, right now, I'd direct them to the vending machine downstairs. There's a big difference between being kind and being a doormat, and if, "I'm sorry, I just don't have time, at the moment," isn't good enough, tough.
In my previous job, which was mainly about transporting patients, I had a nurse request I do something for her--I forget what, find an IV pump or something--and I told her it would be a while before I could get to it, but I would when I could. I was in NS, and she jumped all over me, remarking that "It'll be a while," was never going to cut it, when I was a nurse.
I continue to disagree with that, and to this day, if a patient asks for pain meds and I've given all that is ordered, I explain that it may take some time to page the doc and get an order for more/something stronger, and that I'll get back to them as soon as I can. People in serious pain don't always like to hear that, but when my Dad was recently hospitalized, one of the things he griped about was everyone always says, "In a minute," when they really mean, "Eventually, if I get around to it." Even before discussing that with him, it was sort of a rule of mine that I didn't say I'll be back in a minute unless I was pretty sure I could do whatever it was in
I guess, now that I think about it, if pain meds (or whatever) are delayed by something beyond my control, like getting orders for more of them, I explain the delay but don't usually apologize for it. I might say I was sorry if the doc had neglected to order anything at all for them, and I guess I think it is my job to anticipate that the patient may need something for pain and remind the doc. I may also say I'm sorry if I was unavoidably tied up doing something more immediately urgent, like finishing a dressing change or putting someone on a bedpan.
Oh, and I have said, "I'm sorry, but the doctor is not going to order Demerol for your headache. Are you sure you wouldn't like to try the Tylenol? It's usually very good for headaches." I suspect I may not have sounded sincerely sorry.
I agree with that, leslie. The exact same words can take on so many different meanings depending on the sincerity of our hearts, which is often echoed in our tone of voice and reflected on our faces.
Mr Ian
340 Posts
Dying isn't a 'health improvement issue' per se - but nurses get involved in it daily.
If a patient is dying - we support them to get the person they most want there - say the Rabbi or Priest and family.
If a patient is thirsty- and would like a coffee - is this not still a health care issue?
Would you hand the phone to the patient and say - "hey, here's the phone book - help yourself."
It may be further down the scale of things but really, a nurse who says they won't do simple things for patients (or family) just on principle is saying that they are too 'busy' to do the little things - and those people I'm afraid strike me as being a tad precious about their own self importance.
And if you think it's wrong or disingenuous to console a bereaved relative who you advise that Aunt Flo has just passed away with a simple compassionate - "I'm sorry" - imagine the impression you're giving the relatives of the 'caring profession' when you can't even express sorrow. Family need you to join in their grief to validate their own.