I shouldn't be a nurse

leslie.knope · Feb 5, 2015

something similar happened to me, I found that using it as a learning experience helped me push through

kbrn2002, ADN, RN · Feb 5, 2015

Well I won't hold your hand and say it's ok, mistakes happen because frankly, by your own admission this one shouldn't have happened. But...it did, so be very thankful the consequences weren't worse. I am sure you learned a lot from this, and going forward you won't make that mistake again. Try not to see this as total failure, see it for the learning experience. If in doubt, ask before you do!

caliotter3 · Feb 5, 2015

People make mistakes, even you. It is now your responsibility to learn from that mistake and to get control of your state of mind, at least when you are on the job, so that there is not a recurrence or another, heaven forbid, worse mistake. If you do not do this necessary mental housecleaning, it will solely be your responsibility for the mistake that could have been avoided, had your mind been clear. Now, please, get some help.

calivianya, BSN, RN · Feb 5, 2015

I almost killed two people this week.

- Felt too guilty about not bathing a DNR that I was supposed to bathe, so turned him verrrrry gently... and still dropped his O2 sats into the 70s and his BP into the 70s/30s... had to bag him to get his O2 sat up and his BP fortunately improved on his own. Family wanted to be there when he passed so I would have really felt horrible about myself if he had actually died.

- Pushed a prescribed dose of IV labetalol for a 200s/110s BP; the patient responded by bradying down into the high 30s before I even got the full 10mg dose in. I was glad I pushed slow. Called the physician back and got the labetalol D/Ced and got some hydralazine instead...

The point I'm making here is you have potential to kill people as a nurse without ever making a mistake, let alone when you do. Don't feel bad about your near miss. Learn from it, but don't let it paralyze you - you will have a lot of them, and some of them will be from doing your job exactly right. We have a stressful job. You can and probably will kill someone at one point. Being okay with that is probably the wrong term, but you do need to accept that it's part of the job in a lot of specialties.

fiba · Feb 6, 2015

Have anyone ever made such a horrible mistake it almost killed someone? I did this week and can not stop thinking about it and feel like I should not even be a nurse! I'm a new nurse and feel like I'm too stupid to be a nurse .

Don't blame yourself. Mistakes happen, it's how we learn we are not robots. I would go see a counselor to talk it out.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2015

I am very sorry you experienced this, every one of us here can relate

The advice you got about seeking outside help is what I'd offer too. This 'incident' is very important, and needs to (pardon the choice of terms) have an 'autopsy'. In nurse speak, a 'root cause analysis'. I'm completely serious.

Rather than let his horrid worm-ball of feelings and anxieties and bad thoughts take root in your mind, you need to get on top of it and dominate it with some analysis as to what 'started' this cascade of mistakes in your judgement. I'd definitely use some kind of very objective person who can guide you through this.

Right off the bat, what jumped out at me was your reluctance to ask for help or guidance. Why was that? Is asking for help on your unit associated with getting ignored or snapped at? Is asking for help 'wrong' or bad on your unit? Did you think you should already know what you didn't know, and tried to wing it so you wouldn't look stupid to others?

All of these are flat out irrational and untrue kinds of things that honestly, run through all of our heads

New nurses especially are 'conditioned' by nursing school to have expectations of themselves that are IMPOSSIBLE to get close to. They set you up, and the thing is, those of us already out here do NOT expect you to know what you don't know. It's so sad. I wish I could give a talk to senior nursing students about this!

Somehow asking for help was NOT 'worth' the risk, and possibly hurting the patient WAS worth the risk. No, none of this is deliberate on your part, it's just the way logic works.

Hugs and all that. Welcome to the I'm Afraid I Almost Killed My Patient Club. You are not alone :)

sallyrnrrt, ADN, RN · Feb 6, 2015

you have been afforded some very good advice.. :) best wishes

scarednurse · Feb 6, 2015

Thanks for all of your replies, I truly needed some advice on how to deal with my feelings. I'm feeling pretty depressed about it all and pretty horrible to say the least.

Gooselady I didn't ask for help for so many of the reasons you listed, I think mainly is was because I am so new to nursing and I felt like the nurses thought I should know more, and I began to feel like an idiot for asking questions and started to feel like I should know more than I do. I have also listened to some conversations between staff about students asking too many questions and other things and started to feel like maybe I was annoying the staff.

I realize that I shouldn't care if I'm annoying that staff or asking too many questions and I have learned that the hard way and its weighing very heavy on my heart and my mind and I can not even begin to explain the guilt that I feel. I also feel that if I talk to anyone at work about how I'm feeling they will talk about me and I don't want to be the center of anyones joke

NightNurseRN13 · Feb 6, 2015

I bet you will never make that mistake again! :) *hugs*

NightNurseRN13 · Feb 6, 2015

Thanks for all of your replies, I truly needed some advice on how to deal with my feelings. I'm feeling pretty depressed about it all and pretty horrible to say the least.
Gooselady I didn't ask for help for so many of the reasons you listed, I think mainly is was because I am so new to nursing and I felt like the nurses thought I should know more, and I began to feel like an idiot for asking questions and started to feel like I should know more than I do. I have also listened to some conversations between staff about students asking too many questions and other things and started to feel like maybe I was annoying the staff.
I realize that I shouldn't care if I'm annoying that staff or asking too many questions and I have learned that the hard way and its weighing very heavy on my heart and my mind and I can not even begin to explain the guilt that I feel. I also feel that if I talk to anyone at work about how I'm feeling they will talk about me and I don't want to be the center of anyones joke

classic example of nurses eating their young. Annoy the hell out of them and ask many questions. DO NOT EVER BE AFRAID OF ASKING FOR HELP.

Libby1987 · Feb 6, 2015

So you made a poor choice out of avoidance? That's a pretty easy thing to fix. You can unlearn how to avoid, you can learn how to be more systematic, and you can let your fear of screwing up someone's life out weigh your fear of annoying people who can help you.

I screwed up once in my first year. I thought I had the theory right so I didn't refer to our P&P for something I had never performed independently. I learned from that and became a perfectionist. And like you no one died but I was mortified of my foolish stupidity, a feeling I would *avoid* for the rest of my career.

Do the sensible thing and follow the good advice here, speak to some type of counselor to process and grow from this. Unless you're inherently lazy or reckless, you can develop good decision making skills and one day even wisdom. In the meantime you can short term atone by being a very decent and kind person to everyone you meet over the course of the next 30 days. Knock yourself out with random kindness, that alone will help put your broken self esteem back together.

And never be that person who is unapproachable. Even if you wear a ****** resting face, let everyone that's all it is.

brandy1017, ASN, RN · Feb 6, 2015

As a new nurse there is so much you don't know that books can't prepare you so you need to ask for help when you are not sure. It is better to ask too much then to have false bravado. Forget your ego, ask when you don't know, then next time when that situation comes up you will know what to do. It takes time and experience to know what to do.

I prefer to work with new nurses that ask questions than those that are overconfident and think they know everything because they don't! Next time ask for help. Even experienced nurses ask for advice in difficult situations. It is nothing to feel ashamed or bad about. Safety is the first priority, first do no harm. Luckily your patient is ok! Thank God you asked for help in time. Next time don't wait ask right away before you do anything you are unsure of!

Don't skip the computerized med pass it will save you if you are about to give the wrong med by mistake because it looks like the right one. It is a great safety tool even though it can be a hassle. Take the time to pass the meds with the computer, skipping that is a very unsafe shortcut, not worth the risk. I remember a nurse killed a young pregnant patient when she skipped the med scan to save time and ended up giving the wrong med or an overdose.

Make use of your EAP, trust your instincts and ask for help in the future. Forgive yourself and resolve to ask for help next time.