I need to vent, everyone is mad at me for quitting the "superhospital"-long story

[NurseLatteDNP]

I am so mad. I have always done what other people expected of me to do, and now I have finally have made my own decision. I have worked in a very nice small hospital as a tech for 2 years. I liked the people, my job and it was 3 minutes away from my house. But after I have graduated as a nurse in May, everybody told me that I will be better off going to the major big city hospital. They were all bragging to people that I am a nurse at this very known place. Don't get me wrong, the hospital is nice, but it is 2 hours away! But again, stupid me, went ahead and started an internship 2 hours away from home. I was miserable. I rather spend 4 hours a day playing with my daughter, then sitting in traffic. So many times, I have cried during the whole drive in the car (maybe pregnancy hormones-I am 11 weeks pregnant). Finally last night, as soon as I got off work I went to my old manager and asked her if I can come back. She was so happy that I showed up, and said I can start Monday. I was so excited, and I thought my dear husband and my family would be too, because they all knew how I felt from day one. But no, dear husband gets all upset about me leaving this great huge hospital. Everyone I know reacts the same way. I couldn't believe it, does anyone think about me? Nobody says to me that I did the right thing. But now, I really don't care. I was very happy at the small hospital where everyone knew each other by name, and I should have stayed there in the first place. Now I will have to deal with attitude at home. Sorry, I just needed to vent.

[NurseLatteDNP, MSN, DNP, RN]

You guys are SOOOOO amazing! I just needed to hear that I did the right thing, after being treated bad all day long. This is just what I needed, I feel like a new person again and now I know that I made the right decision.

THANK YOU:bow:

[angel4gramma]

You made a good decision. Deciding to change jobs is not easy but you will be a happy person and it will make a difference in your work. Spending time with your kids is very important. I am now a grandma of 4 with the 5th on the way and I find jobs close to them so I can see them on my days off. I am a traveling nurse. Give your husband time, he will come around. congrads on your new baby

[bethin]

You have to do what is best for your family and it sounds like sitting in traffic for 4 hours isn't it. There's nothing wrong with working in a small hospital. Plus, you're saving on gas.

Why is your husband so upset? You'd think he'd be happy to have you around more. Plus, sitting in a car for long periods of time is not good when you're 9 months pregnant.

[rn/writer, RN]

It certainly sounds like the close-to-home job is the right one for you. Congrats on having such a wonderful opportunity.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but if you're starting on Monday, does that mean you will not be giving notice at your old job? Will this cause a problem if you are not? Even though you have another job lined up, burning bridges can come back to haunt you. Something to consider.

As far as your husband, rather than trying to beat him at his own game--giving the silent treatment back to him, leaving chores to teach him a lesson--please forego the momentary pleasure and sense of power those things might give and focus on the fact that you are partners. He may have forgotten that temporarily, but that makes it all the more crucial that you remember. Whatever affects one of you affects both of you. And your children.

If he won't talk, write him a letter telling him what you have told us. People respond better to hearing what you need than to criticism for not providing it or even knowing it existed.

Let him know what you are grateful for about him and your marriage. Share with him your vision for the life you can have with this new job versus the way things would be with the old job.

Tell him you care about the fact that this sudden move caught him off guard. It caught you off guard, too. Maybe it would have been better to ask the new manager to let you speak with him first before giving her a definite yes. Not because you're a down-trodden wife who is under her husband's thumb, but because it's the courteous and caring thing to include the other spouse in such a major decision.

Finally, ask him to share with you, when he's ready, what the job change means to him. Even if he comes up with what sounds like selfish reasoning, hear him out. If he's a good and decent man, chances are at some point he'll be willing to let go of whatever is holding him back and begin rejoicing with you.

It's so important that you work to preserve the unity of your marriage. Hopefully, the two of you mean more to each other than any job ever could.

As for anyone else who cares to criticise, if you and your husband are in agreement, you can smile, say, "Thanks for your concern," and go on your way. They really don't get a vote.

How wonderful that you will be saving time, gas money, and wear-and-tear on your spirit. I wish you the very best with your coming child and everything else.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

Wow, I can't believe anyone is upset with you! That's great that you can find work close to home! Big hospitals are overrated, at a small hospital you'll become more independent and less specialized. Wow, hang in there, you'll do great, it sounds like your family is overbearing and needs a reality check.

[NurseCard, ADN]

You are right, but the thing is we have talked about it the night before after I broke down in tears. He told me to do what makes me happy. But today he couldn't believe that I have actually went through with this. He told me that he just made that comment because he blamed my crying on pregnancy hormones. And that I would be better in the morning. The pay is a little less (1.50 hr less), but I will be saving $100/week in gas.

By the way he is still not talking to me.

Off the subject a bit, but you were working 2 hours away and ONLY spending 100 dollars a week in gas? Heh, I was working 1 hour away and spending that same amount! Then again, I do drive a mini-van, whereas you are probably driving an economy car.

At any rate, still working at the same place but only 3 nights a week.

AND... gotta pretty much agree with everyone else. The ONLY reason you should be driving two hours to work at a hospital, MAYBE, is if you are the CEO. Either that, or maybe because you moved to a new area and had to transfer to a hospital that was affiliated with the one you came from, in order to keep retirement benefits and other benefits and such. I knew someone like that. She drove about 1.5 hours or so to work because we were the only HCA hospital in the area.

[cheshirecat]

I ran this scenario past my husband and he said the OPs husband sounds like an A******E!!!!

You are pregnant, you have a small child, you probably do most of the chores around the house. Of course you should not be travelling 4 hours a day to go to work.

We only have one life. The children only have one childhood. Enjoy them and your job as I know you will.

Be gentle with yourself. As for your husband not talking to you, I would suggest you tell him to grow up.

[KaroSnowQueen, RN]

NO job is worth a four hour commute, especially with small children at home!!!! You stand by your decision and tell your family to back off. I guarantee none of them in your position would want to commute four hours a day.

I worked close to home when my kids were small. Once, I took a more "prestigious" job an hour away. That lasted about six months, for many of the reasons you cited.

Now that they're grown, I do the hour one way commute, but it is my decision, not everyone else's. Learn from this experience and do what is best for you and your babies and not what everyone else thinks would be good. I hope they all soon back off and stop bugging you.

[CseMgr1, ASN, RN]

The fact that your husband is mad at you for quitting and won't speak to you is HIS problem and NOT yours.

I agree with the other posters that you have done the right thing in the BEST interest of your own (as well as your unborn baby's) physical, and you and your daughter's emotional well-being.

There is nothing worse in this life than being trapped in a situation in which you are neither physically, financially or emotionally equipped to handle and find yourself unable to get out of. You are very lucky that your former manager welcomed you back with open arms, and your husband should consider himself equally fortunate that you had the sense to realize (and IN time) that your new job wasn't right for all FOUR of you.

[Silverdragon102, BSN]

You did right, at the end of the day you have to look after number one, yourself and your sanity and health is very important.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

I ran this scenario past my husband and he said the OPs husband sounds like an A******E!!!!

I didn't want to say it, but I was thinking the same. :angryfire

[oramar]

Good for you for following your own heart.