I am so mad. I have always done what other people expected of me to do, and now I have finally have made my own decision. I have worked in a very nice small hospital as a tech for 2 years. I liked the people, my job and it was 3 minutes away from my house. But after I have graduated as a nurse in May, everybody told me that I will be better off going to the major big city hospital. They were all bragging to people that I am a nurse at this very known place. Don't get me wrong, the hospital is nice, but it is 2 hours away! But again, stupid me, went ahead and started an internship 2 hours away from home. I was miserable. I rather spend 4 hours a day playing with my daughter, then sitting in traffic. So many times, I have cried during the whole drive in the car (maybe pregnancy hormones-I am 11 weeks pregnant). Finally last night, as soon as I got off work I went to my old manager and asked her if I can come back. She was so happy that I showed up, and said I can start Monday. I was so excited, and I thought my dear husband and my family would be too, because they all knew how I felt from day one. But no, dear husband gets all upset about me leaving this great huge hospital. Everyone I know reacts the same way. I couldn't believe it, does anyone think about me? Nobody says to me that I did the right thing. But now, I really don't care. I was very happy at the small hospital where everyone knew each other by name, and I should have stayed there in the first place. Now I will have to deal with attitude at home. Sorry, I just needed to vent.
I agree with you all. He is acting very immaturely and worrying more about the status of the hospital than my happyness. I let him know all of that. Of course he is denying that this is the reason, he says that he is upset because the large hospital would be so much better for my career in the long run. I say who cares right now. All I want is to be a good mom now. Career was never my #1 priority.
Good for you! I am a single mom and being a good mom is my top priority also. Everyone thought I should move to a larger city 2hrs from here to work at a more prestigious hospital. Let them know real quick I have no intention of uprooting my kids. There are plenty of opportunities for advancement even in a smaller hospital.
I think you did the right thing and I think your husband will realize it before too long.
In the meantime, do NOT give in to the temptation to, as some here have suggested, give him a dose of his own medicine. Do NOT give him the silent treatment, do NOT be ugly to him in any way. Either of you could walk out the door today and meet up with a mugger or drunk driver, and never return. Or wake up some morning to find the other one lifeless beside you. We never know what a day will bring forth. Life is much too short for revenge; too short for getting even and punishing each other.
Just try to be kind and patient with him. Yes, you are pregnant and your hormones are affecting you. But he also is under stress. He is the father of 1, soon to be 2, he has a wife to protect and provide for, you guys probably have bills that he might be worried about, and so on. You are in the time of life in which you have not only your children to care for but perhaps also your aging parents and grandparents, while also trying to pay your bills and save for college and retirement. Try to remember that men also have their worries and their problems, many of which they do not openly share, even with their wives.
Someone here already did the math. Lower pay vs. gas money and other car expenses. Show that to him, maybe. Maybe. Only when he is ready. I don't know what the difference is in benefits between the 2 employers but he might be worrying about that, too. Life, medical, dental, vision, maybe other insurance, pension, 401k match, etc., and perhaps other benefits - that is a fair thing for him to wonder/worry about.
However, as a wife and mother and grandmother myself, I definitely agree with you that having an extra 4 hours each day to call your own is absolutely worth the lower pay. That is a huge amount of time. You could clean your whole house, cook for the day, run your errands, and be with your kids. Or rest and refresh, have all your appointments, and just do a million things that need doing.
As for the prestige and your career - you aren't thinking about these now. Personally, I think you are wise to want to make home and hearth your prime concern for now. As the kids get older, you might want to start thinking about advancing your career. Fortunately, as an RN, you have tremendous potential to do that, pretty much no matter what age you are. Or you might be totally happy staying with direct patient care for your whole career. God knows we need experienced clinicians at the bedside. If your husband is not a nurse, he perhaps does not understand that nurses have opportunity to advance as long as we are breathing. A lot of professions, I guess, are different. I have heard that a worker who does not advance within about 2 years on the job is never going to advance. That is not true in Nursing - not from what I have seen, anyway.
Specializes in Med-Surg,Critical Care, Radiology,GI.
Keep your chin up! Been there,done that. So now I'm happy, I am not in the cardiac unit at "big shot hospital taking fresh hearts, so what.
I made the T-ball games, the school plays, the wrestling matches and awards ceremonies, and now that I'm going to be a grandma, I get to really enjoy. Your sigificant other will get over it or he won't. You ensure your happiness and it will infect others.
I too am older than you and your husband and I have come to realize that it is often the right choice to follow your true gut feeling. Anyways you deserve credit for making your own decision. Good luck.
You did the right thing. The driving is a killer. I worked nights and drove about 1 hour 15min.-1 hour 30 min. (depending on traffic) each way. It was awful. I had worked at the place for six years and initially tried to stay on after I relocated. I could only last one year. It was not worth it. Now I work 1.5 miles away. With gas prices like they are, 10 years later, I definitely don't regret it. My kids are all teenagers now. I got more sleep and felt better working closer. I probably was a lot nicer to them too. That was infinitely more important than losing a few $'s. My current facility is a lot less prestigious than the previous one. That's okay. It is a better for for me and that's what is really important. Enjoy your kids and your new job!
ah, he'll get over it, like they say, "If Mamma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy".
Seriously, the wear and tear on the car, the gas, the time in traffic, the time away from your #1 child, the stress on your pg body, HAS HE LOST HIS MIND??????? He should be happy that you're working at all!!!
You need to be happy where you work. It's not worth $1.50/hr more.
Some men!!!! sheesh!!! HUGS.. it will get better..you must be good or your old manager wouldn't have wanted you back..that should count for SOMETHING!!!
I just finished reading this thread, and I have to agree with EVERYONE who has posted here, including you, OP. You made the right decision for YOU and your family. While your husband doesn't see "the light" yet, I'm sure he will come around once he realizes the benefits of having his wife and the mother of his child(ren) at home more.
Also, it seems that your husband is extremely self-centered. If he were really looking out for your best interests why in the world wouldn't he consider relocating closer to the superhospital? I know your decision was based on more than just the distance involved, but it really is ridiculous that he expected you to drive 4 hours a day!! Would HE do such a thing? I think not!
I sure hope he's talking to you now, and apologizing profusely for being such a PITA!
I have worked both the rural, and the city , prefer, the autonomy of rural . The only reason I could think of that your husband is upset, is that of insurance, or benefits, and your pregnancy, and the benefits were interuppted. I figured , though, that was part of his job. |
Time with your children, you will never regret, time spent away, you will. I think that may be the biggest difference between mother and father, and career priorities. WE are moms first. Dads usually feel like their financial support of family, is important
Specializes in Jack of all trades, and still learning.
He told me that he just made that comment because he blamed my crying on pregnancy hormones.
I can only imagine how hard it must be to have family vs work. As for blaming it on hormones, that is not fair, you are capable of making your own decisions, after all you make serious decisions for your patients every day!
I wish you well with your pregnancy - its just another good reason to follow what you believe is right for your family/children.
I am so mad. I have always done what other people expected of me to do, and now I have finally have made my own decision. I have worked in a very nice small hospital as a tech for 2 years. I liked the people, my job and it was 3 minutes away from my house. But after I have graduated as a nurse in May, everybody told me that I will be better off going to the major big city hospital. They were all bragging to people that I am a nurse at this very known place. Don't get me wrong, the hospital is nice, but it is 2 hours away! But again, stupid me, went ahead and started an internship 2 hours away from home. I was miserable. I rather spend 4 hours a day playing with my daughter, then sitting in traffic. So many times, I have cried during the whole drive in the car (maybe pregnancy hormones-I am 11 weeks pregnant). Finally last night, as soon as I got off work I went to my old manager and asked her if I can come back. She was so happy that I showed up, and said I can start Monday. I was so excited, and I thought my dear husband and my family would be too, because they all knew how I felt from day one. But no, dear husband gets all upset about me leaving this great huge hospital. Everyone I know reacts the same way. I couldn't believe it, does anyone think about me? Nobody says to me that I did the right thing. But now, I really don't care. I was very happy at the small hospital where everyone knew each other by name, and I should have stayed there in the first place. Now I will have to deal with attitude at home. Sorry, I just needed to vent.
Glad that you stood up for your self and recognized early on that "the name" isn't everything. Family upset? Let them go to nursing school and make the 4 hr commute!!
first of all your hubby and your family will get over it.
if you feel that going "home" will truly make you happy then go for it. whew what a commute. i don't think i could put up with a 2 hr drive all over 1.50. you are still going to be making a difference in peoples lives, you are still going to be a nurse, and a bounus you are going to have some more time at home.
icuwant2rn
110 Posts
Good for you! I am a single mom and being a good mom is my top priority also. Everyone thought I should move to a larger city 2hrs from here to work at a more prestigious hospital. Let them know real quick I have no intention of uprooting my kids. There are plenty of opportunities for advancement even in a smaller hospital.