Hi, I'm a 36 yr old mother to two teen boys. I found out I was pregnant with twins in late April....I thought I was around 8 wks when ultrasound was done, doc said 10 wks.
Anyway, I was terrified, thrilled, excited, overjoyed, confused...just about every emotion possible, I think I felt. Finally, as I entered my second trimester the fear of miscarriage subsided somewhat. I started telling people, buying things for the babies, planning a new edition to my home for the babies, looking at SUV's.....
Then on Wednesday, June 9th, at 17 wks I lost them. I don't know why.
For a couple days before the miscarriage I felt like crap. Just drug down...figured it was my age and the TWO babies draining my energy. I had some mild lower back pain and slight diarrhea. Called doc and was told not to worry. Woke on Monday morning and my underwear were wet...not soaked, just a little wet..figured I may have just coughed hard during my sleep...afterall TWO babies were pushing on my bladder now. Had some dampness in my underwear that day and just figured I was leaking urine. NOW I know I should have insisted on seeing my doc. I just didn't feel right. But I was afraid I was being paranoid because of the instant status of 'high risk' pregnany d/t my age and for being preg with twins.
On my way to work on Wed morning I started to cramp. Just some mild cramping.... I went to the hospital and it was all down hill from there. By 6pm they were gone. I still don't have a clear answer as to why.
Now everyone is calling me asking me why. Geez, I don't even know why. I remember getting demerol for pain and a drip of something or another. They were already gone when I delivered. I believe I was given pitocin to cause delivery.....or maybe it was after delivery...I don't remember. Does that sound right? Or am I wrong? I was so out of it I really don't remember.
I'm tired of hearing "Why didn't you go to the doc before?" or "Was there something wrong with the babies?" I DON"T KNOW! At my last appt on May 26 the doc said they looked great through U/S....I saw their little hearts just beating away. Now I can't get the picture of their little spines, their little arms and legs moving, their heads and their hearts beating out of my head. I never even got to feel them move inside me.
I nearly lost a son to a drowning a few years ago.....this is almost as bad even though I didn't even get a chance to know these precious angels. I just wish I knew what happened. And I REALLY wish people would leave me alone. I know they mean well, but it's killing me inside.
Even if no one has any ideas or replies, thanks so much for reading this. How can I tell people in real life these things when I don't even know the answers myself?
I wish I, I wish we could help and I am so very sorry....We always search for answers why and never really find them...All I can offer is hugs and support...{{{}}}}....They are still you're babies and grieving is something you have to do.....Again, I am so so sorry that you have to go through this pain....
Kim - I'm very sorry about your babies but please take to heart (and mind) what everyone here is saying. There was nothing you could have done to make the outcome different. We don't always have answers to why but rest assured you did not do anything wrong.
People don't always know what to say and so either say nothing or say something that they haven't thought out very well. It is probably hard right now but don't take it personally and think "grace".
I believe that your children are in heaven and you will see them again.
oh God, i am so, so sorry. you need to believe 2 important things...1. it was not your fault at all!! and 2. as long as i live, i will never understand the ignorance and insensitivity of so many people. take this time to mourn but know you and your family are in so many people's prayers. again, my heartfelt sorrow for your loss.
I learned in my pathophysiology class that most spontaneous abortions (miscarriages) occur because of a chromosomal aberration. Obviously this is not anyone's fault, but it may have been so bad that it just wasn't compatible with life. One example of a chromosomal aberration would be Down Syndrome, which of course is compatible with life.
oh God, i am so, so sorry. you need to believe 2 important things...1. it was not your fault at all!! and 2. as long as i live, i will never understand the ignorance and insensitivity of so many people. take this time to mourn but know you and your family are in so many people's prayers. again, my heartfelt sorrow for your loss.
mother/babyRN, RN
3 Articles; 1,587 Posts
I wish I, I wish we could help and I am so very sorry....We always search for answers why and never really find them...All I can offer is hugs and support...{{{}}}}....They are still you're babies and grieving is something you have to do.....Again, I am so so sorry that you have to go through this pain....