I lost my twins....can anyone help me?

[OHmom2boys]

Hi, I'm a 36 yr old mother to two teen boys. I found out I was pregnant with twins in late April....I thought I was around 8 wks when ultrasound was done, doc said 10 wks.

Anyway, I was terrified, thrilled, excited, overjoyed, confused...just about every emotion possible, I think I felt. Finally, as I entered my second trimester the fear of miscarriage subsided somewhat. I started telling people, buying things for the babies, planning a new edition to my home for the babies, looking at SUV's.....

Then on Wednesday, June 9th, at 17 wks I lost them. I don't know why.

For a couple days before the miscarriage I felt like crap. Just drug down...figured it was my age and the TWO babies draining my energy. I had some mild lower back pain and slight diarrhea. Called doc and was told not to worry. Woke on Monday morning and my underwear were wet...not soaked, just a little wet..figured I may have just coughed hard during my sleep...afterall TWO babies were pushing on my bladder now. Had some dampness in my underwear that day and just figured I was leaking urine. NOW I know I should have insisted on seeing my doc. I just didn't feel right. But I was afraid I was being paranoid because of the instant status of 'high risk' pregnany d/t my age and for being preg with twins.

On my way to work on Wed morning I started to cramp. Just some mild cramping.... I went to the hospital and it was all down hill from there. By 6pm they were gone. I still don't have a clear answer as to why.

Now everyone is calling me asking me why. Geez, I don't even know why. I remember getting demerol for pain and a drip of something or another. They were already gone when I delivered. I believe I was given pitocin to cause delivery.....or maybe it was after delivery...I don't remember. Does that sound right? Or am I wrong? I was so out of it I really don't remember.

I'm tired of hearing "Why didn't you go to the doc before?" or "Was there something wrong with the babies?" I DON"T KNOW! At my last appt on May 26 the doc said they looked great through U/S....I saw their little hearts just beating away. Now I can't get the picture of their little spines, their little arms and legs moving, their heads and their hearts beating out of my head. I never even got to feel them move inside me.

I nearly lost a son to a drowning a few years ago.....this is almost as bad even though I didn't even get a chance to know these precious angels. I just wish I knew what happened. And I REALLY wish people would leave me alone. I know they mean well, but it's killing me inside.

Even if no one has any ideas or replies, thanks so much for reading this. How can I tell people in real life these things when I don't even know the answers myself?

Thanks again,

Kim

[NurseyBaby'05, BSN, RN]

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I'm tired of hearing "Why didn't you go to the doc before?" or "Was there something wrong with the babies?" I DON"T KNOW! At my last appt on May 26 the doc said they looked great through U/S....I saw their little hearts just beating away. Now I can't get the picture of their little spines, their little arms and legs moving, their heads and their hearts beating out of my head. I never even got to feel them move inside me.

I nearly lost a son to a drowning a few years ago.....this is almost as bad even though I didn't even get a chance to know these precious angels. I just wish I knew what happened. And I REALLY wish people would leave me alone. I know they mean well, but it's killing me inside.

Even if no one has any ideas or replies, thanks so much for reading this. How can I tell people in real life these things when I don't even know the answers myself?

Thanks again,

Kim

I can't believe people have the nerve to question your actions! They can be so ignorant!:angryfire I'm sorry you have to deal with them on top of your already tragic loss. My heart goes out to you and to your family. I would be devastated. I will keep you ard your babies in my prayers. Take care!

[SmilingBluEyes]

People ask questions, usually NOT to hurt you, but out of extreme discomfort with the situation and lack of knowing WHAT to say. It's so hurtful; our society does NOT deal with death and dying well, esp. of children, infants and unborn babies. To all who have lost babies here, you have my deepest sympathy, empathy and thoughts. Bless your hearts, and (((HUGS)))) to each of you.

[happylush]

Oh, Sweetie, I am sooo sorry for your loss. I, too, know the pain of miscarriage. As well, I am an OB/NICU RN. I can only re-iterate what the other nurses have told you. There was absolutely nothing you could've done. At 17weeks it is just too early. And there is no answer to the question "why". We have all tortured ourselves with that question, but rest assured, it is nothing you did, or anything you could've prevented.

My MIL actually had the nerve to ask me "what I had done", when I had my 1st miscarriage! I don't understand what gets into some people! At this point all I could think to say is "it was God's will....".

Take care of yourself, allow yourself time to grieve, and know your babies are in heaven....little angels. :kiss

I am really sorry to hear about your loss..... And even though I can say I have never experienced a loss like that, I can say that I had an identical twin that died when she was only a few days old....... they say she didnt get enough oxygen when she was born and that if my mother could have had a c-section " which was not offered at the time she was delivering us" she probably would have lived...... it has been hard, but there is nothing anyone could have done............... and I still to this day ask " why".... " why me, why couldnt I have had a sister to grow up with, to fight over guys with, to go through things and experience things with .... and it's really out of my hands.... and god has a reason for everything . hopefully someday we can figure out his reasoning as to why............... I can honestly say... some people think I am crazy, but I feel her around me... even though there is no explanation for it, and know that she is with me all the time......... whether a baby is brought to term, or dies in the womb, I still feel grieving is very similar for us all........ just the thought of really knowing that they are in a better place than we are, and god is taking care of them while they are watching over us.... " I have never really been that much of a religious person either.... if that means much...."

:/

[happylush]

Oh, Sweetie, I am sooo sorry for your loss. I, too, know the pain of miscarriage. As well, I am an OB/NICU RN. I can only re-iterate what the other nurses have told you. There was absolutely nothing you could've done. At 17weeks it is just too early. And there is no answer to the question "why". We have all tortured ourselves with that question, but rest assured, it is nothing you did, or anything you could've prevented.

My MIL actually had the nerve to ask me "what I had done", when I had my 1st miscarriage! I don't understand what gets into some people! At this point all I could think to say is "it was God's will....".

Take care of yourself, allow yourself time to grieve, and know your babies are in heaven....little angels. :kiss

I am really sorry to hear about your loss..... And even though I can say I have never experienced a loss like that, I can say that I had an identical twin that died when she was only a few days old....... they say she didnt get enough oxygen when she was born and that if my mother could have had a c-section " which was not offered at the time she was delivering us" she probably would have lived...... it has been hard, but there is nothing anyone could have done............... and I still to this day ask " why".... " why me, why couldnt I have had a sister to grow up with, to fight over guys with, to go through things and experience things with .... and it's really out of my hands.... and god has a reason for everything . hopefully someday we can figure out his reasoning as to why............... I can honestly say... some people think I am crazy, but I feel her around me... even though there is no explanation for it, and know that she is with me all the time......... whether a baby is brought to term, or dies in the womb, I still feel grieving is very similar for us all........ just the thought of really knowing that they are in a better place than we are, and god is taking care of them while they are watching over us.... " I have never really been that much of a religious person either.... if that means much...."

:/

[Burnt Out, ASN, RN]

I replied to your other post about your babies....

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. You did nothing wrong.....absolutely nothing. Don't listen to anyone who tried to tell you otherwise.

Take care of yourself....take time for you to grieve for your babies: accept help from those who offer it....take one day at a time....

I do encourage you to find a support group for those who have suffered a pregnancy/infant loss-I do not know what I would have done without my local group and the one I belong to online.

If you need anything....please PM me....

[missmercy]

try to give a bit of grace to those asking stupid questions.... they are searching just like you, for answers to questions that we will never find here.... but most importantly they are trying to reach out to you... but don't know what to say and so they struggle to say something;

God holds our babies in the palm of His hands and he will bring us peace if we trust Him to let our babies know we are here waiting to hold them too. then we must go about living the way God would have us live and we will indeed see them, they are gone from here but will never be forgotten by HIM.

God bless you and your family

coral

Beautifully stated!! I lost my first too -- turns out that my mother in law did too -- her comments to me were so precious -- she told me that maybe Her baby was looking out for MY baby -- showing him around heaven! So I pass this on to you -- perhaps the countless little folks in heaven are looking out for yours!

Don't blame yourself! Pregnancies are all different and one can rarely foresee with accuracy -- the outcome. May God bless you and grant you an extra measure of comfort and grace as you grieve your loss. You'll be in my prayers!!