Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
Seriously -- the Heidis would rather get freak nasty with a relatively unattractive male who has money, than with an attractive one who might "only" earn what they earn (even if they have loftier goals they're working towards)?
You didn't know this? You sound surprised.
It's a well-known fact that people don't stray further than 2 numbers in attractiveness when picking a partner. UNLESS the less attractive person is wealthy.
I didn't think I'd post this, but the longer the thread goes on, the more I think about it.....
Some years back, as a new(er) nurse, I had a coworker who was constantly flirting with the new crop of residents. Wasn't very long before she "bagged" herself a first-year for a less-than-private affair. It wasn't really flagrant, it was just a small hospital and people like to talk. Neither were married, although she was in one of those on-again/off-again tumultuous relationships.
Well, as these things tend to go, the talk was never favorable about her (cheap being the general consensus, and drama ALWAYS followed her everywhere). Him? The rest of the nursing staff thought he was an idiot for getting into such a messy situation (he's new, just starting his career, and she's so obviously a problem on many levels). Eventually, of course, he moved on (with her carrying on and crying and trying to make things difficult for him). She never did succeed in that; chief resident and attendings all knew the score, and gave their advice for extricating himself from the situation, and FINALLY he did. She got to stay with us, oh joy. She moved onto another resident for a short time; he, too, dropped her when it became inconvenient or potentially damaging to his future career.
Next year? Fresh crop of potential husbands with MD after their names.....and here we go again. Eventually there's one stupid enough to figure "what the hell, it's an easy fun time" and we're all off to the races again, watching from the sidelines. Rinse, repeat.
What happened the following year? Seems her self-medicating habits, perhaps a result of repeated futile attempts to Land the Big One, got her into a mess of diversion and the hospital caught her. Gone.
I think it's pretty clear that having relationships where you work is a bad idea, and it's particularly bad if you're seen as some kind of torch to pass onto the next class....very sad, actually.
In the situation I'm recalling, none of the parties were married. What WAS going on was just pathetic, and because it was in the workplace there was no hiding from it: we ALL got to see it. When she was happy it was still awful for us to watch (because we saw the train coming before she did) and when she was UNhappy....well, that should be obvious.
Just very sad for our own "Heidi". And somehow, NOT for the users, the residents "just passing through". Although they lost ALL their stature in OUR eyes, they were going to be moving on, out, and up. And leaving "Heidi" far behind.
You didn't know this? You sound surprised. It's a well-known fact that people don't stray further than 2 numbers in attractiveness when picking a partner. UNLESS the less attractive person is wealthy.
Right, so if Dr. Dick is a 3/10, and Heidi is an 11.2/10, then the only hope Dr. Dick could ever have of humpin' Heidi is if he's also really rich. But what if one of Heidi's co-workers (I.e., a fellow nurse) is in her league as far as looks go? Would she be likely to go out with him because she finds him to be good-looking as well, or is she more likely to snub him because he's not one of the docs?
Personally, I don't see any MD as 'score' any more.
The MD gig is not that big of a deal anymore with the way health care is now a days.
In nursing school I would have people ask me if I was going to land a doc. I was so offended, plus if I wanted to land a doc I wouldn't go through nursing school to do it. They're always cranky at work. If I really wanted a doc is get a job at the golf course. They're happy and drunk there, much easier to bag.
Personally, I don't see any MD as 'score' any more.
The MD gig is not that big of a deal anymore with the way health care is now a days.
Right. But, it will take awhile for a realistic connotation of MDs to catch up. Many "Heidi" types want someone to save them and haven't caught on yet.
Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.
Right, so if Dr. Dick is a 3/10, and Heidi is an 11.2/10, then the only hope Dr. Dick could ever have of humpin' Heidi is if he's also really rich. But what if one of Heidi's co-workers (I.e., a fellow nurse) is in her league as far as looks go? Would she be likely to go out with him because she finds him to be good-looking as well, or is she more likely to snub him because he's not one of the docs?
Hmmm, you seem to have missed out on some basic "man" education here.
Watch this video. Make sure to watch to the end where the graph for women is demonstrated. The guy in the video takes credit for inventing the matrix, despite the fact that I first heard of the matrix in the late 80's.
Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.
I have never been that money motivated so perhaps my opinion is off the norm.
You know, it was never an issue to me what my significant other made as much as they were employed and contributed to the general fund.
DH makes a third of what I do, but he has always worked and been proud, invested in what he has done.
In the final wash, that means more to me than big bucks.
Girls like you are worth their weight in gold to any REAL man. However you must have met and known people who were much more shallow. I know I have.
From the man's perspective there is something comforting in knowing a girl is mainly after your money. I mean at least you know what her motivation is and hopefully control your emotions appropriately. The truly dangerous types are the shallow gold diggers who can ACT like girls like you.
they may want to 'score' an RN that makes overtime or has two full time gigs. 
klone, MSN, RN
14,857 Posts
You didn't know this? You sound surprised.
It's a well-known fact that people don't stray further than 2 numbers in attractiveness when picking a partner. UNLESS the less attractive person is wealthy.