i'm a float rn, right now filling in at a middle school clinic. it's a very hectic clinic, 6th,7th, 8th graders coming in for all sorts of real and not so real complaints. a boy came in and complained of stomach pain, 'something moving in there', which was atypical of course, so i chalked it up to gas pains and explained that since he had just come from lunch that was probably the cause (after the regular assessment). no, he said, his lunch was taken away, so he had not eaten anything. his affect was grim, depressed, serious. of course i probed about the lunch being taken, and tears spilled from his eyes as he shrugged and said, 'someone took it'. he didn't offer much. he just acted like it wasn't worth explaining. it was like pulling teeth to get information. we walked toward guidance and he was reluctant, saying he didn't want to go. he slumped, literally to the floor. he answered my questions, admitting being bullied but teachers not doing anything, even a dean not doing anything, and the bullying having gotten worse after they found out. he was terrified about being a 'snitch'. he cried and felt the situation was hopeless, he said he was 'just so tired'.
i called his grandmother, with whom he and his mother live (his dad died). his grandmother said that they knew about bullying earlier, that kids had thrown blue kool aid in his face and he had problems on the bus, but that lately he denied any bullying and when they asked him at home he had told them it was all taken care of. this clearly wasn't true. she wondered why he would say that if he was still having problems. i voiced my concerns that he may feel hopeless, that he didn't feel any way of improving the situation and he did not want to go to guidance, or even really tell me what was happening. i told her i was concerned for his psychological safety. (i didn't tell her that last month an eighth grader committed suicide).
i asked her to pick him up instead of ride the bus today and i would keep him the clinic until then due to his state of being so upset.
i bought him pb crackers and let him rest on the cot. going to check on him he pointed to a sort of spot on the wall and said it looked like a person and defined the nose , etc. didn't think too much of that even though i couldnt see what he was talking about, but then he admitted that he sometimes heard voices. (grandmother said this happened once before when he was younger) he didn't want to talk about it, but all he would say was they were mad and yelling but he couldn't understand what they were saying. psychotic break?
school let out, i walked him to find his grandma's car in the car line.
talked to my supervisor, she's aware. apparently he was bullied before, it led to a fight, and the bully and he were suspended, so the dean is aware of the problem.
he seems hopeless. and why wouldn't he? and i have a bad feeling.
Trust your gut. If you have a bad feeling then there is a reason. Is your clinic attached to the school in the way that would make you an employee of the school system? If so then there is possibly more you could do in that capacity.
Regardless, i love you for what you did on this occasion. Those small acts of kindness can make a huge difference in the development and progress of a child in that sort of devastating situation.
Maybe every once in a while you could share a lunch with the boy to take him out of the "threat zone" that he seems to be in? I don't know how deeply you want to (or can be) involved. Additionally it would be good to see if you could connect him with the Big Brothers program. A young boy losing his father can affect his own development and a positive male role model can help to overcome the bullying that he gets.
Thank you for the support. I was very nervous even about making this post, worried about having made a mistake or being too soft, but I can't shake this feeling. I'm assigned to fill in there again tomorrow. This is one thing, though...he been pushed around so much...I asked him to please think overnight about talking to Guidance and he was adamant that he would be beaten up if they were notified again.
*The last thing I want is to push him into doing something that is going to put him at risk and make him feel like he is powerless to make decisions after he confided in me.*
How do other schools deal with bullies?
I wouldn't force him to talk to the counselor. I wouldn't even make him come to the parent meeting. But I do think it is imperative that a meeting take place with the counselor, the principal and the nurse to discuss available options. Until we were put in this position I had no idea where to go for resources. THankfully, the school counselor was able to quickly point me in the right direction before things went too far. This boy doesn't feel safe at school. ANd why should he? When he has complained the adults around him didn't do anything, or at least, they didn't do enough. He has learned that adults are not trust-worthy and its every man for himself. Except he's not a man. He's just a kid trying to figure this out and he doens't have the tools. I repeat, This is an Emergency~!
I have a bad feeling about this, too. What kind of child/adolescent services are available where you live? I would strongly STRONGLY recommend to the mother and grandmother than this child be evaluated ASAP.
I have some personal experience in this area. My DS23 suffered several bouts of depression from 13-18. One day I got a call from the school counselor. John had showed his arms to some friends and he was covered with cuts--he had sliced himself nearly 100 times! We had no idea this was going on. THe counselor held him until I arrived. One of the cuts was deep and really needed to be closed, but I was too afraid to stop at an ER. I took him straight to a psych facility where they kept him on a locked unit. The first 2 days he was swinging from the chandeliers, talking in word salad. Once the meds started working he finally came down, but I'm telling you it was a very hard experience for us all. He had one more break about 6 months later and was re-hosptalized, but since then he has done pretty well. I am eternally grateful for that counselor because John had a plan,a date, and the means to kill himself. My life would have ended if he had died.
Try to call a conference tomorrow, if you can. This is an emergency.
I'm so glad your son was saved in time. Thank you for sharing your story. Was his break a result of bullying?
I understand you not wanting him to be sorry he confided in you but IMO you need to push this issue. You are a hero, as sure as if you'd given him CPR! I can't believe there are still school officials who don't take bullying seriously enough. My heart goes out to this boy. Please keep us posted. And pat yourself on the back.
Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.
I feel for this child so much. Children are my soft spot, and right now this post makes me cry. I was very lucky for never having been bulllied, but I have seen the deleterious results from it from very good friends, and it always, always broke my heart.
I wish I could help this child. I wish I could help take away some of his pain.
I am sure that you were placed there for a reason, and I am so glad you are there for him....thank you for being a good, kind person AND nurse.
All you can do is try. God put you there that day for a reason, you may have saved that kids life that day. Go to the counsler and find out what you can do. If they can't give you an answer that will protect that child then move on to the next administrator. If nobody will listen, call the police and file a report. Pray. The counsler should set something up so the boy's mental health is evaluated, but at the least your school should have a no-tolerance policy for bullying and the bully should be expelled fromthat school. And you are a mandatory reporter so if nobody else will listen then you should take it to the authorities since you aren't at that school on a daily basis. Just my opinion. And I really do think God put you there those 2 days specifically for this boy. Good job. Trust your gut and pray. Good luck and keep us posted.
Can you talk to the bully's parents? I would tell them you've observed their son picking on this kid and the kid being scared. Have his mom talked to this kid's parents? I remember being picked on in pre-K, a little girl used to pinch me really HARD, I told my mom and my mother talked to her mom with HER and it stopped, also, she made the teacher's aware of her pinching me, that way, they were aware to watch out for her. I'll be praying for him, I know how this feels, i just hope someone can put a STOP to those kids. I think you can be the answer for his agony. God Bless, you're his guardian angel
can you talk to the bully's parents? i would tell them you've observed their son picking on this kid and the kid being scared. have his mom talked to this kid's parents? i remember being picked on in pre-k, a little girl used to pinch me really hard, i told my mom and my mother talked to her mom with her and it stopped, also, she made the teacher's aware of her pinching me, that way, they were aware to watch out for her. i'll be praying for him, i know how this feels, i just hope someone can put a stop to those kids. i think you can be the answer for his agony. god bless, you're his guardian angel
no, he won't tell me who is doing it. it sounds like their are multiple people - kids on the bus, kids at lunch, etc. thank you so much for your supoort!
question: this is probably sketchy, but if principles and deans and teachers are aware of bullying, and acting as children's guardians during school, and doing nothing to protect the child, are they subject to being reported to dcf/hrs for neglect or failure to protect a child? am i mandated to report them?
Please more updates this is very important and you are right! This boy needs some help and no one is giving it to him. The school should be ashamed that this is going on.
Schools are more concerned about their star players, sports and fundrasiers, and don't care about teaching or the students anymore. Everyone's a number, Plus someone should be watching the cafeteria.
I tell you I'd join the person who said above they would like to kiick this bullies butt.
This is important, You need to help him when the other adults wouldn't.
Hushdawg
644 Posts
Trust your gut. If you have a bad feeling then there is a reason. Is your clinic attached to the school in the way that would make you an employee of the school system? If so then there is possibly more you could do in that capacity.
Regardless, i love you for what you did on this occasion. Those small acts of kindness can make a huge difference in the development and progress of a child in that sort of devastating situation.
Maybe every once in a while you could share a lunch with the boy to take him out of the "threat zone" that he seems to be in? I don't know how deeply you want to (or can be) involved. Additionally it would be good to see if you could connect him with the Big Brothers program. A young boy losing his father can affect his own development and a positive male role model can help to overcome the bullying that he gets.