I am a new grad RN, graduated in December, passed NCLEX in Feb 1st try 75 questions (so happy I did that I was a nervous wreck!) Started my job as an RN that week after the license came through I was already working as an intern. I thought oh night shift it won't be that bad, etc............ I WAS WRONG VERY VERY WRONG. I am married no kids though thankfully, my husband works day shift at his job. I barely see him on the nights I go in we meet up at a store or something and I see him for 10-15 min before I go in since by the time he would get home I would of already left for work, I cry every time I have to leave him and here lately I have been crying privately at work. I do better if I am with my husband all day prior to going in but that can't always happen if it is like today a Monday and he is at work and I am here waiting for 5pm crying so I can leave and go see him for 10 min before I go into work. I feel pathetic, my work environment has gotten worse we are almost always short sometimes leaving me with 6 or 7 patients which I can not adequately take care of ( I mean they are taken care of but I feel like I am constantly forgetting something or not providing the best care for), corporate is on our butts about freaking everything, I am currently applying for NP school since really the reason I came into the nursing profession was so I could obtain my FNP degree and work in a Dr office and have more one on one time with patients and of course have better hours sometimes. I have to give a shout out to all you floor nurses out there who do handle it and all you night shift nurses who handle it, you are better than me ! I have looked and looked for day shift jobs locally and to much search no such luck...... I didn't know if anyone here had any of the same problems I feel like I am the only one I just miss my husband so much when we are apart and I am sick of having tons of admits and not sure of what I am doing 100% (I think this is a new grad problem not being 100% confident) I need day shift I think and less patients. I have long time contemplated ICU step down I did an internship there and enjoyed it, but there aren't any day shift jobs or job period there right now. I keep telling myself it is temporary and I can do anything for a little bit, I just want in NP school so bad that is what I really want to do, I am going to continue working through school so I may have to do school part time or work part time depending.
Has anyone else had the problem of separation anxiety of leaving their husband/spouse ? Feeling overwhelmed? Also any tips for NP school would be much appreciated and/or schools that you recommend that are online/blended or strictly online I could do on campus as well but it would need to be in or near a state around me which would be east TN, NC, or VA I have a good GPA 3.66 (I think it is good anyways). I am at just such a loss this can not be normal to cry every night before work..... I am not sure if I can last beyond 6 months at this....... 6 months is what is pretty much required at my place of employment.
I really can't believe all of the negative comments on here. I feel the EXACT same way that you're describing and I think it's completely normal. I work in a very high level ICU at the moment and my anxiety at the thought of going into work and not knowing 100% of the time what I'm doing coupled with the fact I'm on an opposite schedule of my husband drives me to tears, sometimes I even throw up. All of the other nurses that I know that have healthy relationships with their spouses are understanding and sympathetic to the way I feel. I think working night shift, although is calmer on the unit, is so difficult for your personal life. Night shift has the potential to destroy relationships, I don't think it's "unhealthy" to cry at the thought of missing dinner with your husband every night and not being able to go to sleep with your spouse. I think the other nurses who had negative comments on here are the reason the profession is so disrespected these days. I'm with you 100% in what you're describing and reading your comment made me feel supported and understood and I hope I did the same for you.
What you are saying on here about yourself has nothing to do with NURSING. This is about you, as a person. It is not healthy to feel fear, loneliness, grief, or anything else when you're away from someone that you haven't birthed. (It's normal as a mom to feel that way leaving your baby, who needs you for food, shelter, psychological growth).
I think it IS pathological to be so dependent on another human being to where you are not functioning as your own person. others on this board are just saying that maybe this is contributing to her unhappiness. Being codependent is not healthy. I'm glad you feel like your coworkers are giving you the feedback you want to hear, but at some point you have to realize they are telling you what you want to hear. It's normal to find a balance in anything you do in your life. Of course we all want more time with our families, but you make up for that when you can. That's life.
What you are saying on here about yourself has nothing to do with NURSING. This is about you, as a person. It is not healthy to feel fear, loneliness, grief, or anything else when you're away from someone that you haven't birthed. (It's normal as a mom to feel that way leaving your baby, who needs you for food, shelter, psychological growth).
I think it IS pathological to be so dependent on another human being to where you are not functioning as your own person. others on this board are just saying that maybe this is contributing to her unhappiness. Being codependent is not healthy. I'm glad you feel like your coworkers are giving you the feedback you want to hear, but at some point you have to realize they are telling you what you want to hear. It's normal to find a balance in anything you do in your life. Of course we all want more time with our families, but you make up for that when you can. That's life.
Too bad I can't.like this MORE,
I'm not going to do any dog piling; I just hope the OP and Callie find something that works for them.
Hope this isn't a double post....it didn't seem to work the first time!
Dear Wrangler156,
I don't know if my comment will be useful at all - I am not a nurse. I am looking very seriously into the profession as a second career, but weighing many pros and cons still. I read many threads on this board because the responses and perspectives are so interesting, and there seem to be so many genuine, good-hearted people on this forum.
Okay, here are thoughts. Some are saying your attachment to your husband is unhealthy, others are saying it is normal. Some have talked about it being a feminist vs. traditional thing. I can present the traditional view, I feel. I come from a pretty traditional background, and I am often trying to juggle this with living in a modern world. This might help sort out how much of this is cultural vs. personality vs. situational vs. mental health problem.
I've noticed some commenters have shared that their significant other is the one whom they rely on most for comfort and support, so they say naturally we would turn to that person in times of difficulty, and here with work, you can't. Some say it is even unhealthy to do so. All seem to agree that you need to learn to get over this, for yourself or at least for your career. I agree with them on this - that if you plan to work, you need to learn to be away from your husband without being upset. If you want to stick with nursing, just keep remembering the night shift is temporary, keep looking for day shift as that will allow you more time with your husband. Also remember that you will likely have to also work weekends and holidays, prepare yourself for that, too. Also, one commenter mentioned LTC and psych have 8 hour shifts - you may need to look into those. In general, there is going to have to be some sacrificing, on the part of career or time with your husband, if you want or need to keep working - perhaps especially as a nurse. But somewhat in all careers/jobs - and thinking of the big picture, see what sacrifices you are willing to make. Are you willing to make the ones needed for nursing? Can you be happy this way?
I also think if this is your first time away from him, then you will grow more used to it as you go - the first time I was homesick was college - it was tough for a couple of weeks, then I was over it! But with nursing, there are real schedule issues - real sacrifices you need to be prepared to make, so choose them wisely. And again, remember, this night shift might only be temporary!
Now - as to a possible different situation. Everyone mentioned that you might be feeling anxiety because you are separated from the one who provides you with comfort and care. For me, and I think I speak from a traditional perspective, this would not be the case at all!! For me, I take pride in being there FOR my husband - so it's the exact reverse situation. Many of my doubts about nursing are in whether I want to sacrifice the time I would be able to share with him and the ways I'd be able to support him (yes, in that very traditional way of housework/cooking, etc.). It's not at all about being "separated" from him as my source of support - if he had to go away for work, fine. It's about my work taking me away from him, because I feel part of my vocation/profession to be in supporting him as much as possible. The whole point of work for me is to be a better source of support - so I am choosing very carefully what career I choose because if it cuts away from the home-based support, then I will feel I am undermining my own goals. So, from a traditional perspective, I can certainly see how a woman may be upset by the prospect of a future where she can't take on as much of the traditional woman's role at home because her career is more intensive in terms of schedule, or she misses out on being with and supporting/sharing time with her husband/family. But this same traditional type of woman is usually quite the lioness when it comes to her own self-sufficiency, too. We are emotionally strong/independent - and I think most also have lots of sisters, cousins, and friends to bond with (note how others commented here about the importance of a social network!). I'm unusual in being more of a loner :-) But yes, I have cousins who kissed their husbands good-bye a week after the wedding because he needed to move abroad to work and send money home - even my own mother had long separations from my father at the start of marriage (and then he was a doctor, so he was not home much anyway!). Many of my relatives have entirely left their country of origin, leaving their families behind, permanently. That takes emotional strength!
So, even with traditional women, the psychological/emotional independence is very much there - they are survivors! They are very strong emotionally, they have to be, for themselves, AND for their families If you feel this is the issue, that you are not strong apart from your husband, then you will slowly (or quickly!) need to grow this inner strength - it may take time and effort. But it certainly is best, and healthiest, if it happens!
Now all this I have said about "traditional" women really applies to any woman, who for any reason, feels more of a homebody. You don't need to justify your reasons for why you may want more personal time, period. It could just be your personality, it could be because you have other pursuits that are important to you. For whatever reason, you may just want more time with your husband than night shift affords.
So getting back to my point:
If rather than this being a need for building up more inner-strength/self-sufficiency, it's instead about realizing you do NOT want to make these sacrifices that keep you from being your husband's companion and support as much as you'd be otherwise, then realize you need to make *other* sacrifices - you may need to limit which specialities you go into, the settings you work in, to accept the limited opportunities for work and pay that may come with that. You may need to even reconsider nursing if you can't change priorities.
For me, I am still considering the personal/family sacrifices that would come with nursing vs. a different profession that comes with a different set of sacrifices. So remember - we ALL make sacrifices. Often when a woman chooses to prioritize a more traditional role with her husband, she is also *sacrificing* any perks/fulfillment that might come from a whole range of careers, financial or otherwise. Pick and choose your sacrifices/battles as consciously as possible, in accordance with your personality/values. For you, you are already done with training! You are in it - dig down deep and figure out if this is right for you, and why, and what are you willing to sacrifice, what are you not willing to sacrifice, for how long, for what long-term goal, etc. Draw it up, if you must, as a reminder. Can you make your nursing career work for you, with respect to those goals/needs/boundaries? Also, can you protect those boundaries? For you, this may mean planning a long-term career in a particular specialty vs. another, one setting vs. another. AND/OR it might mean your and your husband's roles and relationship change at home.
And look - you couldn't know if a particular situation would be good for you or not without trying it, right? So now are trying it - night shift may not be a good idea, it seems! As you finish up this 6 months, you will know for sure near the end - did you get used to it? Did you grow to like it? Or do you know for sure night shift is OUT. Then that helps you decide what to aim for next.
I'm sorry if this long, meandering post was not useful. I wish you the best, and I in no way judge you for your difficulties. You are making a lot of difficult changes simultaneously, it's sure to stress you out. Maybe talk all of these things out with your husband as well, decide on your needs and goals, then approach the solution as a team! Then whatever you do will feel more like a joint effort, even when you are apart.
As far as separation anxiety , what difference would it make if you were on day shift?You are still separated from your husband.
Your husband cannot help you with your work anxiety. You must gain your confidence on your own. Focus on getting that all important first year under your belt, instead of how much you miss your husband.
As far as separation anxiety , what difference would it make if you were on day shift?You are still separated from your husband.
Your husband cannot help you with your work anxiety. You must gain your confidence on your own. Focus on getting that all important first year under your belt, instead of how much you miss your husband.
The difference is they would both be on day shift and they would be together in the evenings and nights. When you work opposite shifts you're literally home at opposite times as in not together.
So since everyone except for maybe 2 or 3 people were completely rude and downright mean I just want to let all of you know that I am in my 2nd year of NP school, thriving, and working a day shift job that I absolutely love, I work with great people and have an amazing manager. I haven't been on here in a while because it just made me so mad and negative again to read all the rude comments. No I would not make it as a military wife that is why I am not one..... My best friend is one and hates it but her husband is currently in his last month. No Callie is not my sock puppet but she is really nice for the discussions I have had with her in private messages. I am sorry you are all people that seem to thrive off of telling someone how wrong they are, etc. Enjoy eating your young as most older more experienced nurses do.
So since everyone except for maybe 2 or 3 people were completely rude and downright mean I just want to let all of you know that I am in my 2nd year of NP school, thriving, and working a day shift job that I absolutely love, I work with great people and have an amazing manager. I haven't been on here in a while because it just made me so mad and negative again to read all the rude comments. No I would not make it as a military wife that is why I am not one..... My best friend is one and hates it but her husband is currently in his last month. No Callie is not my sock puppet but she is really nice for the discussions I have had with her in private messages. I am sorry you are all people that seem to thrive off of telling someone how wrong they are, etc. Enjoy eating your young as most older more experienced nurses do.
So since everyone except for maybe 2 or 3 people were completely rude and downright mean I just want to let all of you know that I am in my 2nd year of NP school, thriving, and working a day shift job that I absolutely love, I work with great people and have an amazing manager. I haven't been on here in a while because it just made me so mad and negative again to read all the rude comments. No I would not make it as a military wife that is why I am not one..... My best friend is one and hates it but her husband is currently in his last month. No Callie is not my sock puppet but she is really nice for the discussions I have had with her in private messages. I am sorry you are all people that seem to thrive off of telling someone how wrong they are, etc. Enjoy eating your young as most older more experienced nurses do.
And a happy holidays to you too!
I just read through this entire thread, as I didn't take part in the original. OP - I sincerely hope you can read people better in real life than in virtual life. Your patients are at a true disadvantage if not. No one was "mean" or "rude."
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MassED, BSN, RN
2,636 Posts
What you are saying on here about yourself has nothing to do with NURSING. This is about you, as a person. It is not healthy to feel fear, loneliness, grief, or anything else when you're away from someone that you haven't birthed. (It's normal as a mom to feel that way leaving your baby, who needs you for food, shelter, psychological growth).
I think it IS pathological to be so dependent on another human being to where you are not functioning as your own person. others on this board are just saying that maybe this is contributing to her unhappiness. Being codependent is not healthy. I'm glad you feel like your coworkers are giving you the feedback you want to hear, but at some point you have to realize they are telling you what you want to hear. It's normal to find a balance in anything you do in your life. Of course we all want more time with our families, but you make up for that when you can. That's life.