I Feel Stuck - Like My Options Are Limited

[Ashleynurse101]

I have been a nurse for 4 years now. My first year I worked on a med-surg unit at a hospital in the city- about an hour and a half from my house. It was okay but the drive got to be too much especially in the Winter when the hour and a half drive turned into a 3 hour drive or I would have to fork out $150 a night to stay in a hotel because the roads were too bad to drive on. I live in a very small town in Indiana- a population of around 1200. There is only one hospital within an hour drive of me, which is where I currently work.  It is a very small "Band-Aid" hospital with a small ER, a 6 bed ICU where the most intensive thing they do is give blood, and a psychiatric unit which is where I work.

I have been in psych the last 3 years and I am beyond burnt out. It's not that I don't like the job, but to be honest, I do not feel like I do much or help in any way. We see the same patients over and over again and 95% of them just need a place to stay and eat for a few days. I literally pass pills and chit chat with my patients and maybe get an admission or two and that is it. It is monotonous and I am bored. I did travel for a while last year but due to family obligations at the time (helping my mom), I could not travel far and unfortunately the opportunities dried up so I cam back to my old staff job. It is disheartening going from 10k a month to bringing home 2500 a month. I really want to try out another area of nursing but the issue is, there is literally nothing close to me. There are no outpatient centers. There are no nursing homes. Hospice/home health is not a thing around here. There is nothing besides the small hospital I work at and I do not have an interest in working ER or ICU.  There is only a one small doctors office besides the hospital and they are never hiring. The one school in town is also never hiring nurses either. 

 I would love to do L&D or aesthetics but those are not options anywhere close to me. The nearest hospital with an L&D wing near me is over an hour and a half way and they pay is only $1 more than I make now which would not be worth it by the time I paid for gas. Not to mention in the Winter, I would have to get a hotel when the weather is bad since they do not plow my roads.  I looked into aesthetics nursing and every med spa wanted experience or they were a 2 hour drive one way and the pay would literally be my gas money for the week. I am also in grad school- I have 2 more years- and the schedule would not have been feasible with my school as I have set exam times that are not negotiable. I have also looked into remote nursing jobs but they all require experience and the only experience I have is in psych and there are no remote jobs available for this as I have looked for the last year. And the few remote jobs I have qualified for, the schedule was also not feasible with my school/exam schedule. 

And unfortunately, moving is not an option. My boyfriend has worked at his company for over a decade but does not have a college degree. He got lucky and got in at the right time and with his military training, got a high paying job and has worked his way up in his company. But the downside is, that means he is stuck there as he would never have a job that pays as well without a degree. Not to mention he is grandfathered into benefits that are no longer available anywhere really.  I have brought up how I feel about being stuck and he is supportive but also tells me he does not know what to tell me. He did tell me when we first starting dating 5 years ago that he loves his home here, he only has his dad left and he will not leave him, and he cannot just go anywhere and get a job so therefore he will be staying here. He will bring this up and tell me he told me he was staying here and this is something I knew before we got serious.

I am also 7.5 months pregnant (my Nexplanon failed) so that also puts a damper on my plans as well. I had originally planned to go back to travel and go wherever I wanted or just get an apartment or something in the city and work to get experience but that is not going to be possible now with a baby. I just feel so stuck. I had always had big plans and dreams and wanted to travel and see different things but now I feel like I cannot do that.  I feel so lost and dissatisfied and don't know what to do 

[JKL33]

mtmkjr said:

I get the appeal of having large amount of land and a home that is paid off, with a job that is secure and has good benefits... but really, it sounds to me like it could be a ball & chain that keeps you from adventure and opportunity that you are looking for. Hopefully your husband to be can reconsider his life goals from a different angle. 

The same could be said about the perspective of the OP.

This problem may be straight up different dreams for the future, which is really not the fault of either of them.

Society may tend to judge OP's dreams and goals as better-than (appealing to a greater number of people, more desirable) and thus more worthy of accommodation, but in fairness they are not more important than someone else's perfectly fine wishes for their own life.

If I were the father of this baby I'd consider not marrying someone who appears she will not be happy with what I have to offer (of no fault of her own).

These two need to have some serious talks about their relationship.

[acceleratednurse]

IMHO your best option is remote work. I know new grads who were able to snag one. I think you can too. Figure out where to look and what you can do to get that knowledge or experience. Health Coach certification or something telehealth related. I'd definitely start trying to veer my career into that direction. I know CVS hires remote nurses. Go to pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies career websites and apply regardless of having experience or not. It doesn't hurt. 

Best of luck and congrats on the baby. 

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

acceleratednurse said:

IMHO your best option is remote work. I know new grads who were able to snag one. I think you can too. Figure out where to look and what you can do to get that knowledge or experience. Health Coach certification or something telehealth related. I'd definitely start trying to veer my career into that direction. I know CVS hires remote nurses. Go to pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies career websites and apply regardless of having experience or not. It doesn't hurt. 

Best of luck and congrats on the baby. 

In Indiana, remote work is almost nonexistent to extremely hard to get into. Believe me, I've tried, and I have some decent connections. People in more populous areas don't understand. Some areas have very little to offer, rural areas are not a guarantee of easy access to jobs  

[londonflo]

DaniannaRN said:

I would strongly recommend getting married asap.  My husband and I did a small inexpensive ceremony, the total cost was about $300.  We only had our kids (from prior marriages) and our best friends there.  You can always renew your vows later on and do a huge wedding.  That way, you can be covered under his benefits and you won't have to worry about that.  It also gives you and your baby legal protection for anything that may occur. 

 

mtmkjr said:

I get the appeal of having large amount of land and a home that is paid off

Oops. I missed the point where you were on the deed.

mtmkjr said:

I get the appeal of having large amount of land and a home that is paid off,

She doesn't have that. Fiancé does.When birth control fails (even before then). there are commitments/obligations for both partners. BOTH! Future father should NOT ONLY offer to pay for an apartment closer to work so Future mother can have a closer  time driving home. Frankly he should be there welcoming her home. 

[londonflo]

JKL33 said:

If I were the father of this baby I'd consider not marrying someone who appears she will not be happy with what I have to offer (of no fault of her own).

 Glad you are not the father of this baby. The mother has gone along with everything , They are engaged. You are recommending no legal solidification  of their union  which is marriage. The child benefits so much from this legal standing of marriage. . Poor baby...Are you  endorsing the mother to a life long financial situation going to court for child support? 

[JKL33]

londonflo said:

Glad you are not the father of this baby. The mother has gone along with everything , They are engaged. You are recommending no legal solidification  of their union  which is marriage. The child benefits so much from this legal standing of marriage. . Poor baby...Are you  endorsing the mother to a life long financial situation going to court for child support? 

They have both "gone along with everything."

 

Quote

Are you  endorsing the mother to a life long financial situation going to court for child support? 

I fail to understand how you would account for the discrepancy in your point of view. Why on earth should this man be in the city welcoming her "home" instead of only agreeing to help pay so that she can have a job she enjoys? Why? He has a home. Besides, how is he going to help finance that city apartment after he moves from his current job? Sell his family's property?

You've made a couple of sarcastic comments about him that would raise the roof if reversed.

Even your comment directly above assumes that she would have to force him to support his child. What, from her comments, has given you that idea? But on that note, yes, I think for both their sakes there should be more discussion and legal planning. I will amend the marriage-related comment that has upset you to say that if I were him I wouldn't marry without a prenup in this situation.

 

 

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

Ashleynurse101 said:

As far as our child(rens) future, he's already talked to the VA about  the process of transferring his GI bill over to him once he's born/older. 

Transfers can only be made while on active duty or in certain types of reserve positions. If he's been out/separated for a while, he cannot transfer his GI Bill. 

https://www.VA.gov/education/transfer-post-9-11-gi-bill-benefits/

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

I PMd the OP, as I feel like we may be in the same geographic region of IN. I have yet to get a reply. I feel like this is a) a venting situation, no actual help wanted, or b) a made up story for whatever reason (we've seen those before)

[klone, MSN, RN]

londonflo said:

She and the baby's father are happily involved. Just waiting to get married for a big ceremony. I advocate getting married NOW to get the child  tied into the parents social security, life insurance at work, and marriage to get a legal commingling funds with checking, savings, housing (it is all his), completing income tax schedules for ALL deductions to give them the best financial situation.

I have never advocated for 2 people to get married that will end in a miserable state. 

2 people getting married to make each other miserable, I agree. The OP said they were engaged. 

All of those legal protections are still afforded the child, even without the marriage certificate. 

[londonflo]

klone said:

All of those legal protections are still afforded the child, even without the marriage certificate. 

May be those legal protections are afforded the baby. but NOT the mother.

What legal protections are you citing here? name on birth certificate, child support based on his pay

And there it stops.

 no payment for child care when mother goes to work,  No obligation for high school athletic fees , extracurricular activities,  no payment for a prom,, no payment for an ACT prep program, no assistance for a car at 16, and all payments stop at 18...College anyone?

Is she going to live with baby? paying for food, rent, (diapers in the future) , a sitter when she works? Paying for diapers, baby foods, rent for a baby friendly home. 

We don't know if the OP just dropped off the face of the earth.

I put it bluntly our legal system does not treat a 'married' couple the same as those who just play house. 

 

[RN_SummerSeas, MSN, APRN, NP]

Hoosier_RN said:

In Indiana, remote work is almost nonexistent to extremely hard to get into. Believe me, I've tried, and I have some decent connections. People in more populous areas don't understand. Some areas have very little to offer, rural areas are not a guarantee of easy access to jobs  

You don't have to get a remote job in your state. I worked a remote job right out of FNP school and we could get licensed where ever we wanted and do visits being telehealth.  Insurance companies are all over the country and they will hire out of state. Most will cover the cost of licensing. Everyone keeps saying the market is oversaturated with FNP's but not where I am. I get email, calls, tests every day from people trying to fill roles, many are remote.  Since the pandemic health care has changed.  It is going to continue to change and there are so many opportunities.  

I hope OP figures something out because plenty of options have been shared for her consideration and she did shoot them all down.  If she wanted to just vent it would have been helpful for her to state that.  She sounds very unfulfilled in her career/life.  I wonder why if someone is from such a small area and knows there are no options why did they go to school to do something where there is no opportunities where they chose to live.  My husband and I work in different states, we have 4 kids, if people want to make things work there are plenty of ways to do it.

I wish her the best of luck with her child, fiance, education and future. 

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

RN_SummerSeas said:

You don't have to get a remote job in your state. I worked a remote job right out of FNP school and we could get licensed where ever we wanted and do visits being telehealth.  Insurance companies are all over the country and they will hire out of state. Most will cover the cost of licensing. Everyone keeps saying the market is oversaturated with FNP's but not where I am. I get email, calls, tests every day from people trying to fill roles, many are remote.  Since the pandemic health care has changed.  It is going to continue to change and there are so many opportunities. 

Myself, and all of my friends have compact licensure. Perhaps you could PM me links to all of these jobs. We have looked through insurance companies, etc. Not finding these tons of remote jobs for RNs. For NPs possibly, but considering that I'm a few years from retirement, not worth the cost to go back for my post masters...along with the huge paycut that I'd have to take with the job change