I Feel Stuck - Like My Options Are Limited

[Ashleynurse101]

I have been a nurse for 4 years now. My first year I worked on a med-surg unit at a hospital in the city- about an hour and a half from my house. It was okay but the drive got to be too much especially in the Winter when the hour and a half drive turned into a 3 hour drive or I would have to fork out $150 a night to stay in a hotel because the roads were too bad to drive on. I live in a very small town in Indiana- a population of around 1200. There is only one hospital within an hour drive of me, which is where I currently work.  It is a very small "Band-Aid" hospital with a small ER, a 6 bed ICU where the most intensive thing they do is give blood, and a psychiatric unit which is where I work.

I have been in psych the last 3 years and I am beyond burnt out. It's not that I don't like the job, but to be honest, I do not feel like I do much or help in any way. We see the same patients over and over again and 95% of them just need a place to stay and eat for a few days. I literally pass pills and chit chat with my patients and maybe get an admission or two and that is it. It is monotonous and I am bored. I did travel for a while last year but due to family obligations at the time (helping my mom), I could not travel far and unfortunately the opportunities dried up so I cam back to my old staff job. It is disheartening going from 10k a month to bringing home 2500 a month. I really want to try out another area of nursing but the issue is, there is literally nothing close to me. There are no outpatient centers. There are no nursing homes. Hospice/home health is not a thing around here. There is nothing besides the small hospital I work at and I do not have an interest in working ER or ICU.  There is only a one small doctors office besides the hospital and they are never hiring. The one school in town is also never hiring nurses either. 

 I would love to do L&D or aesthetics but those are not options anywhere close to me. The nearest hospital with an L&D wing near me is over an hour and a half way and they pay is only $1 more than I make now which would not be worth it by the time I paid for gas. Not to mention in the Winter, I would have to get a hotel when the weather is bad since they do not plow my roads.  I looked into aesthetics nursing and every med spa wanted experience or they were a 2 hour drive one way and the pay would literally be my gas money for the week. I am also in grad school- I have 2 more years- and the schedule would not have been feasible with my school as I have set exam times that are not negotiable. I have also looked into remote nursing jobs but they all require experience and the only experience I have is in psych and there are no remote jobs available for this as I have looked for the last year. And the few remote jobs I have qualified for, the schedule was also not feasible with my school/exam schedule. 

And unfortunately, moving is not an option. My boyfriend has worked at his company for over a decade but does not have a college degree. He got lucky and got in at the right time and with his military training, got a high paying job and has worked his way up in his company. But the downside is, that means he is stuck there as he would never have a job that pays as well without a degree. Not to mention he is grandfathered into benefits that are no longer available anywhere really.  I have brought up how I feel about being stuck and he is supportive but also tells me he does not know what to tell me. He did tell me when we first starting dating 5 years ago that he loves his home here, he only has his dad left and he will not leave him, and he cannot just go anywhere and get a job so therefore he will be staying here. He will bring this up and tell me he told me he was staying here and this is something I knew before we got serious.

I am also 7.5 months pregnant (my Nexplanon failed) so that also puts a damper on my plans as well. I had originally planned to go back to travel and go wherever I wanted or just get an apartment or something in the city and work to get experience but that is not going to be possible now with a baby. I just feel so stuck. I had always had big plans and dreams and wanted to travel and see different things but now I feel like I cannot do that.  I feel so lost and dissatisfied and don't know what to do 

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

RNperdiem said:

Maybe you don't need to get married now, but you do need to protect your child's interests.

Get life insurance for yourself and your boyfriend. Keep your job, and build savings. I know the job is not your first choice of jobs, but it brings in income, and in this world money means choice. Always have the means to support yourself and your child. 

Your boyfriend has the kind of job that is disappearing (my Dad was once a Company Man), if the company should go under, what options does he have? If his job has generous benefits, can you get your child enrolled as a beneficiary? If he has children from a previous relationship, what are his responsibilities to them? 

You and your boyfriends seem to be at different life stages. You want to spread your wings, explore your options and have the freedom to move to get what you want. Your boyfriend reads older- like he had done those things already and is settled in for the duration. 

Until your child is born and you recover, there is not a lot you can do now. Look into insurance, keep your license active and your resume updated. Finish school and prepare for motherhood. 

We actually both have life insurance policy's. I have one through my work and also got a $700,000 one last year since I'm still young (26) and it wasn't very expensive. I also know he had one that's up there in value as well. He's 32 and I'm 26, I'll be 27 before he's 33,  so he's not too much older. We been together for 5 years and engaged for 1, before I was pregnant, so I didn't mean to imply we only got engaged because I'm pregnant. I still call him my boyfriend out of habit . I wanted to wait until I was done with school to get married. If it were up to him, we would already be married. Neither one of us have any children with anyone else. 

As far as his job, he does have other sources of income as well as various trade skills and connections. He details cars for a hobby on the side, he knows how to do carpentry work, he knows about building houses, etc. his dads best friend owns one of the biggest construction companies in the state and told him he always had a job with him. His best friend owns his own heating and cooling business and has told him he always has a job if ever needed. The sheriffs office as wells as the fire chief the town over have begged him for years to come work with them so he has that option too. He's definitely not limited and he makes sure of that. The main job he works, he is in charge of all the hydrogen and chemical reactors. Corporate just invested millions into his plant. It's him and one other guy who know how to do the job, my boyfriend was in the army and did all the biological/nuclear/chemical stuff so that's where he learned how to do his job. In layman's terms, there would be another Chernobyl if something were to go wrong. 
 

As far as our child(rens) future, he's already talked to the VA about  the process of transferring his GI bill over to him once he's born/older. His dad also owns 1000 acres and we live on 100 of it. It's all paid off and has been passed down from generation to generation (my boyfriend is an only child and so is his dad). The 100 acres is in his name and the rest is in his dads name but set up to go to him once his dad passes. The people down the road from us just sold 80 acres for $750k and it was just land. Ours has a two lakes on it as our house and his dads. The land will be passed down to our kid(s) and he has already talked to his dad about getting our sons name on the deed once he's here. there are other highly valuable assets that have already been set up to be passed down. So my child's future is secure. He's not the type that would ever be a deadbeat or anything if something were to happen with our relationship. It's just that the options for me here are limited career wise and I do want to get more experience in other areas of nursing, especially before I become a provider 

[londonflo]

Ashleynurse101 said:

If it were up to him, we would already be married.

And your hesitancy?

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

londonflo said:

And your hesitancy?

I wanted to wait until I was done with school and have an actual wedding. I know it's not necessary and I'm not talking a big huge extravagant event, but I have always wanted an actual wedding as everyone in my family had always just gone to the court house or just had something in their backyard. I didn't want to the stress of planning a wedding on top of school and work 

[ErinDel, ASN, BSN, RN]

Since you have psych experience, I would continue with the PMHNP option. After graduating, you could possibly find a remote psych NP job and try and work from home while you care for your new baby. It may not be exactly what you want, but its a start, and its in a field you are familiar with. Being a psych NP will be a different role and feel from working as a psych RN on a unit. Good luck to you!

[abbnurse]

Ashleynurse101 said:

I am halfway through my DNP-FNP. I was doing PMHNP but did not want to limit my options since I am already burnt out in psych. To be honest, I really do not know what my end game is right now

Hello Ashleynure101, 

I work in the world of addiction treatment, and we have Psych NP 's on staff here. They are a wonderful addition to the MD's , RN's, LPN's, and counselors.  I know you are feeling burnt out from Psych - but thought I'd mention it , in case there are any treatment centers in your area and if  it's something that might interest you.      

Having said that, it sounds like you have a a wonderful future ahead of you, and good luck, whatever you decide.   Congratulations on your baby ! 

 

[mdsRN2005, ASN, BSN, RN]

I agree with the other poster about staying at your current job til after maternity leave, which it sounds like you were planning to do anyway.  I do sympathize with your predicament being unable to move.  It sounds like your boyfriend is very supportive and that you have a good relationship.  Does he need to be in the same town as his dad or just close by?  Would it be possible for the two of you to move to the town an hour away and let him commute instead of you?   Also you mentioned a couple remote job opportunities that were not possible because of your schedule.  Can you talk to your instructors to see if there is any accommodation that could be made?  When I was doing classes online recently we had a 48hr window to take exams.  It sounds like that's not how your program is set up but it's worth asking.  If not unfortunately your best option for the immediate future may be to stay put.  In that case, start thinking more about long term goals.
 

As to FNP/PMHNP, while FNP would give you a wider range of opportunities there's also a lot more competition, and the market is becoming overcrowded.  PMHNP is more specialized and therefore sets up you apart in your field (assuming you enjoy psych and want to stay in it- it sounds like you want more of a challenge but don't mind the specialty?).  This would also make you more marketable for remote telehealth psych NP jobs vs if you only have a FNP.  You could also stay at your current employer but in a higher role. Just a thought.  Best of luck and keep us posted!  

[londonflo]

Ashleynurse101 said:

Before I got pregnant, he told me he would split the bills for an apartment I could stay in if I wanted to work in the city and offered to split gas and a hotel for me when they weather was bad. But obviously I'm not going to be able to be gone 3 days a week with a baby now.

 What a guy....!You truly are in a pickle if he only offered to "split the bills for an apartment" .

Are you comingling funds without being married?

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

If there are such limited services in your small community have you thought about possibly starting your own business once you are a provider, or even before and start providing some of those services? It seems to me that the area could benefit from a home health agency.

You could start small, providing limited services until you are comfortable in the role and running a business. Of course I have no clue what regulatory hoops you would need to jump through to get a new health care business off the ground and you would certainly need sound business advice but maybe that would be an option worth looking into. If you are ultimately invested in staying where you are it could provide needed services to your area as well as give you some lacking career fulfillment. 

[Lust4life, BSN]

Hospice nursing? For a time being while in school? People seem to end up really enjoying it. 

I know what you mean by feeling stuck. You're about to go through some big life changes. Knowing you will have some options and new doors opening in the future might help you feel more in control of things, and not so stuck. 

Best wishes!

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

Lust4life said:

Hospice nursing? For a time being while in school? People seem to end up really enjoying it. 

I know what you mean by feeling stuck. You're about to go through some big life changes. Knowing you will have some options and new doors opening in the future might help you feel more in control of things, and not so stuck. 

Best wishes!

Unfortunately there are no hospice services in my area. The closest place that offers hospice is an hour-hour and a half away. I have looked into it and called to find out information and the hours would not be compatible with my exam schedule and I would also be on call a lot which is also not compatible with my school schedule either 

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

londonflo said:

 What a guy....!You truly are in a pickle if he only offered to "split the bills for an apartment" .

Are you comingling funds without being married?

We have separate accounts and he pays the mortgage since it's his house that he built long before we got together. We opened jo an account together for our son that we have been contributing to since we found out I was pregnant but other than that, our money is separate 

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

mdsRN2005 said:

Does he need to be in the same town as his dad or just close by?  Would it be possible for the two of you to move to the town an hour away and let him commute instead of you?   Also you mentioned a couple remote job opportunities that were not possible because of your schedule.  Can you talk to your instructors to see if there is any accommodation that could be made?  When I was doing classes online recently we had a 48hr window to take exams.  It sounds like that's not how your program is set up but it's worth asking. 
 

 

It's not just that he wants to be close to his dad, he also has land(1000 acres total) that has been passed down from like 5 generations that he doesn't have to pay property taxes on since Indiana has no inheritance tax. He also almost has his house paid off completely paid off, so really there is no reason financially for him to move. Ever. As far as my test exams, I have talked with them about that and they said no. Apparently they have done it in years past but what happened was is students that took the exams early would then tell other students answers/what was on the exam so now exam times are non-negotiable. And they are always right in the middle of the day (1 or 2pm depending on the class) so a Monday-Friday 7-3, 8-4, 9-5 or anything that requires call at all is just not possible. Trust me, over the year I have racked my brain with every possibility as far as options and jobs I may like and it's just not possible either with school, my location, or both