I Feel Stuck - Like My Options Are Limited

[Ashleynurse101]

I have been a nurse for 4 years now. My first year I worked on a med-surg unit at a hospital in the city- about an hour and a half from my house. It was okay but the drive got to be too much especially in the Winter when the hour and a half drive turned into a 3 hour drive or I would have to fork out $150 a night to stay in a hotel because the roads were too bad to drive on. I live in a very small town in Indiana- a population of around 1200. There is only one hospital within an hour drive of me, which is where I currently work.  It is a very small "Band-Aid" hospital with a small ER, a 6 bed ICU where the most intensive thing they do is give blood, and a psychiatric unit which is where I work.

I have been in psych the last 3 years and I am beyond burnt out. It's not that I don't like the job, but to be honest, I do not feel like I do much or help in any way. We see the same patients over and over again and 95% of them just need a place to stay and eat for a few days. I literally pass pills and chit chat with my patients and maybe get an admission or two and that is it. It is monotonous and I am bored. I did travel for a while last year but due to family obligations at the time (helping my mom), I could not travel far and unfortunately the opportunities dried up so I cam back to my old staff job. It is disheartening going from 10k a month to bringing home 2500 a month. I really want to try out another area of nursing but the issue is, there is literally nothing close to me. There are no outpatient centers. There are no nursing homes. Hospice/home health is not a thing around here. There is nothing besides the small hospital I work at and I do not have an interest in working ER or ICU.  There is only a one small doctors office besides the hospital and they are never hiring. The one school in town is also never hiring nurses either. 

 I would love to do L&D or aesthetics but those are not options anywhere close to me. The nearest hospital with an L&D wing near me is over an hour and a half way and they pay is only $1 more than I make now which would not be worth it by the time I paid for gas. Not to mention in the Winter, I would have to get a hotel when the weather is bad since they do not plow my roads.  I looked into aesthetics nursing and every med spa wanted experience or they were a 2 hour drive one way and the pay would literally be my gas money for the week. I am also in grad school- I have 2 more years- and the schedule would not have been feasible with my school as I have set exam times that are not negotiable. I have also looked into remote nursing jobs but they all require experience and the only experience I have is in psych and there are no remote jobs available for this as I have looked for the last year. And the few remote jobs I have qualified for, the schedule was also not feasible with my school/exam schedule. 

And unfortunately, moving is not an option. My boyfriend has worked at his company for over a decade but does not have a college degree. He got lucky and got in at the right time and with his military training, got a high paying job and has worked his way up in his company. But the downside is, that means he is stuck there as he would never have a job that pays as well without a degree. Not to mention he is grandfathered into benefits that are no longer available anywhere really.  I have brought up how I feel about being stuck and he is supportive but also tells me he does not know what to tell me. He did tell me when we first starting dating 5 years ago that he loves his home here, he only has his dad left and he will not leave him, and he cannot just go anywhere and get a job so therefore he will be staying here. He will bring this up and tell me he told me he was staying here and this is something I knew before we got serious.

I am also 7.5 months pregnant (my Nexplanon failed) so that also puts a damper on my plans as well. I had originally planned to go back to travel and go wherever I wanted or just get an apartment or something in the city and work to get experience but that is not going to be possible now with a baby. I just feel so stuck. I had always had big plans and dreams and wanted to travel and see different things but now I feel like I cannot do that.  I feel so lost and dissatisfied and don't know what to do 

[Psychnurse1996]

Hey girl! Wow a part of me feels like I could have written this myself. I am also a psychiatric nurse from a VERY small Midwest town where it's an hour from civilization in every direction. There are people in my hometown who don't know what the internet it and hunt and trap their dinner every night. 
My hometown is an a good hour from any hospital, and that hospital is just a small bandaid hospital like the one you described you work at,  and the only medical care in my hometown is a walk in clinic with a doctor who was probably childhood friends with Abe Lincoln. Anything someone needs that's more than slapping a bandaid on is a 2 hour ride to the hospital.

I think people have given good advice but truly don't understand the severe limitations that you are under, and they won't unless they have lived it. There's a big difference between a small town of 5000 people and a town in the country with around 1000 with a few stop lights, a few mom and pop restaurants, and a gas station that is from 1932. Trust me, I know from experience. And just like your town, there are no home services or any options. I get people are trying to give you advice but I can understand where you are coming from.

I'm also in grad school and have looked at remote options and most of them are M-F 8 hour shifts which would not work with my set exam schedule, the same predicament you find yourself in. Starting a business is great but that also takes a long time, may or may mot be successful, and in the mean time you would have to juggle a newborn/work/school on top of trying to establish a business. I don't think that's a feasible option either for you. and if your town is anything like my hometown, there is no centers or opportunities to volunteer at-not that you would have the time with everything on your plate. In a town of 1000 people, 99% of which have no medical knowledge, there really isn't networking to be done.

And I can totally understand where your boyfriend is coming from too. My dad is in the same situation- high paying job that he is grandfathered into benefits that don't exist anymore and is therefore stuck. Your partner does sound supportive, especially in offering to pay for your gas/hotel/ apartment if you wanted to work in the city for more money and opportunity, but I also understand the money issue after paying for the extra costs associated with this and the impossibility of it with a baby. I really don't have any advice other than to sympathize with your situation because that would have been me and I not have had the opportunity to move. If I would have stayed with my high school sweetheart, I would be you. My only advice is to stick it out for now and reevaluate your priorities down the road. The reality is, your partners job and opportunities is not changing anytime soon and the career options available in your area also aren't changing anytime soon. While you guys may love each other and neither one of you are wrong in this situation, I don't think it's fair for either one of you. It's not fair that you feel held back in opportunity and career wise and it's not fair for him to feel like he is holding you back through no fault of his own, just his personal circumstances he really can't help(and trust me, I'm sure he feels this way). There may come a time when you have to make a tough decision on what you want, relationship or career. My mom found herself in a similar situation. Best of luck to you! 

[DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN]

Can you afford to not work for a while after the birth of your baby? You were talking about renting an apartment near work? Could the money you save not doing this plus the money  you'd save on child care be enough for you to take time out? 

That way you can concentrate on your degree and your new baby. When your child reaches a certain age you'll have a degree in the hand and can re-evaluate the situation. You also never know where your partner's career will be at at this stage. Hes HE thought about taking on a part-time degree to improve his career mobilty?

It sounds like everything is getting on top of you right now and maybe some time off would just give you that space to sort things out in your head? Plus you'll really get to know your new baby AND have more time to devote to your degree.

Marriage is a very personal choice. This isn't 1930 and I wouldn't rush into marriage just because you have a baby on the way. Get married only if you want to, and when you both feel the time is right.   

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

DavidFR said:

Can you afford to not work for a while after the birth of your baby? You were talking about renting an apartment near work? Could the money you save not doing this plus the money you'd save on child care be enough for you to take time out? 

I could afford short term but not long term, and to be honest, I have no interest in being a stay-at-home mom, even temporarily. I have always been this way. Plus, the house and property is in my boyfriend's name as the property has been passed down in his family and he built the house in his early 20s. It is very important to me to be financially independent. I would be the same way if I was married to Jeff Bezos. I have to make my own money and work to be fulfilled. If we were to breakup, I do not want to be in my 30s+ with no house to my name, no savings, no retirement, no investments, etc. As far as childcare, we are lucky in that are schedules work out so we won't need a daycare. 

As far as him getting degree, the issue is, there really isn't any incentive for him to do so. He makes 5x the average income in the area he is also grandfathered into a pension, 401k with 13% match, etc. Unless he were to become a doctor or another high earning job, there really is not a reason for him to get a degree as it would financially not be worth it. he loves his job and is happy here. He also only has his dad and he wants to be close to him. My family is close by too 

[vintagegal, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

Although you may want support for "sticking it out" my advice is to make a change. It's time to put YOU first in the equation. The world is your proverbial oyster. You can go anywhere you want to and get any job in nursing you can dream of. If you don't put yourself first, who will? It's not being selfish it's self care. As for your man- he will figure it out. Maybe this is the perfect time to live apart for a while to work on yourselves before the baby comes.

[Wuzzie]

Ashleynurse101 said:

I have to make my own money and work to be fulfilled. If we were to breakup, I do not want to be in my 30s+ with no house to my name, no savings, no retirement, no investments, etc.

This is very telling. It sounds like there is no way this will happen in the small town you where live now. 

[Psychnurse1996]

vintagegal said:

You can go anywhere you want to and get any job in nursing you can dream of.

while this is true, I don't think now is necessarily the right time for her to be switching jobs being 7.5 months pregnant if not absolutely necessary, ESPECIALLY in Indiana where there's no state laws that protect pregnant women really . She's less than 2 months from giving birth. A facility will be very hesitant to hire her. Yes this is absolutely illegal but there are still loopholes and I've seen it done many times. She also wouldn't qualify for fmla if she were to be hired as you have to work somewhere for at least 12 months and have over 1200 hours to be eligible. Without fmla protection, she could be fired for missing work, which is inevitable with her approaching due date and need for time off to recover and bond with baby. She also wouldn't qualify for short term disability as pregnancy is considered a pre existing condition so that would be all her time off would be unpaid. Plus she has said she lives over an Hour from any other hospital and 2 hours from any big hospital. It may not be best for a woman about to give birth to be that far from home or on the road for that long. Not to mention working a 12.5 hour shift and then driving an hour or two home. Plus with a new baby, I don't think it feasible for her to just up and go wherever her heart desires at the moment. It wouldn't be fair to her baby or the dad quite frankly, who seems like he's being as supportive as he can given the circumstances of his particular situation

 

[JKL33]

Ashleynurse101 said:

There is nothing besides the small hospital I work at and I do not have an interest in working ER or ICU.

I hear you....but will still put it out there that it might be worth thinking more on this. Part of the immediate problem is that you're bored in your career; others have already pointed out that life is about to get way more interesting for you on the personal front, but when you are back at work after giving birth consider trying what you think you won't enjoy.

You could consider asking to cross-train when you come back from maternity leave. Those small hospitals can always use people who can work different areas and the experience might help you not feel so bored at work while finishing your degree. You might even learn a thing or two that would be useful in your future career.

Just a thought ~

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

JKL33 said:

You could consider asking to cross-train when you come back from maternity leave. 

I actually have cross trained at both the ER and the ICU where I have worked. I worked in the ER for over 4 months while they were short and the ICU here and there when they need someone. I was not exaggerating when I said it's a bandaid hospital. They will stabilize someone and ship them out.
The most intense procedure the ICU will do is give blood or an insulin drip if someone comes in in DKA. If they require any type of intubation or cannot be fixed in a few nights and discharged, they are immediately shipped out to a bigger hospital. They just don't have the resources here. The next closest hospital is an hour and a half away, which is where I worked at my first year, but it's also a bandaid hospital, albeit higher than the one I work at now. If I wanted to do labor and delivery, nicu, or anything besides med-surg/ER/ICU, it's a 90-120 minute drive from me one way. And that's without traffic on a beautiful Summer day. I'm the Winter time when we get big snows, you're looking to double that. My OB is over 2 hours from me now.

[JKL33]

Yes, I'm not unfamiliar with the conditions you mention.

A place doesn't need to be a level 1 trauma center or any kind of trauma center at all to see plenty of bread and butter stuff that FNPs commonly deal with, at least in primary care. That's the only reason I mentioned it. I guess it depends on what you want to do with your FNP certification--I'm guessing not primary care?

 

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

JKL33 said:

I guess it depends on what you want to do with your FNP certification--I'm guessing not primary care?

 

to be honest, I'm not really sure what I want to do. I was originally going for my PMHNP but switched for FNP since it's more broad and I didn't want to limit myself with just psych like I have now. But I really don't know what I am interested in as a provider which is one of the reasons I want to get more experience in other fields 

[beachynurse, ASN, BSN]

londonflo said:

Get Married

The piece of paper you need is a marriage license to ensure your baby's future.

I'm afraid I must respectfully disagree. I think a baby alone is one of the worst reasons for getting married. And that marriage license alone does not ensure a child's future. I have seen many a single parent do a phenomenal job raising their children, and couples that are miserable can have miserable and unhappy children, as they instinctively know that their parents don't get along. Children are happier with parents that are happy and separate, rather than miserable and together. 

What will ensure your baby's future is you finishing up your schooling. That will be your key. 

[RNperdiem, RN]

Maybe you don't need to get married now, but you do need to protect your child's interests.

Get life insurance for yourself and your boyfriend. Keep your job, and build savings. I know the job is not your first choice of jobs, but it brings in income, and in this world money means choice. Always have the means to support yourself and your child. 

Your boyfriend has the kind of job that is disappearing (my Dad was once a Company Man), if the company should go under, what options does he have? If his job has generous benefits, can you get your child enrolled as a beneficiary? If he has children from a previous relationship, what are his responsibilities to them? 

You and your boyfriends seem to be at different life stages. You want to spread your wings, explore your options and have the freedom to move to get what you want. Your boyfriend reads older- like he had done those things already and is settled in for the duration. 

Until your child is born and you recover, there is not a lot you can do now. Look into insurance, keep your license active and your resume updated. Finish school and prepare for motherhood.