I Feel Stuck - Like My Options Are Limited

[Ashleynurse101]

I have been a nurse for 4 years now. My first year I worked on a med-surg unit at a hospital in the city- about an hour and a half from my house. It was okay but the drive got to be too much especially in the Winter when the hour and a half drive turned into a 3 hour drive or I would have to fork out $150 a night to stay in a hotel because the roads were too bad to drive on. I live in a very small town in Indiana- a population of around 1200. There is only one hospital within an hour drive of me, which is where I currently work.  It is a very small "Band-Aid" hospital with a small ER, a 6 bed ICU where the most intensive thing they do is give blood, and a psychiatric unit which is where I work.

I have been in psych the last 3 years and I am beyond burnt out. It's not that I don't like the job, but to be honest, I do not feel like I do much or help in any way. We see the same patients over and over again and 95% of them just need a place to stay and eat for a few days. I literally pass pills and chit chat with my patients and maybe get an admission or two and that is it. It is monotonous and I am bored. I did travel for a while last year but due to family obligations at the time (helping my mom), I could not travel far and unfortunately the opportunities dried up so I cam back to my old staff job. It is disheartening going from 10k a month to bringing home 2500 a month. I really want to try out another area of nursing but the issue is, there is literally nothing close to me. There are no outpatient centers. There are no nursing homes. Hospice/home health is not a thing around here. There is nothing besides the small hospital I work at and I do not have an interest in working ER or ICU.  There is only a one small doctors office besides the hospital and they are never hiring. The one school in town is also never hiring nurses either. 

 I would love to do L&D or aesthetics but those are not options anywhere close to me. The nearest hospital with an L&D wing near me is over an hour and a half way and they pay is only $1 more than I make now which would not be worth it by the time I paid for gas. Not to mention in the Winter, I would have to get a hotel when the weather is bad since they do not plow my roads.  I looked into aesthetics nursing and every med spa wanted experience or they were a 2 hour drive one way and the pay would literally be my gas money for the week. I am also in grad school- I have 2 more years- and the schedule would not have been feasible with my school as I have set exam times that are not negotiable. I have also looked into remote nursing jobs but they all require experience and the only experience I have is in psych and there are no remote jobs available for this as I have looked for the last year. And the few remote jobs I have qualified for, the schedule was also not feasible with my school/exam schedule. 

And unfortunately, moving is not an option. My boyfriend has worked at his company for over a decade but does not have a college degree. He got lucky and got in at the right time and with his military training, got a high paying job and has worked his way up in his company. But the downside is, that means he is stuck there as he would never have a job that pays as well without a degree. Not to mention he is grandfathered into benefits that are no longer available anywhere really.  I have brought up how I feel about being stuck and he is supportive but also tells me he does not know what to tell me. He did tell me when we first starting dating 5 years ago that he loves his home here, he only has his dad left and he will not leave him, and he cannot just go anywhere and get a job so therefore he will be staying here. He will bring this up and tell me he told me he was staying here and this is something I knew before we got serious.

I am also 7.5 months pregnant (my Nexplanon failed) so that also puts a damper on my plans as well. I had originally planned to go back to travel and go wherever I wanted or just get an apartment or something in the city and work to get experience but that is not going to be possible now with a baby. I just feel so stuck. I had always had big plans and dreams and wanted to travel and see different things but now I feel like I cannot do that.  I feel so lost and dissatisfied and don't know what to do 

[beachynurse, ASN, BSN]

Emergent said:

I totally agree!

I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. Getting married simply because she is pregnant is one of the worst decisions to make. I was not a single parent, but I do believe very strongly that a happy single parent is better than a miserable, unhappy Mom and Dad together. The kids are not fooled, they know what is going on. I know me and my brother did.. My Mom should have left my Dad. We suffered the consequences of their misery. We would have been better off with my Mom. and my Dad living elsewhere.

[londonflo]

Ashleynurse101 said:

We have agreed that with our son about to be here, it is best not to make 1 ) any major decisions right now but he was really supportive and understanding of my feelings and my inner dilemma. he expressed how awful he feels because he feels like he is holding me back but there isn't much he can do to personally change 2) it without completely altering his life either(which would be 3) completely unfair to him and something I could not ask of him).

1) having a baby is a major decision right now, 9 months ago and for the next 18 years.

2)Umm is he altering his life or are you?. Your world is going to completely change!  His world  doesn't alter a thing...except bringing diapers when you are broke....and complaining about the cost of diapers...

3) why is altering his life unfair??? --  He played a BIG part in this. You better ask now before you ask for 'babysitting' services and he tells you it is his night with the 'boys'

PS getting married is very important in the legal system. No stalling for DNA tests, No stalling on child support until the child is 18 or 22. Get him to ..agree now on the college support (Length of child support)! There is inherited land...that your child needs to be recognized to inherit. 

Your hormones are wonky now but get him established legally in his father's family! Marriage doesn't mean you and the baby's father go off together in blissful happiness until your child achieves maturity. I am not proposing you to enter into a 'bad marriage".  Think about it as an insurance policy for your child. 

[klone, MSN, RN]

Londonflo, who hurt you?

 

A child can be recognized without a marriage certificate. 

[Ashleynurse101, BSN]

londonflo said:

1) having a baby is a major decision right now, 9 months ago and for the next 18 years.

2)Umm is he altering his life or are you?. Your world is going to completely change!  His world  doesn't alter a thing...except bringing diapers when you are broke....and complaining about the cost of diapers...

3) why is altering his life unfair??? --  He played a BIG part in this. You better ask now before you ask for 'babysitting' services and he tells you it is his night with the 'boys'

PS getting married is very important in the legal system. No stalling for DNA tests, No stalling on child support until the child is 18 or 22. Get him to ..agree now on the college support (Length of child support)! There is inherited land...that your child needs to be recognized to inherit. 

Your hormones are wonky now but get him established legally in his father's family! Marriage doesn't mean you and the baby's father go off together in blissful happiness until your child achieves maturity. I am not proposing you to enter into a 'bad marriage".  Think about it as an insurance policy for your child. 

I understand you are making sure I am being smart about mine and my child's future but quite frankly and respectfully, you know nothing about my relationship or him. I'm not sure what gave you the impression he would be some dead beat dad but that couldn't be farther from the truth. We have been together for nearly 6 years and I know him. He's not some guy I got knocked up by after 2 weeks of dating that I barley know.

 

When we found out I was pregnant, we set up an account and have both been contributing to it for our sons future. On his own accord, he also went and set up a 529 plan and has been contributing to it since we found out. He and his dad have already spoken to the proper people and made arrangements so our son will inherit everything- his 401k, pension, all the land and the homes on it, etc. he has, without me asking, paid for absolutely everything regarding the baby and my pregnancy- my doctors bills, extra ultrasounds we wanted, baby furniture, etc. he paid professionals to come and paint our sons nursery into a theme as a surprise to me. I've not had to spend a dime and he has done all this on his own, voluntarily and without prompt. He has literally said "you just need to focus on caring for our baby, I don't want you to have to do anything else". He is beyond excited to be a dad. Honestly if we were to ever split up, he would be the type to fight me tooth and nail for more visitation/rights/etc than he would be the type to be a dead beat. He has already told me that if something were to happen between us, I could have the house as he wouldn't want his son to be uprooted.

 

He is fortunate enough to get 4 months paid paternity leave and in addition has 2 months of paid vacation he has saved up so he is taking a full 6 months off to be with me and the baby-I'll go back before he does. He has even said if I want to travel or get an apartment in the city once the baby is here, he will take the baby (obviously I am not going to abandon my child). 
 

As far as me asking for "baby sitting services", in the nearly 6 years we have been together, he has gone out with "the boys" once. Other than that, we have friends over. I go out way more than he does. He is either at work or at home with me or with his dad. And yes, him completely altering his life would be unfair. It would be unfair of me to ask him to sell his nearly paid off house he designed and built, sell his family land that has been passed down for over a century that he pays nothing on, leave his job that he loves of over a decade that he would never make the kind of money or get the kind of benefits he has anywhere else, move away from the one family member he has, etc all because I am unhappy with my job. And this is not something he has ever mentioned but what I have come up with on my own accord after some deep reflection.

 

I have also switched from the DNP to the MSN so I will graduate next may- I am going back immediately to finish up my DNP but doing this will allow my to work as a pmhnp sooner. My career options will be completely different a year from now than they are now with remote work and other options. I really just have to rough it out for a short amount of time but motherhood requires sacrifice. And even if he did do a complete 180 in personality and become this dead beat, I'm a year away from making at least 110k-in an area where the average income is 30k. I'm not going to be some broke single mom who's "bringing in diapers when you are broke" that cannot afford to care for herself and child if it came down to it. Again, I know he would never be a deadbeat but if he did, I would be able to support myself and my child. My mom did it with 2 kids and a lot less. 
 

I just wanted to clear some things up as a few of your comments have implied he is some or is going to be an absent or dead beat father. And I'm sorry if my post came across or was interpreted that way. I also want to say we have an amazing relationship and the only thing I am unhappy about is my career options around here but again, a year from now those will be completely different. As I mentioned before we were engaged before I was pregnant and had not planned to get married, because I did not want to, until after I was out of school. And that is still the plan. We have already planned a destination wedding for next Summer after I graduate 

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

Glad you found allnurses as a safe place to vent and get ideas for your future plans.  Sounds like you've done a lot of soul searching and devised a plan for your families needs.  Sounds like your boyfriend is a keeper.  Best wishes in completing MSN degree and have fun with the wee one.

[Wizard 1]

Best of luck to you! 

[TriciaJ, RN]

I'm a bit late to this party.  It seems like everything in your life is fantastic except your career.

I get that your plans have been frustrated but that's how the Universe works.  

For now, enjoy your little one and give thanks for a great guy and financial security.  I do believe the next thing will come along when the time is right.  Hang in there!