I AM "tough enough"!

[itsmycalling]

I am a second semester nursing student. Today in the hospital my clinical instructor told me I needed to "toughen up" because I was sad for my patient-- 53 y.o. paraplegic, septic, trach vent, colostomy, g-tube, numerous decub. ulcers, etc. I was not bawling my eyes out, just kind of hit with the realization that he was probably receiving inadequate care at his nursing home. This is the second time that I have heard from an "experienced" nurse that I should really try to de-sensitize myself so my "energy is not exhausted on feeling bad for the patient". Guess what? That is why I am in nursing school!!! Because I care about people!! Yeah- I might occasionally be upset that people are treated poorly and that is part of the reason they are in the hospital, but that is what drives my passion to be a nurse. I am tired of nursing instructors knocking students down instead of building them up. The end.

[CHATSDALE]

if two people told you this than maybe you should step back and take a good look at yourself,

maybe you are showing more than you are feeling, careing and being empathic is what a nurse is all about but showing that they can rely on your strength is also a big part of it

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Kudos to you for caring. I hope you never loose that. You have to care enough about the patient to give them your very best and be their advocate.

You also have to be tough enough to walk away and take care of yourself, and leave it at the door, or you will burn out fast.

I think your instructors are trying to help you, rather than tear you down. They aren't telling you not to care.

[happydays352]

Like the above poster said there is nothing wrong with being a caring or empathetic person, just make sure your emotions aren't getting in the way of your care. Watch your non-verbal ques you might be showing emotional distress which might be what the nurses are responding to, and just think about what your pt is seeing with those ques. Like "oh no my nurse is sad or upset is something really wrong with me?" Or I don't want to bother her b/c she looks sad etc...

[EmmaG, RN]

Watch your non-verbal ques you might be showing emotional distress which might be what the nurses are responding to, and just think about what your pt is seeing with those ques. Like "oh no my nurse is sad or upset is something really wrong with me?" Or I don't want to bother her b/c she looks sad etc...

Which can lead to the patient/family feeling they need to comfort the nurse.

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I also think that the instructors and nurses are trying to teach you how to survive. You will see horrible things in nursing, and many times, will feel absolutely powerless. This does not mean do not have empathy; we do have to imagine our loved ones or ourselves in the same situation and act accordingly. But, sometimes, a nurse may be so sympathetic (which is different from empathetic), that they may not want to do procedures that are uncomfortable or invasive to the patient, which hinders on treatment. Good luck, and you will be able to see as time goes by if they are really just picking on you, or if they meant well.

[RNperdiem, RN]

Try to think of "caring" as an action more than an emotion. Put your emotions into energy and care(in the active sense) for your patients. Show them you care by your actions.

Your patient sounds like a guy who medical care can do little for; his quality of life depends on the nursing care he recieves.

[MIA-RN]

I think you might be experiencing a taste of reality shock....you have seen something terrible. You are allowed to feel and to care, but what you need to do is be sure that your demeanor is professional. By acting professional, you are able to better put the grief and sadness where they will serve you (and your patient) best--into the nursing care that you provide.

I think your instructor is trying to help you to learn how to get a grip on the sad feelings, and learn to turn them into something productive.

[shoegalRN, RN]

I think your instuctor is trying to help you. I don't think your instructor is trying to tell you NOT to care for your pts, but to keep it all in prospective. There is a difference between sympothizing with your patient and empathy.

I work in a hospital as a Nurse Intern and I'm a third semester nursing student. I'll never forget the look on a my pt's wife's face when she learned she could not take her husband home with her, he would have to go to a nursing home. It broke my heart because I could see how caring this couple was towards each other. They had been married for 40 years. I had taken care of the pt a couple of times and his wife ALWAYS did his baths, and changed his linen. She was very sweet.

I thought about that couple for days and then when I worked again, I had went back to the floor they were on and ran into the wife in the hallway. She had been crying. I felt so bad for her. I gave her a hug and told her I could not imagine what she is going through, but she would be in my prayers. I could not get caught up in HOW she was feeling, but I did show empathy. There is a difference.

I think it's ok to be caring in nursing, but you just can't let your emotions get in the way of your job. That's why the instructors are telling you to "toughen up" because if you let it get to you, you will be burning out very fast, and this is what happened to me in my last career.

Good luck to you!

[meownsmile, BSN, RN]

Try to remember there is a separation of empathy and sympathy. You have to learn the difference and how to react appropriately to each. Good luck,, youll be fine. Sometimes being a bit stowic isnt all bad.

[casi, ASN, RN]

Part of nursing is taking care of yourself. For your own health you can't bring everything home with you. Learning not to bring things home with you is the hardest thing you'll learn in your nursing career. What I have learned to do is instead of bringing home sadness for my patients I bring home a sense of accomplishment. I had a person who was in a bad state, but I advocated for them, got social services involved, I gave them the best care they can get, treated them with compassion, and I even got a little smile-- to me that is accomplishment. I've touched a life in a little way, but a positive way.

I think one of the reason you are being told this is in the real world you'll have more than one patient that needs you to be fully there for them. One of the hardest things I've done is gone from hugging and crying with a father that just lost a daughter in her 20's to going to prep someone for major surgery who was scared. I couldn't bring the death over to the other person. I had to push that to the back of my mind and make the patient going to surgery my #1 and help ease their fears. At the time I felt horrible for doing it. We just had this devestating death, but I had to go on like nothing had happened, but it's what I had to do for my other patients.

[leslie :-D]

I am tired of nursing instructors knocking students down instead of building them up. The end.

actually, your instructor's comment, is some of the better advice you'll receive.

i would advise you to keep it in the back of your mind.

sooner or later, you will appreciate her words:

or at least, empathize w/her concern.

if this is the worst she has said, consider yourself lucky.

and keep it going.

sounds like you're doing well.

leslie