I AM "tough enough"!

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I am a second semester nursing student. Today in the hospital my clinical instructor told me I needed to "toughen up" because I was sad for my patient-- 53 y.o. paraplegic, septic, trach vent, colostomy, g-tube, numerous decub. ulcers, etc. I was not bawling my eyes out, just kind of hit with the realization that he was probably receiving inadequate care at his nursing home. This is the second time that I have heard from an "experienced" nurse that I should really try to de-sensitize myself so my "energy is not exhausted on feeling bad for the patient". Guess what? That is why I am in nursing school!!! Because I care about people!! Yeah- I might occasionally be upset that people are treated poorly and that is part of the reason they are in the hospital, but that is what drives my passion to be a nurse. I am tired of nursing instructors knocking students down instead of building them up. The end.

I'm doing pre-reqs now, but I know this will be a weakness for me in NS. I want to fix everyone and everything and can't. Listen to the instructor. It's good advice.

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have you had any lectures in school yet where the instructor says "the nurse has to come to terms with their own feelings and then separate that from the job."? this is kind of a situation they are talking about. you are just at the tip of the ice berg of things you will see. you are going to have to deal with patients dying, with patients lying, and just horrible families. your instructors arent trying to be mean they are just giving you real world information. and you will ALWAYS have your feelings. like others have said check out your non verbal cues to others. and you also have to have the "nurse face". thats the face that you use to hide and suprise, fear, judgement, etc from the patient. but feel free to go to the nurses station and vent to your coworkers. i did trauma icu while i was in school and after a while it was very easy for me to separate myself from the horrible situations i was seeing. hence the reason i know teach women how to breast feed and hang out in the newborn nursery.

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Specializes in Operating Room Nursing.

I think you do need to develop a thick skin in nursing, however there are times when even the most experienced nurse can break down. From my own experience i find it's best not to get too emotional when your not around the patient and their family. I also strongly believe that we don't look after each other enough and that nurses need regular counseling because we are exposed to so much sadness.

In ICU where i previously worked when there was a case that was particularly sad, we wouldn't have the same patient the next day. The philosophy was so we wouldn't get too attached, which i believe is a good idea.

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Wow. So much for venting. I guess the problem with the situation I've described to you is two-fold. First off, I wasn't standing in front of the patient crying-- in fact, I wasn't crying at all. I was sitting at the nurses station with my instructor. I then proceeded to care for my patient with a smile on my face. The second part of the problem here is that I am an adult. I have worked in another field for 12 years where I dealt with crisis and suffering on a daily basis. Some days I would go home and cry, others I would go to the bathroom and have a moment to myself. The fact of the matter is that I know myself. I don't need someone who doesn't really know me to tell me what's going on with me, as if she's got me figured out. The reason I will remember her words will be to remind me that sometimes you get to a point in your career and you think you know everything, but you don't, and you have to remember to be humble. I'm also tired of really bad nursing cliches.

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Specializes in LTC, office.

You will see some difficult things, but nurses need to maintain composure with patients and their families. But there will be days you break down as you leave the room or drive home in tears. It has certainly happened to me.

I think these comments were meant to help you. Hang in there; you sound like you will make a fantastic nurse!

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I think these comments were meant to help you. Hang in there; you sound like you will make a fantastic nurse!

Thanks. A little positivity goes a long way, and I think that's what I was looking for.

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On my very first day of orientation to clinicals, I received some of the best advice related to this topic and have since carried it with me wherever I go...

~There is a HUGE difference between empathy and sympathy

~If you take things personally in nursing school, you won't last long. It's tough, it's stressful, and overwhelming at times, but in the end every instructor is doing their job to make you a better nurse... it just might not seem like it at the time

~Basically "actions speak louder than words" - you may have the complete opposite thoughts of what is perceived of you from someone else, but your nonverbal actions are what is judged

~It is okay to show emotion with a patient/family... as long as YOU aren't being the one consoled by the family!

Good luck... take this event as a learning experience and "keep on keeping on!"

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Specializes in ED.

...I am tired of nursing instructors knocking students down instead of building them up. The end.

Try not to be too defensive!! Maybe it comes with age but the older I get I've found that it is better to chew on aggravating advice for a minute (or week!) if it comes from someone you respect. I like the old adage - "take what you can use, and leave the rest."

The Hospice Nurses who cared for my dad at home while he died of skin CA were, to me, models of compassionate strength. Their strength in the face of my father's pain and the emotional pain of my whole family was nothing less than AWESOME. It was not mean-spirited, cold, or cruel. It was powerful, warm, steady, and inspiring. It honestly saved the mental health of my family.

Maybe your instructor was pointing out a whole new way of dealing with the strong emotions of tough situations. Never lose your compassion for sure, but the patient and the family need to look into the face of the Nurse and know they are in good hands, not that the ONLY person they can count on is also falling apart!

Your story reminded me of the scene I've witnessed twice while sending my children off to their very first days of Kindergarten. The Moms who stand by the door hovering, with the stricken looks on their faces asking repeatedly, "Ok, Mommy is going now, OK? Will you be OK?" etc., etc., have the kids who are in a panic. And the Moms who are confidently ushering the children through the door with a kiss and a "Have a good day I'll see at you twelve." have the kids who go confidently forward into the classroom. Now that same Mom may be crying in her car on the way home for a minute but she has sent her child the message: "You can do this. I know you can handle this!"

I have attended births which remind of what your instructor is talking about - The positive aspect of the CNM's face/demeanor even when confronted with women in heavy painful forget-the-birth-plan labor, or when managing difficult births or poor outcomes. Again, it is the strength that shines the light for the patient.

I don't know if I'd call it stoicism.....but it is is a trait to develop, work on, exercise. Your instructor might just be giving you a really useful Head's Up!

Best of luck on your journey!! :up:

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Try not to be too defensive!! Maybe it comes with age but the older I get I've found that it is better to chew on aggravating advice for a minute (or week!) if it comes from someone you respect.

Armygirl7,

I can't say the advice comes from someone I respect, BUT, I will take YOUR advice and try not to be defensive. Thanks.:wink2:

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