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I absolutely HATE it!

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Manepride Manepride (New) New

I would really like to know if anyone else has had the same experiences that I have.

First, a little background on me. I am an older male currently in a LVN program.

They only allow 20 students in the program at a time, 10 "Juniors" and 10 "Seniors." The seniors have been in the program for 6 months longer than the new juniors. Seniors are in a seperate classroom. Needless to say, I am a junior.

There are only 2 instructors and the program is one year long.

Anyway, when I first started the program, my thoughts were, "This is going to be rough. I am going to have to devote myself to my studies. I am not here to make friends, but to get through the course."

Now I am not like that, I am a really friendly person and have never met a stranger, but I really didn't want to get side-tracked and wanted to dedicate myself to my studies. Also, I was feeling a little out of place, after all I am older than most of the "kids" that I am in school with. Some of whom have just gotten out of high school. So for the first week or two, I kept to myself and didn't tell anyone anything about myself. I finally was asked questions about myself in class, so I thought, "I really need to be a part of the group, we will have to work together and lean on one another, so I should join in." I volunteered some information and talked a little about my wife and kids. They were astonished and refused to believe that I was married. They were upset that I might be married and yet, did not wear a wedding ring (I never have, I am not big on jewelry). One girl constantly harped at me about the fact that I do not wear a ring (You would think that SHE was my wife, the way she nagged me about it). One day, when I had enough of her asking me about it, I replied, "I don't wear a wedding ring because that makes it harder to pick up women." :lol2: I was joking of course, and had just about had it with hearing from her. Some of the others refused to believe that I even was married and considered it a "lie" because I had not mentioned it when we first started classes. Also, I am a little bit of a :clown: and a :jester:, and like to kid around. We were talking about bringing laptops to class one day, and I mentioned that mine needed to be repaired and was on the fritz and one girl said (under her breath), "Probably from looking at porn." I heard her and came back with, "Yeah, I was on my regular website Women With Dolphins and it just started messing up." They were all astonished at this and suddenly, I'm the Porn Guy in the class. I was even asked if that was a real website...I couldn't believe it! Don't they know a snappy come-back when they hear one? Every time that I am just kidding about something, they all take it as gospel. They were all talking about how hard we are going to have to study for this course and asked me if I spend a lot of time studying, I said No, I am going to do as little as possible and try to skate through this whole thing.

They thought I was serious! So, every time I say something in a "just kidding" manner, they believe I am serious and when I say, "Hey, I'm just kidding", they say well then, why are you lying to us. I have just about given up on socializing with any of them. We started clinicals and I was a nervous wreck. I screwed up pretty badly many times. I did not understand how to do some of the homework and messed up there. :confused: :o The seniors are in charge of the juniors in clinicals. We are assigned to a senior and they oversee our triumphs and failures and report these back to the instructors. Needless to say, ALL of my failures were reported, but none of my triumphs. Which is another thing that really bugs me, the seniors know all about us, they know our grades, who is passing and who is not, who is doing well in clinicals and who is not, etc. With the few students that are in the classes, word of mouth gets around pretty fast...about everything. I have been the topic of conversation several times. One girl in my class seems intent on getting me kicked out, every time I make one little mistake, she runs and reports it to the instructors. She has made up lies about me, she has spread rumors, she has said many derogatory things in front of everyone when I was present, she has made me cry, :crying2: she has heard others talking about me and has triumphantly came back and reported what she heard to the class (whether she heard it accurately or not). She even stated where everyone could hear, "You know, you seem like a pedophile to me." I was really insulted and stated (very sarcastically), "Oh yeah. That's why I have two kids." Of course, to everyone there, it was if I said, "Yes, I am. I had children just for that purpose." It's not a "guy" thing, there are two other males in the program. There are other examples, but you get the point. Has anyone else been in a program that is set up like this...where you are being taught by other students? I am really bummed and want to thank everyone for letting me vent like this, I feel a little better. Of course, with my luck, my fellow students or instructors will see this and I will be on the crap list again. I just want to get through it all and be the best nurse that I can be. Anyone have any words of wisdom on the best way to deal with my situation? Please? Thanx.

Edited by Manepride

Lev, BSN, RN

Specializes in Emergency - CEN. Has 7 years experience.

You have to stop trying to fit in with "the kids" and act your age. Quit with the jokes and kidding around and hopefully they will pick up on it and respect you as the "old student." There are quite a few where I'm at school. Lucky your program is just a year...

Best of luck! :)

AZMOMO2

Specializes in Cardiac Care.

This does not seem like a great way to run a nursing program. Peer mentorship is one thing but peer management is altogether just wrong. With these competitive programs that is just asking for trouble, I would think the instructors need to instruct.

As for the crap in the class... just don't try distance from the cattiness again. They seem a bit immature at best. But Nursing students tend to eat their young/own too.

I wish i had something better to say, but I think some of them just need a slap. I would have gotten your jokes. Good luck!

Oh my.

I wonder about people who take everything at face value. I always have to fight the urge to consider these people "stupid" because there tends to be no creativity in their thought process when dealing people and situations.

What makes it so hard for some people to understand sarcasm?

I could write a whole paper on what I think about that.

Could it be the ages of the students? Young "adults" with not a lot of worldly experience?

Maybe you should save some of your cheekier comments for another audience. You know what they say: "know your audience".

And I suppose there is a time and a place for some of the retorts you have made. I would not even "go there" with the pedophile jape, though I understand your disgust and I'm sorry you had to endure that. That was a particularly evil comment and I don't know if I would have kept myself together... kudos to you for not smacking someone.

This is exactly why I don't often cave into pressure to be part of the group.

Maybe, if I were you, I'd just keep my mouth shut and keep to myself. Be polite (grrrrr, lol) but don't play their game. You've already got the measure of them. They are probably waiting to see what outrageous thing you are going to say next. How fascinating you must be to them!

lol

Just don't give them anymore feed.

Good luck!

TheCommuter, BSN, RN

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych. Has 15 years experience.

Some people do not understand humor. You can be the funniest guy in the world, but there are people out there who will take your words literally and dissect your jokes as if they're gospel. Unfortunately, it seems as if your classmates do not understand humor.

In addition, if most of your classmates are youngish (late teens and early twenties), their focus is sometimes going to be on fitting in with the peer group and making friends because not everyone's identities have formed by the time they reach this age group. You say that you kept to yourself in the beginning, and the young people probably felt you were weird for not wanting to be a part of the group sooner.

I would immediately stop making the witty comebacks and jokes because you are inadvertently giving your classmates just enough rope to hang you. I would be quiet, keep as low of a profile as possible, graduate, and try to get the hell out of there.

In addition, keep in mind that your jokes and witty verbal quips might not roll over too well when you are working as a nurse because this profession sometimes attracts people who are thin-skinned and love to tattle-tale.

Oh gosh. I've run into several problems with my classmates also.

Here's how I deal with my classmates. I stay away from them. I bring my iPhone with headphones that I listen to when I'm waiting for class to start or waiting for clinicals to start. I get to my clinicals a little earlier than the rest so that I don't have to ride the shuttle with them. I don't ever do study groups. The best part for me is that we are far away from each other in clinicals. If I am asked for help, I will help. Otherwise, I have no communication with my classmates. It hasn't been easy but SO WORTH IT. And I've almost been with the same group for 2 years. It can be done!

As for the pedophile remark, that is slander in my opinion and I would've taken that right up to the top. That remark is so uncalled for, so unprofessional and downright evil that I would've turned my back on that classmate, walked off to find the clinical instructor and would've taken care of this in it's tracks. What if your patients would have heard this person say that? How would your kids or wife feel if someone said that? No way, I'm mad for you and I don't even know you! I don't even know what to say about that.

Good luck to you and let us know how it goes!

I'm just cringing at what kind of nurses those students are going to make, if they can even complete the program...

Rob72, ASN, RN

Specializes in Infectious Disease, Neuro, Research.

Having worked with nursing most of my professional life, and, as a man:

1) Introduce wife & kids into your conversations early. It prevents all sorts of misunderstanding. It also clarifys things for you. Some/most of the young ladies aren't sure how to take you, so, if you were travelling with a not-overly-close friend and his 20-odd y/o daughter, how familiar would you be with her? Perhaps a little more reserved?

2) "Sex" jokes really don't fly. If you aren't a weiner-slinger, don't play like one. Re the laptop comment, something along the lines of, "Sorry Miss X, wrong generation", delivered with a raised eyebrow, or other facial expression of inappropriateness, might have had more the effect you wanted/needed.

I was fortunate to go through class with a classy bunch of young ladies in an on-line program(5 of them, and me). They were all highly motivated, worked full time, and 3 were married (like me). I have 3 grown daughters, and I tried to be The Guy I would want being with them in class.;)

What you describe goes on in every program--the cattiness, drama, etc. Don't give them ammo. If another student asks you a personal question, be vague with your answer so they can't make any dumb conclusions based on what you said. That being said, if anyone is so evil as to accuse of doing something that is vile and untrue, I would pursue legal action against them. maybe that should shut them up. Manepride, you've also opened the can of proverbial worms yourself: stop joking, being sarcastic, or making funny comments that have a hint of innuendo.

That being said, you're in a program that has students that really haven't experienced LIFE as it is and are mostly dealing with students that think that texting, showing up to class whenever they feel like, and basically acting like they're in High School. That's the way it is. The real world (lack of job prospects, the *Evil* supervisor) will bite them when the time comes. Just "Lay low" and finish your program. You won't have to deal with these creeps much longer. And stay off of Facebook, and don't freely give out your cell number or e-mail.

Wow, I have to say that I am really sad to hear about stuff like this.

I am an older male starting Nursing School in September, and I

really want to fit in with my classmates.

SVXPORT

i'd have a field day with your classmates. an entire program full of gullible people who take spoken word as gospel? make up an awesome back story for yourself and slowly hint it to them. feed them slowly like you were reluctant to tell the truth. you're in witness protection or something like that. have fun with 'em.

as for them reporting your failures and not your successes, have someone else recognize your successes. when you do something well, ask one of the seniors "is this great or what?" then talk about how well you did it in class. just put the word out there. if the instructors are as gullible as the students, just tell them you did awesome and they should believe you.

i know its not that easy, but work with what you've got. also, be careful with your sarcastic comebacks.

JROregon, ASN, BSN, RN

Specializes in Infusion. Has 5 years experience.

I like the "know your audience" remarks. As a female, I would be creeped out by any remarks even eluding to being into pornography. I get that your classmates are not the brightest bulbs but you know that. You can control what you say. If someone says something inappropriate to you, tell her that she is being inappropriate. You only have to put up with this for a short time so toss out the sarcasm and wit and put on the professional you. Really. You will be able to be more yourself with your older patients who will "get it".

These people sound horrible! I would not associate with them anymore. You do not need their approval. It's a shame that your classmates are like that because in programs like these, it's nice to have a support system. Leave them alone and let them find someone else to pick on. What a bully! P.S. If someone made a pedophile comment about me, you better believe I would report her for harassment!

MedChica

Specializes in Psych, LTC/SNF, Rehab, Corrections.

My God...

I am so glad that my classmates aren't morons. *laugh*

I mean, some may talk a lot. They're 'know-it-alls' - but, we're a pretty mature group. The bulk of my classmates are military, second degree and prior hlthcare professionals...

We have 3 MA's, 7 CNAs, 1 EMT, 1 Xray/CT(me), 1 Lab tech, 3 Pre-Med students, etc... All kinds of hlth care professionals in there.

Many of them have families. So, they're more settled. The youngest students are pretty mature.

I'm in a diploma school, but...stilll. That shouldn't mean that I have to be surrounded by knuckleheads...and I thank the Director for testing/screening the class properly. Selecting the best. The buck stops with them, truly.

My classmates are very sharp. Our instructor even said so.

********

I think that you messed up trying to be buddy-buddy. They're a bunch of highschool kids...practically.

Not to say that you can't be friends with someone younger than they...but, life experience, maturity levels...tend to differ. Everyone doesn't behave typically...but most do.

This doesn't have a thing to do with you being a 'male', imo. You are learning a very valuable lesson as a NonTraditional student. Just try to keep to yourself from now on. It's not worth the steess.

If you find commonality...fine. But - don't force it.

I've never actually been in your shoes because I pretty much ignored everyone when I was in college. Not that I was mean, because I was liked. Somehow, I was 'cool'. The hip older chick... *laugh* - but, I just didn't talk to anyone.

I'd get there. Wait for the lecture to begin. Lecture ends? I leave. I wasn't concerned with making friends and hanging out. My purpose is to learn. I have responsibilities and don't have time to screw around.

But, my classmates were still in that mode. Consumed with 'popularity' and 'being liked'...and 'cliquing up'.

As I told them, "I'm a clique unto myself."

They said, "Whoa..."

*laugh*

They'd see me eating lunch by myself and come over, "You're eating lunch by yourself? Oh my God...I coldn't do that. I'd be so embarassed..."

*laugh*

I said, "It's confidence born of maturity and experience. When you grow and age, you just aren't affected by things like that...you'll get there..."

...and it was pretty sad because some of those kids needed friends. That first year of college, y'know? I talked to them - but, meh...

18 and 19 years old. They're just not there yet. Besides that, I can't take them with me anywhere...FUN. They can't even drink! They can't even rent a car!

So, there's no point, unless they want be my 'designated driver'...

On a serious note, the girl called you a pedo? Is she harassing you or what? I'd either discuss the issue with her...or, if you're uncomfortable, speak to someone in the program about it. Your counselor or an instructor.

She's out of line.

On behalf of my generation, I apologize and reiterate what everyone else has mentioned. Best to save the jokes for those that will understand and appreciate them. You are in school to learn, not to make friends.

Your class doesn't sound like the brightest bunch and they will eventually learn that being popular will not get you through college. The BON doesn't care how many friends you have on Facebook.

Good luck and focus on your studies! Draw attention to your triumphs and when you make a mistake, be sure to learn why is was a mistake and take proactive steps to rectify said situation.

I am in the same boat as you. I'm 25 just turned 26 and there are "adults" in my class older than me or same age that act like they're still in high school! Get this, they even made an acronym for their clique name that contains their initials. They have been like this all through nursing school and I feel like they have been alienating all the older students and I hate it! I could tell how out of place the older students feel. What's worse...since I'm young yet I keep my own space, they have tried to passively-aggressively punish me for it saying that I've been weird and always ganging up on me asking "why am I alone all the time?? is there something wrong with you??" I'm not sure if its been my life experiences or maturity level (traveled and lived on my own since I was 19 between 3 continents..?) but I just don't level with them and they kind of annoy me. Also, it's become a competition on who's more popular, pretty, better dressed etc etc.

It's horrible and I'm glad I only have 2 more months til graduation. Just remember these people are not paying you and unless YOU are getting paid to get along with them- don't worry about it. It took me awhile to get over the psychological bullying- still going through it unfortunately- but just remember who you are and that those people don't validate who you are as a person or as a future nurse.

As for the sarcasm..I have the same humor. I clique mostly with the older crowd and more with the guys around my age haha. Women, especially if they are young, are just not a crowd that'll get it most of the time.

CrazziiRN913, ADN, BSN

Specializes in Electrophysiology, Medical-Surgical ICU. Has 9 years experience.

after you get your certificate....slap them al lol:smokin::yeah:

MN-Nurse, ASN, RN

Specializes in Med Surg - Renal.

As an older guy who finished an ADN program in May, I can tell you this for sure:

Forget the humor.

Kids today don't get nuance, they don't get irony, they don't get...well anything about what we think of as humor. Look at it this way: They think Dane Cook is funny.