husband begrudgingly supportive

Nurses General Nursing

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He vascillates; when he's not trying to talk me out of pursuing a career in nursing he's saying he's not for it, but will support me. He goes so far as to tell me he doesn't think I can do it, which affects my self-esteem. :o Does anyone here have a suggestion for my future in dealing with nursing school and my husband?

this goes far beyond being unsupportive.

your denial bothers me immensely.

didn't you feel good about yourself, when you volunteered in the ER?

you saw how productive you were.

and nsg is something you want to do.

true love will encourage you, not deflate you.

do not give him any more power over you.

it's time to take charge of yourself and your life.

but first, you must recognize the signs of abuse and control.

maybe your husband should try and focus on his own life.

wishing you all things wondrous.

leslie

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Specializes in IM/Critical Care/Cardiology.

There ya go right there! Does he know that? How much you enjoyed the ER? Tell him, if he doesn't like the answer it's not your problem. Look inside of yourself. Cracks in the armour let the light shine in!!!!! You are allowed to feel.

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Do you love this man who has no respect for you?

I can't imagine being told that I can't accomplish being a nurse while in nursing school (which I am currently in).

My husband and everyone around me is supportive 110% and I still have days where I feel so overwhelmed & like I will never make it out of school.

Is this the man you want to share your life with, b/c you could miss the man that will cherish & respect you while wasting your time on someone who puts you down!

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Specializes in Trauma ICU.

Let me just say that Y'all assume a great deal with few facts. And to either outright advocate a divorce or just imply it is just wrong.

Is this situation abusive or something more? How are we supposed to know with only her side.

Should her husband have said such things? No of course not but we don't know if this is a pattern or if there is some fear in his comments. There is a chance that this is an emotionally abusive relationship but you can't tell from just a few comments.

Counseling is definately in order because they do not seem to be communicating about this. Maybe he is afraid, maybe she has started many things but has trouble following through or maybe he is jealous or intimidated by his wife getting more education. Whatever it is, the only way for them to work it out is through communicating and getting someone (a counselor) to help with this is a must.

BTW, we are all selfish and self centered more often than not and for y'all to attack this guys character with the few facts you have is unkind.

So I say, if this is what you want to do then communication with your husband about why you want to do it, and his real reservations is a must.

Just my 2 cents

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Show that jerk you can do it!!
While we are all being somewhat assumptive by basing our responses on the things revealed to us by the OP, I definitely wouldn't want to offend her by referring to her significant other as a "jerk."

Rather, he might be a decent guy who is misguided.

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Specializes in CMSRN.

My husband stated "I can't be a mother and go to school at the same time" This followed a statement from me that I was going to be nurse. I had very few pre-req's at the time and had not been to school in 15 years. I told him flat out that I was and we argued a little. I never faltered. He never mentioned it again but I knew how he felt. After my anatomys which ended with me giving birth to my second child, he was fully behind me.

He admitted he was scared at first and ended up being behind me all the way.

Maybe that is all it is. Fear of the unknown. My husband fears anything that is not a sure thing.

Hope all other parts of your marriage are in order. I think his unsupportiveness for your own self enrichment is bad enough.

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Specializes in Volunteered in an ER.

No, you're right; he is far from a jerk, he's actually a wonderful guy, but when he's brutally honest he doesn't hold back. Though he shouldn't have put the way he did, I guess now I need to take a second look at myself. We both have to bring our individual "crap" to the table and work it out, and I really think we can. Thanks for your input.

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Specializes in ICU, SDU, OR, RR, Ortho, Hospice RN.
Big red flag.

At the very least.

Agreed.. Hope it all works out for YOU. :)

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This has nothing to do with you going to nursing school. This has to do with your marriage. You need to work out your marriage before you can get on with nursing school and your life. What you have expressed in your post is the classic signs of an emotionally abused wife and this cycle frequently ends with actual domestic violence. Get your head on straight and start looking at it for what it really is. You will not be successful at any job if you continue to allow him to do this to you.

AMEN!!!

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Been there, Done that. Do whatever makes YOU happy.I know of a girl that has NOTHING today because she listened to a husband who meant her no good. My hubby told me a few days ago that some men are intimidated and jealous by women who make more money than them. Emmanuel said it best when he pointed out the "red flag" and that my friend is a wonderful eye opener!!

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hmmm he sounds like kind of a creep. sorry but I wouldnt think if staying with someone like that. hes putting you down so he can control you. saying hurtful things that demean you and lower your self image is abusive. if he starts or has already started to make you feel quilty for having friends or visiting with family and they slowly get removed from your life, RUN its the beginginng of physical abuse. we dont know you and we have nothing to gain by telling you our oppinions. please talk to someone you trust. and take care of yourself.

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Specializes in critical care transport.

Ahhh... yes. Been there. Done that.

I'm not kidding. I think I even posted a few years ago about my husband. I graduate in May, 2008.

My husband is supportive, but for a few years, he wasn't.

My sell was two things:

1) I would do this, and if "we couldn't afford it" (an excuse I heard ad nauseum) then I'd charge it on the card. I will do it or die trying. And a few repeats come time to pay tuition, he knew I was serious.

2) Just think of all the money (I add his and my future income together, and it sounds like a lot of money).

Money = big shop, bigger truck (no matter what, you don't have to buy it, but you have to appeal to their greedy side. Sad, isn't it?)

The root of the problem with my husband at the time was insecurity. I even heard he told a friend he was afraid "I'd find a doctor" and leave him. Oh brother. Let me tell you, his lack of comfort with the situation lead to a few REALLY ridiculous situations- all of them comming back to me going to school.

Well, he, after a while, began to change his behavior. And a lot of other girls I go to school with have similiar stories. They see it as, when you are a nurse, you do not "need" them, and if they've been a butthead to you, you CAN choose to cut them loose and find someone else. It's a very threatening proposition to some men, especially if you've been such a good little wifey and stayed home.

So, my advice- DO IT. You will find support from friends at school. You will meet other people that support you. And your husband will have the choice of being nice or being a baby.

Take it from someone who has been there.

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