Hurt and Betrayed

Irish_Mist, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2015

A fellow student, whom I've know for a year and trusted, betrayed me and divulged my personal health information to other classmates causing gossip and rumors because my morals and values differ. d I am a forgiving person by nature but I'm very hurt and feel exposed.

Your post speaks for itself. It sounds like you divulged private information and this person didn't keep it secret. Take this as a lesson to keep your personal business to yourself. Gossip is part of the human condition and many people thrive on spreading juicy information. You confronted her. Move on and focus on your studies.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Nov 25, 2015

But a no tolerance policy against what? This person spread a rumor. That's it. It's been going on since the beginning of time. I personally have been a victim of people spreading false information. It was nasty last semester. But you know what, I was the better person and ignored it and rose above it.
I get if this was an instructor. If she told an instructor about her learning disability and they started telling the classmates false information there could be a problem. This was a classmate. Why would anybody scream HIPAA here. It's not even close to being applicable.
People need to learn to deal with this crap on their own. It's a part of life. If you can't do it, then you are going to have an extremely hard time in the workforce.
Just last week I had some girl spreading stuff about me. All because I was nice to her in clinical. She didn't think I should have been since we butted heads last semester. I chose to be professional and kind. She chose to spread gossip about me. The absolute last thing I thought of was involving my school. I told her to keep her piehole shut and that I knew she was cutting me down and to stop and that it was juvenile. I handled it myself. That is how it should go. Not screaming HIPAA violations or trying to quote some kind of law put into place for disabled people.
Give me a break.

Schools on every level--and don't get me started on schools that one pays a hefty price for--have no tolerance for students who use gossip/rumors whatevering for the purpose of academic sabatoge for another student. Spreading rumors can have consequences.

Heathermaizy, what if because of the rumor, no one would work with you at clinicals? Your co-students left you high and dry and you got disciplined for something because of it? That this person who you were nice to and they spread gossip and rumors about you upped the ante and set you up and you got the blame? No one knows to what depths someone will go to.

And the bottom line? One has to be a captive audience. It is not like one can walk out of clinicals. In life, there are choices. And those choices are to walk away. Not so in school. Or in the workplace, hence why there's new rules regarding these situations.

To passively accept this as a part of life does nothing to deter the fact that as adults, we should not have to put up with other people's bad behavior as we have no choice if one is a captive audience member.

There is a difference between "ewwww cooties" and "this person is SUCH a b!! So let's not EVEN help her, she can use her tiara for a tourniquet, and then maybe she will get kicked out!!" It is all subjective, but if one is attempting to learn, pays to learn, in an occupation that someone's life and function are at one's disposal, the last thing anyone wants to deal with is foolish immature behavior.

Heathermaizy, what would have happened if you confronted your bully (because that is what this person as you describe is) telling her to "shut her piehole" and your clinical instructor overheard this? And you were asked to leave clinical because of it? While your rumor starter sat back and smirked and "Bye Felicia-ed?"

This is near and dear to me as a nurse who did a great deal with no tolerance issues, as now a manager who will not put up with this type of stuff, and as a parent who will not allow my kids to participate in this kind of behavior, nor allow my kids to be the party of someone else's bad behavior.

So give me a break. This is not a playground, Heathermaizy YOU should not have to put up with such foolishness, and if one wants to spend anywhere for a few to several thousand dollars per year to put up with gossip and innuendo and other general foolishness, I would take a nice trip that tours the talk show circuit.

Huge difference between personal life and school/work life.

MeiDei · Nov 25, 2015

Let me again state that I did NOT share my personal information. Everything is based on assumption.

she244 · Nov 29, 2015

I agree with this post. This a good teaching moment from you and your professors about should you have been a patient and Private Health Information was disclosed. The penalties in money and fines. The damage to that persons career. 2 of my fellow Nursing Students decided to discuss the patient they took care of that day in the elevator. What they did not know was the CEO of the Hospital was in the elevator with them. They both were not allowed to come back to that Hospital to finish their clinical rotation, they also were dismissed from the Nursing Program. Let this fellow student know their are serious ramifications to disclosing PHI.

JustBeachyNurse, LPN · Nov 29, 2015

Let me again state that I did NOT share my personal information. Everything is based on assumption.

All the more ludicrous for your classmate to start rumors based upon assumption and conjecture not fact.

Jolie, BSN · Nov 29, 2015

To MeiDei,

I am sorry that this is happening. School is stressful enough without unnecessary drama on the side. Regardless of what this classmate said about you, factual or not, and regardless of whether, why or how she passed that information along, it is not a HIPAA violation or a matter for FERPA.

I don't know what your school's "no tolerance" policy applies to or how it is evaluated or enforced, so I won't pass judgment on whether or not that is an appropriate mechanism to address this "wrong."

But I will pass along wisdom gained from 30 years of professional experience supervising employees, students, contractors, managing departments, working in Human Resources, and just plain living life.

There are crappy people in every walk of life. It is an important and liberating life skill to learn how to deal with them. And right or wrong, extending their 15 minutes of fame by requesting public apologies, redress or sanctions will harm you far more than her. I suspect that if you had laughed off her initial "revelation" the episode would have quickly died. Instead you have probably unwittingly extended it by expecting satisfaction, which may or may not be forthcoming or even possible.

Is this right? Of course not, but sometimes being done with something is far better than being right.

Please consider this in the future. It will save you gray hair, wrinkles, loss of sleep, anxiety and grief.

MeiDei · Nov 30, 2015

I agree with this post. This a good teaching moment from you and your professors about should you have been a patient and Private Health Information was disclosed. The penalties in money and fines. The damage to that persons career. 2 of my fellow Nursing Students decided to discuss the patient they took care of that day in the elevator. What they did not know was the CEO of the Hospital was in the elevator with them. They both were not allowed to come back to that Hospital to finish their clinical rotation, they also were dismissed from the Nursing Program. Let this fellow student know their are serious ramifications to disclosing PHI.

That is where my point of view comes into play. If this person, even through false assumptions, felt it was okay to talk about a fellow student's personal information for the purpose of gossip and malicious intent, how will this person be able to maintain patient confidentiality?

canigraduate · Nov 30, 2015

I am sorry you were hurt by your friend. However, it sounds like your reaction is going to cause more problems than the gossip.

The correct action is to laugh it off, because this person is laughable.

Getting all offended, while justified, is not going to help. It's going to add more fuel to the fire. You are giving credence to what the gossip is saying by getting upset about it.

If you had minimized the situation by stating something like, "I can't believe you fell for that pack of lies," and then laughing about it, it would already be over.

It sounds like you need to develop a mature way to deal with an immature person.

I have social differences and people have been talking crap about me my whole life. It hurts sometimes, but a quick laugh and a direct ripostÃ© defuses the situation much more quickly than does indignation.

If you want to get the student in trouble so you can get even, take it up with the Dean of your program. Otherwise, just let it go. This situation is not worth the emotional effort you are investing into it.

MeiDei · Nov 30, 2015

To MeiDei,
I am sorry that this is happening. School is stressful enough without unnecessary drama on the side. Regardless of what this classmate said about you, factual or not, and regardless of whether, why or how she passed that information along, it is not a HIPAA violation or a matter for FERPA.
I don't know what your school's "no tolerance" policy applies to or how it is evaluated or enforced, so I won't pass judgment on whether or not that is an appropriate mechanism to address this "wrong."
But I will pass along wisdom gained from 30 years of professional experience supervising employees, students, contractors, managing departments, working in Human Resources, and just plain living life.
There are crappy people in every walk of life. It is an important and liberating life skill to learn how to deal with them. And right or wrong, extending their 15 minutes of fame by requesting public apologies, redress or sanctions will harm you far more than her. I suspect that if you had laughed off her initial "revelation" the episode would have quickly died. Instead you have probably unwittingly extended it by expecting satisfaction, which may or may not be forthcoming or even possible.
Is this right? Of course not, but sometimes being done with something is far better than being right.
Please consider this in the future. It will save you gray hair, wrinkles, loss of sleep, anxiety and grief.

I agree. While I do not expect a public apology (I said that out of anger), I do expect an apology to my face. A lot can be said through other communication sources because there is a barrier. When first confronted, this person blatantly lied to my face. The second time I confronted the situation was not face to face so the revelation was made.

When the incident first occurred, I wanted to keep the matter to remain quiet. I truly have amazing professors who do connect with us students and strictly enforce our policies. An instructor noticed that I was bothered and asked to speak with me to which I related the events. Even though this is in a student environment it is against our CoN policy for such conduct and it IS grounds for dismissal as stated by the administration.

Now that I have calmed down and had a few days to mull this over, I do not wish the student any harm nor do I wish for their college career in jeopardy. I wish for this student and any others in the same situation to learn from mistakes like this and grow from them. I just want to focus on my studies and blow my exams out of the water.

To all the people who said this stuff just happens and to deal with it, shame on you. No one should have to just "deal" with that treatment. If more people stood up to bullying, this world would be a better place. Change does not occur overnight and it takes work to accomplish but it is possible.

ktwlpn, LPN · Dec 1, 2015

I agree. While I do not expect a public apology (I said that out of anger), I do expect an apology to my face. A lot can be said through other communication sources because there is a barrier. When first confronted, this person blatantly lied to my face. The second time I confronted the situation was not face to face so the revelation was made.
When the incident first occurred, I wanted to keep the matter to remain quiet. I truly have amazing professors who do connect with us students and strictly enforce our policies. An instructor noticed that I was bothered and asked to speak with me to which I related the events. Even though this is in a student environment it is against our CoN policy for such conduct and it IS grounds for dismissal as stated by the administration.
Now that I have calmed down and had a few days to mull this over, I do not wish the student any harm nor do I wish for their college career in jeopardy. I wish for this student and any others in the same situation to learn from mistakes like this and grow from them. I just want to focus on my studies and blow my exams out of the water.
To all the people who said this stuff just happens and to deal with it, shame on you. No one should have to just "deal" with that treatment. If more people stood up to bullying, this world would be a better place. Change does not occur overnight and it takes work to accomplish but it is possible.

I would not call this bullying.As others have said this happens EVERYWHERE.Church groups,employees at the local Wal-Mart,you name it,It's gossiping.Take back your power,don't let yourself be a victim.Only people you love can hurt and betray you to such an extent.This is a classmate you've known for a year.You need to examine why you have had such a reaction-Is there some truth to the talk?Are you embarrassed or a shamed about something?Do you trust too easily?Don't allow this to make your life miserable.

direw0lf, BSN · Dec 1, 2015

I couldn't help notice that you reply only to the posts that agree with you 100%. I used to be like that, but it didn't get me anywhere. There are bigger fish to fry.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Dec 1, 2015

Ok, this fries my butt, so I need to really state that it is NOT "ok" to spend thousands of dollars on an education in which the school has a strict no tolerance policy, but the OP needs to put on big girl panties and suck it up?

When nursing students are being let go from programs for a great deal less?

Op, yes, I agree that you thinking it over do not want to get this person thrown out of school. However, you shared this with your professor, and what that person does with it is on them. In other words, coming back to bite the professor for being let in on this and NOT doing something is against the ethical standard set by the school.

We all have choices to walk out of Walmart, to rid toxic people from our lives. However, we can not just walk out of school (lest we want to waste thousands) nor our job (unless we do not want to work). Hence why numerous places of school and employment have no tolerance. In some instances, this is criminal.

So we can all sit around the nurses station complaining about how such and so is such a capital bee, or actually go through the process of doing what the policy says we can do.

And all of this is not worth the paper it is printed on if it is not followed.

Being a captive audience sometimes is not a choice. And nursing has so many other rules to follow--from uniforms, to hair, to tattoos to piercings....but we all gotta suck up the ones whose purpose is to undermine others.

And when can we all just stop letting someone else's petty poop/esteem issues/passive aggressive foolishness impede on our right to study and/or work in peace?

Ok, vent over...carry on then...