Hurt and Betrayed

Published

I am in my first semester on my BSN program and I can honestly say I love my classes and highly respect my instructors. Everything was going great or so I thought. A fellow student, whom I've know for a year and trusted, betrayed me and divulged my personal health information to other classmates causing gossip and rumors because my morals and values differ. I am accommodated by the ODA for personal reasons that I chose not to share with anyone because it's honestly no one else's business but my own. Not only was my privacy invaded, but it was done so with incorrect information and (my belief) with malicious intent. What's worse is the judgement I receive from other classmates because of it. I don't feel animosity and I am a forgiving person by nature but I'm very hurt and feel exposed. I have spoken with the person and addressed the issue in a professional manner but I can't help but wonder what else this person spread about my personal life. I've read and have been taught about incivility in nursing but I never expected to experience it first hand and from a friend. I am a little lost with how to handle this emotionally. [emoji17]

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
I am so sorry. :( I agree this needs to be reported. Sharing with your advisor is a good idea. Looking at the bigger picture, if this friend were your nurse, this would be a HIPAA violation. That is not taken lightly, and it shouldn't be. Those of us with chronic conditions that may encourage judgment don't need more speculation from people who don't get it.

I hope you are able to find a good resolution for this.

op I am sorry you have experienced this.....people are mean or sometimes just completely ignorant about boundaries.

There is no HIPAA violation here as the OP disclosed this information to the gossip.....it makes the gossip a lowlife and a bigmouth but no HIPAA here. I had this happen to me.....a gossip from where I worked saw me getting steroids for MS pulled the curtain aside and said...."OMG I had no idea you had MS"....within the week I was summoned to my bosses office about the change in medical condition as I told my boss there was no "change" and asked her to source her "information".

You write off the source and move forward.

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I am so sorry. :( I agree this needs to be reported. Sharing with your advisor is a good idea. Looking at the bigger picture, if this friend were your nurse, this would be a HIPAA violation. That is not taken lightly, and it shouldn't be. Those of us with chronic conditions that may encourage judgment don't need more speculation from people who don't get it.

I hope you are able to find a good resolution for this.

Thank you! I don't understand why certain people feel the need to bring others down. I have decided to wait and see what happens. I personally think the wrong should be corrected, mistakes admitted along with a verbal apology to the class as well as myself.

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Thank you! I don't understand why certain people feel the need to bring others down. I have decided to wait and see what happens. I personally think the wrong should be corrected, mistakes admitted along with a verbal apology to the class as well as myself.

What exactly would you consider the "wrong" being "corrected"? Your classmates' brains can't be wiped clean of the info that is now being circulated. It sounds like you are not inclined to get up in front of the class and correct the misinformation. What kind of redress are you seeking?? I doubt anyone can make your classmate apologize in public.

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Specializes in ICU.

It's called gossip. It happens is every walk of life. This has nothing to do with nursing. You shared a secret about yourself. This person was under no legal obligation to keep quiet. You were not disclosing anything in a professional setting. They were under a moral obligation, but not legal.

If you don't want the rest of the world to know your business, keep it to yourself.

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Specializes in ICU.
Thank you! I don't understand why certain people feel the need to bring others down. I have decided to wait and see what happens. I personally think the wrong should be corrected, mistakes admitted along with a verbal apology to the class as well as myself.

Lol, why does your class need an apology?

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Actually a similar situation just happened in my class with someone who suddenly started taking her tests out of the classroom. People were curious why since she was in class then got up and left. Some people hypothesized but no one really cared that much or were interested THAT much.

Human nature though to be inclined to notice and talk about any thing/one different!

Maybe you can grow from this. Lots of times our own reaction will change the reactions of others from something gossipy to blown over.

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Sorry but if you shared something with someone, never assume they will just keep it a secret. Don't trust anyone with sensitive information - the less people you share things with, the better it'll be.

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Specializes in Nurse's Aide.

Im sorry this happened to you, however it's not really a big enough issue to violate HIPPA since you two were supposedly close classmates. You chose to share your personal information to this classmate and assuming she would not tell others. I think you should not let this person affect you too much as it will distract you from your schooling. Try to be aware of who you're sharing your information to and try to move on from this.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I am sorry this happened to you. I misread your post at first as well and interpreted that you had told this classmate the information. When I read she was someone you "trusted" it led me to think that. I see from your replies that she clearly was just making up information that was a blatant lie and passing that around, but I can understand how a few posters have jumped to the conclusion that you had actually given her the information.

This childish gossipy behavior isn't exclusive to nursing. It happens in all professions. Everywhere you go there will be at least one person who makes themselves feel better by putting down others. Gossips like to seem like they are "in the know" and trade information like currency.

I don't know what action you could take about this within your school. I am not sure how involved any school administrators/directors would want to get, especially since the information shared (while hurtful) was false.

I hope the gossip learned a valuable lesson and felt ashamed for the lie she spread.

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People share things, because they share things, because they well, share things. Perhaps this person had diarrhea of the mouth and couldn't wait to spill. Maybe someone else "noticed" something and questioned the student...who knows.

Grown butt people who are studying to be nurses where people's privacy is paramount should not be spreading information that could reflect in the OP's ability to learn. The ability for her to have say a project partner. To be a team member at a clinical site. Or otherwise cause the OP to not be able to take full advantage of the education in which the OP PAYS for.

This is not work. They did not hire the OP "at will". The OP is a junior in college, and has 2+ years of tuition paid. The Op states that the school has a no tolerance policy. For things of this nature (that the student confessed that she shared--heck, I am being nice, the student started gossip and rumors with a plausible goal of undermining the OP) it most certainly can and does mean that a student can be dismissed from school. That has a no tolerance policy. And in highly competitive nursing programs, this is not out of the realm of things.

From the general theme given by the OP, a lot of what the student was gossiping about was not true. Slander much? And for the PP who suggests the "everyone is a victim" mentality.....the OP IS a victim of rumor and gossip. Perhaps based on a shred of the truth or half truths. Shared in confidence over a year ago, but never the less, a bulk of which was untrue. All conducted in a classroom setting where there's a great deal of monetary and emotional value that has been put into an education.

Are we all really that jaded? "People gossip" does not make it right. Especially in nursing, where a job or no job can have a great deal to do with one's character.

OP, I think the idea of you seeing the therapist at the school is a wonderful one. Sometimes we attach shame to things we should not, as it only harms ourselves.

And if there is you, I can tell you that there is more than likely a whole lot of you at school. Take this information sharing as a step in the direction of prevention going forward. Because there are, I am sure, a whole bunch of very young very scared kids who could be walking your walk.

Again, nothing but the best.

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Specializes in ICU.
People share things, because they share things, because they well, share things. Perhaps this person had diarrhea of the mouth and couldn't wait to spill. Maybe someone else "noticed" something and questioned the student...who knows.

Grown butt people who are studying to be nurses where people's privacy is paramount should not be spreading information that could reflect in the OP's ability to learn. The ability for her to have say a project partner. To be a team member at a clinical site. Or otherwise cause the OP to not be able to take full advantage of the education in which the OP PAYS for.

This is not work. They did not hire the OP "at will". The OP is a junior in college, and has 2+ years of tuition paid. The Op states that the school has a no tolerance policy. For things of this nature (that the student confessed that she shared--heck, I am being nice, the student started gossip and rumors with a plausible goal of undermining the OP) it most certainly can and does mean that a student can be dismissed from school. That has a no tolerance policy. And in highly competitive nursing programs, this is not out of the realm of things.

From the general theme given by the OP, a lot of what the student was gossiping about was not true. Slander much? And for the PP who suggests the "everyone is a victim" mentality.....the OP IS a victim of rumor and gossip. Perhaps based on a shred of the truth or half truths. Shared in confidence over a year ago, but never the less, a bulk of which was untrue. All conducted in a classroom setting where there's a great deal of monetary and emotional value that has been put into an education.

Are we all really that jaded? "People gossip" does not make it right. Especially in nursing, where a job or no job can have a great deal to do with one's character.

OP, I think the idea of you seeing the therapist at the school is a wonderful one. Sometimes we attach shame to things we should not, as it only harms ourselves.

And if there is you, I can tell you that there is more than likely a whole lot of you at school. Take this information sharing as a step in the direction of prevention going forward. Because there are, I am sure, a whole bunch of very young very scared kids who could be walking your walk.

Again, nothing but the best.

But a no tolerance policy against what? This person spread a rumor. That's it. It's been going on since the beginning of time. I personally have been a victim of people spreading false information. It was nasty last semester. But you know what, I was the better person and ignored it and rose above it.

I get if this was an instructor. If she told an instructor about her learning disability and they started telling the classmates false information there could be a problem. This was a classmate. Why would anybody scream HIPAA here. It's not even close to being applicable.

People need to learn to deal with this crap on their own. It's a part of life. If you can't do it, then you are going to have an extremely hard time in the workforce.

Just last week I had some girl spreading stuff about me. All because I was nice to her in clinical. She didn't think I should have been since we butted heads last semester. I chose to be professional and kind. She chose to spread gossip about me. The absolute last thing I thought of was involving my school. I told her to keep her piehole shut and that I knew she was cutting me down and to stop and that it was juvenile. I handled it myself. That is how it should go. Not screaming HIPAA violations or trying to quote some kind of law put into place for disabled people.

Give me a break.

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People share things, because they share things, because they well, share things. Perhaps this person had diarrhea of the mouth and couldn't wait to spill. Maybe someone else "noticed" something and questioned the student...who knows.

Grown butt people who are studying to be nurses where people's privacy is paramount should not be spreading information that could reflect in the OP's ability to learn. The ability for her to have say a project partner. To be a team member at a clinical site. Or otherwise cause the OP to not be able to take full advantage of the education in which the OP PAYS for.

This is not work. They did not hire the OP "at will". The OP is a junior in college, and has 2+ years of tuition paid. The Op states that the school has a no tolerance policy. For things of this nature (that the student confessed that she shared--heck, I am being nice, the student started gossip and rumors with a plausible goal of undermining the OP) it most certainly can and does mean that a student can be dismissed from school. That has a no tolerance policy. And in highly competitive nursing programs, this is not out of the realm of things.

From the general theme given by the OP, a lot of what the student was gossiping about was not true. Slander much? And for the PP who suggests the "everyone is a victim" mentality.....the OP IS a victim of rumor and gossip. Perhaps based on a shred of the truth or half truths. Shared in confidence over a year ago, but never the less, a bulk of which was untrue. All conducted in a classroom setting where there's a great deal of monetary and emotional value that has been put into an education.

Are we all really that jaded? "People gossip" does not make it right. Especially in nursing, where a job or no job can have a great deal to do with one's character.

OP, I think the idea of you seeing the therapist at the school is a wonderful one. Sometimes we attach shame to things we should not, as it only harms ourselves.

And if there is you, I can tell you that there is more than likely a whole lot of you at school. Take this information sharing as a step in the direction of prevention going forward. Because there are, I am sure, a whole bunch of very young very scared kids who could be walking your walk.

Again, nothing but the best.

Thank you for your post and sentiments. I believe that if everyone took a step back and truly had respect for other people, things like this wouldn't happen. I do not understand the world today. I was raised with a "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" mentality. Rumors and gossip do nothing for the benefit of the gossiper or the victim. All it does is hurt people. How can a student studying to be a nurse or even the other posts from current nurses not care about things like this? I want to be a nurse to help people. How can anyone be a good nurse without compassion for others? Florence Nightingale would be ashamed of half of the world today, I think. Thank you for sharing your insights.

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