Hubby will not support my decision to return to school

DarkLotus · Mar 21, 2012

*hug* I could have written this three times over. See my first post here if you're curious. Anyways if he wants to keep a loving caring relationship with you, your carreer should have no impact on that. It is your life to live and you are the only one who can say what is the right field for you. I'd say explain to him that this is what you want to do and that you are going to do it with or without his support. Think about it there are so many gals on here who just wish they could get that acceptance letter, if you get in you deserve to go!

Getting To Great · Mar 21, 2012

Hmmm...Not liking the sound of that. My advice to you is to continue without his support; it will be a hard, but it's doable.

BelgianRN · Mar 21, 2012

I can't help but to think what if I'm accepted and have to turn it down.

Unless your marriage included a contract of slavery I don't see why you need his approval. It's your life and your future if you feel happier trying to become a nurse he should be supportive because that is a part of your marital vows.

Trying not to be rude (which is a bit hard being insomniac atm) but if something happens to your husband that breaks up the marriage (e.g. divorce, disease, death etc...) you would be left by yourself. And the fact you chose his goals/beliefs over yours in this matter will lose all value.

Humulus · Mar 21, 2012

Marriage is about partnership (mostly). So keep talking with him and try to work things out. He's probably worried about loss of financial security (you already have a job) and also worried about caring for the kids. Since your kids are so young they must be more than a hand-full. My guess he's mainly worried that things will be more difficult around the house (they will be) with less money and the time you'll be putting into school. Let him know why your making the decision to do this and also that you love him. Tell him that you need him to support you in the pursuit of your dream. If he doesn't agree, oh well. Go for it! He'll still love you.

You don't have to take my advice, it's just what I would do in your situation. The negatives are short term financial strain and a more stressful childcare situation. The positives are (most likely) better financial security in the future and you'll be pursuing what you believe in. Good luck.

Oh, and marriage implies slavery.

AZMOMO2 · Mar 21, 2012

Sometimes there has to be some tough love in a relationship and sometimes the other spouse has to say no. Doesn't mean there is slavery involved, doesn't mean they don't understand you, doesn't mean that they don't love or support you and yes everyone has the right to change their mind.

What it could mean is that given the current economic climate it does not make sense to totally change careers, if the one you have provides support and employment and security for your family and yourself. An all around career change is a big change and very disruptive to the family dynamic. Trust me I speak from experience on this. Martial strain is a common side effect of nursing school. Nursing school will take a lot of time away from the family, requiring a lot of sacrifice by everyone. Given the fact that your children are young it does make it harder and there is a bit more stress. I can understand where he is coming from too.

Considering the job market for new grads, which may or may not improve, by the time you finish the program, there is more risk involved in this career change then there used to be.

Like the above poster said, just keep the lines of communication open. If he doesn't feel like its a good idea,and you feel like its what you want to do, there is going to be resentment on both sides.

You will know what is best for your family, but consider his side too... or at the very least find out why exactly he has decided to change his mind.

mc0306 · Mar 21, 2012

Is he saying you can't do it or he just doesn't believe you should? Because those are 2 different things. Have you asked him exactly why? What is he concerned about?

rubato, ASN, RN · Mar 21, 2012

I can't really give you good advice without a little more info.

Is he saying this because of money issues? Are you quitting your job to go back to school? Is he saying this because he'll have more responsibility with the house and kids?

I agree that he should be more supportive, but the fact is, he's not. So, how can you help to convince him that this is the right move for your family? Can you explain the benefits to your life, his life and the lives of your children if you change careers? Can you explain that all the hard work will pay off and eventually be worth it?

You need to get at the heart of his reluctance and show him that he's wrong. Yes, you could just go ahead and go to school, but, with him being against it, you're all going to be miserable. Good luck and I hope he comes around.

Band · Mar 21, 2012

He should understand your decision, explain how a new career is important to you as a growing person, I know you have to take care of your kids and work, but your strong determination can make school, kids, and work do-able especially with his support, keep telling him that, after all, your opinion matters - especially if it's your life

Does he strongly believe you should keep a career as a teacher and not go into nursing? He needs a real good reason!

SNB1014, RN · Mar 21, 2012

i have very mixed feelings about this. my husband and I have been married for less than a yr, so i start by saying I am no marriage expert.

as you know, in marriage there are no absolutes. no individual WINS a disagreement. i wholeheartedly believe i could not have been successful in nursing school while balancing working part-time if he wasn't supportive. that includes everything from keeping his silly xbox games low when i am studying in another room, understanding that sometimes a dinner will be half@ssed with pasta and jarred sauce, pretending not to be grossed out when i tell him about incredible medical mysteries i saw that day, going on multiple couple night/group dates with people he didnt know because they were in my clinicals and "omg her bf is just like you babe, youll get along, just see!!!' etc.

i am 24 and need to fight the urge to steal my apartment neighbors adorable dogs. i want a darn puppy/dog more than i can verbalize. i miss those furry barkers. but. my husband is adamant "NOPE" until i get my new job, set schedule, have the time to properly train, etc i KNOW this isnt the same. but sometimes when hubbs refuse no matter how much we "want" something, there are good reasons as to why.

I feel you on your frustration, anxiety, anger, etc. our partners are supposed to help us grow, become more whole and happier people. but at what price for he and your children?

nursing school can totally be done (successfully!) with children AND pets....but everyone needs to be on board. i can't say for sure whether it will actually be easier to go back to school when your kids are older (they need you in a different way, be it as a taxi driver, fan on the sidelines or warden) and we don't know how the economy will pan out.

i take it you have successfully completed pre-reqs, right? how did your family do? pre-reqs aren't the same as 12 hr clinicals 2x/week or being MIA every few weeks right before an exam, but this can be a (very general) indicator.

i pray for you and your family. like i said earlier, we all need support. i hope if you chose to go through with school your family has all the support (emotionally and man power)than all of you need.

keep us posted!

jz77 · Mar 21, 2012

I can understand where you are coming from, but please think of the whole picture. I have four kids myself and when they were really little I started taking classes towards nursing school. It got to be too much guilt for me. My husband was supportive either way, but they were still so young and they needed so much of my attention. I felt as though I was taking so much away from them. That was back in 2006. I just applied for next fall instead and now my kids are older and will all be in school by the fall. I am not saying that this is the only way to go, but for me personally, I have absolutely no regrets. I think I would have missed too much when they needed me most if I had pursued this dream any sooner.

Everyone's situation is different, but right now you have a stable career and that is so important! Maybe you could consider waiting? Maybe you could slowly take all of your pre-reqs and co-reqs now. That way you could still stay on track, but you will still be able to work and be there for your little ones. Plus, it will lighten your course load when you are in the actual nursing program. Maybe set a goal with your husband that you will both be happy with. Hang in there! If it is meant to be, it will be!! Enjoy those little ones while they're still little :-)

MN-Nurse, ASN, RN · Mar 21, 2012

I need some encouragement. I am married with three children 2,3, and 4 1/2). My husband said he would support my decision to change careers from teaching to nursing but now he is saying I do not need to do it..

As long as you feel it's OK to share these issues with a bunch of random yahoos on the internet, more information may be in order.

Did he agree to supporting your decision before or after you guys had three kids under the age of 5? If so, what changed his mind? Did he hear of all the new grads having trouble finding a job in this economy?

He might be concerned with losing a good chunk of the family income for a few years only to find out you can't find a nursing job and end up a part-time subsitute teacher. He could be concerned with being able to support you and the three kids on one income. He could be concerned with the demands of nursing school and raising three very young chilren.

You might want to consider holding off on nursing school until the youngest is in school full time. Still no easy task to complete nursing school with kids aged 6, 7, and 9 but maybe more feasible than 2, 3, and 4.