How is school effecting your relationship?

iliel · Nov 12, 2003

Sounds like your BF has a little too much down time!:kiss

Seriously though, I've heard so many horror stories about ppl feeling neglected. My BF owns his own biz so it's good for both of us. Plus, I'm a night person, he's morning. I study late while he's sleeping. While I study, he works. I've been very thankful that he's SOOOO understanding. If I tell him I can't do something because I have to study, he won't ask twice, he feels school is my #1 priority and he dosn't mind being #2 (even though he really isn't)

I guess I reason why it works is because we both have very long term goals and are working towards them and this is part of it.

Maybe a good sit down would be good for both of you. It sounds like your alreadys spending a lot of time together and he needs to understand the desire you have to complete school.

Good luck, I know I wasn't of much help!

colleen10 · Nov 12, 2003

My husband also complains that we don't see each other much.

But I really don't think we're spending any less time together than before I started school. It's just that now I'm not at his beck and call or can spend time with him when HE WANTS to spend time together like I could before I was always studying, reading, doing care plans, etc. Our time together is much more structured/planned in advance instead of being spontaneous.

AmyLiz · Nov 12, 2003

Good golly...what does your bf want? To be joined at the hip? Sounds to me like you're giving him plenty of attention considering the situation.

I don't see my husband much at all & he's ok with it because he knows that during school breaks we'll be able to spend more time together and that after I graduate we will be so much better off financially.

wonderbee, BSN, RN · Nov 12, 2003

It's probably my lack of a relationship and my kids leaving the nest that pushed me in the direction of a nursing education. When I see a post like yours, I realize that I'm at the right place at the right time. Not that you're not, just that I don't have to juggle with that problem.

Yes, talk it out. You have a plan for your life. Does he have one for his? If he doesn't, you would both benefit if he would get one. You can't be the WHOLE plan. It sounds like you are doing your best to spend good quality time together. You will get through this.

jschut, BSN, RN · Nov 12, 2003

I can feel your pain....

In LPN school , my husband was a constant source of, "We never see each other...you never have time for me..You should make more time....You should do this... You should do that.."

It was to the point of divorce. Especially when all the while he would tell others about how he sacrificed everything for me and how he cleaned and how he cooked....BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Well, now, I am starting BSN school in the spring, and I am NOT just getting the barely scraping by grades like I did before.

I REFUSE!

This is my dream and he is just going to have to handle me being in school, or he can handle being single.

I hate to put it this way, but sometimes I have to be blunt.

Maybe you should sit him down and have a good ol' heart to heart with him before it gets too out of hand, the way mine did.

Explain to him that his complaining makes it difficult for you to study, because it weighs on your heart too heavy, and you are constantly thinking of him when you need to be thinking of Med-Surg or some ther nursing thing!

Good Luck and God bless.....

Carolanne · Nov 12, 2003

I think the significant others actually get a little jealous that we are devoting so much time to our studies. They feel neglected, the air gets let out of their ego a little because they aren't the center of attention now. I've been married 21 years and my husband has been pretty supportive through my schooling, but sometimes he'll get sick of me studying all weekend or on his day off and I'll get comments like "that sure is a lucky book," or "you sure do like those books a lot." Little sarcastic child like quips, but I don't go off into a tizzy. I just remind him that "this too shall pass" and after it's all over, it will be worth it. I remind him too that my studies are very important to me right now and nursing makes me happy, so it means a lot to me that he shares in that happiness too. Their egos get a little bruised in this process, but they usually get over it!

Altra, BSN, RN · Nov 13, 2003

There's no question that when one significant other goes back to school, it shakes up the relationship. And excuse me while I sound sexist for a minute, but ... I think it's safe to say men don't deal with change very well.

The other posts have all had good suggestions about time management and having a talk with him about priorities. Maybe there's one evening a week that could be your special time - make a big deal about it - break out the perfume, the sweater that he especially likes on you, etc. etc. ... but with the understanding that the other evenings are for you to STUDY or do whatever else you have to do. Without the pouty puppy dog eyes from him. Nothing in life that's really worth doing happens overnight - you have to keep your eyes on the long-term goal. If he's a keeper, he'll understand that. If not, well ... enough said.

{{{Hugs}}}

Leigh

ibmissy · Nov 13, 2003

I feel for you...except my other half isn't too supportive of me..because I cut my hours at work and put our 2 yr old in daycare..(which is costing us $96 a week for 3 days...My dad watches her the other 2 days..)He complains when I don't work...and complains when I do work..(on the weekends..)

My house can be chaotic with the three kids..The two older ones fight all the time..and the 2 yr old fights for my attention...Its hard to get good quiet study time in..Mostly I do it on my breaks at work...(I work third shift.)

I don't have any advice...but I can definitely relate to you...and let you know to hang in there...You are only putting him on the backburner, until you get your career in place...then he will see the time and money you invested was worth it.. Take care.

Originally posted by busybeaver
About every two weeks my boyfriend comes to me with the "we need to talk". Basically the talk boils down to that he's not getting the amount of attention he needs. I try to explain that school won't last forever and it won't always be this way, but he's still unhappy.

We have dinner together every night and always do something fun together on the weekends. I feel we're lucky to have this much time together, but he still feels neglected! If I'm with him I feel guilty about neglecting my studies. If I'm studying I feel guilty about not spending time with him. It seems like I'm in a no win situation.

Any suggestions on how to balance school and relationships, and also maintain your own sanity?

a_clay · Nov 13, 2003

I, once too, have felt your pain. That's the reason I am a single woman who WILL NOT date while I am in school. When I first started college my BF at the time pretty much said "me or school" and I chose school. He was stupid for saying that and I'd be stupid to think that he'd support me for the rest of my life. I say if it comes down to it, just remember that with that degree and RN behind your name that you will always have a job and always be able to support yourself...and no guarantees like that come with a relationship!!

Todd SPN · Nov 13, 2003

Originally posted by busybeaver
Any suggestions on how to balance school and relationships, and also maintain your own sanity?

You are correct. School won't last forever and it should be your #1 priority. Nursing education is not easy. If it was, everyone would be a nurse. It takes a certain level of maturity and understanding for the non-student in a relationship. They should be happy for you and understand life will be different after school.

nrsths1 · Nov 13, 2003

Oh, so clearly I remember those days...I met my then fiance in 1991/Jan and that was my first year of college...G.E. and then 94/94 was nursing school. He only knew me as a student...however I had a 6 y/o, him, shcool and work. And by God I did it...but I didn't sacrifice to to much I feel. When it came to nursing school it was explained that this was the goal and nothing would alter my course...basically your BF needs to suck it up and don't be so self centered. If he TRULY loves you and is mature to some degree then he will roll with the punches. Because I will say this as others before me have...your RN is your key to independence. Independence can be threatening all by itself...so sometimes you have to think of your BF as a patient and bust out all the psychosocial crap that you have learned and really ask yourself some questions...is this man going to grow with me?...is he going to crumble when life deals him or the both of you hardship?...because if so you may find yourself moving on...or risk being pulled back. I can't tell you how many nurses I have met and know that have a schmuck at home that doesn't pull a fraction of his weight, financially and emotionally. They find themselves drained emotionally and financially. Financially security this day and age is a team effort and to reap the benefits you both must have a common goal and mutual understanding as to how you'll get there. Without those two things in place, your traveling down a one way street.

Also remember this...only you make you feel guilty...so reevaluate...prioritize and kick @#$!!! School is tough but the rewards are indescribable!! Take care of you!