About every two weeks my boyfriend comes to me with the "we need to talk". Basically the talk boils down to that he's not getting the amount of attention he needs. I try to explain that school won't last forever and it won't always be this way, but he's still unhappy.
We have dinner together every night and always do something fun together on the weekends. I feel we're lucky to have this much time together, but he still feels neglected! If I'm with him I feel guilty about neglecting my studies. If I'm studying I feel guilty about not spending time with him. It seems like I'm in a no win situation.
Any suggestions on how to balance school and relationships, and also maintain your own sanity?
my husband and I are losing our jobs in a few months and he has decided to transfer to Chattanooga, and I have decided to stay in school and work in Chattanooga on weekends. He wasn't too happy about my decision at first and had a lot of little snipey comments, but he has mellowed out a lot more and seems to have accepted the inevitable. On paper it makes sense for me to stay in school because there are no guarantees that if I dropped out I would be able to get back in again. So we'll see...
I knew I was lucky to have such a great guy in my life before I read this, but your post really was a great reminder of just how lucky I am.
If the person you are in a relationship doesn't understand that it is in both of your best interests for you to have a rewarding & stable career it really says quite a lot about him.
Wanting to spend more time with you is very understandable, but if he isn't willing to be patient in the short term so you are both better off in the long term then he isn't the right guy. At least that is how I see it. You're paying the price for your career with hard work (studying and all the other sacrifices that go along with nursing school). If he can't recognize that how supportive will he be later when you are a nurse and you've had a bad bad day at work?
...so sometimes you have to think of your BF as a patient and bust out all the psychosocial crap that you have learned and really ask yourself some questions...
Wow. I think I love you. Here it is, in your face, no pussy-footing around, don't take offense, think about it. I'm impressed
I think a lot of you are right about the jealousy.
My husband and I both went to the same college, majored in very closely related disciplines. He is very much the last minute person while I will prepare for a project or test weeks in advance.
He has told me that not only is he jealous that I spend so much time on school but that he is also jealous that I have the fortitude, interest and drive to go back to school because at this time there is no way he would even consider going back to school.
With my hubby, that's yet another issue. He says he's proud, and I truly think he is...
And I think he is afraid I am going to find someone else (more educated than he). He's voiced this concern to me a few times...
But if he is so afraid, then why doesn't he do anything to alleviate his fears? I have talked, loved on, and reassured till I'm blue in the face to try and help him.
A hobby? No. Further his education? He refuses to go test for his GED (says he's afraid to, although he is plenty smart enough to do it), then, asks me to check into college courses for him, but complains about "Why do I have to take this and that if it doesn't pertain to what I want to be?" type thing.
He would rather get disability (from a valid injury 13 years ago) and help a friend daily to get a little extra pay, than to try and better himself. Shoot, disability sounds good to me too, if I could further my education without working at the time! (Not a slam to anyone who needs it, but hubby is much better now and could work again...but that's another story...)
How about some ideas on how to get our signifigant others to stand by us without all the boo-hooing about how we can't baby them anymore?
This time last year i was dating a man 12 years older than me who was at a point in his life where he was ready to buy a house, settle down with a woman, and have kids. I worked 40 hours a week, 7 days a week, the have 16 hours of school, plus homework.
This guy was 4th or 5th on my list of priorities, and he knew it. And he SAID he was ok with it, but he wasn't. Several times he showed up at my door at 1am, KNOWING i had to be at work at 8am and still wanting to pick an arguement. These fights usually consisted of him saying that i spend way too much time involved in school, being jealous about the MALE student in the class, the MALE nurse i work with, the MALE orderlies, and of course the MALE doctors. I didn't need this sh*t, and he said he'd curb the jealousy but he never did, so i curbed the relationship.
Now i'm dating a man that lives almost 2 hours from here. We email each other all the time, talk on the phone when i get home from class, and since i have Sundays off (after 7am), he gets here at around 6 am (he stays up all night), and we nap together on the couch, then we'll go for a drive and have dinner together. He is very supportive and know the right things to say when i'm ready to throw in the towel or having a really hard time. We remind ourselves that the separation is temporary and all of this will pay off.
If anything, *I* am the one doing the complaining that we don't spend as much time together anymore. My bf is very independent, can do just fine on his own and read a book or watch TV if I'm studying. Cooks me dinner, brings a lunch to work for me, runs out and gets me more index cards if I need them. He always asks if I want him to go through my flashcards with me. I am amazed at how lucky I am to have him.
We always talk about the bigger picture. He truly wants me to realize my dream of being a midwife and later on down the road, I'll be the one working and supporting us while he realizes his dream of being a writer. We take care of each other, and I wish it was that way for everyone.
Thank you everyone for all of the great advice. Since we can't spend anymore time together (I really don't think that's the issue anyway), we're going to try to make the time we have together more special. I really think that a hobby is a great idea. He definately has more extra time on his hands than I do! How do you suggest this in a delicate manner? Hopefully this will help but only time will tell. I do worry about the future when I'm working. What if I have to pull a double or work an unexpected weekend? What will his reaction be then?
The thing that bothers me the most is to give something 110% and then to be told it inadequate. Atleast he's open and honest, I just wish he wasn't so open and honest a couple hours before tests.
We have dinner together every night and always do something fun together on the weekends. I feel we're lucky to have this much time together, but he still feels neglected!
Your bf needs to GROW UP. You plan on getting married and having children some day? How much time does he think he'll get then.
I'll probably sounds like a Bee here, but i told the last i guy i dated that a combination of working 50 hours, 20 hours of school, worrying about Dad, worrying about Grandma, the last thing i needed was critisism on everything i'm doing wrong with HIM.
I'd have thought that once i'd explained how things were going to be, that i'd be very busy,etc, he would have understood that 1) this was very important to me and 2) betting myself wouold pay off for both of us if he'd be patient then he would have got off my case.
Wrong.
Then i realized dating that guy just added to the stress. And, sisters (brothers), that is the LAST thing we all need is more STRESS.
Atleast he's open and honest, I just wish he wasn't so open and honest a couple hours before tests.
angelac1978
438 Posts
ask me in about 6 months...
my husband and I are losing our jobs in a few months and he has decided to transfer to Chattanooga, and I have decided to stay in school and work in Chattanooga on weekends. He wasn't too happy about my decision at first and had a lot of little snipey comments, but he has mellowed out a lot more and seems to have accepted the inevitable. On paper it makes sense for me to stay in school because there are no guarantees that if I dropped out I would be able to get back in again. So we'll see...
A