I wish I could understand with more depth the change that has occurred within me, and why.
I’ve been a nurse for five years and I am not the same nurse I was when I first hit the floor.
I’m not even the same nurse I was two years ago.
What caused this change?
Time? Switching from medsurg to ICU
I mean, it’s sorta comical. My level of cynicism and the joy I take in dark humor.
Also, going to work as a newer nurse was always a little stressful but it was a different kind of stress, the stress I have now is still a little bit of fear of the unknown but like 90% annoyed at what I’ll experience.
Thank God I am going to PRN, I’ll be working PRN ICU and PRN Nurse call center whilst getting my masters degree.
Nightnerd, you nailed it! Though I have stopped watching medical shows because I just can’t stand how out of touch with reality they are.
Developing a dark sense of humor has been my coping mechanism for those crazy and draining nights. Definitely have lost a lot of faith in humanity unfortunately.
I have seen that doctors, and the healthcare system in general, is far from perfect. Mistakes are made. And it makes me more vigilant with my own health and makes me question my own doctors decisions more, as I have seen things fall through the cracks too many times. I guess you could say I’m paranoid about certain things! I got prescribed a medication recently and I looked it up to ID the pill to make sure the pharmacist didn’t fill my prescription with the wrong drug.
and I’m comforted now by the fact that I may not know the answer to everything, but I know what my resources are and will find the answer/figure it out.
Once upon a time, I had the belief that if you, anybody, had a job, they did the very best, or were the very best, at that particular job.
Yes! It took me a really long time to realize that this is not true. I always figured that everyone always gave 100% and was good at their job. Nope, some folks put in the bare minimum to everything they do.
I work at a preschool and it is so disheartening to see bad preschool teachers. It feels like it is detrimental to the children- the exact opposite of what early childhood education is supposed to be!
I work at a preschool and it is so disheartening to see bad preschool teachers. It feels like it is detrimental to the children- the exact opposite of what early childhood education is supposed to be!
Aye! Over the years I've observed there are only two types of PK teachers. Those that have a passion for the kids and excel in nurturing their growth, development, and learning versus those who "land" in PK because they've tried other grade levels and haven't been able to cut it.
Aye! Over the years I've observed there are only two types of PK teachers. Those that have a passion for the kids and excel in nurturing their growth, development, and learning versus those who "land" in PK because they've tried other grade levels and haven't been able to cut it.
I feel like a teacher who is not up to par would be able to "fake it" in older grades better than in PreK. PreK is intense from the the time the kids arrive until they are out the door. In my district, all PreK students have to be general ed and have an endorsement in Early Childhood Special Education. So it's what they have been specifically trained for... but in many classrooms I have observed in, the teachers and aides seem annoyed with the toddlers and their needs as opposed to nurturing them and "meeting them where they are". Sure, the kids will learn the letters, number, counting, social skills etc... but the ones who DO nurture and show the patience that these kids need really excel and it's amazing to see the transformation.
I'm stuck in the middle of change right now. I have about 1 year of nursing experience. Sometimes I feel like I'm halfway in between who I was and who I'm going to be...
I do worry less about making people happy these days...but I'm still very much geared toward people-pleasing because it seems like it's part of my job. But in a more detached way.
I have more confidence now, and I'm more decisive. Like NightNerd, when I'm faced with a problem, I feel like I can figure it out!
I feel like I am able to connect with other people better, and I understand more about human nature, for better or worse.
I say a lot more bad words too. ? I have to be careful talking in polite company, so that I don't talk about "gross/intense" things that have become normal to me but freak the "normal" people out. I feel rougher around the edges than I used to be.
I feel like I have to take time away and purposely make efforts to stay "me" and not let nursing and my job completely define me. But it kinda does, ya know?
I feel like a nurse is intrinsically part of who I am. I've often wondered about how it changes me.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I unfortunately became rather jaded toward the end of my career. I stopped caring what people thought, and did whatever I felt was the right thing at the time. Most of the time it was the right thing, and that gave me confidence in my judgment. Whether it made me pleasant to work with, however, was debatable, although I had (and still have) a wicked sense of humor and loved to make other nurses laugh because we all "got it".
The other thing that changed was losing my faith in humanity. I'd always believed people were good at heart, but dealing with a wide variety of really nasty ones over the course of my career hardened my heart in some ways to the point where I became suspicious of humankind in general. I always treated my patients with compassion and gave them the best care I could no matter how they behaved toward me, knowing that it wasn't personal. But I had built myself a brick wall that sheltered me from the slings and arrows, and I let them bounce off me. Sometimes I let my guard down and one would penetrate my barrier, but for the most part I was able to maintain my boundaries and keep others at arm's length.
I've been out of nursing for five years now and have made my peace with it. Yes, it changed me and in some ways not for the better, but I've never regretted becoming a nurse and I enjoyed it for most of the time I worked as one.
Changes for the better: more assertive and confident, more knowledgeable, more compassion for all kinds of people I had never interacted with before becoming a nurse, able to tell the difference between a true emergency and "omg my hair looks weird today!"
Changes for the worse: more cynical, super depressed some days, easily irritated, and yes unable to watch medical shows!
I was going to type up my own reply, but this pretty much sums it up!
It isn't always cynicysm as much as learning the reality of the world. My rose colored glasses got smashed a looong time ago. People just aren't always going to be nice.
Ditto on the self confidence and assurance that I know what to do, getting called to the office is no longer an "oh my sweet Lord, what did I do wrong?".... it is just as often a request for advice.
What I have lost is that adrenaline rush, the excitement of hitting the floor, the anticipation. Don't get me wrong, I still love my work, but it is more exhausting with age, and poor staffing. 38 years of it is catching up to me ?
Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.
I think I could have been really good. I came to nursing in my late 30s so I had already gotten past the social anxieties of work, I don't care if you like me or not, we're coworkers, not an arranged marriage. I had already worked with plenty of coworkers that skated by with the minimum so that didn't surprise me either. I think the day to day reality of it is that we're understaffed, under-skilled (in critical care) and left to flounder, I've been in charge since early on and am one of the more senior nurses on my unit (just over a year). I go into work every night with a knot in my stomach. Not knowing what will roll through the doors, and not knowing whether some of my coworkers are really competent to be where they are. It scares me. Not necessarily for my license because I know I'm doing my best to provide competent care to my patients, but for the patients and their families that assume if a loved one is coming to critical care they will have the mostly highly prepared nurses in the hospital. And that's not the reality of it. I think if I had strong coworkers to learn from, instead of being told I should be leading already, I could have been really good. Instead I'll keep treading water and trying to hold it together until it's time to move on.
That got sidetracked- how have I changed? I used to have high hopes of providing excellent care. Now, I'm happy if no one is dead, anything else is just gravy.
I think I could have been really good. I came to nursing in my late 30s so I had already gotten past the social anxieties of work, I don't care if you like me or not, we're coworkers, not an arranged marriage. I had already worked with plenty of coworkers that skated by with the minimum so that didn't surprise me either. I think the day to day reality of it is that we're understaffed, under-skilled (in critical care) and left to flounder, I've been in charge since early on and am one of the more senior nurses on my unit (just over a year). I go into work every night with a knot in my stomach. Not knowing what will roll through the doors, and not knowing whether some of my coworkers are really competent to be where they are. It scares me. Not necessarily for my license because I know I'm doing my best to provide competent care to my patients, but for the patients and their families that assume if a loved one is coming to critical care they will have the mostly highly prepared nurses in the hospital. And that's not the reality of it. I think if I had strong coworkers to learn from, instead of being told I should be leading already, I could have been really good. Instead I'll keep treading water and trying to hold it together until it's time to move on.
That got sidetracked- how have I changed? I used to have high hopes of providing excellent care. Now, I'm happy if no one is dead, anything else is just gravy.
I encourage you to move on to an ICU where you are not senior at one year. That does sound scary.
Jaellys
42 Posts
Nightnerd, you nailed it! Though I have stopped watching medical shows because I just can’t stand how out of touch with reality they are.
Developing a dark sense of humor has been my coping mechanism for those crazy and draining nights. Definitely have lost a lot of faith in humanity unfortunately.
I have seen that doctors, and the healthcare system in general, is far from perfect. Mistakes are made. And it makes me more vigilant with my own health and makes me question my own doctors decisions more, as I have seen things fall through the cracks too many times. I guess you could say I’m paranoid about certain things! I got prescribed a medication recently and I looked it up to ID the pill to make sure the pharmacist didn’t fill my prescription with the wrong drug.
and I’m comforted now by the fact that I may not know the answer to everything, but I know what my resources are and will find the answer/figure it out.