How Many is Too Many

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Ok, I heard about this on "The View" this morning and it got me thinking. A family in Arkansas is expecting their 16th child. Picture of Mum and children getting some sort of award. Then I remembered seeing the family on one of those Baby Story type shows. They were following the pregnancy and talking about the fun family times (like going to a restaurant on kids eat free night -- the restaurant has since limited the number of kids per adult).

I remember looking after a woman who had just delivered her 10th child. Anybody else see this as a trend or does it just depend on the area?

Specializes in OB, lactation.

I think there was a thread about this family before (I don't know if it was mentioned, I didn't read all 12 pages of this one).

I was curious about them and I looked up more info on them... It's not the number of kids per se that bothered me, but also other things I found about them taken all together. But hey, they probably wouldn't approve of my lifestyle either so whatever I guess!

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Specializes in LTC/Behavioral/ Hospice.

Wow. I am really amazed that some people are so passionate about how many children a couple decide to have and that it is somehow detrimental to children to come from a large family. Ok, then, where is the evidence? I really don't see large numbers of adult children who came from large families saying that it ruined their lives or caused them serious emotional distress to come from such large families. You or I may know of someone who feels that way, but we probably also know someone who loved coming from a large family. People may have not liked growing up in the large family, but hey, I know a lady who resented her parents for never giving her a sibling. Was that cruel of them? Seriously, if it is such a risk factor for health and well being to come from a large family, show me the evidence? Are people who come from large familes more likely to act criminally, become depressed, die younger, have high blood pressure, seek counseling? It is one thing to make the claim that having these children isn't healthy, but where's the proof? Percentage wise, comparing children who are raised in large familes vs. small ones (nuclear families, same income level, etc., so that we are comparing apples to apples) , who is healthier? Is there any difference at all?

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I find it interesting that some posters here who are so critical and judgemental of these large families are also the same posters who jump all over others who judge decisions such as abortion or teenage pregnancy.

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Specializes in L & D.

I can't even imagine 16 kids..... We have two, and I'm overwhelmed!! My husband owns his own business and works long hours, so I'm usually alone with them. :uhoh3:

I think it has a lot to do with your temperment & expectations. I have friends who are just very relaxed moms. They have an "anthing goes" kind of house. Toys everywhere, piles of laundry, kids with messy hair and hand-me-down clothes, PB & J for dinner. I'm sure their kids have much more fun than my two in their matching sundress with hairbows in a very clean house!! :rolleyes:

If we weren't sending the kids to private school, we'd probably have just one more.... Now that our baby is three years old, we look longingly at babies we see. As my mom always reminds me, "Nobody ever looks at a group of teenagers and says - Gee, I'd really like another one!".

Beth

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

My opinion is the same for all: i think you need to be able to take care of them before you should have them.

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Specializes in Medical/Surgical/Maternal and Child.

I'm the oldest of 10 kids and my parents saw to it that we received the best of everything. It's true that they did without alot of luxuries while we were growing up but as adults we saw to it that they had the best of everything. When they died they left us with some wonderful memories and excellent values that we are passing on down to our own kids and grandkids. The size of a family is a personal choice and should be respected just like the choice of remaining childless should be respected.

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Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired.
I think there was a thread about this family before (I don't know if it was mentioned, I didn't read all 12 pages of this one).

I was curious about them and I looked up more info on them... It's not the number of kids per se that bothered me, but also other things I found about them taken all together. But hey, they probably wouldn't approve of my lifestyle either so whatever I guess!

Casual childbearing is the cause of so many problems in our society. Some people like housing developments and concrete highways more than they love nature. I remember when there was nothing but open space separating Salt Lake City from Park City. Now its all houses and strip malls - depressingly ugly. Why do people think that their genes are so wonderful that they have to constantly spawn when there are so many unhappy children already born that would love to be in a family. When I hear that they are all home-schooled that's just another symptom of narcistic disorder. There's no more farms for the kids to work on, adults deliver the newspapers. Children have no function in our society except as decoration and objects of their parents unfulfillment. Its hard to grow up when you have no more of these little jobs kids used to do to make them grounded.

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.
When I hear that they are all home-schooled that's just another symptom of narcistic disorder.

WHAT?

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I'm outta here! It's getting :angryfire in here. I am outnumbered by some really wise experts.:uhoh3:

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Specializes in Medical/Surgical/Maternal and Child.
Well, I have five kids and when I was pregnant with the fourth, I received comments like "You're breeding like a rat" and "Do you have nothing else to do??" It was quite humiliating. Five is a great number and just as easy as four, so, if you have the resources and space, why not more?[/quote

My mom got rude comments like that when she was pregnant. My mom would respond: "When have I ever knocked on your door and asked you for anything???" That shut them up!!!! :chuckle

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Specializes in ED.

I'm currently pregnant with my fourth and have gotten comments from my own family. "Don't you know thats why TV was invented?" Or after I had the twins I would get comments all the time about "Well now you're all done right?"

Sorry, last time I checked that was my choice, and was never a casual decision.

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I'm outta here! It's getting :angryfire in here.

I know what you mean!!

Despite some of the extremely negative views stated here, I maintain that having a large family, raising them to love and care for one another, doing without some material things, managing creatively in other ways, and trying to honor God by doing what you believe he wants you to do is NOT pathological. These people aren't perfect. I think they'd be the first ones to admit that. But I find it a colossal irony that some are willing to call them self-centered, narcissistic pod people for doing what many families did just a few generations ago. They may be an anachronism, but they are hardly evil. The kids I saw looked well-cared-for, well-behaved, and happy. And believe me, that doesn't happen without a ton of parental love and attention.

Where is the respect for their "right to choose?"

Miranda

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