How to educate spouse about what I do as an NP?

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Question. Do you have a spouse, not in the medical field, that tells you how you should do your job as a nurse practitioner? My wife tells me I shouldn't be asking my patients if they do illicit drugs, and if they do illicit drugs, I shouldn't be telling them or encouraging them to stop. Not that it matters that I work as a cardiac NP, and that a lot of illicit drugs are cardiotoxic. She has it her mind that I should not be telling patients how to handle their health and that it's only the doctor's place to do that. My wife thinks I'm an *** to my patients just because I act like an *** at home. Every time I try to talk to her rationally about patient care, she thinks that I'm being awful to my patients for giving them health advise and telling them to stop doing drugs. How can I educate my wife about what we do as nurse practitioners without her flipping out? 

Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.
23 hours ago, djmatte said:

The level of relationship aggression and self preservation I see here in this thread is eye opening and kind of disturbing. If you need to “check” your spouse, you made a wrong choice. If you need to educate your spouse or correct your spouse on your livelihood, you made the wrong choice. If you feel you need to compete for their respect or feel more dignified in their presence, you made the wrong choice. 

Made the wrong choice in a spouse or made the wrong choice in the behaviors you are referencing?

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22 minutes ago, FolksBtrippin said:

Made the wrong choice in a spouse or made the wrong choice in the behaviors you are referencing?

Lots of wrong choices made by the op in this thread and maybe by a few responders. I’ve never been relationship perfect during my first 34 years of life, but I sure as sh@t made sure my marital choice and I were cool when I finally tied there knot. What’s sad is when these play out in front of social media and complete strangers from people too incapable to sort their own lives out without the help from complete strangers. And these are people who others hope might guide their healthcare. ?

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Specializes in CEN, Firefighter/Paramedic.
On 8/8/2021 at 9:56 PM, cschylerrn said:

First of all is your wife in the medical field? Second of all it’s none of her business. Third of all stop questioning yourself as you are the professional in your craft and she has no say in the matter. Lastly grow a set, and let her know in a fitting but respectful manner as a spouse she needs to be supportive of anything you do especially that supports your way of life she needs to not be condescending, if she is unknowing, ask what it is you do but not be negative. Also I would expect the same measures of her craft from you. However if she is questioning you on this she may sh*t test you for other things, which could be an issue. Recognize red flags in all aspects of life. Don’t disrespect her, however she needs to stand on the line not over it, sometimes people need to be checked, not in a negative light, but an informative one. ?

This has to be a joke, right?

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.
18 hours ago, djmatte said:

Lots of wrong choices made by the op in this thread and maybe by a few responders. I’ve never been relationship perfect during my first 34 years of life, but I sure as sh@t made sure my marital choice and I were cool when I finally tied there knot. What’s sad is when these play out in front of social media and complete strangers from people too incapable to sort their own lives out without the help from complete strangers. And these are people who others hope might guide their healthcare. ?

You’re certainly unrealistic about the superiority of your choices over other people’s choices.

The OP is describing a minor marital problem, the type of which happens in marriages all the time. Lifelong commitments don’t come without disagreements. And posting about a minor problem in one’s life (or even a major one) doesn’t mean one is incapable of sorting their lives out. 

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Specializes in Rheumatology NP.
On 8/5/2021 at 2:56 AM, deliverator said:

Question. Do you have a spouse, not in the medical field, that tells you how you should do your job as a nurse practitioner? My wife tells me I shouldn't be asking my patients if they do illicit drugs, and if they do illicit drugs, I shouldn't be telling them or encouraging them to stop. Not that it matters that I work as a cardiac NP, and that a lot of illicit drugs are cardiotoxic. She has it her mind that I should not be telling patients how to handle their health and that it's only the doctor's place to do that. My wife thinks I'm an *** to my patients just because I act like an *** at home. Every time I try to talk to her rationally about patient care, she thinks that I'm being awful to my patients for giving them health advise and telling them to stop doing drugs. How can I educate my wife about what we do as nurse practitioners without her flipping out? 

You're hitting a nerve with her.  Are you preachy in general?  Is she annoyed by you giving "advice" all the time?  Is there something personal in her history or someone close to her in regards to illicit drugs?  Do you take it upon yourself to give people advice when they aren't asking?  Or are you doing it to her?

If she is saying that you, as an NP, should not be doing certain things (that only the physician should)...she holds an opinion that you are carrying your "authority" too far.  It says on here you have 12 years of experience.  I don't know how long you've been married but I would be surprised if she has no idea what an NP is authorized to do.  This sounds way more like a personal problem than her needing to be "educated."  I would ask yourself what you are doing in your relationship that is causing her to feel you are pushing the boundaries of your authority.  I would bet she is hurting and angry about something and this is how she is telling you.

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Specializes in APRN / Critical Care Neuro.

I, personally, would avoid "talking at her".  She obviously doesn't like it and you are getting frustrated = not working for either of you.  Most miscommunication is not bad intent, is bad understanding.

Quit trying to educate her and educate yourself.  Ask her why she feels the way she does and keep drilling down until you understand her AND empathize.  If you manage this it will make you a better spouse, better NP and better educator.  Remove all judgement and assumptions.  Don't go in asking questions full of emotional response.  Try to remove yourself and look at it from a 3rd party perspective.

Also....it doesn't take a specific education level to encourage others to avoid illicit drug use.  Biggest problem with it is that street level pharmacists don't compound with quality products or measure with their customers in mind, even outside of all the long term known side effects and bad coping outcomes.  My 10 year old who is on the spectrum knows how to say NO and why.  So I would be interested in knowing why she thinks the way she does? 

Does she not want you to chase your patient off? Does she feel like you tell her what to do and it pisses her off and so she is trying to tell you not to piss off others?  Her emotional perception of you may not be entirely accurate, but it sounds like you need the education from her to find out if you want to make head way.

Just my humble opinion.

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Specializes in Vascular Neurology and Neurocritical Care.
On 8/8/2021 at 9:56 PM, cschylerrn said:

First of all is your wife in the medical field? Second of all it’s none of her business. Third of all stop questioning yourself as you are the professional in your craft and she has no say in the matter. Lastly grow a set, and let her know in a fitting but respectful manner as a spouse she needs to be supportive of anything you do especially that supports your way of life she needs to not be condescending, if she is unknowing, ask what it is you do but not be negative. Also I would expect the same measures of her craft from you. However if she is questioning you on this she may sh*t test you for other things, which could be an issue. Recognize red flags in all aspects of life. Don’t disrespect her, however she needs to stand on the line not over it, sometimes people need to be checked, not in a negative light, but an informative one. ?

I suppose the OP could just start criticizing the wife when she comes home complaining about coworker "xyz" did at the office. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander...... ? of course that may not end well for the OP.

But seriously speaking, I agree with a previous poster about not being the wife's teacher, etc but at the same time it's very important to have someone to come home to and be able to vent about your day and trust that you have a compassionate ear, even if they don't understand the medical field completely. So it can't hurt for the OP to try to explain what NPs do. 

It can be demoralizing to have a really good (or bad) day and have NO ONE with whom you can debrief. Many times we don't get that at work because at the end of the day everyone is just ready to get out of dodge and get to their own families. So ultimately, I'd say my scales tip towards the OP and that maybe the wife could try being more understanding, with the caveat that the OP not be too antagonistic or patronizing. 

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Specializes in Community health.

This isn’t a nursing issue. This is a marriage issue. Find a good marriage counselor and learn to communicate. 

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May I suggest counseling? 

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Specializes in Periop.
2 hours ago, CommunityRNBSN said:

This isn’t a nursing issue. This is a marriage issue. Find a good marriage counselor and learn to communicate. 

Nailed it!

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